Facebook flog - Oct 15 2013

[blogfloggery.livejournal.com]

Link: Oct 15 2013, 5:42
Disclaimer: This blog entry is verbatim, as originally posted on LKH's Facebook. Copyright belongs to Ma Petite Enterprises.

I wished our girlfriend, yes Jon and I are date-dating her, a happy Goth Chick Appreciation Day, yesterday. I thought I'd mentioned we had a girlfriend on FB, from the responses, apparently not. I've mentioned it on twitter, and as other comments noted on my RIDDIT interview this year. If it had been Goth Boy Appreciation Day I'd have wished my husband, and over lovers, current, and past good tidings of their holiday, but it was Goth Chick Appreciation Day, so . . .

No, I'm not bisexual, if I was she wouldn't be the first girlfriend I'd ever had. Jon and I like the term Heteroflexible.

No, I've never tried to date as many people as Anita dates. 5 was my max and it was too many to give emotional support and care, or time, to everyone.

Before someone asks, NO, none of the people I've dated past, or present have been used as basis for my fictional characters - note the word fictional.

Polyamorous means to love more, and yes it is a weird mix of Greek and Latin, but it has become widely accepted, so that's the term. Poly has only one real rule, everyone is supposed to know what everyone is doing, or who they're doing. No lying, no cheating, but just communication of epic proportions. If you're prone to jealousy, please do not attempt poly. If you want to sleep with other people, do not bully your spouse into being poly with you, if you aren't so much poly as just wanting to fuck-about. Please keep your cheating asses off our polyamory, and don't blame the fact you can't keep it in your pants on us. And no, we are not swingers, that's a different alternative lifestyle. What's swinging? Google it. You can google Polyamory, too, but don't believe everything you read. (That goes for anything you research on line.)

Comments

[collectively.livejournal.com]

I am polyamorous and I still found that unbelievably condescending.

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

Can I ask if anything she says is remotely true to life? Based on your experience, does she actually have a grasp on what polyamory is and how it ideally works? Because I can never shake the feeling she's just paraphrasing things she's read elsewhere rather than experienced herself.

[collectively.livejournal.com]

Ehhh...I mean, nothing she says here is horribly wrong. It's true that everyone should know what everyone's doing and that good communication is extremely important. I don't know about the "If you're prone to jealousy, please do not attempt poly" part - certainly if you experience jealousy frequently and often and can't stand the thought of your partner with anyone else, polyamory probably isn't for you. But jealousy does still happen in polyamorous relationships, it's just the solutions are maybe somewhat different than what you'd use in a monogamous relationships. But I'm not certain she's trying to say there's no jealousy ever, so... Cheating isn't condoned; neither is pressuring your partner into trying polyamory (though it's not like cheating or pressuring your partner into stuff is considered good in monogamous relationships, either).

It does annoy me that she uses the shortened word "poly" for "polyamory" because I've only ever heard it used as a shortened version of "polyamorous" - i.e., "I am poly" but never "I read a book about poly." However, I may have just missed that, maybe people do use "poly" for both.

Mostly it's just her attitude here that seems really obnoxious to me. You could give a basic primer on polyamory without all the "NO, I don't blah blah blah" and the dos and don'ts and the "I don't have time to explain the difference between swinging and polyamory to you, just Google it," (Here it is in one sentence, as I understand it: "Swinging focuses on casual sexual encounters while polyamory, while sometimes including such encounters, implies a seeking of or at least an openness to more than one committed romantic relationship.") Just...just...UGH. The whole entry really grates on me.

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

Yeah, her awful attitude means even when she says something relevant or useful, I still can't take it seriously.

Thanks for giving me your thoughts! It's so odd that she can't seem to see there's a massive disconnect between what she says and what she portrays via Anita.

[balivatn.livejournal.com]

I have seen people just use "poly" as shorthand for any occurrence of "polyamorous" ("book on poly").

And the line between swinging and polyamory can be a lot blurrier than a lot of people think - there are plenty of people that move in both groups. My MAIN issue with swinging isn't the emphasis on casual encounters, but it's very hetero couple dominant and cis-centric. It's "OK" for cis women to explore their sexuality with other women (allowing cis men such as their husbands to watch or join in), but cis male on male sexuality is generally frowned upon. I've also not seen a great deal of trans or genderqueer acceptance at swinger's parties, so I tend not to go to them.

The best advice I've seen on poly has been "Talk, a lot. Take care of your health. Respect boundaries. When you fuck up, suck it up and apologize. And mean it." Pretty good relationship advice in general :)

[bluesauce.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I thought I was the only one who the attitude and the "no we are not swingers" snipe annoyed.