Verbal annoyances

[easol.livejournal.com]

Y'know, people often talk about LKH's unbelievable metaphors ("evil chocolate in your ice cream" or whatever the hell that was), her smells, her silly "gawth" names, or her tendency to describe in detail what every character is wearing. But I find that there are a lot of verbal tics that bother me just as much.

Edit -- Similes: It feels like LKH cannot go through a paragraph without at least one terrible and/or vague simile, even when a simile is not needed. "... the fire burned us both like a force of nature"? Yeah, way to kill the drama.

Shading: Note to LKH -- I do not care how many shades lighter X's eyes are than Y's, or how many shades darker their shirt is. What are you using, paint chips?

"... Across My Skin": Words cannot express how sick I am of this phrase.

"White Bread": I hate this with a passion. What the hell is wrong with just saying "Hispanic" or "black"?

Rude conversations: If you are going to have people talking about the heroine like she isn't even there, then write books in the third person. It's just annoying to have people dissecting Whorenita's emotions while she sits there and drools.

Well, that's all I can think of off the top of my head. Does anyone else have 'em?

Comments

[roguetailkinker.livejournal.com]

"fuck buddies" I hate that phrase with a flaming purple passion. Oh, and LKH? You cannot "make love" with "fuck buddies". DOES NOT COMPUTE. Pick one and stick with it!

"can't rape the willing" - WTF is this supposed to mean, anyway? Nothing pleasant, that's for damn sure.


And they aren't exactly verbal tics, but wtf is with the biting and scratching ALL THE TIME?

I mean, I like biting. I bite in bed. The difference is that when I bite, the worst I leave is a purple hickey, not a bloody gaping wound like she does.

Ditto with scratching. I have long, sharp fingernails, and I like scratching lovers too. But I have NEVER raked bloody furrows down somebody's skin. And outside of the obvious BDSM situations, what sane human being actually does do that kind of damage to their lovers? In fact, even most kinksters wouldn't be into that.

She's supposed to be little Ms. Vanilla Good Girl, and she does this stuff? Once again, does not compute.

And she needs to cut it out with the screaming, too. Normal people do not hit the decibel level of a jet engine just because they're having an orgasm.

[darkese.livejournal.com]

That screaming, spine cracking sex just makes me laugh so much. The woman is writing like she's 15 and discovered orgasms. They are good but they don't cause screaming, punching, thrashing, biting, gnashing, and clawing she gives it all. Next time I have sex I'm just going to scream - full out scream - lets see how the husband reacts to that *lol*

One tic that bugs me is 'eating me from the mouth down' and her freakin' beasts always moving around like 'fur on the inside of your brain' or whatever part. It's not just the same sayings but the same things - her beast running up that long hallway, crashing against her skin, rubbing against someone elses beast, wanting to taste blood, *yawn* on and on. Find something new to write about - resolve this beast bs and move on.

The other tic is how she gives that look that everyone knows she means business - she'll pull the trigger. It's the biggest baddest deadliest look evah because everyone backs down from it. Ma Petite Moron is serious! Oh good grief - next she'll have laser eyeballs.

[darkese.livejournal.com]

Her novels are like a recurring bad dream (not scary enough to be a nightmare and not erotic enough to be a wet dream just a dull boring bad dream). It's the same characters doing the exact same thing with the exact same matching emotional baggage - the only thing that changes is the background.

Change is Anita added another power but never learning to control her old ones, adding another lover while none of the old ones move, adding another beast that runs around inside her, adding another were group to be a bad queen of, having the same argument with Richard.

It's Deja Vu all over again.

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

Actually, dreams totally work as an explanation, because more and more surreal fracking things have been happening - like when they're having the Richard Cries and Screams and Cries About Being A Monster And Then Promises To Get Better Scene for the fourth time in DM, and suddenly in the middle of it he goes "OMG pretty hair" and starts fondling JC.

[lannamichaels]

"can't rape the willing" - WTF is this supposed to mean, anyway? Nothing pleasant, that's for damn sure.

Oh my god. Remember when she was doing Asher (uh, the first time she was doing Asher). It was like, no. No. You're screwing him because you have no other choice. If that gets you off, then fine. But if you can't honestly say no, if saying no is not an option, then this is still rape, it just isn't violent rape. [/rant]

[easol.livejournal.com]

And he wasn't totally willing either. He tried to run away and she grabbed him!

[hellozombies.livejournal.com]

Poor, poor Asher.

Ignoring Micah, I don't actually hate the male characters of this series. I think they just need to be rescued. It makes me so sad. :'(

[easol.livejournal.com]

I know, I felt the same way. He's practically crawling up the air ducts, saying that he's leaving and he won't have sex with her because she's just going to play heart-hackysack. And Whorenita's hanging on to him and blocking the door, just because she's horny and wants to prove what a WUNNNDDERFFFULLLL person she is.

Who should rescue them, ya think? I'm thinking a deprogrammer might be good...

[hellozombies.livejournal.com]

I think we need to enlist the help of a new female character. Maybe she's tall, tan, blonde-haired and blue-eyed. Maybe her name is something very normal--Anne, or Mary, or even--dare I say it?--Brittany.

And maybe Anne or Mary or Brittany actually goes to work, will choose a (singular) boyfriend, and actually treats him well.

That would piss off Anita something fierce. LOL.