Verbal annoyances

[easol.livejournal.com]

Y'know, people often talk about LKH's unbelievable metaphors ("evil chocolate in your ice cream" or whatever the hell that was), her smells, her silly "gawth" names, or her tendency to describe in detail what every character is wearing. But I find that there are a lot of verbal tics that bother me just as much.

Edit -- Similes: It feels like LKH cannot go through a paragraph without at least one terrible and/or vague simile, even when a simile is not needed. "... the fire burned us both like a force of nature"? Yeah, way to kill the drama.

Shading: Note to LKH -- I do not care how many shades lighter X's eyes are than Y's, or how many shades darker their shirt is. What are you using, paint chips?

"... Across My Skin": Words cannot express how sick I am of this phrase.

"White Bread": I hate this with a passion. What the hell is wrong with just saying "Hispanic" or "black"?

Rude conversations: If you are going to have people talking about the heroine like she isn't even there, then write books in the third person. It's just annoying to have people dissecting Whorenita's emotions while she sits there and drools.

Well, that's all I can think of off the top of my head. Does anyone else have 'em?

Comments

[recrudescence.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. "Hair as black as mine" and "skin as pale as mine" always made me roll my eyes. Yes, Anita, we get that you're a raven-tressed alabaster princess to whom no one can compare. Once was enough.

And is it really necessary to explain, every damn time some specimen of man-candy ties back his luscious locks, that when he turns around it "spoils the illusion of short hair"?

[lannamichaels]

Does tied-back long hair ever look like short hair from the front? I used to have v. v. long hair, and even when I had it pretty tight behind my head, you could tell my hair length wasn't along the lines of a crew cut.

business up front, party in the back

[contrariwise.livejournal.com]

It does when it's a mullet!

Re: business up front, party in the back

[hellozombies.livejournal.com]

I just laughed so hard, I can't even tell you. I think it was the subject line--my brother always says that when he sees a mullet.

[terrie01.livejournal.com]

I know! Long hair, pulled back, looks like... Long hair that's pulled back!

[darkese.livejournal.com]

I just figured AB was as dumb as a stump when she was fooled by a pony tail. Can't you just picture her in her 80's gear saying 'oh my god! You like totally have long hair but I thought you totally like had short hair. And then like you totally turned and like, ohmygod, your hair was like totally long.' *pats her on the head* 'Yes Anita, it's an illuuuuusion.'

[easol.livejournal.com]

LOL! Good one!

There's only one short-long confusion I can think of -- and that's when someone has longish short hair and slicks it flat, thus hiding the ends. Otherwise, you'd have to be a blithering moron to be fooled by it.

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

Don't forget the mythical "Richard somehow French-braids his barely-shoulder-length hair so it looks like it's cut close to the skull" bullshit.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Didn't Sam try to do that in one Stargate episode, and all she got was this little braidy-thing on the back of her head?