You need an antidote (or my icon). May I prescribe the graphic novel series 'Preacher'? Cassidy is pretty much the opposite of the type of vampire you've described, being hard-drinking, cynical, snarky and Irish, and around book seven (of eight or nine) there's an interlude where Cass is in New Orleans and meets WHAT IS NOT AN ANNE RICE VAMPIRE AT ALL *pointed stare*. I laughed out loud through the whole thing. I love Cassidy.