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[tyger-raven.livejournal.com]

Blog Flog:"Death"
http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2006/08/death.html

I hope turtlemonkey doesn't mind that I take a more detailed stab at flogging this LKH Blog entry. I just had way more to say than I could say in a comment to her flog. Apologies in advance if this isn't allowed.



I know why I only got six pages on Friday. Okay, this is not so much a spoiler, as a tease. I don't mean to tease, but it's either tease or give away an important part of THE HARLEQUIN. I always struggle here on giving you guys a view into how it is to write these books, and not giving away too much, or tormenting you with hints. I'm not sure I'll ever get the right balance between all that, but I felt that this issue was important enough to share with you.

This is way too much information on how she addresses her fans and her book. And let me just say, "The Harlequin?!?", that's the cheesiest title she's come up with so far. Plus, these sentences don't serve anything but to tee up what LKH really wants to say. I'm not a big fan of teeing up. You got something to say, then friggin say it, LKH!

A lot of fans have asked in the last year or so, why hasn't anyone died in the series in so long? I tell them I made a promise after GUILTY PLEASURES... when we killed off you know whoa promise to Anita. That if she truly cared for someone I wouldn't kill them. Is it the bargain we would all make with Diety if we could.

Okay, for christ's sake! Will someone PLEASE send LKH an email or a dictionary so she'd stop friggin butchering the spelling of Diety?!? Plus, I removed a whole buttload of text b/c she got rambly. And, am I the only one that finds it frightening that LKH makes promises to a fictional character?

Sometimes I wonder if that's why Anita has suddenly found a romantic, or at least sexual, interest with so many of the men. The promise covers them, then.

No, Laurell, Anita has just become a slut. Don't make excuses for it.

On Friday we killed someone. Not a main character, because that breaks the promise. But someone we've seen over the course of more than one book.

It's Burt. She's not going to kill off the cops because she needs them, but what does Anita's boss bring to the story, plus, now that Anita never works anymore, he's a "red shirt" for sure.

As neat and tidy as I could, but death is not tidy and neat. I know it is not. I know better. But it was easier this way, less painful to her, and to me.

Gee, Laurell, I thought death was all fun and games?

But the death and the violence that led to it has taken the heart out of me.

Aww, you're trying to make us feel sorry for you because you're human? Won't work. Death and violence are harsh subject matters, but come the freakin on, this is only a piece of writing we're talking about. It's not like you've orchestrated the death of a real person.

I know my reality is a hyper-reality, and though I've done my police research it's not that close to the real thing, not really, it is fiction.

You need to keep repeating that Mantra because you certainly don't act like you believe it.

I joked that I needed to write an Anita vacation book, where she and a few of the guys got out of Dodge and did something fun.

You mean like having wild orgies on the beach? No thanks. I don't need to hear about an Anita Blake vacation book.

I can take a vacation, but it's almost as if Anita is my alter-ego, and it's not just me that needs a break.

I can't be the only one who reads this and wonders why LKH hasn't been checked into the looney bin yet, right?

I'm actually beginning to wonder if I need to write Anita getting that vacation on paper. It's almost as if it's not just me that's tired. That my imaginary friends need a break, too. A real break, like on paper, not just telling them okay, guys, go off and have fun, see you in a few months. Because most of my imaginary friends just wait for me to come back to the computer, they don't have fun on their own. Oh, Edward does, and Jason does sometimes, but most of them wait for me to come back and tell their story. So unless I sit down and do the vacation, they don't seem to get one.

Again, LKH has just slipped off into crazy town and needs a healthy dose of reality, stat!

Trouble is I don't think I could behave myself for very long on paper. I don't think I'm capable of writing hundreds of pages of fun in the sun. No, eventually, I think of bodies on the ground, or in the ground. My mind just runs to that.

Yes, you evil depraved woman. But, your logic is flawed. You actually meant, "No, eventually, I think of bodies lying on Anita, or in Anita."

Maybe we could see if I could find a cozy mystery for Anita to play in, something kinder than this. An Anita cozy mystery? It seems impossible, but damn I may be ready to try.

Is this with or without sex, though, I wonder. If it is with sex, then I think you can find a cozy mystery that will fit into that 50 pages that you assign to plot in the AB books. Wimp.

This death is not a major character, but it's still hard. I've still got to write the scene where Anita watches this person die. I cannot flinch from it. If I'm going to do it, then I have to do it. Do it right, or don't do it at all, that is the rule.

Another Laurell in La-La land moment, right guys?

This death will not just be the loss of this character, but there will be emotional shit to clean up for books, not just in Anita's head, but in other character's minds, as well. This is why everyone lives, it is not a Star Trek episode where everything is neat and tidy at the end, and next week we have life as normal. No, the great bad thing happens and it impacts our world, changes our world, and the people in it.

I'll believe it when I see it, which will be next to impossible since I've stopped reading Anita's porno journals.

All you people who wanted someone to die, I hope you enjoy it, because I have not.

Nope, I'm not happy because you've said yourself that this person isn't important enough to matter since they haven't given in to the Anita Blake Vagina-hole.

Comments

[lucilla-darkate.livejournal.com]

Woman is fucking insane. Like space cadet. Seriously.

[tyger-raven.livejournal.com]

But, for me, I need to write her a letter of thanks because thanks to her, I'm coming up with a list of ways NOT to be when I start publishing my books.

[windiain.livejournal.com]

You know, I'd forgotten Burt existed... seems a good candidate for death to me. Or, maybe the secretary. Forget her name, but hasn't she been in a few books now? ;)

[tyger-raven.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I know it'll be someone that the rest of us will say, "Umm, whoop do" because we know it will be someone that either LKH has forgotten about lately, or someone that she's deemed irrelavant and has already started the character assassinations before the real death happens.

[sister-ananke.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking Larry.

For someone so in love with her imaginary world, she sure doesn't care about the plebs. They can be bodies on the ground, so long as the donkey-dick brigade lives.

[tyger-raven.livejournal.com]

OMG! I so love that term- "donkey-dick brigade". Me sees an icon coming out of that term somehow.

[allova.livejournal.com]

I think henceforth we totally should refer to Laurell's Anita's harem as "the Donkey-Dick Brigade"

P.S. Apologies for the zillion postings of this comment.

[salveo-opes.livejournal.com]

I can't be the only one who reads this and wonders why LKH hasn't been checked into the looney bin yet, right?

Why no, you certainly aren't the only one who has wondered that. I'd wondered the very same thing and figured I was the only one wondering.

(And I see I'm not the only one making a list of things NOT to do, should I ever become published.)

[tyger-raven.livejournal.com]

(And I see I'm not the only one making a list of things NOT to do, should I ever become published.)

You are my hero!!! Is this sad that I want to read you when you're published just on that sentiment alone?

[klmorgan.livejournal.com]

STEP OFF STAR TREK, BITCH!

*ahem*


All you people who wanted someone to die, I hope you enjoy it, because I have not.

Oh, whine whine whine wangst bitch bitch. Go crying to your "Diety," maybe he'll have a sugar-free lollipop to soothe your martyred soul.

[shalanar.livejournal.com]

omfg!!! totally OT but I *heart* your icon! May I snag it?

[tyger-raven.livejournal.com]

*snort* I think I just squirted Root Beer through my nose. That was so funny.

And I'm beginning to believe that LKH spells Diety that way on purpose b/c I've been looking at other posts where she consistently spells it "Deity". Either she's doing it on purpose (maybe because she prays to a diety of diets), or she's so friggin careless when she's blogging that she just don't give a beaver dam.

[sailorcoruscant.livejournal.com]

Does anyone else see the words "Anita cozy" and think of some kind of Anita-shaped tea cozy?

[tyger-raven.livejournal.com]

LOL!!

[katekat]

I can't be the only one who reads this and wonders why LKH hasn't been checked into the looney bin yet, right?

you are so not the only one. it's the only reason why i still have her blog on a feed - so I can watch the breakdown as it happens.

[judes.livejournal.com]

...
...
*silently screams*

reading that just made me want to cry like never before.
"OMG CHARACTER DEATH" "OMG PWOMISES TO CHARACTERS THAT ANITA WUVS"
it's like you get this metaphysical protection automatically if anita sleeps with you and somehow equates that with loving them.

i hope LKH really gets her ideas and plotlines straight in her head and actually follows through on the idea that it is the ardurieituwoaw;oihag that dictates anita's men and falls in love with her instead of anita being off in lalaland going THEY LOVE ME FOR ME NOT FOR TEH SEX.

anita vacation book? hasn't anita been having a vacation from her job for the past few books? why does anita's life need to be clean and cozy and safe? her choice of a profession, the people she spends time with, and her crazy narcissistic tedencies are not exactly "normal life" material. anita used to accept this and realize that she can't have a normal life, and now LKH wants to shove "normal life" (but fantasy sized cocks) down anita's throat.

the harlequin as a title? meh.

once upon a time i promised myself if anita sleeps with edward, then i will stop reading this series. i wonder if this will happen. i really wonder.

[windiain.livejournal.com]

once upon a time i promised myself if anita sleeps with edward, then i will stop reading this series. i wonder if this will happen. i really wonder.

If it turns out he has a giant schlong, I will eat the damn book in protest.

[twilight-ashes.livejournal.com]

Great, since Edward won't have sex with Anita he's going to be killed off.

[windiain.livejournal.com]

Nah, they have that soulmate thing going on, so he should be safe. That and LKH knows if she kills Edward off, some of the death threats she likely gets might actually be carried out...

[rebootfromstart.livejournal.com]

when we killed off you know whoa promise to Anita

First up, don't be using the plural there, lady, 'we' did nothing. You killed off your precious You Know Whoa.

Secondly. What? What does that sentence even say?

[tyger-raven.livejournal.com]

Actually, that part is my fault. I cut and pasted around part of the sentence. It should be "you know who a promise..."

But, the rest of the delusional made up fantasy stuff is all hers.

[nightangel486.livejournal.com]

I like how she says it's "Almost" as if Anita is her alter-ego. Cmon lady, we all know she is, so just admit it already.

"I'm actually beginning to wonder if I need to write Anita getting that vacation on paper. It's almost as if it's not just me that's tired. That my imaginary friends need a break, too. A real break, like on paper, Because it's not just me that is tired, my imaginary friends need a break too, on paper, because they are also tired and need a vacation, which is the vacation needed by my characters because they are tired, and needed by me too, because I am also tired and need a vacation, on paper....

And finally, I hate that she's bitching about "giving in to all our demands for another death, etc." when in her famous big, long, wangsty tirade she defiantly tells all her harsh, demanding, and critical readers that she'll write whatever the hell she wants, nyahnyahnyah

[tyger-raven.livejournal.com]

Yes, she's such a bitchy whiner with massive double standards.

If she didn't freakin want to kill off someone, then she doesn't have to. But, if she's doing it because "We, the readers" demanded it, then we're also demanding a plot and grammar. Where's those things, huh?

[tyger-raven.livejournal.com]

Thank ya. BTW, I am SOOOO in love with your icon. The Raven never sounded so pretty. :)

[scarbie.livejournal.com]

Again, LKH has just slipped off into crazy town and needs a healthy dose of reality, stat!

*ROFL* That made me laugh too much. LKH is a mess.

Gosh, Burt has been pushed into the background so much in the later books. I am scared about who would take over if he is the character she kills off. Anita definitely doesn't have time to aquire his duties because she's too busy screwing for a good portion of the day.

This series makes me sad when I start to think about it too much. She should have never made that stupid promise to a creation. Some of the men in Anita's life need to bite the bullet, especially when it looks like LKH wants to add more dudes to Anita's plate. Haven... stay your ass at home next book. Thanks.

An Anita cozy mystery?

I'm all for it if cozy means plot-driven with no 'just flat out does it for me' screamity-screaming-orgasm action. That would be awesome.

Eine Minute bitte

[http://users.livejournal.com/belladonna_/]

Ahem.

Sometimes I wonder if that's why Anita has suddenly found a romantic, or at least sexual, interest with so many of the men. The promise covers them, then.

So let me break this down here:

The author of the books feels that the books' main character is sneakily forming romantic or sexual relationships with men in the books to stop the author from killing said men off? Behind the author's back?

My head hurts.

Re: Eine Minute bitte

[tyger-raven.livejournal.com]

Yeah, my mind can't wrap around whatever fantasy that LKH is living in this week either. All I know is that if LKH is what you have to be to be a successful writer, then maybe I don't want to be a writer, after all.

Just for fun, I opened up the first few pages of "Seduced by Moonlight", and OMG! I had to quit before I barfed up my dinner.

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

Christ, I cannot stand her whole, "OMG, writing the VIOLENCE and the DEATH has made me so very weary" *handlenailgunforehead*
How the fuck did she write the first seven books if she's such a delicate flower that a SINGLE CHARACTER DEATH gives her a migraine?

[darksongtrilogy.livejournal.com]

What I want to know is WHAT, precisely, constitutes an Anita vacation? Because what the FUCK was DM? No mystery. No grisly death and violence. Lots of grisly, violent sex, but honestly, Anita can't go ANYWHERE without that. So she has to be on a beach having violent, grisly sex to be on vacation? Wouldn't there be were-starfish on the beach that call her to be their Starfish Queen, and then she has to bring the impotent Starfish Prince into his power? Or the were-porpoise pod? The were-hammerhead sharks with their pointy, pointy teeth? There's no place in the world she can go without having to feed the ardoom. Hell, if she tried Antarctica it'd be the were-Penguin King, known as the Brawk to his people.

[salustra.livejournal.com]

*giggles madly at visions of the were-penguin king*

Now I'm gonna have to write were-penguins into a fic.

Bit of a character death rant...

[ladyravana.livejournal.com]

On the whole character death thing, it's got me thinking. I'm remembering back when I played Final Fantasy VII. As I played through the game, I became engrossed with the story and the characters. I liked them. When I reached the end of disc 1, a main character was killed off. I watched in horror as the villain plunged his sword into her back and ruthlessly cut her down. I actually cried. I couldn't believe what I had just seen. That made me all the more bound and determined to hunt down the bastard that had killed her and make him pay. My point is, I had made an emotional investment in this character, and that gutwrenching moment just tugged at my heartstrings. I was speechless.

See, that kind of emotional payoff is exactly what LKH is depriving us of.

In the Anita Blake series, there are characters we all like. We all have our favorites, and there are a few that I myself have grown attached to. By killing off a main character from Anita's harem, like say, Asher for example, I would feel sad at his death. See, if there's going to be a character death, I want to be bawling my eyes out. I want my tears to stain the pages. I want to have tissues ready. I want to be moved by the tragic poignancy of said character death. I want it to feel like I've been punched in the gut. Because that is the mark of a good series.

If it's a minor character, it just won't have the same kind of impact. And because of the author's lunacy, she literally coddles her fictional characters like they're real, we're never going to get that emotional payoff, because they're all so pwecious and speshul to her and she promised to never ever hurt them. It truly nauseates me to read her blog entries, and this one in particular...well, there isn't anything about her craziness that hasn't already been said.

End rant. Sorry, but I just had to get my two cents in. Your flog got me thinking. Hope you don't mind the long comment.^^

Re: Bit of a character death rant...

[tyger-raven.livejournal.com]

I don't mind at all. I agree with everything you said. I've always felt like I must come across as a very macabre person (not that there's anything wrong with that) because I'm one of those people who prefer a good death scene, especially when it makes for a powerful story with a lot of impact. To me, if death never happened (especially to a character with a lot of emotional investment in them), then you don't have a sense of excitement or danger.

My best example is with the television series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. For almost five seasons, we watched Buffy's relationship with her mother grow and change. Joyce became as much a part of the show despite not being one of the "Main cast". So, when Joyce died suddenly, it made for a very emotional and compelling story. That episode is one of my favorite ones because it had so much emotion and development.

In books, I was stunned when the death occurred in Guilty Pleasures because I totally didn't see it coming. Nowadays, LKH's "Promise" means that no matter how much danger Anita and her love slaves get into, we know they'll never be killed. That to me takes so much out of the story.

Link Fix

[naeko.livejournal.com]

The blog being flogged here can be found at http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/index.php/site/comments/death2/