Help with Christmas, lashers?

[bluesauce.livejournal.com]

So, the gauntlet has been thrown down, and I need some help in responding to it, if you'd be so kind.

The GM from my Buffy/Angel game gave out Christmas gifts yesterday; specifically, she gave me Anita Blake: First Death, and the Jean-Claude poster that she got at the comic shop with it(this one). Obviously, I cannot let this stand unanswered. :) We've both got a snarky love-hate of the series and the Doomcrotch; can anybody recommend something that'll really burn her eyes out of her head, preferably somehow related to fringe-y jackets, penii the size of 2-liter soda bottles, Dark Secret: Huge Wangst, or anything Vampire Hooker-ish? Thanks.

Comments

[drho.livejournal.com]

You could photoshop her head onto the t-shirt models, so that there is photographic evidence of her wearing "with a name like ma petite. . ." shirts. :P

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

-a membership to the LKH fanclub? That's just cruel, lol
-A dozen white roses with one red one stuck in there, like Jean-Claude's creepy way of signifying sex?
-A copy of Danse Macabre that you've taken a sharpie to? You can cross out all the sex scenes so that the only remaining words are: "the, and, spill."
-An LKH-makeup kit? You can buy garish red lipstick, white powder, and black eyeliner.
-A little stuffed leopard...you can attach 50-feet of fake hair to the head and call it Nathaniel
-If you're going the comics route, take the book to the copy shop and blow up an 8 x 10 of Rafael with the huge ridiculous thighs. You can get a cheap frame and insist she hang it at work.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Uh, a supersized dildo called "Micah"?

Thigh-high dominatrix boots?

The pirate shirt from Seinfeld, which is so very JCian?

A wig that is eighties-permed?

[pith]

If you don't mind feeding money to the crap machine, the fan club "merchandise" is almost all tacky and horrible. Seriously. My 6-yr.-old nephew could make better graphics, I'm sure.

http://www.cafepress.com/lkhprem

[shadwing.livejournal.com]

Too bad you can't get anything LKH signed in time, and better get it signed in her name.

[hellozombies.livejournal.com]

I don't have any creative ideas, but in regards to the poster...is it just me or is Jean-Claude incredibly unsexy? Like, "Oh my God, run, find shelter, flee!" unsexy?

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

A Babrbie doll with black hair. Curl the hair and dress it in a leather tux. It'll be close enough to JC. (I'm expecting him and Micah to grow breasts any book now to go along with Anita's imaginary penis)