lkh_lashouts | Interview flog

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Interview flog

The Barnes & Noble interview in its entirety can be found here (opens in a new window).

LKH is in blockquote italics, I'm...decidedly not.

Write. You'd be surprised how many wanna-be writers never seem to do that.

As a wannabe writer, I try to do this as much as I can. But then, it also helps that I'm unemployed and practically broke. It's nice to write. But that doesn't mean that what I write will be any good. There's a reason why I write things out long-hand and then type things up. There's a reason why I have a draft folder on the computer. Some of the crap that I've written will never be gazed upon by mortal eyes. NEVAH.

Write, then finish it. Finish the story. Finish the book. Do two pages a day, every day.

Again, I guess it helps if you either do not have any sleep, or are unemployed. Because with most people, there's this pesky life thing that gets in the way.

And again, dude, just becasue you finish it doesn't mean that it's going to be any good.

Do not revise as you go. If you come to something you don't know, like what does 14th century underwear look like, put a note, skip it, and keep writing.

askdjfls;aal;

DEATH TO THIS WOMAN!!! DEEEAAAATH!!!

I'm sorry sweetheart, but things don't work that way. I don't know about other writers, but if I need to know about 14th century womens underwear and haven't a clue as to what it is - I can't just leave it alone and keep pushing forward. If it's that much of a plot-point, I'll at the very least google it to see what's going on.

And then the fun of actual research begins. Because finding out what 14th century womens underwear is in France might be different from the Russians. Or it could be more interesting to have Chinese underwear. And just this one thing could open up all sorts of new possibilities and directions for the narrative to go. It could enrich the story! MAKE IT BETTER!

But if it doesn't, hey - at least you know what 14th century womens underwear is and can write about it with some kind of authenticity.

Also, if you finish the damned story/book and then have to go back and look things up - how clumsy is that? What happens if you find out what you're researching clashes and suddenlys crews things up? Sure, you can force your story to work, but wouldn't it be better to write the scene, see where it's going and if it suddenly doesn't make sense, sit and plot around it or try and find an alternative that works?

It that too crazy beyond words?

I hear the wailing and gnashing of teeth, but trust me I've met too many writers that have the perfect three chapters of their book, but nothing more. Three chapters isn't a book, it's a beginning -- finish it. Once you have hundreds of pages on the other side of your computer, then go through and fill in those blank spots with research. Now, you can look up how to undress your 14th century heroine. Now you can chorography that fight scene.

Yeah, uh, see above rant about research. I'd rather have written three good chapters that make sense than have an entire book and find out halfway through my research that what I've written makes no sense or is suddenly rendered moot.

I'll be the first to admit that I have problems finishing things, but in my own defence it's because I get distracted by shiny things. And plot bunnies. I get an idea in my head, write out as much of it as I can, then get another and so on and so forth.

But I have finished things. Including one and a half extremely bad novels that I wrote back in high school. It's a nice feeling to finish, but going b ack and rereading what I wrote? EGAD. THE HORROR.

Sorry, LKH, but you fail horribly about that advice about getting things finished. I know this from personal experience. Most writers I know wouldn't do this.

If you spend more than a week on a scene, maybe two days, skip it, write a note that says, fight scene here. You know who wins, just move on, keep going.

I'll agree that if something takes more than a week to write, set it aside and come back to it later. There's no point in agonising over it for aaages.

The second draft is just filling in the blank notes. The third draft is where you begin to edit, and polish the writing.

It...is? No really, what? My second edit is usually finding all the words I misspelled and cleaning up my abused commas. The third is when I hand it to someone else to look at because they can find all the things I missed.

Ya know, if this is how she writes her books, this totally explains the quality decline. She probably has sticky notes on the wall behind her computer and maybe a question mark next to preferred sexual position of the characters involved, then she writes the porn, skims over it and declares it perfect and moves on.

Totally explains everything.

*facepalm*

I did seven drafts of my first book, and I wrote it just like I've described. It sold. Most first novels don't.

And this is a truth.

Being a pain the arse and a persistent one will usually win the day. That, and a good literary agent.

My way is not the only way, heaven knows, but it's the way that allowed me to write my first five to six books.

...okay, that's scary because the first five to six books were actually the good ones.

I've gotten better at my job, and I no longer need seven drafts to get it where I want to be.

Course, as she got better at her job, her ego grew out of proportion and englufed her iddle world. And thus the need once more for seven drafts.

But I find even today, as I write my seventeenth novel, that if I spend more than a week on a scene, I'm stuck, and I need to move on. Perfectionism has set in, and I'm trying to make it perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal -- trust me on that.

*cough*

. . .

No, I really did read that.

But of course, perfection is totally reasonable for her. She's ~~Anita Blake~~ LKH. She is, by simply exisitng, perfectionismistness itself.

Just write, try not to worry, and when it's done, send it out. Try to sell it. For money. Not copies, not for friends to read. Sell it. This is a business, not a charity. Remember that. Your goal is to earn a living writing what you most love, right? Well, if that's your goal, act like it.

Yeah, the part she's leaving out is about getting a literary agent to do most of the calling around for you. Because most publishers will not accept an unsolicited manuscript.

I've found having my friends read stuff to be the best feedback EVAH. Specially other writers. And if your friends don't write, then join a writing group. And barring that, there's the internet - but omg, fanfiction.net does not count.

I always started at the highest paying appropriate market for my short stories, and then worked down as they got rejected. I'm assuming that you have researched your markets and aren't trying to send vampire stories to magazines that don't even buy fiction. It's a business, remember. Sending your stories to inappropriate markets is like showing up for a job interview because you really want to edit fiction books, but you've walked into a computer-engineering firm. They don't edit fiction books there. Sending your story to the wrong market is the same deal.

Again, dude, literary agent. That's what you're paying them to do. And if they do a crappy job, then you get another one that hopefully has a clue.

Here's another important piece of advice: send the story, or book out, then get started on the next one. Don't fret, and hover around the mailbox angsting over that one story. It's like a mother with one child -- you worry more. So have more literary children, that way when one is rejected you know that there are others out there, that haven't been. It takes some of the sting out of the rejection process. Not a lot, but some.

...er, no, it doesn't. [/personal wangst]

Rejection hurts. Sure. But you deal with it and you move on.

Though, it's probably safe to say that even if you do unleash a flock of ~~flying monkeys~~ manuscripts on publishers and one by one they get rejected? Not going to soothe the hurt.

Also, it seems a bit creepy to be calling your stories literary children. I know there are writers out there that are all, "OMG MY PRECIOUS BAAAAABY!" but...when she puts it that way, I just want to start calling my fics names. Like Timmy, the Short Story. Timmy has no teeth, a forked tongue, glows in the dark and other mutations because I'm that kind of author. Or, Timmy will look like Freakish Kitty.

You've got to want this more than any other job, and you've got to toughen your ego, so that the business doesn't crush you. Be tough. Believe in yourself and your dreams.

...I'd believe in the sentimental value of that statement more if I didn't have this dire need to eat, which costs money and therefore need some kind of employment. Sadly, writing is not doing that for me. So instead of starving and suffering for my art, I'd rather get a job, buy a new computer and forego that thing called sleep in order to keep my writerly habits.

Believe in yourself, sure, work hard and keep at it - but don't be so obsessive that you turn into one of those crazy homeless people and peddle your manuscript in a trolley.

It's things like these that make me stop listening to big-name authors trying to give advice. I've sat in on lectures, gone to the Writers' Festival to hear guest speakers, frequented dingey pubs late at night (though, Spoke 'n' Slurred was fun. I won rubber chickens!) and sit on two editing committees for student anthologies.

The best advice I've gotten are from people who work in faculty, or were students and published books for the university and then went into the industry themselves. The best advice I've gotten has been from other writers trying to break into the business. From friends. And a lot of Joss Whedon and J. Michael Staczynski dvd commentaries. But in all fairness, these two know how to shape a series and plot out characters and arcs that keep people hooked.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

can you please mark the commentary and quotes different it makes easer to read

Easier now?

yes
thanks

No problem :D

Laurell K. Hamilton. PROOF THAT THERE IS NO GOD.

hahaha...cute Icon. I am sorry I couldn't read it all..my eyes started to cross and I had the urge to break things.

Aww, thanks, I made it myself. XD

The woman lives in her own personal la la land. She has no clue. I can't in any way identify with her, because it's like she just pulls it out of her arse. You compare her blog to the likes of Poppy Z. Brite's (who comes across like the rest of us with money woes and actually talks about editing, and editors, and everything else that LKH should know about), or Neil Gaiman's, and you wonder how the fuck she manages to stay published, and if any other author actually takes her seriously. I somehow doubt they do.

I know a couple of years ago other authors wondered what the hell was up with LKH because apparently she and her entourage dressed like they were in a BDSM club...but I haven't read any writerly wank about LKH since. Which is a pity, because I'm sure the other horror/romance writers out there would have a field day with her.

You know, I feel evil for saying this, but reading your bit about

... dressed like they were in a BDSM club...

made me imagine them all in biker jackets and spiked collars.

I'm all for fetish/bdsm stuff, but that just made me giggle.

~applauds~

I'll be the first to admit that I have problems finishing things, but in my own defence it's because I get distracted by shiny things. And plot bunnies.

Shiny things get me every time.

Shiny things and cheese (omg, if there was ever shiny cheese!) are my Kryptonite.

I have broke off mid-word while talking to people to chase shiny things and cheese.

(deleted comment)

Yeah, underwear instead of, say, 14th century customs or speech.

Lord I hate LKH so much some days.

(deleted comment)

You know I'd be laughing if it weren't for the fact that you're probably right. :P

You know, I think I've skimmed right past what kind of underwear everyone's wearing in almost every sex scene I've written. It came in a poor second to traditional furniture, cultural food, bath houses, so on.

Agreed.

Roffles!! Oh this was hilarious. Great job :)

Now you can chorography that fight scene.

Um, yeah. She just proved our point right there. You need an editor to pick up those pesky mistakes, such as choreography instead of choreographer.

Ah, but that's why you have the third draft! THIRD! Pshaw, we don't need no steenkin' editors!

Even the Hong Kong fight master you hit up for your 14th century womens underwear fight scene would probably facepalm at this.

Now you can chorography that fight scene.

I love when people make the exact mistake they're talking about avoiding, like someone saying, "lol lern 2 spell," or making typos in an essay about editing.

Seven sounds like a good amount of drafts to me. That's BEFORE it's sent to an editor (or beta, if it's fanfic.) I'm of the belief that a writer should strive to make their editor obsolete, but never think that they are.

As an editor, I love people with your attitude. Because usually all you have to do is suggest a tightening up of the punctuation and offer some grammar advice and everything is sheer pleasure for everyone. You learn to improve, I get to read something great, everyone wins.

It's also why I'm a writer. I want to better myself and my craft, so I thrive off of feedback, mostly because other people can see stuff I don't ever think about or notice.

I'm of the belief that a writer should strive to make their editor obsolete, but never think that they are.

Exactly.

Well, when you have to get rid of elements of your book you really liked in order to slim it down or whatever, it IS called "killing your babies"...though, the "literary children" thing? When I first heard that, I thought she meant LITERALLY have children and have them be into books, or something ::laugh::

And that thing where she says, if you can't write a fight scene or whatever, skip it? I'm sure everyone else here went "oh, that's where the plot went, she forgot to go back and put it in!" ^.^

Ok, you lost me pretty soon up there to tl;dr, because her first to points (do actually write, write every day) are not that bitchy. It is pretty much what every published author will tell you when you ask. And I'm sure one can do it even with full-time job. Getting up 20 minutes earlier or missing the 10th rerun of a sitcome on tv to write a few hundred words, that is possible if you are serious about writing.

i actually agree with a lot of her points, especially the points about writing and about leaving notes behind when you don't have all the research prepared and then doing draft after draft.

and everyone can see that those were actually GOOD books that she wrote with many drafts.

after that, not so much.

"Now you can chorography that fight scene."

AUGH. "Choreography" is a noun. "Choreograph" is a verb.

I mean, I know that some people "verbify" nouns on purpose to be cute--hell, I do it--but if you're not doing it on purpose, you're just being sloppy and imprecise.

...Yes, okay, it's a pet peeve.

"But I find even today, as I write my seventeenth novel, that if I spend more than a week on a scene, I'm stuck, and I need to move on. Perfectionism has set in, and I'm trying to make it perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal -- trust me on that."

(...Sorry. Quote thing screwed up on me again.)

AL;FGAJOPTUEAWIO[TA9ERIPQTOIYWERHAOYHIPRAEHIOPTRHIOPREAHIOPREAETKNMO!

*bangs head on keyboard multiple times*

Gyaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! SAY WHAT????? *horrified babbling*

I'm sorry...but you're....you're KIDDING me, right?

I read over (part, couldn't finish it) her LAST book and was tempted to go through with a red pen and bleed all over it. I look at and think "my GOD I work as a fanfiction editor for FREE and I could do better than that! This person is getting PAID for this???" Hell, I might pick up my copy of ID and just do that.

I love writing. And hope to turn it into a profession someday. Hell, I'm thinking of journalism school in the next year. Maybe becoming an editor and I would do a MUCH better job than LKH. Because looking at the utter ATROCITY that is DM, it makes me ill. )No, I haven't heard it, but already well know it's awesomely bad.) I actually got physically ILL reading that particular phrase.

Perfection may be unnattainable but my GOD woman! Get a half-decent editor for Christ's sakes! Her editing would make high school English teachers go blind! Her writing about makes me weep just looking at it. Seriously, it makes them hurt.

Just...that paragraph makes me want to scream. It really does.

maybe one of us should really take a red pen and edit ID
and THEN send it to her
Maybe one of you - you still have an advantage over me, in the whole language thing ... (I am German and never got to stay in an English speaking country for more than a couple of weeks )

While I cannot appreciate the fruit of LKH's methods, I do agree with her on most of the points. As for research-- If I'm writing and suddenly realize I need to know a green herb that would grow in England and would go well with fish, (as I did last night) I'm not going to break my story momentum by jumping on the internet. I'll stick in "blah-herb" and move on. Unless I know it's going to screw with my plotline, I leave it for later.
And as for literary agents... there are other ways to get solicitations. Go to a writing conference and pitch to an editor. you don't necessarily even have to pitch -- just be a nice, non-moronic person, and there's a chance an editor will request to see your work while you're having a drink and talking about 14th century underwear.

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