lkh_lashouts | Verbal annoyances

Y'know, people often talk about LKH's unbelievable metaphors ("evil chocolate in your ice cream" or whatever the hell that was), her smells, her silly "gawth" names, or her tendency to describe in detail what every character is wearing. But I find that there are a lot of verbal tics that bother me just as much.

Edit -- Similes: It feels like LKH cannot go through a paragraph without at least one terrible and/or vague simile, even when a simile is not needed. "... the fire burned us both like a force of nature"? Yeah, way to kill the drama.

Shading: Note to LKH -- I do not care how many shades lighter X's eyes are than Y's, or how many shades darker their shirt is. What are you using, paint chips?

"... Across My Skin": Words cannot express how sick I am of this phrase.

"White Bread": I hate this with a passion. What the hell is wrong with just saying "Hispanic" or "black"?

Rude conversations: If you are going to have people talking about the heroine like she isn't even there, then write books in the third person. It's just annoying to have people dissecting Whorenita's emotions while she sits there and drools.

Well, that's all I can think of off the top of my head. Does anyone else have 'em?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Oh, yeah. I almost forgot how she always illustrates a vamp/were's strength by telling us all of the random and ridiculous things they could benchpress: elephant, bigfoot, Volvo...etc.

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*lol* You both made me giggle here at that imagery. Doesn't LKH also say that the vampire/were/fairy could easily kill/crush/maim/rip a leg off/etc whenever they are gentle? 'He could have crushed me like a coke can but gently...' Aren't we all just wishing he would crush her and then say oops?

If Merry Gentry swallows the moon one more goddamn time, I'm going to scream and throw things.

You and me both.

I have come to hate the phrase "He brought me."

This is one of the worst, especially because - and maybe I'm reading too much into it - it's like, didn't you do anything about it yourself at all? No, you just sat there and he brought you, huh?

He brought me cookies! And I eated them YUM.

and they spilled down my throat to feed my beast.

Oh dear god - HER BEAST IS COOKIE MONSTER!

ohhhhhhhh

cookiecookiecookie starts with ardeur!

ME WANT PE-NIS! ME WANT PE-NIS!

AARGH STOP RUINING MY CHILDHOOD

You started it! I think!

Man, maybe someday Anita's cookie monster will change his slogan to "penis is a sometimes snack", but I doubt it.

Only if they're individually wrapped, which Anitamonster really doesn't seem to care about.

Yeah, it's not romantic enough that way.

Thinking of the kind of preternatural virii (virii? viruseseses?)and bacteria that would have the strength to survive a werecreature or vampire's immune system gives me more willies than an actual, real-life TB threat does, I tell you what.

WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE HERPES? THE HERPES THAT ERUPT EVERY FULL MOON? *curls in a ball and sobs*

There's no cure for wereherpes! That's why I take weretrex.

Holy crap. That is going to be the best thing I read all day.

"I'm a lycanthrope."
"And I'm not."
"Plus, I've got werpes."
*blink* "...and I don't."
"And we want to keep it that way. That's why I use Weretrex, because even when there's no sign of an outbreak or fangs, I could still be contagious."
"..." *edges away with slightly widened eyes*
"Weretrex. When you really care." *grabs wrist and yanks back. lovingly.*

Bahahahahaha.

Oh god, I hope there isn't a keylogger on my work computer...

OH, seriously I don't think that it could pick up anything there. BUT HOW GRATE WOULD IT BE.

You could totally take them to court for discriminating against you for having a fictitious disease!

Yeah! WERPES RIGHTS! WHERE'S MY PARADE?!

There are dozens of us! DOZENS.

...is it because we work in hospitals, or is there something seriously wrong with us?

(no subject)

leggomylegolas.livejournal.com - 2008-01-17 19:57 (UTC) - Expand

lokifin.livejournal.com - 2008-01-17 19:59 (UTC) - Expand

Awesome. So much win. :D

I tickled myself with that, I have to say.

FTW.

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