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lkh_lashouts2006-12-30 09:55 pm
pith) wrote in lkh_lashouts2006-12-30 09:55 pm
Entry tags:
Blogflog: Dear Negative Reader
This one should be subtitled "And Laurell takes the lead away from Anne in the Wank Race!" Prepare to spit fire.
Link: http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2006/12/dear-negative-reader.html
Dear Negative Reader
Very mature, there. Anyone who disagrees with you or isn't on your side is "negative".
I'm sure there are other books out there that will make you happier than mine. There are books with less sex in them, God knows. There are books that don't make you think that hard. Books that don't push you past that comfortable envelope of the mundane.
"Books that don't make you think that hard"? WTF? I've heard people say they "skipped all the sex scenes" and still understood LKH novels, so clearly, higher brain function is not required. (No offence meant, naturally, to you brave souls who have skipped the sex and read the rest.) "Comfortable envelope of the mundane"? LKH has said that no one will die because it will hurt her/Anita. What the hell is that if not "comfort"? Also, her books have become so repetitive that I would call them mundane, except I'm sure the dictionary (yeah, the one she apparently evicted years ago) would knock on my door, kick my ass, and replace "mundane" with "tripe".
They are books that push my character and me to the edge and beyond of our comfort zones.
So damn not true it's not funny. As I said above, there's the no-death thing. Anita and Merry get to fuck whoever they please because of the ardeur or trying to get pregnant or because it's Tuesday. These characters are not pushed anywhere, let alone to the edge of their comfort zones. It's like a really bad version of Groundhog Day, where NOTHING CHANGES.
Let this post also put to rest the idea that I don't know that a small minority, albeit a loud minority, hates my series. I've known that for awhile.
Ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, indeed.
I finally realized that I'm not going to understand this noisy, unpleasant minority of my fans. Because you are fans. Only fans would spend this much time and energy on anything. It's a strange kind of fan, a negative fan, but you spend so much time and energy hating and complaining that some part of you must love the hate and complaining.
I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I consider myself more of a walking warning. I actively discourage people from entering into LKHville at all costs.
And if you don't think you are the minority, well, sorry, guys but you are. I have the sales figures to prove it.
a) What's wrong with being a minority?
b) Sales figures are worth less than the paper they're printed on.
c) What's good doesn't always sell; what sells isn't always good.
Some people even ask for more police procedural. I want more, too
Newsflash: So do we. Oh, but wait. You can't get past the part of our criticism that says you're going downhill to realize that we actually think there's something worth following in either series. LKH has the same tunnelvision she accuses us of having.
The ardeur is a pain in my, and Anita's butt, too.
And, as lovely Jean-Claude would say, so many other places.
I've done this major metaphysical event. I won't just 'fix it' because it's hard to write around. God, knows, sometimes it is. But the arduer is moving along. I've got my fix in mind, but it's logical, not something that's merely convenient, or because some people hate it. But the arduer is not going away. If that's what you guys are wanting, then it ain't happening. Leave now, because more arduer awaits. The arduer is evolving, as are Anita's powers, but I don't see the arduer going poof.
"Evolving". You keep saying this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
I have failed as a writer that you could kill them, and feel nothing.
I… you know, I don't think I'll say anything about this line. I will simply let it sit there in its glory, because she actually admitted a failure.
My characters are real to me in a way that makes me miss them.
Yeah, and that's fine, to a degree. BUT PEOPLE DIE. Considering the number of times she's wangsted about her grandmother and her mother and on and on, she knows. But you move on. Both of my grandfathers are dead and one of my grandmothers. Do I miss them? Horribly. But I've moved on. I realize that people are born, they live, they die. It's how it works. It's what makes vampires tragic.
Or maybe this will not move you, maybe you do not feel for the loneliness of the vampires that have not known love for centuries.
We do. Because we read lots of authors who actually deal with it. But the fact still remains that a) people die and b) characters aren't real. There are people at Lashouts who can attest to the fact that I get a bit weird about my characters. Those same people can also attest that I don't shy away from character death. People die. If you want your fictional world to feel truly real, characters have to die too.
Maybe you do not feel any of that. If you don't feel it, then I have failed you as a writer. I am sorry for that. If you do not feel the touch of my characters, the emotional pain, the emotional triumphs, then I have failed you. You should stop reading me. My writing does not weave magic for you.
This is turning into the worst Dear John letter ever. "It's not you. It's me. Oh, no, wait. It really is you. You don’t understand my vision!"
Go, and find someone who does speak to you. Someone who's characters are plot devices, so the books are neat, understandable, clinical, and utterly organized.
Oh, wait. It is us. Silly me, thinking Laurell might actually be accepting some blame!
They are big, messy books, a lot like life.
Except in real life, people die. They fall in and out of love. They move, they change jobs, they have kids.
Oh, and they shower.
I'll give you guys a few minutes to stop reading this, or to go into another room. I'll give you a few minutes, before I talk to the positive readers that are staying.
*L* Mass exodus, anyone?
here are hints about THE HARLEQUIN. First, Edward is in the book in a major way. Second, so is Olaf. Yeah, serial killer guy is back. Anita ends up feeding full blown arduer on three characters she's never been with before.
Oh joy. Run, Edward, run!
One of the wereanimal groups will betray Jean-Claude, and Anita.
Oh dear sweet gods. Please let Richard reclaim his spine, gather the wolves, and create some motherfuckin' havoc that Loki (and Samuel L. Jackson) would be proud of.
I hope it whetted your appetite
I… I…she…. used "whetted" instead of "wetted". I…. okay, who slipped her a dictionary when I wasn't looking?
Link: http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2006/12/dear-negative-reader.html
Dear Negative Reader
Very mature, there. Anyone who disagrees with you or isn't on your side is "negative".
I'm sure there are other books out there that will make you happier than mine. There are books with less sex in them, God knows. There are books that don't make you think that hard. Books that don't push you past that comfortable envelope of the mundane.
"Books that don't make you think that hard"? WTF? I've heard people say they "skipped all the sex scenes" and still understood LKH novels, so clearly, higher brain function is not required. (No offence meant, naturally, to you brave souls who have skipped the sex and read the rest.) "Comfortable envelope of the mundane"? LKH has said that no one will die because it will hurt her/Anita. What the hell is that if not "comfort"? Also, her books have become so repetitive that I would call them mundane, except I'm sure the dictionary (yeah, the one she apparently evicted years ago) would knock on my door, kick my ass, and replace "mundane" with "tripe".
They are books that push my character and me to the edge and beyond of our comfort zones.
So damn not true it's not funny. As I said above, there's the no-death thing. Anita and Merry get to fuck whoever they please because of the ardeur or trying to get pregnant or because it's Tuesday. These characters are not pushed anywhere, let alone to the edge of their comfort zones. It's like a really bad version of Groundhog Day, where NOTHING CHANGES.
Let this post also put to rest the idea that I don't know that a small minority, albeit a loud minority, hates my series. I've known that for awhile.
Ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, indeed.
I finally realized that I'm not going to understand this noisy, unpleasant minority of my fans. Because you are fans. Only fans would spend this much time and energy on anything. It's a strange kind of fan, a negative fan, but you spend so much time and energy hating and complaining that some part of you must love the hate and complaining.
I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I consider myself more of a walking warning. I actively discourage people from entering into LKHville at all costs.
And if you don't think you are the minority, well, sorry, guys but you are. I have the sales figures to prove it.
a) What's wrong with being a minority?
b) Sales figures are worth less than the paper they're printed on.
c) What's good doesn't always sell; what sells isn't always good.
Some people even ask for more police procedural. I want more, too
Newsflash: So do we. Oh, but wait. You can't get past the part of our criticism that says you're going downhill to realize that we actually think there's something worth following in either series. LKH has the same tunnelvision she accuses us of having.
The ardeur is a pain in my, and Anita's butt, too.
And, as lovely Jean-Claude would say, so many other places.
I've done this major metaphysical event. I won't just 'fix it' because it's hard to write around. God, knows, sometimes it is. But the arduer is moving along. I've got my fix in mind, but it's logical, not something that's merely convenient, or because some people hate it. But the arduer is not going away. If that's what you guys are wanting, then it ain't happening. Leave now, because more arduer awaits. The arduer is evolving, as are Anita's powers, but I don't see the arduer going poof.
"Evolving". You keep saying this word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
I have failed as a writer that you could kill them, and feel nothing.
I… you know, I don't think I'll say anything about this line. I will simply let it sit there in its glory, because she actually admitted a failure.
My characters are real to me in a way that makes me miss them.
Yeah, and that's fine, to a degree. BUT PEOPLE DIE. Considering the number of times she's wangsted about her grandmother and her mother and on and on, she knows. But you move on. Both of my grandfathers are dead and one of my grandmothers. Do I miss them? Horribly. But I've moved on. I realize that people are born, they live, they die. It's how it works. It's what makes vampires tragic.
Or maybe this will not move you, maybe you do not feel for the loneliness of the vampires that have not known love for centuries.
We do. Because we read lots of authors who actually deal with it. But the fact still remains that a) people die and b) characters aren't real. There are people at Lashouts who can attest to the fact that I get a bit weird about my characters. Those same people can also attest that I don't shy away from character death. People die. If you want your fictional world to feel truly real, characters have to die too.
Maybe you do not feel any of that. If you don't feel it, then I have failed you as a writer. I am sorry for that. If you do not feel the touch of my characters, the emotional pain, the emotional triumphs, then I have failed you. You should stop reading me. My writing does not weave magic for you.
This is turning into the worst Dear John letter ever. "It's not you. It's me. Oh, no, wait. It really is you. You don’t understand my vision!"
Go, and find someone who does speak to you. Someone who's characters are plot devices, so the books are neat, understandable, clinical, and utterly organized.
Oh, wait. It is us. Silly me, thinking Laurell might actually be accepting some blame!
They are big, messy books, a lot like life.
Except in real life, people die. They fall in and out of love. They move, they change jobs, they have kids.
Oh, and they shower.
I'll give you guys a few minutes to stop reading this, or to go into another room. I'll give you a few minutes, before I talk to the positive readers that are staying.
*L* Mass exodus, anyone?
here are hints about THE HARLEQUIN. First, Edward is in the book in a major way. Second, so is Olaf. Yeah, serial killer guy is back. Anita ends up feeding full blown arduer on three characters she's never been with before.
Oh joy. Run, Edward, run!
One of the wereanimal groups will betray Jean-Claude, and Anita.
Oh dear sweet gods. Please let Richard reclaim his spine, gather the wolves, and create some motherfuckin' havoc that Loki (and Samuel L. Jackson) would be proud of.
I hope it whetted your appetite
I… I…she…. used "whetted" instead of "wetted". I…. okay, who slipped her a dictionary when I wasn't looking?
I love you all with the fire of a 1,000 burning suns!
I don't hate HER, mind, having never met her. I hate the plotless books.
To be fair, I never classified them as Great Literature. I'm a voracious reader (or Tonstant Weader, if you prefer) and usually I read Literature, but occasionally I deliberately seek out bubblegum for the brain. In other words, there are books you can take to grad school and read out in the quad between classes and not be ashamed that you are seen reading them, and books that you buy to read in the bathtub simply because reading the shampoo bottle over and over 4,500 times get boring and you're compelled to READ SOMETHING due to your personal mental tics and quirks. In classification A we have classics and "edgy" writers like Sedaris, Palahniuk, Welsh, Tarte, Helprin, et cetera. In classification B we have Stephen King, Dean (R.) Koontz and LKH. Though I'd rather be caught reading King than LKH any day. He can, at least, spell and frequently has a plot in there with the "tl;dr" bits which, despite being "tl" I do actually read.
It's getting embarrassing, really.
I like detective novels, and books about metaphysical / fantasical subjects (when well done, and I am picky) and murder mysteries / true crime, and all of these generally are brain bubblegum and fine for what they are. When I happened upon LKH's series and it appeared to be a combo of the above, I was hopeful. In fairness, the first few books actually had a semblance of plot and some character development (of a sort), even if the most inobservant morons on the planet would find it worrisome that Anita Blake is written to resemble the full-colour ego-photo of LKH on the book cover. (Quick guide to rating book suckiness: no photo=serious literature, maybe a textbook; small black and white photo=possibly serious literature, but publisher appears worried that minions won't buy book without brand recognition of broody author glamour shot; colour photo=serious wankiness abounds; full-colour full-size cover shot of author=pure and unadulterated crapola. (If author's full colour photo is on the FRONT cover, it is the lowest form of dreck imaginable; clearly LKH is but one rung above the lowest depths of shite because her photo is "only" full-sized and in full colour on the BACK of the books.) Examine your bookshelf and see the truth of this for yourself.)
I, too, am amused by the notion that it takes Special People to appreciate the genius literary talent that is LKH and that anyone who has a legitimate gripe about the horrible proofreading (one thing the books are good for is keeping your red pencils sharpened), the lack of plot progression / actual plot content dwindling from 75% of total book content to about 5% or less, and the increasingly lengthy and increasingly boring sexual hang-up therapy session wankiness from Anita Sue Hamilton's sexual quirks and kinks (none of which make for enlightening or engaging reading) is mean-spirited, hateful, negative and/or clueless.
Whenever authors attack their fanbase, that's a sure sign that their books are reaching Critical Suckfulness Mass and are due to Implode from the weight of accumulated crapfulness any day now. Duck and cover! Duck and cover! Shitbomb counting down to zero! Plot is missing and considered dead. Characters now so two-dimensional that they will disappear if viewed from the side. Further regession into inevitable one-dimensionality will involve characters being sucked into the vacuous vacuums of their own lovingly-described genitalia and/or rectums. Warning: will also contain lovingly detailed descriptions of angsty vampires and their undead erect penises. Woo yay!
Re: I love you all with the fire of a 1,000 burning suns!
Of the many, many points of contention, it was this one that made my brains start to dribble out of my ears,
"Someone who's characters are plot devices..."
This from the woman who has now weighted a previously entertaining - if, as has been said, flawed - series so heavily in the favour of a plot device, if you took it away nothing would bloody happen!
This from the stable of so many men you can't keep the names straight because they have -no sodding character- and do -nothing- except wangst, ask stupid questions and play long-haired sex toy with the so-called 'heroine'!
We are talking a freaking calender event with national holiday if they get a decent line, or say something smart. -That- isn't a plot device?!
-breathes- [/end rant]