Facebook flog - Oct 15 2013

[blogfloggery.livejournal.com]

Link: Oct 15 2013, 5:42
Disclaimer: This blog entry is verbatim, as originally posted on LKH's Facebook. Copyright belongs to Ma Petite Enterprises.

I wished our girlfriend, yes Jon and I are date-dating her, a happy Goth Chick Appreciation Day, yesterday. I thought I'd mentioned we had a girlfriend on FB, from the responses, apparently not. I've mentioned it on twitter, and as other comments noted on my RIDDIT interview this year. If it had been Goth Boy Appreciation Day I'd have wished my husband, and over lovers, current, and past good tidings of their holiday, but it was Goth Chick Appreciation Day, so . . .

No, I'm not bisexual, if I was she wouldn't be the first girlfriend I'd ever had. Jon and I like the term Heteroflexible.

No, I've never tried to date as many people as Anita dates. 5 was my max and it was too many to give emotional support and care, or time, to everyone.

Before someone asks, NO, none of the people I've dated past, or present have been used as basis for my fictional characters - note the word fictional.

Polyamorous means to love more, and yes it is a weird mix of Greek and Latin, but it has become widely accepted, so that's the term. Poly has only one real rule, everyone is supposed to know what everyone is doing, or who they're doing. No lying, no cheating, but just communication of epic proportions. If you're prone to jealousy, please do not attempt poly. If you want to sleep with other people, do not bully your spouse into being poly with you, if you aren't so much poly as just wanting to fuck-about. Please keep your cheating asses off our polyamory, and don't blame the fact you can't keep it in your pants on us. And no, we are not swingers, that's a different alternative lifestyle. What's swinging? Google it. You can google Polyamory, too, but don't believe everything you read. (That goes for anything you research on line.)

Comments

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

I wake up at 4:15 AM because I'm hungry and find this goldmine.

Sure her characters aren't based on anyone real. Just whatever Anita is doing. You cannot expect me to believe that Anita becomes 'heteroflexible' and gets her first girlfriend and then LKH does (or vice versa) and it's just coincidence, considering all the other oh-no-she's-not-me-really similarities going on.

IF YOU'RE PRONE TO JEALOUSY, LOLOLOLOLOL

ETA: also, I don't think she really cared about wishing the girlfriend anything, I think she was just waiting for an excuse to post about her in a way to draw attention to the fact she has a girlfriend, then devolve into a I-am-a-poly-expert rant that has nothing to do with the actual said girlfriend that this 'appreciation' post is actually for.

I do bet you that she loves the Foamy take on Goth Chick Appreciation Day though, what with calling any other type of girl a "soulless husk of makeup" and the like (and takes it seriously)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFmaWzZoaR4

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

In that reddit she did, LKH said her characters weren't based on real people because they weren't based on the looks of real people, but their personalities were. So, there's that.

[rodentfanatic.livejournal.com]

HAHAHAHAH

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

I'm really very much a live and let live type of person and firmly believe that if nobody's getting hurt, how other people conduct themselves is awesome/none of my business. Which is probably why it grates on me so much that LKH can't just leave it be with "I'm poly, yay!" She has to be "I'm poly, poly is best, non-poly people suck and can't live right because they're non-poly. Boo!"

FUCK OFF, LAURELL.

[collectively.livejournal.com]

I am polyamorous and I still found that unbelievably condescending.

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

Can I ask if anything she says is remotely true to life? Based on your experience, does she actually have a grasp on what polyamory is and how it ideally works? Because I can never shake the feeling she's just paraphrasing things she's read elsewhere rather than experienced herself.

[collectively.livejournal.com]

Ehhh...I mean, nothing she says here is horribly wrong. It's true that everyone should know what everyone's doing and that good communication is extremely important. I don't know about the "If you're prone to jealousy, please do not attempt poly" part - certainly if you experience jealousy frequently and often and can't stand the thought of your partner with anyone else, polyamory probably isn't for you. But jealousy does still happen in polyamorous relationships, it's just the solutions are maybe somewhat different than what you'd use in a monogamous relationships. But I'm not certain she's trying to say there's no jealousy ever, so... Cheating isn't condoned; neither is pressuring your partner into trying polyamory (though it's not like cheating or pressuring your partner into stuff is considered good in monogamous relationships, either).

It does annoy me that she uses the shortened word "poly" for "polyamory" because I've only ever heard it used as a shortened version of "polyamorous" - i.e., "I am poly" but never "I read a book about poly." However, I may have just missed that, maybe people do use "poly" for both.

Mostly it's just her attitude here that seems really obnoxious to me. You could give a basic primer on polyamory without all the "NO, I don't blah blah blah" and the dos and don'ts and the "I don't have time to explain the difference between swinging and polyamory to you, just Google it," (Here it is in one sentence, as I understand it: "Swinging focuses on casual sexual encounters while polyamory, while sometimes including such encounters, implies a seeking of or at least an openness to more than one committed romantic relationship.") Just...just...UGH. The whole entry really grates on me.

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

Yeah, her awful attitude means even when she says something relevant or useful, I still can't take it seriously.

Thanks for giving me your thoughts! It's so odd that she can't seem to see there's a massive disconnect between what she says and what she portrays via Anita.

[balivatn.livejournal.com]

I have seen people just use "poly" as shorthand for any occurrence of "polyamorous" ("book on poly").

And the line between swinging and polyamory can be a lot blurrier than a lot of people think - there are plenty of people that move in both groups. My MAIN issue with swinging isn't the emphasis on casual encounters, but it's very hetero couple dominant and cis-centric. It's "OK" for cis women to explore their sexuality with other women (allowing cis men such as their husbands to watch or join in), but cis male on male sexuality is generally frowned upon. I've also not seen a great deal of trans or genderqueer acceptance at swinger's parties, so I tend not to go to them.

The best advice I've seen on poly has been "Talk, a lot. Take care of your health. Respect boundaries. When you fuck up, suck it up and apologize. And mean it." Pretty good relationship advice in general :)

[bluesauce.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I thought I was the only one who the attitude and the "no we are not swingers" snipe annoyed.

[dreamstrifer.livejournal.com]

You can google Polyamory, too, but don't believe everything you read. (That goes for anything you research on line.)

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD I'M LAUGHING RIGHT NOW THE IRONY IN THIS STATEMENT.

[snarky-imp.livejournal.com]

Before someone asks, NO, none of the people I've dated past, or present have been used as basis for my fictional characters - note the word fictional.

Micah, Richard, and Jade all beg to differ. Well, maybe not Richard as a basis as I'm not sure on any timeline there, but considering the way his fictional life went all to hell about the time the "dear reader, my ex is an ass" letters appeared in the books... I'm just saying he suffers fictionally for the sins of the non fictional. Ditto a whole host of other characters who may or may not be based on real people.

[desert-vixen.livejournal.com]

Poly has only one real rule, everyone is supposed to know what everyone is doing, or who they're doing. No lying, no cheating, but just communication of epic proportions. If you're prone to jealousy, please do not attempt poly. If you want to sleep with other people, do not bully your spouse into being poly with you, if you aren't so much poly as just wanting to fuck-about.

"Communication of epic proportions" does not mean everyone pitches in to make one person feel like the special-est ever. It means everyone talks so that everyone can be comfortable (which I'm sure she thinks her characters do...)

Still rolling about everything else - does she even read her own work? Or is it just that different in her head?

[jessica collett (from livejournal.com)]

'No, I'm not bisexual, if I was she wouldn't be the first girlfriend I'd ever had'

Not going to argue sexual identities here (because.... everyone has a right to sexually identify in whatever way they want) but that sentence just grates. You can identify as bisexual and not have dated a woman before. It's not as if people go 'I am now bisexual!' and immediately latch themselves onto a suitable member of the same gender. You might not know you could be attracted to people of your gender until you meet someone that sparks the realisation in you. It comes off as extremely defensive and dismissive of bisexuality, which is just wonderful. Really inclusive. Not judgemental at all.

'Jon and I like the term Heteroflexible.'

I don't like the word hetroflexible. It seems to be a way of saying you like being with girls (in this instance) without catching the cooties that come from openly and honestly being attracted to women.

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

Not going to argue sexual identities here (because.... everyone has a right to sexually identify in whatever way they want) but that sentence just grates.

I wonder how many people does LKH thinks one has to date before one becomes... whatever. Like, when I had only had sex with one guy, was I not really heterosexual yet? Or was I, because I'd kissed more than one guy? What is the magic number of people one must fuck before one's label changes?

[jessica collett (from livejournal.com)]

It sounds like a debate that must be posed in a folk-rock song.

'How many women must I fuck, before I can claim a label? (If you're into labelling your sexuality, but if you're not, that's cool too.......)'

Deffo going to be a hit.

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

LOL!

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

"Date-dating"? Does that mean "fuck-fucking"?

So LKH is fuck-fucking a woman, but she has to make sure no one thinks she's like one of those icky bisexual people, no, she's still het. But she's also better than other heterosexuals, because she's more "flexible" than we are.

"Don't believe everything you read" is just... yeah. And I love how she's lecturing everyone as if we've never heard the term "polyamorous" or would be shocked by it, and tells us all to Google things and etc., like we are all sitting here waiting to be enlightened by her. LKH: do yourself a favor and Google Scarleteen, and read EVERYTHING there.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

I thought I'd mentioned we had a girlfriend on FB, from the responses, apparently not. I've mentioned it on twitter, and as other comments noted on my RIDDIT interview this year.
REDDIT. It's REDDIT.

No, I'm not bisexual, if I was she wouldn't be the first girlfriend I'd ever had. Jon and I like the term Heteroflexible. [...] Before someone asks, NO, none of the people I've dated past, or present have been used as basis for my fictional characters - note the word fictional.
...*taps fingers on computer* Really. That's why Anita acquired a girlfriend and declared herself ~heteroflexible~ at around the same time?

And yay, ~heteroflexible~. Also known as 'This doesn't make me gay! This doesn't make me gay bi! I'm a good straight girl! Totally! J-just ~flexible~!' -_-;; Suuure, LKH. Sure.

Poly has only one real rule, everyone is supposed to know what everyone is doing, or who they're doing. No lying, no cheating, but just communication of epic proportions.
Which is why Micah was fucking his way through the Furry Coalition?

If you're prone to jealousy, please do not attempt poly. If you want to sleep with other people, do not bully your spouse into being poly with you, if you aren't so much poly as just wanting to fuck-about.
In other words, Anita isn't poly and shouldn't get anywhere near it. Good to have confirmation from the author herself!

[luscious-words.livejournal.com]

I'm too busy enjoying your icon to give a flying rat's patootie about LKH's words. :)

[wanderingworlds.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I totally read that as "my RIBBIT interview" and was particularly confused as to why she was talking to frogs.

[luscious-words.livejournal.com]

The condescending tone of her post rankles. From her use of the term "heteroflexible" as if it sets her above all other heterosexual people to her putting down the term "bisexual" as if it's some repulsive term to her definition and description of a polyamorous relationship. Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?!? I don't have to have dated a woman to know that I am bisexual. I may not be polyamorous but I am poly-friendly in that I hang with a lot of poly folks (and damn proud of it too).

On a more humorous note, I snorted at this comment - Before someone asks, NO, none of the people I've dated past, or present have been used as basis for my fictional characters - note the word fictional. Seriously, LKH, just who do you think you're kidding with that? Really?!? *rolls eyes*

[rebootfromstart.livejournal.com]

...wow. Poly bisexual person here who thinks that sounds really fucking condescending. And I hate the term heteroflexible. Like others have said, it smacks of "BUT THIS DOESN'T MAKE ME GAY SO IT'S OKAY".

Also, fuck's sake, polyamorous doesn't mean "to love more". It means multiple loves. This is playing into the tripe I used to hear from my girlfriend's ex about how poly people are "more evolved" and all around better people because they love more. It doesn't work like that. My girlfriend's boyfriend's wife is no worse a person than the boyfriend is because he's poly and she's not.

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

Oh Jyeysus *rubs temples* This is an adult woman. I am supposed to believe that this is am adult person talking about something they know inside out.... I feel like I'm back on tumblr>_> Typos and grammarfails included - at least on tumblr people I follow misspell on purpose.

It makes me sad that the post is all ME ME ME ME MEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEMEME ... oh, and I have a girlfriend, ciao.

I would e sad if I was that girlfriend - it just seems that Laurita is trying to prove something soooooo haaaard (mainly that she's edgy and out of this world) to her fans that the real people just get lost in the whole kerfuffle. It does take a lot of courage to come out of any kind of closet, but in some bizarre way LKH just.. cheapens the whole experience? The "Oh, and by the way, I am dating girl. Yes, I am. See me dating girls and boys???? ...but no homo."

And does 'heteroflexible' - it still means het, am I wrong? Heterosexual people date-date opposite sex exclusively so no mater how flexible she is... it's like saying 'I'm asexual - except Fridays and Wednesdays, then I fuck'=___= Lexically it's a mess of a notion.

[mocha-latta.livejournal.com]

I'm going to come in on the defence of heteroflexable identity. I identify as pansexual myself, but I have a few friends who define themselves as heteroflexable. As I understand it, they are primary het., but are open to very occasional sexual experiences with people of the same sex, sort of 'it's okay if it's you' type of deal. They don't identify as bi or as pan because they feel like it's a very rare occurrence, and they don't think that they're interested in a queer relationship.
I can certainly see the problematic issues regarding the name, if the attitude is indeed 'no homo', but I think identity is private, ultimiatly.

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

Nowadays people twist and turn sexual identities any way it fits them - which is fine, as long as a person knows what they are it's their button an no one else's.
It just really strange to me that a person SO invested in labelling everything as either or as LKH uses this term to back up her rigid 'no homo' stance. In the end it's her business and her alone, but I am still scratching my head.

[rebootfromstart.livejournal.com]

I should have been more specific in my comment; I hate the term in this case (and in a few others, but they're not really germane to the conversation) because LKH has been so iffy about homosexuality before. I know a couple of people who, while they don't use the label themselves, have said that it's what they would use if they wanted to use an identifier, but because they're generally decent people who have always been pretty supportive of their non-straight friends, it doesn't feel like "BUT THIS DOESN'T MAKE ME ACTUALLY HAVE HOMOSEXUAL TENDENCIES" the way it does with LKH, if that makes any sense?

[mocha-latta.livejournal.com]

Oh, I understand the vexation in THIS case, and it can definitely lead to queer erasure. I just get all hand wringy at the thought that it's always an invalid identity.
This all really reeks of "look how non-white-picket-fence I am".

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

If you want to sleep with other people, do not bully your spouse into being poly with you, if you aren't so much poly as just wanting to fuck-about.

I totally misunderstood the message because of the way that the sentences were constructed. For example, the one above is REDUNDANT and composed of two IF-THEN statements, one straight up and the other reversed.

IF you want to sleep with other people ----> THEN don't bully your spouse into being poly with you.

THEN don't bully your spouse into being poly with you <----- IF you aren't so much poly as just wanting to sleep around.

The sentiments are more or less the same, of course, (that one shouldn't bully's one's spouse into trying polyamory if all one wants is to be unfaithful) but there's the implication to me that it might be okay to (at least try to) bully your spouse into being poly if you're poly. But, judging by the previous comments, she meant to say no infidelity and no bullying, regardless of the circumstances.

....this is why I read her books via sporks. Even when I read them first hand, I often had trouble figuring out what was going on, much less why it was going on.

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

I am not so sure that she is saying no bullying. Her stories are pro-bullying, so long as the bullies are Anita and the people on her side.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but her public persona is more civil than her books.

Kind of by default. If she were to leap on a critic and start dry-humping them in broad daylight (while warbling about metaphysics), that would be one con to which she was never invited back.

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

Lol.

Yes, she is more civil than her self-insert by necessity, but from what I've read, she is still extremely uncivil, both online and in meatspace. There was a comment here by someone (I think Nic_Echo?) who said LKH completely ignored a tall blonde woman during conversation. And LKH has posted many extremely insulting things, like the "Bleeding On My Keyboard" and "Dear Negative Reader" posts... and this one. I think she is getting more removed from reality as time goes on, and so she is forgetting to even pretend to be civil more and more, if she could even figure out how to in the first place.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

Yes, I remember that clearly from nic_echo. It's both interesting and appalling that she practices what she preaches.
And I agree about her awful posts - my point was that she always maintains a veneer of being the totally-oblivious, wronged it's-just-'cos-I-dance-to-a-different-beat!individualist, and openly condoning bullying would be a step too far for that persona. Now, "getting revenge", I can see her condoning. But only so long as she plays the originally-wronged party.

I could be wrong, however. I don't think anyone sporking Danse Macabre back when it first came out could have guessed that she'd start pulling stunts with the "e-specials" and exposing her bile as openly as Shutdown.

...TBH, I'd wonder if she was on drugs if I didn't strongly suspect she'd parade it in her books if she was. I don't care if she's an utter narcissist - I would swear that narcissists don't drop their guard THIS much unless there was an underlying cognitive issue in development. Both her blogs and her books have gotten more and more disjointed and shallow with time, and I'm not sure that's just disinhibition talking.

I don't like speculating about authors' mental health, but I'm honestly getting unnerved.

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

Even reading Danse Macabre now, it's shocking to me how much worse LKH has gotten, both as a writer and, apparently, as a person. Especially because Danse Macabre is so terrible. But it seems that every time we think LKH can't go lower, she does.

LKH seems to have shut herself off from anyone who would criticize her in the slightest way. Also, like Anita, she seems not to have any hobbies. Work and sex seem to be her entire life, and that is not healthy.

[uf-addict.livejournal.com]

LOL!!

I think Anita is her demon and expresses every dark impulse and bad behavior. The flip side of us that we don't let out if we want to be accepted into civilized and mature society. I think Merry represents a more evolved personality - the more mature and accepting. But they are both very much her and by now impossible to separate.

She should have never let her personal life out so much. I can't see the characters anymore - all I see is her. Even supporting and side characters are there to react or support, otherwise she is just diddling herself.

[luscious-words.livejournal.com]

Having had the, um, displeasure or misfortune of meeting her at a few book signings, as well as at a book con, I would not necessarily consider her public persona as civil. A friend and I were in line waiting, and my friend overheard LKH and her dear husbeast making snide remarks about people. I'm sorry to say it took more than the first book signing to realize what an asshat she could be in person.

[mocha-latta.livejournal.com]

I've been reconsidering this post. Anyone else extra creeped out by Shutdown now that we know that she's recently gotten into a relationship?

[uf-addict.livejournal.com]

Yessssss. I am actually confused, as what she wrote in Shutdown seems opposed to what she is posting. I don't mean creative license here but intent and tone.

[cheeky-duckie.livejournal.com]

I admit that I sort of have a knee-jerk, "Woo!" at her no-cheating/A++ communication section -- but that's personal bias. My ex had an affair for six+ months and then did the, "But I love you both so much! I really just think I'm poly," thing after confessing. His hope was that apparently I would come around on the poly thing (we would talk about it every so often) and then he could just fold her into our marriage. -_-; So, I admit to having a messed up relationship with discussion of polyamory. Because I'm cool with everyone doing what makes them happy, but the discussions always takes me right back there.

That said, I laughed outloud at, "You can google Polyamory, too, but don't believe everything you read." Oh LKH, I don't think you have any sense of irony at all.

[bloodredroses1.livejournal.com]

As much as it pains me to say this I might understand where she's coming from. Many, many years ago I was in a triad w/ my boyfriend & his wife where we basically shared him. Any contact between she and I was pretty accidental because 1) she didn't come within several lightyears of getting my motor running even in the heat of passion and 2) while I could admit to myself that there were females who made me hot & bothered I would never have admitted it publicly nor would I have dared to act on it. Of course this was back in the 80s when bisexuality was even more stigmatized than it is today.

So maybe w/ LKH it's a combo of her trying to be all darkity dark & the edgiest of them all as well as coming to terms w/ being attracted to both women and men. Doing the latter when you're in your forties & have sworn on a stack of bibles your whole life that you're straight is not an easy thing to do. But to be honest I think in her case it's more schtick than substance but I have to give her at least the tiniest benefit of the doubt in case it isn't.