I you used LKH's books to understand how the BDSM community worked, you'd assume that all we did was sit in bedrooms and have bad sex at all hours of the day. She completely ignores the fact that there are relationships to be had. Tops don't just simply walk up to any submissive and drag them off to screw them mindless. You have to actually get to know the person you're going to get involved with. Not everyone is into the same thing, and a responsible dominant will make sure that he/she and their submissive are compatible. And the submissive will do their part in being honest with what their turns ons and limits are so as to not be overwhelmed.

Trust is a big thing in the community, and Anita/Merry don't show that in the least. They operate under the thinking that everything will work itself out, so there's no need to try and address any problems that might arise among their harems. LKH writes that sex is some sort of magical cure-all to any problems in the world. No long lasting romantic relationship can survive on just sex alone; but Merry/Anita can't be bothered with things like thinking about how their men feel (unless it get in the way of them getting their jollies).

Their selfish mistresses that see no merit in caring for their subs. And that's never a good thing with BDSM.