MOTHER'S DAY TAKE 2 - EATING OUT.

[morriganscrow.livejournal.com]

Our Favorite Speshul Snowflake double blogged on the subject of Mother's Day. She might as well have saved risking a chip in her blood-red nail varnish.

LKH is in regular, I'm in bold purple.


Mothers Day 2



I usually hate sequels.
How I wish this was true!

They're never as fresh, or enjoyable as the original,
She knows, yet keeps on churning them out anyway.

The blog that I did in the morning for Mother's Day was dark, but by evening it was better. Why?
You'd stopped wangsting, and wallowing in the darkity-dark darkness of your tortured soul?

Since my bad mood had made me unable to come up with anything I wanted for a gift, Jon was on his own.
Question – why is her husband buying her a Mother's Day gift? *is slightly squicked*

Oh, dear, as any husband knows, you always want a clue. It's just safer that way. But Jon did fine. He got me the collector's edition of SWEENEY TODD. A gift I wanted, and one that my progressively grumpy mood had made me forget was even coming out. So, it was a good surprise.
Ahhh, Laurelle, your intimate knowledge of the male psyche is a bright beacon of insight and instruction to all us lesser females!
I now have an image of Jonboi, gift clutched in his sweaty, trembling hand, inching towards the darkened mouth of her lair office, from which spine-chilling snarls and howls are echoing, extending the package towards the terrifying creature lurking within, hoping it will placate/divert her attention long enough for him to escape without being emasculated eviscerated.

Then I got to do what I wanted to do with the day. I wasn't forced to cook a huge meal for everybody
Everybody as in you, Jon and Trinity? Yes, I can see how that would require you being dragged, kicking and screaming, to the kitchen – after other people had cleaned it, done your shopping and taken care of any other tasks, so you had only this one thing to do.
Mind you, I gladly cook Indian/Asian/Mexican banquets for up to twenty people at the drop of a hat, with minimal help, and no staff, so I have no sympathy for this silly, spoilt woman.

and work on my holiday.
This implies she is totally rushed off her feet, works all hours the Diety sends, and rarely sees the inside of her home before eleven pm each and every night – never mind having an actual holiday! God Damn It! She DESERVES to have Mother's Day off! She's EARNED IT!!

I didn't have to go out to one of those huge, impersonal, restaurants where you get food cooked in huge vats.
Real restaurants wouldn't be caught dead with vats. Where have you been going to eat out, Laurelle? KFC? Is that your idea of up-market cuisine?

What's with that, anyway? Eggs, and most meat need a little more of a personal touch than that.
How would you know? Mind you, that sounds a tad creepy – it sounds like she fondles the raw food....

Vegetables, well, my grandmother was a Southern cook which meant all veggies were cooked within an inch of their life, so cook it in a vat, all the same to me.
Ummm...correct me if I'm wrong, lashers who hail from the southern states of the USA, but don't you use saucepans?

We went out and saw Iron Man with Trinity and our friend Richard.
Hmmm...methinks we might have found the front runner for the “Nathaniel position” Laurenita and Jonboi were discussing a few blogs ago.

Neither of them had seen the movie yet. Why had we seen it without Trin? Because, she's still a little iffy on some of the violence or sexual content, so Jon and I preview movies. Just in case. You know the rule, whatever goes in their minds, sometimes makes a home, so be careful what you allow inside. Does that sound weird coming from me? Why? Just because I write about sex and violence doesn't mean I write for children. I most certainly do not write for children, and I've never pretended otherwise. The few times I've been informed that my books were discovered shelved in young adult weirded me out.
Excuse me if I gape in amazed incredulity!! This from the woman who writes about an abused, child prostitute who her avatar main character continues to use and abuse in myriad ways! Not forgetting Peter!! And the sons of the Mermaid!!! *is apoplectic with rage*

And, please, do not ask me if your teenager is old enough to read my books. I don't know your kid. By my daughter's age I was reading some very scary stuff, but she is not me, and stuff like that bothers her. Every child is like every adult, an individual. Know thyself, know your child, work from there.
Pompous, arrogant condescending....*trails off in angry muttering*

Jon and Richard sat together and Trin and I sat farther down. Uncle Richard would have taken the kiddo, but it seemed wrong on Mother's day to not sit with my girl.
Again, I am foaming at the mouth with rage, and am having trouble not pounding my head into pulp on my keyboard in rampant frustration.

Then we went out for dinner. We went to one of our favorite sushi restaurants. We all love sushi.
So...they cook it in vats?

Sushi, like most everything else in Japanese culture is an art, and you can't fake art.
You do.

So, the four of us sat, ate, visited. We drank really good green tea, salmon rolls, a lot of nigiri of various kinds, and a few appetizers.
Once again, Laurelle shows how cosmopolitan and epicurean she is. As opposed to us.

I think we'll make a movie and dinner out a Mother's Day tradition for the kid part.
Of course, it's for “the kid”, not you , Laurelle!

Uncle Richard went home,
Color me shocked!

and once the kid was in bed, then Jon and I had more grown-up plans.
OH NO! I KNOW WHERE THIS IS GOING!!

I'm sorry, it's my holiday, I may not have known what I wanted him to buy me from a store, but I knew exactly what I wanted to do with him afterwards. I may not be easy to buy for, but I'm easy to please, okay, scratch that. I'm not, but I do try to make it worth the effort. I'm all about rewarding for good behavior.
*rushes off to wash eyes with carbolic acid and throw up my own intestine*

Comments

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

I was hoping that someone would do justice to the blog that ate Mother's Day and you did a great job.

1. Every con I go to I run into a bunch of kids (13 maybe) wearing anime style costumes and talking about how great Anita Blake is and how much the LURV Nathanial. She encourages a teenage audience
a. Kids count as people when getting books signed
b. Her message board is rated PG-13

[shalanar.livejournal.com]

Question – why is her husband buying her a Mother's Day gift? *is slightly squicked*


That doesn't seem weird to me. My dad always got my mom a card and usually chocolates or some such on mothers day...after all, she is a mother, regardless of his relation to her. I've bought friends gifts for mothers day as well. I've never considered the holiday to be exclusive to solely Mothers AND their children. Just moms in general.

*shrugs and edits to fix horrid html*

[estllechauvelin.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I don't have the impression that there's anything weird about that, either.

[othellia.livejournal.com]

Nooo! Why does she keep tainting Sweeney Todd! *cries*

I couldn't really read anymore after that...

[lovefromgirl.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that was a "You! Out of my fandom!" moment for me.

[ever-obsessed.livejournal.com]

To be fair, all the guys in my family buy their wives a gift for Mother's Day, heh.

That said, this blog?

Takes my hate to new levels.

Between her telling us about teenagers being old enough to read or not read porn and the comments about Trinity, all I can do is hang my head and wait for her to STFU already.

[manekikoneko.livejournal.com]

Wonderful how she makes spending time with her child seem like such a chore on Mother's Day.

She doesn't fake art, she only thinks she does.

[estllechauvelin.livejournal.com]

As if the logical way to celebrate Mother's Day wouldn't be to do something special with the person to whom one is a mother. There's a very narrow time frame around the time when one's offspring are infants when it makes sense to me that one might celebrate Mother's Day by somebody giving mom "the day off" from the kids, but according to the calcuations below Trinity's about thirteen (give or take depending on her birthday in comparison to when LKH gave the quote that was referenced). Spending time with her shouldn't be "work," or at least should very rarely be work.

[astronauta.livejournal.com]

Jon and Richard sat together and Trin and I sat farther down. Uncle Richard would have taken the kiddo, but it seemed wrong on Mother's day to not sit with my girl.

what, can she and jon not sit together for more than an hour without groping one another? do they honestly need a row between the two?

and it just makes me sad that she does alot of motherly things out of sheer obligation than out of the personal enjoyment and love? :(

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

The comment that got me was this:

Trinity gave me one of those Hallmark cards that you record your voice and it plays music. When she is very grown, I will still have her voice as a little girl, and that's pretty cool.

Now, I'm sorry, but Trinity isn't a little girl anymore. She's thirteen. (I found out by simple math. LKH was born in 1963, and I discovered an old interview that mentioned her being 40 and having an eight-year-old daughter. Okay. 1963 + 40 = 2003. Add five years to both LKH and Trinity, and you have a woman of 45 who has a daughter of 13.)

Does anyone else have a feeling that LKH doesn't want Trinity to be anything but a little girl, because if her daughter is getting older then so is she?

And this sentence weirds me out:

Just because I write about sex and violence doesn't mean I write for children.

Riiiight. Doesn't that sound like she's saying, "Well, of COURSE I write about sex and violence, just like authors who write for children do! But that doesn't make me a children's author!"

By my daughter's age I was reading some very scary stuff, but she is not me, and stuff like that bothers her.

It could just be that your writing bothers her. Has that ever occurred to you, Laurell? If I were thirteen, I'd be embarrassed about having a mother who wrote bad porn.

I love how JonBoi gives her a DVD about a short, pretty-faced killer who destroys everyone around him as a Mother's Day present.

[saucyirishlass.livejournal.com]

Doesn't that sound like she's saying, "Well, of COURSE I write about sex and violence, just like authors who write for children do! But that doesn't make me a children's author!"

That's what it was! I'd been trying to figure out why that sentence was bothering me, but I couldn't put my finger on it. But that's exactly what it is.

[belledewinter.livejournal.com]

That last part is tmi, no matter how you look at it. @.@

[drho.livejournal.com]

She has the worst writing patterns. No. Not patterns like the kind you'd use to knit if you hadn't read LKH blog and put the needles through your brain. The kind where she makes generalisations and then cutesy attempts at clarification.

[unrund.livejournal.com]

Entries like this one make me want to learn how to hack a webside and replace the content with other things, like the wanked entries from this community.

I pity her daughter because, like other commenters already wrote, she seems to tend to her only because of a sense of obligation =/

[mranon-y-mous.livejournal.com]

Mother's day is about the kids too, Laurell of course didn't get the memo. It's all about heeer. Kiddies do love waking those heart shaped cards made out of contruction paper. I mean, they only get to do twice a year, you know.

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

Why oh why does Mz. Hamilton feel compelled to tell us that they had sex. I don't care if a hack pornographer has sex with her boytoy.

Honestly it'd be more interesting if she said, "Richard, Charles, Jon and I decided to do research for the next Anita book by going to _____ club." I mean then at least we'd have something to speculate about.

[astronauta.livejournal.com]

that would have made it a bit more worth while to read her blog. the only reason i sought her blog out is to know her writing process, why she's choosing sex over substance... not snippets of her own sex life and everything in between 9am and 12am.

[sparklyappolion.livejournal.com]

Sushi, like most everything else in Japanese culture is an art, and you can't fake art.
But you can fake sushi. Any food can be ruined, even food from *~*~*~*~Japan~*~*~*~*.

[harlette.livejournal.com]

Something tells me she knows nothing about Japanese culture.

[door.livejournal.com]

I love how she scoffs at the Young Adult section considering her first few books were considered YA fiction.

[moonsinger.livejournal.com]

My husband always gets me a gift for Mother's Day, and my oldest daughter usually makes something at school (she did a hand print laminated with a poem this year). My mom also buys my dad a present on Father's Day, and sometimes my dad gets her a present on Mother's Day.

And I don't get that vat thing. I'm from Texas and we use pots and pans just like people up north.

[hellozombies.livejournal.com]

And I don't get that vat thing. I'm from Texas and we use pots and pans just like people up north.

Ditto. Maybe grandma!LKH is from Texas, so LKH assumes it's a vat because everything's bigger in Texas? LOL.

[aine-de-danann.livejournal.com]

I liked the way she called it "my holiday," like she is the only speshul snowflake to ever go through the experience of childbirth. Don't know why I'm surprised as she does take everything, and I mean everything, and somehow twist it so it is all about HER.

Plus, every time she says "the kiddo" or "the kid" I think of an unwanted dog, you know, the one hanging around that no one cares about enough to name. Though, for LKH, she'd probably be more sympathetic to the dog.

[longtail.livejournal.com]

"Ummm...correct me if I'm wrong, lashers who hail from the southern states of the USA, but don't you use saucepans?"

If you do Southern cooking RIGHT, the fried stuff isn't greasy and the vegetables are tender and flavorful. Just because her grandmother ATTEMPTED to make soul food doesn't mean she succeeded. ACK. Lousy soul food is the WORST. *shudders*

As for the rest of it, I think she actually did some good parenting in previewing movies for her kid and has some good advice telling others to step up to the plate and actually get involved with what their kids are reading. Barring the very obvious crap content of her books, I really don't blame her for being annoyed that idiots are walking up to her and essentially saying "Hey, I'm not interested in reading your work and I'm too lazy to actually flip through the pages at least or read a review, so could you save me having to do any parenting work myself and just tell me if your stuff any good for my pre-teen?"

I wonder if Trin has read any of her mother's books...

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I don't know where her grandmother was from, or where she grew up, but in North Carolina where I'm from, the food was awesome. No veggies cooked within an inch of their lives, except for collar greens, but I never liked those anyway.

[fadeinthewash.livejournal.com]

Ummm...correct me if I'm wrong, lashers who hail from the southern states of the USA, but don't you use saucepans?

We also have skillets! :) And soul food doesn't call for everything to be cooked to death, unless she's predisposed to eating all veggies raw...

However, she is right on about her books not being kids books and parents ought to know what they're exposing their kids to. Yeah, her characters are ex-prostitutes and all-around...well, awful, but it's very true that her themes are quite adult, even when her characters aren't. It would be weird to see them in the YA section. That actually cheered me up a little, knowing that she's aware of what makes Trin uncomfortable. She isn't completely and utterly detached from her child! Hooray!

[graesea.livejournal.com]

It is unfortunate that LKH's grandmother did not know how to cook. I wonder if it occurs to LKH that her grandmother may not have had the interest or ability to cook well. To generalize this lack in her grandmother to all southern cooks is yet another example of this woman's bottomless well of ignorance.

[polymexina.livejournal.com]

or the time, since i got the impression she was LKH's only care provider.

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

Ohhhhh, where to begin?

1. Stay away from Sweeney Todd!

2. My dad gets my mom something for Mother's day. And she gets him something for Father's day. These days it's a card. I have a hunch that she doesn't get Jonboi anything for Father's day (even though he's Trin's stepfather, and seems to have a good relationship with her). I would (though, I'm also the kind of person to give my ex a card if we had a kid)

3. And, I have to comment on the whole thing about her and teens reading her books.

I would have given her props if she said, "Yes, I write about sex and violence. While I wouldn't recommend this for teens, since I would not like Trin to read it at her age, I do understand that people mature at different rates. I encourage the parents to review the books, and if they feel it what they want their kids to read, to pass the books on."

That I'd give props to since it implies that she not only knows her books are full of sex, but also that it's not really kid friendly. The way she said it, however, made it sound like it was just, "Huh, oh well".

It weirds her out? Then why not do something about it! Don't just go, "oh well"! Realize that your books are being picked up by kids, impressionable kids at that! Do something about it!

I don't think she's as weirded out as she wants us to believe.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

Wow.
Wow.
Wow.
She is really trying to push it home that she's better than us and we're all just jealous, huh? And that her writing isn't as horrific as everyone says it is. And that she really does treat her daughter like, well, her daughter. And that her life is oh so meaningful. And she interjects it within a standard blog post about her life.

(Something that really irritates me in fiction writing is when an author says, "Character did this. Why? Because blah blah." It feels trite and simplistic and I feel like the writing wants me to feel dumb. Like I couldn't figure shit out on my own.)

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

I hate that she has to ask "why" after just about everything. "We had seen it without Trin. Why?" or "my blog this morning was oh-so-darkity-dark. Why?" "Does that sound weird coming from me? Why?" Oh, just get to the freakin' point! My 3 year old daughter asks "why" a lot less than LKH, and dang, that's saying something because she's at that prime age to ask why. I don't think it's cute on LKH's part, or that it makes her look all smart or anything other than she's trying to fill up space. And I bet the troos eat it up with a spoon. Blech. And, don't you know you shouldn't try to figure it out unless Her Darkity Darkness Diety tells you what you're supposed to know? (I am rolling my eyes at that thought...I think I lose IQ points when reading her)

[atypia.livejournal.com]

EXCELLENT flog!

And with almost every post she does, I feel worse and worse for Trinity. That poor girl :(

[dkphoenix.livejournal.com]

Ummm...correct me if I'm wrong, lashers who hail from the southern states of the USA, but don't you use saucepans?

Saucepans AND indoor plumbing!

My grandmother was as traditional of a southern cook as they come. Unless LKH was raised on a diet consisting entirely of greens and turnips (which do require lengthy boiling to make them edible, especially some of the greens) then, someone was doing something wrong. To be fair, the veggies were cooked longer and softer than what just steaming them produces, but they were not cooked to mush. (I don't really care for steamed vegetables to this day. They seem undercooked to me.)

[moonbeamdancer.livejournal.com]

Sushi, like most everything else in Japanese culture is an art, and you can't fake art.

Yes you can, I've had bad sushi before, and I can make good sushi out of a can of tuna. You on the other hand have been writing really bad books for a long time now, and still get paid for it. I honestly think you don't want your daughter to read your books because she'll see how far down hill they've gone and what a hack writer you are.

And while I do think that encouraging kids to read what you think they are ready for, and discouraging what you don't think they are ready for, is a good idea; they will read things you don't think are good for them anyway. If Trinity is 14 or 15 years old now, by her age I was already reading your books, and my step dad is the one who got them for me to begin with.

As for those from southern states, I'm from Texas and the only thing I would ever cook in a big pot is either soup, soup stock if I were making homemade, or spaghetti. Actual cooking takes more then just throwing it in a pot... I shudder to think of where exactly she's been eating.

[icecreamempress.livejournal.com]

Poor Trinity.

Sigh.

ALSO PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE LKH, STOP TELLING US ABOUT HOW MUCH OF THE SEXX0RS YOU AND PASTY MCFAWNALOT HAVE! IT'S JUST EMBARRASSING.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

It's like she's yelling, "LOOK AT ME, WORLD! MY FANBOY HUSBAND WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME! I'M SEXUALLY DESIRABLE! ISN'T THAT REMARKABLE?"