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lkh_lashouts2006-10-20 02:10 pm
rantingmule.livejournal.com) wrote in lkh_lashouts2006-10-20 02:10 pm
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Flog of a different kind, wheeee!
http://www.powells.com/essays/laurellkhamilton.html
Every writer has fantasies, especially at the beginning of your career.
I think a fairer statement is that everyone has fantasies, period. :P
We all have fantasies about having our folks over for that first holiday meal in our own place, where we prove once and all we are grown-up, and they acknowledge it.
Uhhhh...whut? We have? Since when? I sure haven't. O.o
If you've never had this fantasy then you are either a sociopath, or mentally healthier than I will ever be.
Uhm, I vote the latter. I ent no sociopath.
I find it really presumptuous that she assumes that because SHE fantasized about this, that OMG EVERYONE DOES. o.O
I'd cooked a turkey, stuffing, potatoes, pies... the works. The food had all turned out eatable, yea!
Augh. My brain just died a little. Eatable. Eatable???? EATABLE?!??!!?!? Uhhh, Laurell honey, it's EDIBLE, not eatable.
And wtf is the "yea" there. Like "Yea verily we had lots of food to pig out on" or something???
EATABLE. This is a PUBLISHED AUTHOR. Oh my god.
The phone rang. It was an editor. An editor that I had sent the story, "Those Who Seek Forgiveness," to.
OMG PH34R THE REDUNDANCY.
Seriously. What the fuck.
I thought, you call me on Thanksgiving, in front of my family, to reject me "in person" on the phone. What was this, sadistic editor day?
Actually, what it says to me is that the editor was stuck WORKING ON A HOLIDAY. While LKH had her family and a big dinner, that editor had to cope with authors and their egos, and probably had a tuna sandwich instead of a turkey dinner.
Also, since he complimented the work, it doesn't sound like he was being sadistic, just honest. Just because it doesn't SUIT YOU, Laurell, doesn't make it sadistic.
And if that editor lived a ways away, I can totally understand the over-the-phone thing. Imagine how many writings he has to go through. What, did you want him to turn up on your door with a bunch of white rosesjust like JC used to send to Anita before she castrated him begging forgiveness for not buying a story that DIDN'T FIT INTO THE BOOK HE WAS COMPILING?????
We hung up, and I was left to face a cooling turkey, an embarrassed silence of family, and my first hint that fantasies belong on paper and don't have a thing to do with the job of writing.
...that was so wangsty that I don't even need to mock it. It mocks ITSELF.
"A Lust of Cupids," my take on a world where cupids are all too real, was another story that got loving rejection slips;
Since when was Cupid ploural??? What, did they CLONE him?????
One editor finally admitted the awful truth, since they only bought one story per month; I wasn't a big enough name to help sell their magazine.
Why is that an AWFUL truth? Sounds reasonable and honest. O.o
I felt like a new job applicant that's told they'd love to hire you if you had more experience, but no one will hire you because you have no experience. How the heck do you get the experience?
That's fuckin' REALITY, honey.
"The Edge of the Sea" got rejected because an editor thought you still had to keep your powder dry.
What??? Seriously, that makes no sense. WTF???
I've almost drowned four times, yet I love the sea. Go figure.
I bet it's 'cause the ocean knows about her bad writing and has tried to remedy that. To SAVE US from the Arduerrhreerhhhrrffffthhhpork.
I've got a degree in biology. The editors thought the ending wasn't quite right. Why didn't I change the ending, because the ending was true to the job, and the real world. I had dropped my lake monster into the real world; the world had to stay real.
I am left with two thoughts.
One...I'd like to see some proof of that degree sometime, since I doubt it exists.
Two...she was unwilling to change two fuckin' lines of text to sell the story. She was unwilling to compromise what she felt was the integrity of the work to satisfy the editor. Wow. I fuckin' RESPECT THAT. Where did THAT Laurell go?!? D:
"Selling Houses" is the only story I ever wrote set in Anita Blake's world that has none of the main characters in it.
More's the pity. I know I'd love it if she wrote little short stories that didn't involve Anita at all. Hell, there's so many secondary characters that got dropped since Anita isn't fucking them...I'd like to see books about Willie and his girl Hannah, or Evans the clairvoyant. Or Dead Dave and Luther.
"A Token for Celandine" was rejected because the editor, Marion Zimmer Bradley, thought I'd "pastiche" Tolkien, and that elves should be left to him.
Having watched you RAPE the fey, I'm in agreement with the editor.
(I still remember running my fingers over my name in print — God, that was amazing)
Oh no, stop fondling the book! D:
Like "House of Wizards," it would explore on paper my continued puzzlement with housework, and how I wish that superheroes and magic could fix it.
I get the dread feeling that this somehow relates to when Anita told Nathaniel and Micah that they were like her WIVES. Oh GOD no.
It got one of my favorite rejections slips. The editor wrote that reading the story had made her feel unclean.
Okay that is proof the editor sucks, 'cause a story that evokes a strong emotional responce, positive OR negative, is the best story to publish. I recall a short story in a dragonlance collection, and it made me feel horrible, and I loved it.
Sometimes that makes me sad, but most days, I'm too happy playing with my imaginary book friends to be sad about it.
Yeah, see...that's creepy 'cause I remember when she said she bought Nathaniel a present. That's right...she bought a FICTIONAL CHARACTER a present.
Now, the other night I was drooling all over boots on a website. I found a pair of boots I really wanted. I also saw a pair of boots that one'a my RPG characters would love. My thought process: "Huh, he'd like those." Then I went back to perusing boots for me, for I am NOT a fictional being.
I would never spend money for stuff on someone who DOESN'T EXIST.
I am successful beyond any dream or fantasy I ever had as a beginning writer, but I thought it might be helpful for everyone to see that there was a lot of rejection before there was any success.
Okay, she listed about five rejections. That AIN'T much. Some authors go for DECADES getting rejected every other month. :P
I was also stubborn enough to not change the ending of a story that might have sold.
Like I said, that's really awesome, and I wish she still felt that way.
In my world there is a reason for everything.
Wow, what a fuckin' lie. O.o I mean, HOW MANY Deus Ex Machinas has she yanked out ofAnita's twat thin air????
Because you say so isn't a valid reason, Laurell.
I write, in part, to make sense of things. To make sense of my inability to organize domestic arrangements: "A Clean Sweep," "A House of Wizards." To make sense of my fear of water and my nearly seductive attraction to it: "The Edge of the Sea." To explore a world where shifting shape can lead to new discoveries: "Geese." To explore a family of choice, not one of birth: "The Curse-Maker" and "Stealing Souls." If I'd gotten a biology degree in one of my own worlds: "A Scarcity of Lake Monsters." To explore pieces of my own world that the books don't allow me: "Selling Houses." Understanding that you can't ever go home again: "Winterkill." What does it truly mean to be good: "A Token for Celandine." My own irritation with people always asking Are you married? of my single friends: "A Lust of Cupids." Exploring your darkest impulses, you worst nightmares, and no one gets hurt: "Here Be Dragons."
Yet none of your books are AT ALL about your life or anything! They have nothing to do with your life in any way!!! RIIIIIIGHT.
The beginning of creating my own worlds, places I wanted to play, characters that I now think of as good friends, old friends.
SCARY. Laurell honey, THEY AIN'T REAL.
http://www.powells.com/essays/laurellkhamilton.html
Every writer has fantasies, especially at the beginning of your career.
I think a fairer statement is that everyone has fantasies, period. :P
We all have fantasies about having our folks over for that first holiday meal in our own place, where we prove once and all we are grown-up, and they acknowledge it.
Uhhhh...whut? We have? Since when? I sure haven't. O.o
If you've never had this fantasy then you are either a sociopath, or mentally healthier than I will ever be.
Uhm, I vote the latter. I ent no sociopath.
I find it really presumptuous that she assumes that because SHE fantasized about this, that OMG EVERYONE DOES. o.O
I'd cooked a turkey, stuffing, potatoes, pies... the works. The food had all turned out eatable, yea!
Augh. My brain just died a little. Eatable. Eatable???? EATABLE?!??!!?!? Uhhh, Laurell honey, it's EDIBLE, not eatable.
And wtf is the "yea" there. Like "Yea verily we had lots of food to pig out on" or something???
EATABLE. This is a PUBLISHED AUTHOR. Oh my god.
The phone rang. It was an editor. An editor that I had sent the story, "Those Who Seek Forgiveness," to.
OMG PH34R THE REDUNDANCY.
Seriously. What the fuck.
I thought, you call me on Thanksgiving, in front of my family, to reject me "in person" on the phone. What was this, sadistic editor day?
Actually, what it says to me is that the editor was stuck WORKING ON A HOLIDAY. While LKH had her family and a big dinner, that editor had to cope with authors and their egos, and probably had a tuna sandwich instead of a turkey dinner.
Also, since he complimented the work, it doesn't sound like he was being sadistic, just honest. Just because it doesn't SUIT YOU, Laurell, doesn't make it sadistic.
And if that editor lived a ways away, I can totally understand the over-the-phone thing. Imagine how many writings he has to go through. What, did you want him to turn up on your door with a bunch of white roses
We hung up, and I was left to face a cooling turkey, an embarrassed silence of family, and my first hint that fantasies belong on paper and don't have a thing to do with the job of writing.
...that was so wangsty that I don't even need to mock it. It mocks ITSELF.
"A Lust of Cupids," my take on a world where cupids are all too real, was another story that got loving rejection slips;
Since when was Cupid ploural??? What, did they CLONE him?????
One editor finally admitted the awful truth, since they only bought one story per month; I wasn't a big enough name to help sell their magazine.
Why is that an AWFUL truth? Sounds reasonable and honest. O.o
I felt like a new job applicant that's told they'd love to hire you if you had more experience, but no one will hire you because you have no experience. How the heck do you get the experience?
That's fuckin' REALITY, honey.
"The Edge of the Sea" got rejected because an editor thought you still had to keep your powder dry.
What??? Seriously, that makes no sense. WTF???
I've almost drowned four times, yet I love the sea. Go figure.
I bet it's 'cause the ocean knows about her bad writing and has tried to remedy that. To SAVE US from the Arduerrhreerhhhrrffffthhhpork.
I've got a degree in biology. The editors thought the ending wasn't quite right. Why didn't I change the ending, because the ending was true to the job, and the real world. I had dropped my lake monster into the real world; the world had to stay real.
I am left with two thoughts.
One...I'd like to see some proof of that degree sometime, since I doubt it exists.
Two...she was unwilling to change two fuckin' lines of text to sell the story. She was unwilling to compromise what she felt was the integrity of the work to satisfy the editor. Wow. I fuckin' RESPECT THAT. Where did THAT Laurell go?!? D:
"Selling Houses" is the only story I ever wrote set in Anita Blake's world that has none of the main characters in it.
More's the pity. I know I'd love it if she wrote little short stories that didn't involve Anita at all. Hell, there's so many secondary characters that got dropped since Anita isn't fucking them...I'd like to see books about Willie and his girl Hannah, or Evans the clairvoyant. Or Dead Dave and Luther.
"A Token for Celandine" was rejected because the editor, Marion Zimmer Bradley, thought I'd "pastiche" Tolkien, and that elves should be left to him.
Having watched you RAPE the fey, I'm in agreement with the editor.
(I still remember running my fingers over my name in print — God, that was amazing)
Oh no, stop fondling the book! D:
Like "House of Wizards," it would explore on paper my continued puzzlement with housework, and how I wish that superheroes and magic could fix it.
I get the dread feeling that this somehow relates to when Anita told Nathaniel and Micah that they were like her WIVES. Oh GOD no.
It got one of my favorite rejections slips. The editor wrote that reading the story had made her feel unclean.
Okay that is proof the editor sucks, 'cause a story that evokes a strong emotional responce, positive OR negative, is the best story to publish. I recall a short story in a dragonlance collection, and it made me feel horrible, and I loved it.
Sometimes that makes me sad, but most days, I'm too happy playing with my imaginary book friends to be sad about it.
Yeah, see...that's creepy 'cause I remember when she said she bought Nathaniel a present. That's right...she bought a FICTIONAL CHARACTER a present.
Now, the other night I was drooling all over boots on a website. I found a pair of boots I really wanted. I also saw a pair of boots that one'a my RPG characters would love. My thought process: "Huh, he'd like those." Then I went back to perusing boots for me, for I am NOT a fictional being.
I would never spend money for stuff on someone who DOESN'T EXIST.
I am successful beyond any dream or fantasy I ever had as a beginning writer, but I thought it might be helpful for everyone to see that there was a lot of rejection before there was any success.
Okay, she listed about five rejections. That AIN'T much. Some authors go for DECADES getting rejected every other month. :P
I was also stubborn enough to not change the ending of a story that might have sold.
Like I said, that's really awesome, and I wish she still felt that way.
In my world there is a reason for everything.
Wow, what a fuckin' lie. O.o I mean, HOW MANY Deus Ex Machinas has she yanked out of
Because you say so isn't a valid reason, Laurell.
I write, in part, to make sense of things. To make sense of my inability to organize domestic arrangements: "A Clean Sweep," "A House of Wizards." To make sense of my fear of water and my nearly seductive attraction to it: "The Edge of the Sea." To explore a world where shifting shape can lead to new discoveries: "Geese." To explore a family of choice, not one of birth: "The Curse-Maker" and "Stealing Souls." If I'd gotten a biology degree in one of my own worlds: "A Scarcity of Lake Monsters." To explore pieces of my own world that the books don't allow me: "Selling Houses." Understanding that you can't ever go home again: "Winterkill." What does it truly mean to be good: "A Token for Celandine." My own irritation with people always asking Are you married? of my single friends: "A Lust of Cupids." Exploring your darkest impulses, you worst nightmares, and no one gets hurt: "Here Be Dragons."
Yet none of your books are AT ALL about your life or anything! They have nothing to do with your life in any way!!! RIIIIIIGHT.
The beginning of creating my own worlds, places I wanted to play, characters that I now think of as good friends, old friends.
SCARY. Laurell honey, THEY AIN'T REAL.
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I bet it's 'cause the ocean knows about her bad writing and has tried to remedy that. To SAVE US from the Arduerrhreerhhhrrffffthhhpork.
*now wiping the drink off the computer screen* *LMAO*
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I second the motion!
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That looks like a reference to gunpowder. If your powder was wet, no boom, no shootyness. It wasn't until the last...oh...thirty or so years? that you can shoot a gun underwater. Even with the latest guns, it's still not entirely recommended that you do it, but if you do, then clean your gun out thoroughly afterward.
But I researched what real forest rangers do, and how their job works. I've got a degree in biology.
OMG STOP WHORING OUT YOUR DEGREE, WOMAN! IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING THAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE!
I keep reading the, "I've got a degree in biology!" like Pinocchio in Shrek saying, "I'm a REAL boy!"
RE: rejection on the last two lines? Suck it up, lady. That's your own problem. I can understand the want to keep it the way you have it, but don't whine about editors when it's still ultimately your choice for the thing not being published. One of my fellow editing team members had one of the most awesome poems I've read in a while yanked out of the recent anthology because she refused to have the spacing changed on the work because it didn't fit in with the rest of the house style. I can understand the need to keep it the way it was intended, but just remember, it's your call to refuse the changes and thus miss out on the publication opportunity.
From an editing side of things - OMFG, she sounds like a nightmare to deal with. I know that for the editing team that I've been working with at my old uni, we keep getting submissions from authors that really shouldn't even try. The best we can do is just say, "No, sorry - this isn't what we're looking for - however, you can try other avenues of publication and feel free to submit again next year!" I know I've had to tell an author to their face in the nicest possible way that while the story they sent us was good, it wasn't what we were looking to publish. The anthology is about creative poetry and prose, not submitting your school assignments.
I've read some truly eyebleedingly awful things and it's...no. If it doesn't work for what you're trying to put out, then it won't work. QED. Please send us more appropriate material or some different stuff.
One year, we got a creepy ass story about a teacher with little kids. And I mean a really creepy, "omg I feel so grimy having read that" - everyone agreed that it should be set on fire, it pissed off a couple of parents in the committee, including one that was studying to be a teacher. Sure, the story evoked a strong emotional response, but that didn't mean it was very good. It went straight into the rejection pile and the less said about it, the better.
Another gem was one of the worst vampire stories I've ever read. Something about a girl drinking coffee and she wakes up undead and suddenly it's the best thing ever, but it's all drowned with internal monologue of infodumpiness that would make Anita proud.
Course, after slogging through all that, when you find a story that is genuinely well-crafted and you find yourself smiling before you reach the bottom of the first page? Priceless.
LKH would quiver with PH34R if I were her editor.
From an author's POV - holy crap, lady. My mantra is "I am not a writer for the glory, I am a writer for the rejection" because I thrive off of concrit and would rather get torn a new one. I strive to be better rather than dwelling on the past.
Also, if anyone asks me why I write, my only response is, "I just want to write shit that I think is cool," rather than wankify it with "to make sense of things,"
I want to set fire to something right now.
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But it's really the least of the problems going on here.
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First of all, she's referring to her short story book, right? I read it. A lot of the prefaces to the stories read like this:
[Insert name of famous editor or author] rejected this story when I was still unknown. Bet they're sorry now! Nyah nyah!
It got on my nerves. Not to mention that they stories weren't even that good. The main guy in Celandine did very little besides angsting about how the main girl didn't want him.
Okay that is proof the editor sucks, 'cause a story that evokes a strong emotional responce, positive OR negative, is the best story to publish. I recall a short story in a dragonlance collection, and it made me feel horrible, and I loved it.
Agreed. I sobbed into my pillow after reading HP5, but it's my second favourite of the series.