Help with Christmas, lashers?

[bluesauce.livejournal.com]

So, the gauntlet has been thrown down, and I need some help in responding to it, if you'd be so kind.

The GM from my Buffy/Angel game gave out Christmas gifts yesterday; specifically, she gave me Anita Blake: First Death, and the Jean-Claude poster that she got at the comic shop with it(this one). Obviously, I cannot let this stand unanswered. :) We've both got a snarky love-hate of the series and the Doomcrotch; can anybody recommend something that'll really burn her eyes out of her head, preferably somehow related to fringe-y jackets, penii the size of 2-liter soda bottles, Dark Secret: Huge Wangst, or anything Vampire Hooker-ish? Thanks.

Comments

[drho.livejournal.com]

You could photoshop her head onto the t-shirt models, so that there is photographic evidence of her wearing "with a name like ma petite. . ." shirts. :P

[bluesauce.livejournal.com]

Damn, that's a pretty good idea. :)

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

-a membership to the LKH fanclub? That's just cruel, lol
-A dozen white roses with one red one stuck in there, like Jean-Claude's creepy way of signifying sex?
-A copy of Danse Macabre that you've taken a sharpie to? You can cross out all the sex scenes so that the only remaining words are: "the, and, spill."
-An LKH-makeup kit? You can buy garish red lipstick, white powder, and black eyeliner.
-A little stuffed leopard...you can attach 50-feet of fake hair to the head and call it Nathaniel
-If you're going the comics route, take the book to the copy shop and blow up an 8 x 10 of Rafael with the huge ridiculous thighs. You can get a cheap frame and insist she hang it at work.

[bluesauce.livejournal.com]

I think that the leopard one will win out. Because that's just too good, too tacky, for me to pass up. :D

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

Hee, it's super tacky indeed! Bonus if you can find some poor stuffed leopard with unfortunate violet eyes. OT: Icon! A Sea of Storms, yes?

[easol.livejournal.com]

Uh, a supersized dildo called "Micah"?

Thigh-high dominatrix boots?

The pirate shirt from Seinfeld, which is so very JCian?

A wig that is eighties-permed?

[bluesauce.livejournal.com]

A Clash of Kings, actually. Greyjoy family motto from A Song of Ice and Fire.

[bluesauce.livejournal.com]

She'd kill me(and the Fetish Flea's not until early next month).

See first suggestion(and she's got the resourcefulness to do it!).

That's a possibility, though. :D

Oh lol.

[pith]

If you don't mind feeding money to the crap machine, the fan club "merchandise" is almost all tacky and horrible. Seriously. My 6-yr.-old nephew could make better graphics, I'm sure.

http://www.cafepress.com/lkhprem

[no-ron.livejournal.com]

aaaahahahahahaaa!!!! :)))))))))))))))))))))

[shadwing.livejournal.com]

Too bad you can't get anything LKH signed in time, and better get it signed in her name.

[hellozombies.livejournal.com]

I have to admit, the "Grey's Detective Agency" shirts aren't completely awful.

Everything else made me LOL.

[hellozombies.livejournal.com]

I don't have any creative ideas, but in regards to the poster...is it just me or is Jean-Claude incredibly unsexy? Like, "Oh my God, run, find shelter, flee!" unsexy?

[rin-x-x.livejournal.com]

I kinda liked the Barinthius shirt, though I'd never wear it anywhere.

The artist's name is "Cockrum" too. XD

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

A Babrbie doll with black hair. Curl the hair and dress it in a leather tux. It'll be close enough to JC. (I'm expecting him and Micah to grow breasts any book now to go along with Anita's imaginary penis)

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

Barbie Doll

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

The repellent Galen image!

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

He looks like a flayed, bleached cadaver with a boybander's face pastede on.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

Re: the shirts:

Anita and Jean-Claude - OH GOD. At least they were true to the spirit of the 80's mullets. D: That's worse than Wolverine's hairstyles!

Asher - ...This is why you don't let kids have Photoshop.

The "Can't Choose" one - oh yes I can, and I choose the brown one. At least it has a human skin tone.

Bartinus - ...It's interesting, at least. :)

Galen - ...Took me forever to even see the face, and he looks like Swamp Thing to me.

Doyle - Who let the village idiot loose with a white marker on black background and a book on impressionism?

Frost - ...No words will come.

Mistral - I know I should be thinking "Fabio", but instead all I can think is...

THUNDERCATS HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[longtail.livejournal.com]

"A little stuffed leopard...you can attach 50-feet of fake hair to the head and call it Nathaniel"

BWA HA HA HA HA!!! I almost spewed water over this one! Oh, I have to do this to a friend of mine, thanks for the idea!

[relmneiko.livejournal.com]

When I look at that picture, I feel like he should be hot... but he's not. O.o