God, does the dialogue go anywhere? Also the apperance of Anita's "sweeties" reminds me of one of those bad fanfiction writers who overload their fics with all their or their friends' original characters that they have to appear when it's not necessary and clutter the story and make it awkward by just being there and taking up time.

I agree that this could've been a very sweet story of a man that just wants to have one more day and good-bye or a dark humored one with wanting to kill her himself. But it is ruined by Anita being Anita.