Read the links - and cried. Jon should not be allowed to use any language other than grunting and pointing.

And your rant had me rolling on the floor.
Course, if I were a farmer and came out in the middle of the night to find some reanimated corpse humping my prize Fresian, I may well feel justified in weilding a flaming torche and pitchfork.
I was in tears. Thank you, thank you.