I can't imagine seeking writing advice from LKH or Darla. It's like ask a random guy on the street to perform a breast exam...a potentially explosive situation that could be mildly hilarious at the same time.
Golden Rule #7: Thinly veiled Mary Sues make the best main characters.
#8: Use the same phrases over and over again for every sex scene.
#9 Make sure that the phrases use the words 'member' and 'throbbing' at least eight times.
#9: As well as 'tight.'
#10: Plot is not as important as numerous and redundant sex scenes.