(No Thanks)giving

[drho.livejournal.com]

Click HERE to read Jonboi's Thanksgiving Recap. 

So yesterday was Thanksgiving Day in the US. The official start of the "Holiday Season" here, and boy are my arms tired. No wait. Wrong line. Sorry. 

WTF?  Is it possible to unlaughmyasson?  Something is not quite right with this guy . . .

. . . my family, . . . all gathering to eat {turkey} . . . and my bread.  Yep, you read it right, my bread. 

Yayers!  I can read! 

I baked two loaves of bred for thanksgiving. 

Oh squick!  Apparently, someone can't use spell check.  (*bleaches brain*)

Everyone loved the bread and ate all of it. . . .Its a nice heavy, sweet bread, but not soo sweet that it tastes like a pastery. 

Did he eat pastery in kindergarten?  That explains a lot.

Yes, I'm talking about cooking . . .

Really?  Because bread involves baking . . .

I do most of the cooking in the house. I enjoy it, and I'm actually pretty good at it. 

Sure you are, Nathaniel.  Do you wear your pearls to cook your bred?  (*bleaches brain*)

Laurell would say that its "just one of the many things I do well."

Blergh.  TMI fanboy.  TMI.

Anyway, Here's to everyone in the US: Hope you have a enjoyable Thanksgiving. Everyone else: Here's to a pleasant weekend. 

Anyway, here's to everyone in lkh_lashouts.  I hope you had an enjoyable Thanksgiving.  Please remember that you (yes, you!) can also write novels with no understanding of grammar or spelling or plots or modesty.  Or, in the alternative, you can become an author by proxy by eating a lot of paste-ry and fanboying.

Comments

in summary:

[wonderbink.livejournal.com]

"Hey! I'm a GUY! And I COOK! Isn't that NEAT?"

Nobody actually cares, Jon. I've had boyfriends make me dinner before. You are not all that speshul.

Re: in summary:

[drho.livejournal.com]

*LOL*

[glitterglass.livejournal.com]

Did he eat pastery in kindergarten? That explains a lot.
I actually loled.

and on top of that, sometimes I wonder if he's not a real person. it's like so many celeb blogs I can't believe the people wrote, it's probably Laurell writing it.

[drho.livejournal.com]

He and his kermit voice are real, but I wouldn't be surprised if LKH dictates what he writes. Darla writes all sorts of junk that I suspect LKH writes or dictates.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Or just transcribes an incoherent raging monologue into something vaguely (if illogically) legible.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Psst, your html has an extra http: in it. ;D

Sure, Jon, it'd be a great weekend for we in Australia if Saturday weren't totally consumed with a Federal election. Seriously, television tonight consisted of election coverage, or The Empire Strikes Back. Feel the irony.

Admittedly, I can understand posting with pride about baking gone right -- I danced spastically around and took photos of my chocolate muffins when they turned out to be delicious beyond words. But that's in my personal blog -- I didn't take over my non-existant spouse's professional blog to talk about my achievements. Not that LKH's blog is "professional", but you get the picture. Seriously, what does he want from this? Gold stars from the troobies that HE BAKES BREAD? Should the zompocalypse come, there'll be one house in St Louis that's able to make bread??? WHAT?

[drho.livejournal.com]

I think it's supposed to prove that he and LKH are ZOMG!feminists, because they swap stereotypical gender roles.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

zomg, genderswap! HA HA! I'd hate to be there when they discover metrosexuality.

[darkese.livejournal.com]

I looked at the flog and he makes a point of saying he didn't use a bread maker. We all really need to be impressed he made bread. This is BREAD dammit!

He makes another commit that was pretty funny...
Laurell would say that its "just one of the many things I do well." After seven years together, I' beginning to believe her when she says things like that.

Besides the UGH factor there, seven years and he's only starting to believe his wife and get some self-esteem. These two with all their insecurities are made for each other.

[darkese.livejournal.com]

Actually I want to change my 'pretty funny' to 'pretty sad'

[easol.livejournal.com]

I vote for a mix. You put all the ingredients in a bowl, stir, pour into a pan, and bake for an hour. A hamster could do it.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Either that, or this is a misfired attempt at seeming humble, or giving the impression that he is SO VERY SCARRED like his wife is.

And given that Jonboi and Darla can do no wrong in LKH's eyes, it would take a pretty determined insecure person to not believe it pretty quickly.

[wakarimashta.livejournal.com]

Where in most couples, the characteristics in one are offset by the characteristics of the other; i.e. I suck at math.... I find it incredibly sexy that my partner does math in their head........

in THOSE two, the idiosyncrasies battle for superiority. If one is ill, the other gets MORE ill, if one is neurotic, the other must 'ramp up' to get any attention. And for the record, they are BOTH black holes of sucking need. No *doom crotch* pun intended. Seriously. It was unintentional.

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

I danced spastically around and took photos of my chocolate muffins when they turned out to be delicious beyond words

Eee! I had to make more because they were too delicious for words. *flails* But yeah, he's really a complete and utter boob. Maybe this is one of those married things that I just don't get, but I can't fathom how even LKH's truest fans could possibly give a McShithole about Jon's foray into "bred making."

Ugh, now I'm thinking of Nathaniel and those friggin biscuits...*vomit*

[hellozombies.livejournal.com]

I must be four years old, because when I saw that you called him a boob, I actually giggled out loud. I GOL'd? Haha.

[pith]

Quite frankly, I would've been more surprised if he said he DIDn'T do the baking. The way LKH talks about writing, it's such a chore. How could she possibly have time all those things we lowly readers do, like bake?

Sometimes I wonder if it's actually Jon who was the horrible blogger, and Laurell got infected, because... yikes. Like dwg, I can see being proud (I don't bake a lot, so when something works, I go yatta. I admit it.), but it's maybe two or three lines of my blog post, NOT THE ENTIRE CRUX OF IT.

[drho.livejournal.com]

If it weren't LKH-related, I might find the pride kind of cute. However, as you wrote, the lack of self-awareness is pitiful. Plus, I think we're supposed to learn a lesson about feminism and LKH feminism is stupid smug.

[easol.livejournal.com]

It is sort of what's expected -- after all, baking is traditionally a WOMAN'S chore, and we know that the Goddezz of Misogynistic Feminism does not do that kind of thing. And since she based Nathaniel on Jonboi, and Nathaniel is proud and happy to be a "50s housewife"...

I suspect this is a lesson to us -- right after LKH announces that she is the "guy," we have Jonboi smugly acting as if a guy baking is on par with early suffragettes' actions.

[librarista.livejournal.com]

My favorite part is Everyone loved the bread and ate all of it. I thought it was a Laurell blog from that. "Everyone loves me and I am the bestest they all want a taste of me--I mean my bread." Until this flog, I didn't know it was a boi blog. Though I was wondering why the hell LKH would bake since it's not girly or angsty and there was no complaining of the suffering she experienced for the bread.

[easol.livejournal.com]

And all the horrible memories of her lonely sorrowful childhood, when she was flogged with a coat hanger unless she baked bread, and how to this day she can't see a loaf of bread without feeling TEH PAIN.

[dinsedaledarby.livejournal.com]

He's even more brain dead than LKH. I didn't think it was possible.

[fangedsekhmet.livejournal.com]

Pastery?

Isn't that something you eat out of jars in the kitchen when even your parents hate you?

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

I have to do this.

When I read this line:

I do most of the cooking in the house. I enjoy it, and I'm actually pretty good at it.

...it reminded me of a scene in Queer As Folk, when Justin's mom took him to a shrink to find out why he thinks he's gay. This was Justin's response:

"I like dick...I want to get fucked by dick, I want to suck dick...I like sucking dick, and I'm good at it, too."

LMFAO

[hellozombies.livejournal.com]

THAT WAS ONE OF THE BEST LINES EVER. About as funny as his response to his dad's demand that he go to an all-boys boarding school. I KNOW you remember that line! XD.

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

You know I do ! lol

"I'll bet more buttfucking goes on in boarding school than the back room of Babylon."

I love Justin!!!

[othellia.livejournal.com]

By itself, the blog is so stupid it's funny, but imagined with his Kermit voice... priceless. If I ever saw him in public/at a signing or something, I don't think I'd be able to keep from laughing.

[bad-habit.livejournal.com]

That sounds like Monty Python sketch.

Then again, most things do. (:

[drho.livejournal.com]

I see what you, flogged thar, H'8ter.

-Huh? STFU.

No, Y,ou!

-YOU.

H,8ter!

-Is this the right room for this argument?

W,hut? No. T,his is com,,,ma abuse!

[othellia.livejournal.com]

I can just imagine LKH's characters lining up for the Annual Twit of the Year Competition. xD

Someone needs to write that like... now.

[brightlyiburn.livejournal.com]

You know, all I can think of is the phrase "having a bun in the oven" and that leads to freaky MPreg thoughts.

Do you suppose pregnancy would calm someone like Richard down or just make him even more of a whiny, neurotic bitch?

[easol.livejournal.com]

Anita would perceive Mother Teresa as whiny and neurotic for saying "Have a nice day."

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

AAAAHHHHHH!! NOOOOOOES!!!!!

*grabs brain bleach*

[refche.livejournal.com]

Wrong line? What? I missed something with me being non-American?

Not that whatever Jon says in this life is of any relevance, I'm just trying not to headdesk to the rest. Chat programs today have spell checking abilities. It's not advanced science. It's like Team LKH decided to write the most useless post and then thought it wasn't annoying enough.

...

I kinda want to be Jon. Can you imagine the awesome life? Your wife makes tons of money writing crap. She's really obsessed with writing crap, so she doesn't bother you all that much, and you have loads of free time to read comics and cook and stuff. Job description: Practically Brainless. I'd make myself business cards and everything.

[drho.livejournal.com]

"I just flew in from the Coast and boy are my arms tired." It's a stale joke that mixes air travel with bird-like flying. It makes no sense in the context of Jon's blog.

Also, Jon is apparently the "CIO"/computer expert. Considering that he just discovered bread, it may take a while for him to discover spellcheck. But to be fair, LKH has probably forbidden the cruel h8ter program for daring to criticize her genius.

Last, Jon definitely has a great setup, but remember that he lives everyday with LKH. That's a big bucket of squick right there.

[refche.livejournal.com]

LKH has probably forbidden the cruel h8ter program for daring to criticize her genius

It's scary how true that sounds. The sad part is, if someone awesome was being all, "LANGUAGE CANNOT CONTAIN ME!" I could respect them. And I probably can't explain the difference between cool-crazy and crazy-crazy to most people, so I'm glad I'm among friends over here.

[refche.livejournal.com]

In your own blog being key here. Says the person that dedicated a whole post to the fact that she managed to make pancakes. Once.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Oooooh, a GUY! Like, making FOOD! Even the simplest variety! That is like, SO groundbreaking.

Seriously, Jonboi. Plenty of men do cooking; you and Laurell are not the speshullest snowflakes, shattering gender barriers everywhere while everyone else toils in their stereotypical roles. I wouldn't think this was so lame if he didn't act like this is HUGE news that he can make bread. "Yep, you read me right"? Blecchers.

BTW, I really don't think most men would be proud of the fact that they are their wife's own personal Nathaniel-style subservient houseboy. *Bleaches brain*

[longtail.livejournal.com]

...

Ummmm...Yay? Good for you Jon? You want a cookie?