pith: (LKH-needstoedit)
pith ([personal profile] pith) wrote in [community profile] lkh_lashouts2006-12-30 09:55 pm

Blogflog: Dear Negative Reader

This one should be subtitled "And Laurell takes the lead away from Anne in the Wank Race!" Prepare to spit fire.

Link: http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2006/12/dear-negative-reader.html



Dear Negative Reader

Very mature, there. Anyone who disagrees with you or isn't on your side is "negative".

I'm sure there are other books out there that will make you happier than mine. There are books with less sex in them, God knows. There are books that don't make you think that hard. Books that don't push you past that comfortable envelope of the mundane.

"Books that don't make you think that hard"? WTF? I've heard people say they "skipped all the sex scenes" and still understood LKH novels, so clearly, higher brain function is not required. (No offence meant, naturally, to you brave souls who have skipped the sex and read the rest.) "Comfortable envelope of the mundane"? LKH has said that no one will die because it will hurt her/Anita. What the hell is that if not "comfort"? Also, her books have become so repetitive that I would call them mundane, except I'm sure the dictionary (yeah, the one she apparently evicted years ago) would knock on my door, kick my ass, and replace "mundane" with "tripe".

They are books that push my character and me to the edge and beyond of our comfort zones.

So damn not true it's not funny. As I said above, there's the no-death thing. Anita and Merry get to fuck whoever they please because of the ardeur or trying to get pregnant or because it's Tuesday. These characters are not pushed anywhere, let alone to the edge of their comfort zones. It's like a really bad version of Groundhog Day, where NOTHING CHANGES.

Let this post also put to rest the idea that I don't know that a small minority, albeit a loud minority, hates my series. I've known that for awhile.

Ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, indeed.

I finally realized that I'm not going to understand this noisy, unpleasant minority of my fans. Because you are fans. Only fans would spend this much time and energy on anything. It's a strange kind of fan, a negative fan, but you spend so much time and energy hating and complaining that some part of you must love the hate and complaining.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I consider myself more of a walking warning. I actively discourage people from entering into LKHville at all costs.

And if you don't think you are the minority, well, sorry, guys but you are. I have the sales figures to prove it.

a) What's wrong with being a minority?
b) Sales figures are worth less than the paper they're printed on.
c) What's good doesn't always sell; what sells isn't always good.

Some people even ask for more police procedural. I want more, too

Newsflash: So do we. Oh, but wait. You can't get past the part of our criticism that says you're going downhill to realize that we actually think there's something worth following in either series. LKH has the same tunnelvision she accuses us of having.

The ardeur is a pain in my, and Anita's butt, too.

And, as lovely Jean-Claude would say, so many other places.

I've done this major metaphysical event. I won't just 'fix it' because it's hard to write around. God, knows, sometimes it is. But the arduer is moving along. I've got my fix in mind, but it's logical, not something that's merely convenient, or because some people hate it. But the arduer is not going away. If that's what you guys are wanting, then it ain't happening. Leave now, because more arduer awaits. The arduer is evolving, as are Anita's powers, but I don't see the arduer going poof.

"Evolving". You keep saying this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

I have failed as a writer that you could kill them, and feel nothing.

I… you know, I don't think I'll say anything about this line. I will simply let it sit there in its glory, because she actually admitted a failure.

My characters are real to me in a way that makes me miss them.

Yeah, and that's fine, to a degree. BUT PEOPLE DIE. Considering the number of times she's wangsted about her grandmother and her mother and on and on, she knows. But you move on. Both of my grandfathers are dead and one of my grandmothers. Do I miss them? Horribly. But I've moved on. I realize that people are born, they live, they die. It's how it works. It's what makes vampires tragic.

Or maybe this will not move you, maybe you do not feel for the loneliness of the vampires that have not known love for centuries.

We do. Because we read lots of authors who actually deal with it. But the fact still remains that a) people die and b) characters aren't real. There are people at Lashouts who can attest to the fact that I get a bit weird about my characters. Those same people can also attest that I don't shy away from character death. People die. If you want your fictional world to feel truly real, characters have to die too.

Maybe you do not feel any of that. If you don't feel it, then I have failed you as a writer. I am sorry for that. If you do not feel the touch of my characters, the emotional pain, the emotional triumphs, then I have failed you. You should stop reading me. My writing does not weave magic for you.

This is turning into the worst Dear John letter ever. "It's not you. It's me. Oh, no, wait. It really is you. You don’t understand my vision!"

Go, and find someone who does speak to you. Someone who's characters are plot devices, so the books are neat, understandable, clinical, and utterly organized.

Oh, wait. It is us. Silly me, thinking Laurell might actually be accepting some blame!

They are big, messy books, a lot like life.

Except in real life, people die. They fall in and out of love. They move, they change jobs, they have kids.

Oh, and they shower.

I'll give you guys a few minutes to stop reading this, or to go into another room. I'll give you a few minutes, before I talk to the positive readers that are staying.

*L* Mass exodus, anyone?

here are hints about THE HARLEQUIN. First, Edward is in the book in a major way. Second, so is Olaf. Yeah, serial killer guy is back. Anita ends up feeding full blown arduer on three characters she's never been with before.

Oh joy. Run, Edward, run!

One of the wereanimal groups will betray Jean-Claude, and Anita.

Oh dear sweet gods. Please let Richard reclaim his spine, gather the wolves, and create some motherfuckin' havoc that Loki (and Samuel L. Jackson) would be proud of.

I hope it whetted your appetite

I… I…she…. used "whetted" instead of "wetted". I…. okay, who slipped her a dictionary when I wasn't looking?

Re: I love you all with the fire of a 1,000 burning suns!

[identity profile] aikikaz.livejournal.com 2007-01-01 10:40 am (UTC)(link)
Your excellent flog took away some of the pain of reading that little diatribe and I thank you. A lot.

Of the many, many points of contention, it was this one that made my brains start to dribble out of my ears,

"Someone who's characters are plot devices..."

This from the woman who has now weighted a previously entertaining - if, as has been said, flawed - series so heavily in the favour of a plot device, if you took it away nothing would bloody happen!

This from the stable of so many men you can't keep the names straight because they have -no sodding character- and do -nothing- except wangst, ask stupid questions and play long-haired sex toy with the so-called 'heroine'!

We are talking a freaking calender event with national holiday if they get a decent line, or say something smart. -That- isn't a plot device?!

-breathes- [/end rant]

Re: PS

[identity profile] sap-girl.livejournal.com 2007-01-01 02:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Storm Front really *is* terrible, as is Fool Moon. Keep reading, or just skip them entirely- it's well worth it.

Okay, I return you to your regularly scheduled snark :)

[identity profile] salveo-opes.livejournal.com 2007-01-01 02:48 pm (UTC)(link)
LOL

Yes, I have acquired a troll, unfortunately. Never fear, I'll be out here lurking for a while.

[identity profile] catskin.livejournal.com 2007-01-01 05:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Lol, that's quite a nice way of looking at it.

[identity profile] catskin.livejournal.com 2007-01-01 05:48 pm (UTC)(link)
The quote I first thought of was something like "a minority is never percieved as a minority unless it constitutes a threat to the majority..." but then I forgot the rest and went with something easier, lol.

[identity profile] drisoscele.livejournal.com 2007-01-01 07:25 pm (UTC)(link)
Ah what would all those "positive fans" do if it wasn't for Mommie Darkness Hamilton coming to their rescue in such a dramatic fashion.

The super, god like author descended from the heights of her ivory tower, arriving in glorious splendor. The earth shook and trembled the moment the great deity author set foot into the mundane world of mere mortals. She wielded her author words like an avenging flaming sword of destruction and laid waste to the evil horde that dare invade the promised land of her chosen Troo fans. Her mighty words cut a swath of destruction, sending the malevolent and wicked spawn fleeing in a flurry of wailing and gnashing of teeth as they beat a hasty retreat and slunk back into the dark neither regions of the Internet from which the sprang. Once again, the great and all-powerful Hamilton rescues all the fragile and delicate Troo believers of the world, saving them from the nefarious clutches and designs of those "evil negative readers". All praise to the glory of the deity Hamilton, the world of Troo's is all bright and shinny once again.

Re: "Oh, and they shower." -- AHAHAHAHAHA!!

[identity profile] darksongtrilogy.livejournal.com 2007-01-01 08:07 pm (UTC)(link)
Exactly. I would've put the books down as Sucky Beyond Belief if it hadn't been for Ma Pathetic Excuses, Inc. Darla and LKH inspire me every day, in every little way, to mock them. Insult me, I insult back. You cretinous hack.

[identity profile] ladyravana.livejournal.com 2007-01-02 02:18 am (UTC)(link)
Sympathies about the troll Salveo. :( Can't you ban them from your LJ?

[identity profile] world-of-eos.livejournal.com 2007-01-02 02:23 am (UTC)(link)
Manny. :( Larry? That other male animator, whathisface with the goatee, back in the old books. Or did he die?

I'm actually kinda leaning towards one of the new fuckees being a female. Enough noise has been made about her not doing no homo that she might slip it in (HA!) just to prove the haters wrong.

[identity profile] midnightsmagic.livejournal.com 2007-01-02 03:04 am (UTC)(link)
In Obsidian Butterfly, I believe Anita says that sex with Edward would be like incest.

...But given the way the series has gone since then, I thinks LKH is about due for some incest.

[identity profile] primavera.livejournal.com 2007-01-02 03:32 am (UTC)(link)
You peed on your head?

[identity profile] salveo-opes.livejournal.com 2007-01-02 03:47 am (UTC)(link)
Thanks. The troll isn't actively using LJ to spam me, said troll used LJ to find me to spam me via third parties, unfortunately. I wish it was as easy as banning.

[identity profile] ki-caelum.livejournal.com 2007-01-02 05:34 pm (UTC)(link)
I'd like to put in a request for it to be read in the style of William Shatner.

Re: PS

[identity profile] saadiira.livejournal.com 2007-01-02 07:20 pm (UTC)(link)
Actually, I rather liked Storm Front. I rather liked all the books. They have steadily gotten better, besides, and he's certainly developed his characters. He's also pretty good at avoiding stupid.

I even liked his Alera Codex series. Is it the best fantasy I've ever read? No. Just highly enjoyable, and quite solid.

-Dira-

[identity profile] corbeau.livejournal.com 2007-01-02 08:24 pm (UTC)(link)
Edward, Olaf, and she said the Church will be back, right? She hasn't screwed Malcolm yet, has she? Edward, Olaf, and Malcolm. Ugh. After reading this - It would take a lot of promotion and good reviews for me to read another of her books.

[identity profile] saadiira.livejournal.com 2007-01-02 08:55 pm (UTC)(link)
HELLS yeah!

(And I've seen you do it, and it works, and I've seen other good writers do it, and it works...)

And LKH is not a good writer, she doesn't do it, and that does not work...

-Dira-

[identity profile] saadiira.livejournal.com 2007-01-02 09:08 pm (UTC)(link)
(HEEE!)

The sequel to this must be the revenge of the haters, you know that, right?

Creeping slowly from beneath their rocks, the myriad horde come to show the troo believers just what's what! They say unto the great Suethor "Yea, verily, woman, thy last book sucketh, biteth, and bloweth!" They then proceed with much wailing and tearing of pages to show just how, where, and why, to which the great deity author respondeth "I know you are, but what am I?"

This maketh little sense, and lo! Troo Believers slowly wander off, perhaps in search of alternate deity, even as those false believers posessed of what one might call a mind shudder, and recoil from the great diety Suethor...

-Dira-

[identity profile] summersdream.livejournal.com 2007-01-03 07:37 am (UTC)(link)
After too much of LKH and other such 'authors', a friend recommended Martin's series and it saved my love of books. It's the perfect antidote- sex that is part of the plot, and no on is safe from Death and Suffering. I never thought I'd be so glad to have an author kill off a favorite character just because it was so refreshing that it could happen. I'd wait for as long as LKH needed to come up with a decent Merry or Anita book. But no, she just keeps churning out those... rectangular objects she refers to as books.

Belle Morte=Andais, non? It's really all the same series now, just different names. And that is sad.

[identity profile] zulafish.livejournal.com 2007-01-03 11:28 pm (UTC)(link)
Someone who's characters are plot devices

Congratulations, LKH! You've just activated the Pet Peeve Machine(tm)! Remember darling, "who's" is a contraction of who and is, and "whose" denotes possession!

[identity profile] elsandra.livejournal.com 2007-01-05 05:37 am (UTC)(link)
If you want another vampire book rec where the vampires are more realistic (is that really possible?) try Barabara Hambly's "Those who Hunt the Night" and "Traveling with the Dead". Her vamps are English, Spanish, French, American, etc and are somewhat stylsh but are not capable of having sex but can fall in love. (Wow, that was a lousy sentence!)

[identity profile] ccmom.livejournal.com 2007-01-13 06:03 am (UTC)(link)
Wow!


*applauds*

[identity profile] lauramcvey.livejournal.com 2007-07-04 02:33 am (UTC)(link)
Alas, the movie was bad. Granted, it's the kind of bad I can enjoy, if I put my brain down for a nap, but it flopped, and got little attention, so the author isn't getting any well-deserved popularity :(

Re: PS

[identity profile] lauramcvey.livejournal.com 2007-07-04 02:49 am (UTC)(link)
. . . not in the ones I read (the first two). The prose rubbed me the wrong way, and I couldn't stand Murphy. I just really disliked them. Love the show, though. *points to icon*

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