WHO WILL THINK OF THE MONKEYS OH NOES

[klmorgan.livejournal.com]

So, I was reading this interview, which I don't remember seeing mocked here, but correct me if wrong.

I'm not going to mock it myself, really -- though anyone who'd like to may take it apart. (It's more of the same, really. Blah blah blah I do so much research I did a week on moth wings but forget the ages of my main characters blah blah yes of COURSE the sex is more than titillation and it's amazing how well I can hear you when you're that far up my own ass and OMG Merita are TOTALLY two different people because Merry has BLACK hair and Anita has... wait... anyway who said I base my characters on people I know NOT ME except for all those times I did blah blah blah zombie defensivecakes...) Someone really ought to tackle her reason why there will never be a Merita crossover, though, it's comedy gold. I was going to, except I was distracted by this:

And the last question in this interview is the traditional question of the OF: If you were to own several monkeys and/or midgets, how many would you own, and what would you name them?

It is illegal to own other human beings. So midgets are out. And they prefer to be called little people.
Monkeys are incredibly time consuming as pets and are often uncontrollable once they reach sexual maturity. Many of them end up at zoos, or rescues or even destroyed. Many zoos will not take ex-pets because of their lack of normal monkey socialization. Not to mention health and behavioral problems.
If you wanted a light hearted answer you're talking to the wrong girl. I have a degree in biology and support several rescue groups and contribute to the St Louis Zoo. I don't actually contribute to any rescue groups that specialize in monkeys, but maybe I should look in to it.


... uh huh. Because forget depicting your heroine as raping a sex junkie. Or having rampant homophobia. And she can totally fuck around with misogynistic comments and gender hypocrisy. Midgets* and monkeys, though, are SERIOUS BIZNESS.




*I apologize to any little people/short-statured in the audience, I just couldn't resist the alliteration. I will now be escorted to the English Department of Shame.

Comments

[witchwillow.livejournal.com]

Maybe she studied owl pellets. Do you think she studied owl pellets? I know I think she studied owl pellets.

And I must be exhausted cause 'owl pellets' is just so much fun to 'say'.

PS: Your squirrel icon makes me want to use my naughty squirrel icon. Only I won't cause it's -reaaaal- naughty.

[salveo-opes.livejournal.com]

*poke*

Send me the naughty squirrel icon, please? *bounces*

This user name @yahoo dot com.

*grovels*

[klmorgan.livejournal.com]

HEY. WE ALL SHOULD GET SOME NAUGHTY SQUIRREL, HERE.

[salveo-opes.livejournal.com]

I'll share. Where do I send? *g*

[allova.livejournal.com]

Laurell K Hamilton's sense of humour fell into Anita's Crotch of Doom.

Do you guys remember when the early books used to have humour in them?

(P.S. klmorgan, I love your icon because it's so true.)

[alex-lebeau.livejournal.com]

Notably, a degree in biology. Not in English Lit, or anything remotely connected to her current "job." Is it a problem? No, not really. Except that she can't. Write. If she ever could.

It's almost like Star Wars. Was George always so bad at his craft? Or did he just go insane recently? (Frankly, I think the latter.)

But honestly. It was a joke meant in jest for gods' sakes. What, does she honestly think the interview was an excellent chance to put in a good word for the care and concern of pet monkeys everywhere? Ok, fine; be serious. After you've answered the question as they intended, which was not. Serious.

[rlg.livejournal.com]

... a degree in biology ... I met a movie scream queen who had a master's in Marine Biology, how's that for not using your degree?

[pandorasblog]

I don't have a problem with her answering the joke question seriously; I'd probably have said the same thing. And she *is* involved with a lot of animal welfare stuff, so it'd be hypocritical for her to play it as a joke. There is a big problem with people keeping exotic pets, so I don't blame her for getting some sensible advice in there. Same with the midgets/little people bit - it *is* a bit creepy to joke about owning them, like they're not people. Frankly, I found it refreshing to see something from her which wasn't self-contradictory.

Also, in terms of the research stuff, it does give an insight into how her mind works. That line about how people will believe the fantasy as long as you've researched the factual elements would go a long way to explaining why she thinks she can justify the increasing daftness of the books. It's well-researched, so she figures she's paid her dues in terms of making it believable. She talks as if she's still paying the same scrupulous attention to all of it as she did when she wrote the first books. But it's about time she researched the invented facts of life in her own imaginary world, if the U-turn on Vlad Syndrome I've heard about is anything to go by...

Really, the whole thing is like a statement of her original principles on writing that she doesn't even realise she's diverged from...

[klmorgan.livejournal.com]

Answering it seriously? No, I don't have a problem either. Being outright condescending and making the interviewer, who had been nothing but courteous to her, look (and probably feel) foolish? This I object to. If she wanted to make a point, that's fine, but when you agree to be interviewed by a group who appaently has a routine (albeit very silly) final question and refuse to take it with a grain of salt, that's damn rude.

Not to mention hypocritical. It was pretty clear this was meant to by a funny -- no one was actually initiating her into the illegal slave trade or monkey As I tried to point out in my entry, she's dealt with some pretty apalling subjects with even more levity.

As for her research -- it's not that her fantasy has become unbelievable or flawed, it's that she's screwing up the mundane details, like age. If she wants to research moths for a week, I say fine, but I have little respect for her ability to keep her own facts straight.

[salveo-opes.livejournal.com]

If asked that same question by an interviewer, *I* would have said that one of my best friends in the world was a four foot tall ex-nun and that I have monkeys dangling by their tails from palm trees on my shower curtain.

(Both of which are true.)

[klmorgan.livejournal.com]

There're some patches of incoherency in my first response, and I apologise -- I dunno what happened, but I am quite willing to blame my current physical condition of being sick as a freakin' dog.

[pandorasblog]

I didn't notice any incoherence. And even if I had, no worries. And I hope you feel better soon!

I do take your point about her inability to take something as it was meant, though. In hindsight, it looks like LKH not even bothering to look up the site when they offered to interview her. I would think of that as commonsense, so that an interviewee doesn't get surprised by weird questions, or indeed taken aback by a style of questioning they think is directed at them in particular, when it might just be the 'house specialty' used on every interviewee. Specially when, like LKH, one has had a lot of flack from fans, and is sort of waiting to be criticised...

Hmmm. Would love to know to what extent LKH even knows about this stuff, or if Darla vets everything.

[jperceval.livejournal.com]

This just reminds me of the Dane Cook "I want a pet monkey" routine.

[salveo-opes.livejournal.com]

Degree in biology? Makes me wonder how she got it if her writing is any sort of reflection on her college work.

Diana Gabaldon, otoh....I know she can write. She does her own research and it shows. *innocent look*

*is teh ebil this morning*

[syrinx.livejournal.com]

I thought of Diana Gabaldon as well.

[salveo-opes.livejournal.com]

Glad to know I wasn't the only one. *g*

[klmorgan.livejournal.com]

Oh, lord, you haven't heard this one yet? She has a degree in biology, and mentions it constantly.

Heeheehee. I wish I could have Galbadon research cracks every morning, with my coffee.

[salveo-opes.livejournal.com]

Gabaldon rocks in a serious way and is one of the few authors that I actually make the effort to purchase when a new book comes out.

I take my notes from DG's approach--I do all my own research, look for something I can twist to suit my purpose from a fictional standpoint and run with it.

(Believe me, I've come up with some shit, too. I once called a pharmacist and asked questions about killing someone with anti-freeze because I was wondering if that were a plausible way to commit murder for the story I was writing. Then I offered them my name and address so they could turn me in if someone turned up dead. Now that I know an M.D. up in Jersey, I don't have to call the pharmacist with strange questions like that any more.)

[dinsedaledarby.livejournal.com]

that is a strange question. I mean the monkey, okay that's a silly joke, whatever... people. It sounded kinda odd to me.
can you imagine... weremonkeys... i see conflict people and lots of orgies. research is not such a good thing for LKH

[jperceval.livejournal.com]

Not to mention lots of weremonkey poo being flung around!

[salveo-opes.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

[klmorgan.livejournal.com]

Oooh, baby. Show me your sexy, sexy logic. Mmmm. Yeah. Like that.

*is sick and will be carted away*

[mariakatarina.livejournal.com]

I have a degree in biology and support several rescue groups...

Pretentious much? Holy crap. I have a friggin' Bachelor of Science in Biological Sciences with a minor in Biochemistry but you don't here me ranting on it. Mostly because when I mention it people's eyes glaze over. The only people who are gonna care are employers looking at resumes and maybe classmates.

Honestly, don't brag about a degree that you have but you don't use. Woman, unless you're actually going into a science field, STFU.

This woman has seriously forgotten how to laugh at herself. Or be funny at all.