Also, am I just being weird and nitpicky, or are "whetted" and "wetted" incorrect? I thought "w(h)et" was both past and present tense.

Well, if you're weird, I'm with you, because I immediatly checked OED. ;) Which gives it the go-ahead. I think the past tense form is just awkward to voice, so it's not used often.

Seriously with the necrophilia. Woman used to bring it up all the time! But now it's noooo, twoooo luuuuuv needs no heartbeat!