lkh_lashouts | Advice for Fun and Profit

Advice for Fun and Profit

I know we have a ton of writers and writerly types in this group. Almost all of whom are talented like whoah. Plus just lots of intelligent, snarky peoples. So, I was wondering...

If you could give LKH one piece of advice (literary or even otherwise I guess) what would it be?

Or alterately... what's the best piece of writing advice you've ever gotten and how does Mad Ms. Hamilton violate it?

Because seriously I sometimes wonder what her series would look like if someone was standing next to her with a 2x4 of Literary Wisdom. You know, someone to go "Peachy, darling, now just what the hell does X have to do with the main plot?" or "That's redundant. Delete and rephrase."

There are some things that just seem so elementary going wrong- like time and characters popping into scenes they weren't in a moment before, but how to fix it?

Okay. I am stepping away from the keyboard now before the Nyquil takes further control.

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I had a piece of advice when submitting a manuscript to an agent:

Make sure that the first sentence was snappy, attention grabbing and preferably smack bang in the middle of action.

Through the latter books, the crazybadger lady has doled out first sentences that aren'y particularly snappy, or attention grabbing... and though there is the action... it's not really the right kind of action... just nasty gratuitous hottightwetness. Ick.

I would tell her to get a beta reader. An objective one wouldn't hurt at all.

As for violation? See above--get a beta reader. I don't know that she comprehends what that is.

Recover soon!

My best piece of advice is:

Your fans are your customers, and writing is your business. If you had, say, a chain of stores that made you a millionare, would you say "Well, now that I am rich and famous, I can act like a complete and total asshole to my customers and sell a crappy product and people will still by it!" and expect this to work? Of course not. So why do it to your fans?

Yes, you do still have people buying and wanking over your latest works. But think of how much more money and more fame you could have by doing a much better job of it.

I am not published, and my Elder Scrolls fanfics outdo this chick. Check my links on my journal, if you want to see for yourself. Or maybe I don't :P But at least I don't go around alienating my fans.

Invest in a decent dictionary. Also, stop ignoring all those squiggly red and green lines under words - they're not just there to make your document look pretty, they do actually indicate something has gone horribly wrong.

Lets see, literary advice I have gotten over the years:

Having a snappy introduction sentence

Make sure you have a plot

Don't tell, show

Use spell check and make sure you use proper grammar

Don't write just for feedback, write because you enjoy it

Heh. Do I really need to say how LKH has violated the advice my English and Writing teachers gave me? It's a very long list after all.

My advice to her would be make sure your book has a plot that does not include sex. Also that everything in the book should be there because it either furthers the plot in some way or gives background.

Every sentence must mean something and lead somewhere. Eliminate anything that isn't truly important to revealing plot, setting or the characters. (And "It was a [insert adjective day in [insert month]" doesn't cut it. Particularly not when you start almost every book in this manner. That is not revealing anything but your cookie cutter formula for starting a book.)

Show, don't tell. On a related note, don't be overly descriptive. (Really, do we care what color your Nike swoosh is? Do we? Is it in any way important?)

I'd give Ms Hamilton the same advice I give newbie roleplayers, or old hand roleplayers who forget:

At the end of the day, none of it is real. Remember the difference between you and the character, for that difference is golden.

Every bit of crit merits looking at. Some of it'll be shit, yeah, because some people are stupid--but try to see where the crit-giver is coming from.

Along those lines: if the reader doesn't like your work, that doesn't mean they're jealous. If they have solid, spelled-out reasons for not liking your work, and there's more than a few of them, then you may really need to sit down and rethink what you're doing.

The best piece of advice I've ever seen is: Can you tell your story in two sentences? If not, delete the unnecessary and hone hone hone.

Though she'd probably think that all the sex could be filed under one word. And wow I feel mean because I'm not published. But then again I've spent most of my life being told I have talent and I know my short stories are kick ass and awardwinning, because they have been.

Novel length stuff is what I'm working on now.

(I guess I've honed myself into a corner and can maybe stretch to a novella)

A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author. - G. K. Chesterton

translation: HIE THEE TO THERAPY!

The writer who loses his self-doubt, who gives way as he grows old to a sudden euphoria, to prolixity, should stop writing immediately: the time has come for him to lay aside his pen. - Colette

trans: You're prizing quantity over quality...

Writing is rewriting. A writer must learn to deepen characters, trim writing, intensify scenes. To fall in love with the first draft to the point where one cannot change it is to greatly enhance the prospects of never publishing. - Richard North Patterson

trans: ... because you're afraid to kill your darlings.

You write with ease to show your breeding
But easy writing is cursed hard reading.
- Ben Franklin

Yup.

When in doubt have a man come through a door with a gun in his hand. - Raymond Chandler

She used to do this. I miss this. :(

Never confuse movement with action. - Ernest Hemingway

LKH? Sex is not character development. If need be, I will write an essay on character devlopment to show you.

I would then print out many, many, many good smut fics and say: "Look at these. This is how it's done. It IS possible to explore character through sexual activity... but these stories have everything you're missing. I'm not saying you have too much sex; I'm saying you have the wrong kind of sex. Boring sex. I'm not asking you to be Anias Nin, honey, but when I spend this much of my time reading porn and yet your books bore the hell out of me? You're missing something."

Best advice I ever got: cut the crap and get to the point. That was one of the first things my literary agent told me, so instead of having a long, pretty opening paragraph about how nice the woods are, I get straight in there with a line about werewolves. Score!

LKH could benefit from similar advice.

"Sex scenes should have a purpose in the context of the plot; they shouldn't replace the plot"?

Feel better!

Know when to call it quits. There is no such thing as a series that can maintain quality indefinitely. If you don't have an end point in mind, you don't have a cohesive plot. The series will eventually reflect that problem.

The best piece of advice I could give LKH?

Give it up. Actually, give it up to somebody else. There are many people out there who could take your characters and universe and create startlingly kick-arse books out of them. Let go, walk your dogs and keep away from the computer. The latter not only means your dogs stay fit, it also prevents us from having to read all about it on your blog.

"If the story isn't working, take the thing you love most about it, the reason why you're making it, the very heart of the piece and cut it. And that will make the story work." - Joss Whedon.

That goes hand in hand with advice I got on essay writing - which is don't crap on. There's no need to write War and Peace when a haiku will do.

the best advice I have is to write something original. write something that no one else has done before. most people like experiencing new ideas. Experimenting is teh shit

I think she shouldn't use "so" at all. even if she's not describing sex.

I'll repeat much of what has been said, I'm sure, but these things come to mind:

* Use writers' tools such as dictionaries, thesauruses, spellcheck / grammar programs, outlines and plots.

* Show, don't tell. If you MUST write sex scenes that are eight chapters long, perhaps you can omit the numerous wanky digressions into either Recap Land, the same old tired mental cartwheels characters seem to use when you try to make them do things you originally designed them to be opposed to doing, or lengthy superfluous exposition.

* Remember basic character qualities you developed and be consistent with them. In real life, people do not radically change their values or beliefs or core reactions or behavior patterns overnight. If they do, it is rare.

* Mister Apostrophe is your friend, stop abusing him. Mister Comma would also like to be treated in a professional manner.

* No more Mary Sue characters.

* Don't be afraid of introducing strife into your books. Death of a character, genuine menace, a realistic chance that a character will experience loss or pain or permanent injury...all of these things give characters something to feel strongly about.

* Attempt to do research. Occult traditions, realistic first names for centuries-old characters, historical events relevant to centuries-old characters, mythology, etcetera. Read known experts on the subjects you plan to write about.

* Did I mention a plot? Having an actual story arc would be swell.

* Remembering details about characters...I'm fairly sure this bears repeating.

* Don't try to pander to your crazier fans.

* Inserting your own personal flaws into a character's profile and then repeatedly explaining why these flaws are actually signs of perfection and excellence (e.g., if you are fashion-challenged, do not attempt to pretend you can write about haute couture and not sound like an 80s reject; if you are short and have a temper, do not pass these qualities off as the utmost in desirability)

* Do not get confused about whether your characters are real or imaginary / fictional.

* Do not relegate your most interesting secondary characters to the ash heap.

* Do not continue to add secondary and tertiary characters to your world if you can't even satisfactorily flesh out the personalities, dreams, goals, quirks, foibles and motivations of the ones you already have.

* Do not impose your provincial ideas about what constitutes sophistication on your audience (e.g. speaking French (badly), loving descriptions of cliche gourmet foods, and many more incidents)

* Do not fail to have your story arc, characters, plot and alternate universe more fleshed-out and detailed by the end of your umpteenth book just because you'd like to write about sex instead. Buy a vibrator, for god's sake. Get it out of your system. Find a plot.

* Omit the inessential.

* Thin the herd.

* Get an editor.

If I repeat myself, take that as a hint that something is really wrong. Or maybe my repeating myself ad nauseum will give LKH a sense of how frustrating her books are to read. Mayeb I should repeat myself eight more times, or lift entire sections of text from previous books (er, I mean POSTINGS, yeah), or have the same stupid dilemmas and angst and ego-stroking mentioned another few dozen times.

* More powerful does not equal better. Actually, flaws and mistakes make a character more interesting than "OMFG, Character has yet another invincible superpower! She's just the bestest, rah rah yay!!" deus ex machina writing.

* Don't have main characters do a 180o shift in attitude and/or behavior and then ignore wails of despair from readers that you have royally fucked up your own series by so doing.

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They say it better than I do, honestly.

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