pith: (LKH-needstoedit)
pith ([personal profile] pith) wrote in [community profile] lkh_lashouts2006-12-30 09:55 pm

Blogflog: Dear Negative Reader

This one should be subtitled "And Laurell takes the lead away from Anne in the Wank Race!" Prepare to spit fire.

Link: http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2006/12/dear-negative-reader.html



Dear Negative Reader

Very mature, there. Anyone who disagrees with you or isn't on your side is "negative".

I'm sure there are other books out there that will make you happier than mine. There are books with less sex in them, God knows. There are books that don't make you think that hard. Books that don't push you past that comfortable envelope of the mundane.

"Books that don't make you think that hard"? WTF? I've heard people say they "skipped all the sex scenes" and still understood LKH novels, so clearly, higher brain function is not required. (No offence meant, naturally, to you brave souls who have skipped the sex and read the rest.) "Comfortable envelope of the mundane"? LKH has said that no one will die because it will hurt her/Anita. What the hell is that if not "comfort"? Also, her books have become so repetitive that I would call them mundane, except I'm sure the dictionary (yeah, the one she apparently evicted years ago) would knock on my door, kick my ass, and replace "mundane" with "tripe".

They are books that push my character and me to the edge and beyond of our comfort zones.

So damn not true it's not funny. As I said above, there's the no-death thing. Anita and Merry get to fuck whoever they please because of the ardeur or trying to get pregnant or because it's Tuesday. These characters are not pushed anywhere, let alone to the edge of their comfort zones. It's like a really bad version of Groundhog Day, where NOTHING CHANGES.

Let this post also put to rest the idea that I don't know that a small minority, albeit a loud minority, hates my series. I've known that for awhile.

Ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, indeed.

I finally realized that I'm not going to understand this noisy, unpleasant minority of my fans. Because you are fans. Only fans would spend this much time and energy on anything. It's a strange kind of fan, a negative fan, but you spend so much time and energy hating and complaining that some part of you must love the hate and complaining.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I consider myself more of a walking warning. I actively discourage people from entering into LKHville at all costs.

And if you don't think you are the minority, well, sorry, guys but you are. I have the sales figures to prove it.

a) What's wrong with being a minority?
b) Sales figures are worth less than the paper they're printed on.
c) What's good doesn't always sell; what sells isn't always good.

Some people even ask for more police procedural. I want more, too

Newsflash: So do we. Oh, but wait. You can't get past the part of our criticism that says you're going downhill to realize that we actually think there's something worth following in either series. LKH has the same tunnelvision she accuses us of having.

The ardeur is a pain in my, and Anita's butt, too.

And, as lovely Jean-Claude would say, so many other places.

I've done this major metaphysical event. I won't just 'fix it' because it's hard to write around. God, knows, sometimes it is. But the arduer is moving along. I've got my fix in mind, but it's logical, not something that's merely convenient, or because some people hate it. But the arduer is not going away. If that's what you guys are wanting, then it ain't happening. Leave now, because more arduer awaits. The arduer is evolving, as are Anita's powers, but I don't see the arduer going poof.

"Evolving". You keep saying this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

I have failed as a writer that you could kill them, and feel nothing.

I… you know, I don't think I'll say anything about this line. I will simply let it sit there in its glory, because she actually admitted a failure.

My characters are real to me in a way that makes me miss them.

Yeah, and that's fine, to a degree. BUT PEOPLE DIE. Considering the number of times she's wangsted about her grandmother and her mother and on and on, she knows. But you move on. Both of my grandfathers are dead and one of my grandmothers. Do I miss them? Horribly. But I've moved on. I realize that people are born, they live, they die. It's how it works. It's what makes vampires tragic.

Or maybe this will not move you, maybe you do not feel for the loneliness of the vampires that have not known love for centuries.

We do. Because we read lots of authors who actually deal with it. But the fact still remains that a) people die and b) characters aren't real. There are people at Lashouts who can attest to the fact that I get a bit weird about my characters. Those same people can also attest that I don't shy away from character death. People die. If you want your fictional world to feel truly real, characters have to die too.

Maybe you do not feel any of that. If you don't feel it, then I have failed you as a writer. I am sorry for that. If you do not feel the touch of my characters, the emotional pain, the emotional triumphs, then I have failed you. You should stop reading me. My writing does not weave magic for you.

This is turning into the worst Dear John letter ever. "It's not you. It's me. Oh, no, wait. It really is you. You don’t understand my vision!"

Go, and find someone who does speak to you. Someone who's characters are plot devices, so the books are neat, understandable, clinical, and utterly organized.

Oh, wait. It is us. Silly me, thinking Laurell might actually be accepting some blame!

They are big, messy books, a lot like life.

Except in real life, people die. They fall in and out of love. They move, they change jobs, they have kids.

Oh, and they shower.

I'll give you guys a few minutes to stop reading this, or to go into another room. I'll give you a few minutes, before I talk to the positive readers that are staying.

*L* Mass exodus, anyone?

here are hints about THE HARLEQUIN. First, Edward is in the book in a major way. Second, so is Olaf. Yeah, serial killer guy is back. Anita ends up feeding full blown arduer on three characters she's never been with before.

Oh joy. Run, Edward, run!

One of the wereanimal groups will betray Jean-Claude, and Anita.

Oh dear sweet gods. Please let Richard reclaim his spine, gather the wolves, and create some motherfuckin' havoc that Loki (and Samuel L. Jackson) would be proud of.

I hope it whetted your appetite

I… I…she…. used "whetted" instead of "wetted". I…. okay, who slipped her a dictionary when I wasn't looking?

[identity profile] thekiwiwhoflew.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 05:04 pm (UTC)(link)
How about the sparkly weresharks of planet X?

[identity profile] thekiwiwhoflew.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 05:09 pm (UTC)(link)
Amazon, I'm sure of it.

[identity profile] thekiwiwhoflew.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 05:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Linkin Park's "Crawling" should be playing in the background.

[identity profile] allsunday.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 06:05 pm (UTC)(link)
Go, and find someone who does speak to you. Someone who's characters are plot devices...

I think you meant "whose," Laurell, dear. I was under the impression you're supposed to be a writer.

I… I…she…. used "whetted" instead of "wetted". I…. okay, who slipped her a dictionary when I wasn't looking?

Not that it matters much. Obviously, it didn't help her much with "whose," and that's really not that far away from "whetted".

[identity profile] world-of-eos.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 06:06 pm (UTC)(link)
Th-th-th-there's a Hogfather movie? *spasms of pyrexial delight, frothing at the mouth, head asplodey, etc.* Where did you get such a thing? WHERE DID YOU GET IT? I've got Wyrd Sisters and Soul Music but until I possess Hogfather MY LIFE IS A VOID EMPTY OF ALL MEANING.

[identity profile] cookie-wolf.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 06:11 pm (UTC)(link)
That's true too.

[identity profile] world-of-eos.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 06:39 pm (UTC)(link)
*dreamy-eyed look* I met Pratchett last year. He laughed at my drawing. I TOUCHED. HIS HAND.

He is my hero. I discovered him right as I was beginning my disassociation from LKH, and he filled the void that her books left and more. If my relationships with authors were described in romantic terms, LKH was a one-night stand and Pratchett is a lifelong marriage.

[identity profile] world-of-eos.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 06:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Someone who's characters are plot devices, so the books are neat, understandable, clinical, and utterly organized.

You now, I can see where this could be interpretted as an insult, but when you get right down to it, LKH is really just shooting herself in the foot.

Characters are plot devices, when you get down to it. The most realistic and utterly human of characters in any book is still a plot device. Their sole raison d'être is to forward the plot of the book. Without the plot, they would not exist.

And which would you rather read - an understandable, clinical, and utterly organized book (i.e. one that makes sense, keeping in mind that just because it's "clinical" doesn't also mean that it won't still be packed with human emotion), or a barely parsable, blatantly self-anachronistic string of purple text (i.e. the entirety of LKH's recent works)?

I have a really hard time being insulted by this rant she's written, because it is so hilariously whacked. This is the most blatant and shining example of her batshit insanity that I've come across yet, and it is like the oft-abused poisoned candy on my tongue - only I built up an immunity to her delicious, delicious poison long ago.

[identity profile] found-then-lost.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 07:01 pm (UTC)(link)
When I heard about her not killing another character off, I almost laughed at her stupidity.

Without the thought that one of the main characters could die, where's the tension. All these difficult and tough situations which were life or death are now ruined, because we know it isn't life or death, it's just life or sex.

And yeah, we were fans of her books. Good fans, which is why we were amazing pissed when she went on downhill.

And oh god, I bet if Anita even makes a pass at Edward her series is ruined.

I doubt there is any worries of her sleeping with Olaf. Not enough hair.

[identity profile] acostilow.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 07:07 pm (UTC)(link)
*laughs*

I love you.

Oh, what do you want to bet that Merry becomes queen of both the Seelie and Unseelie courts? And the slaugh, too?

[identity profile] mneiai.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 07:36 pm (UTC)(link)
OMG, if Richard betrayed them I'd actually consider spending money on that book. Of course, he'll probably fail at whatever he had planned and have to come crawling back, saved from himself through the wonderful grace of Anita and Diety ::sigh::

Good flog ^.^

[identity profile] quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 07:46 pm (UTC)(link)
See, this is the level of fame I aspire to: I want to be able famous enough to insult my own fanbase's intelligence.


I enjoy your community's mission statement, and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. ::does so::

ext_41832: (dogtags)

[identity profile] fashi0n-mistake.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 07:53 pm (UTC)(link)
I think I might join you.

[identity profile] ellenel13.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 09:04 pm (UTC)(link)
I specifically remember Anita saying that Edward didn't find her attractive or viceversa in the first book. Of course, that was before the ardeur. See, I spelled it right. I think.

[identity profile] salveo-opes.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 09:04 pm (UTC)(link)
*blows kisses in return for the adoration* Thank you. *does pageant-y wave thing*

What a fantabulous theory! I bet you're correct!

(Btw, the troll I acquired back in May has returned, so this name will be disappearing, but never fear--I shall come back.)

[identity profile] ellenel13.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 09:08 pm (UTC)(link)
Anita will not make a pass at him. The ardeur will ensnare him so Anita is absolved from the responsibility of screwing him.

[identity profile] wyrdmuse.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 09:13 pm (UTC)(link)
All that's missing is LKH telling us that we're interrogating the text from the wrong perspective (http://wiki.fandomwank.com/index.php/Interrogating_the_text_from_the_wrong_perspective).

[identity profile] dwg.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 09:15 pm (UTC)(link)
My entire opinion on this can be summed up as, "Bitch, PLEASE!"

Mostly, my rage is centred on the whole, "If you can't see that my writing is complex and thought-provoking and CHALLENGING to all you Plebeians, you can just STFU and find another author! One who ISN'T ALL THESE THINGS!" and the bit about not caring about characters who die.

Dammit, Laurell - the whole point in killing off a character is to provoke an emotional response! I don't know about any other writers in this comm, but I sure as hell want people to be UPSET by character death. It's meant to push the other characters into action and reaction.

I know I make a point of writing a death scene for all my characters. I want to know how it'd happen and what everyone's reaction would be. I've gotten quite a few surprising responses from characters and whole new plotlines open up that I'd probably have to fight every. fucking. inch to achieve if I let people live. I just hope I can pull off some of the moves I want to make with the right zest and punch that they require - because while the thought blows my mind, it's up to me as a writer to try and blow my reader's mind too - or at the very least, get them to empathise with what the other characters do.

So no, it's not that I don't care about my characters so that's why I kill them - it's totally the opposite. I care - a lot - and if killing some of them is what it takes to push the others where I need them to be, so be it!

[identity profile] knomey.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 09:23 pm (UTC)(link)
We can serve steaks at the reception, hsve a 21-gun salute, talk about how magnificent and unyeilding his testicles were... it'll be beautiful.

[identity profile] mariakatarina.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 09:27 pm (UTC)(link)
If she names some boytoy 'Drosophila Melanogaster' or 'Nematoda' I will start to laugh so damned hard.

ext_41832: (Kon sad)

[identity profile] fashi0n-mistake.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 09:43 pm (UTC)(link)
We can also play darts with Anita or LKH's face at the center.

10 points if you can hit her between the eyes.

[identity profile] puppetmaker40.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 09:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Ever read "Howling Mad" by Peter David?

It is about a wolf that is bitten by a werewolf and turns the mythos on its head.

[identity profile] randomsome1.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 10:23 pm (UTC)(link)
Does that mean we're gonna get a giant block paragraph there soon, too? XD

[identity profile] x--shameless.livejournal.com 2006-12-31 10:43 pm (UTC)(link)
There are actually three characters she has yet to fuck?

Edward... and who else?

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