Facebook flog - Jan 24 2014

[blogfloggery.livejournal.com]

Link: Jan 24 2014, 14:06
Disclaimer: This blog entry is verbatim, as originally posted on LKH's Facebook. Copyright belongs to Ma Petite Enterprises.

I know my characters. If I could draw I could give you their faces. If I could magically let you feel what I feel, I know the difference in their skin when my character runs her hands across their bodies. I would know the smell of Micah's skin, as separate from Nathaniel's in the dark. I could hug most of them blind-folded and tell you who it was by the way they would fill my arms. I know the taste, texture, smell, of them the way I know real life lovers, and in some ways better, because my characters don't hide, or withhold like real people can. I know that special smile Nathaniel has the way I know my husband's, it's not the same smile, but it's special to both of them; the real and the not so. (Please do not let that last contribute to the rumor that Nathaniel is based on my husband, Jon, because it's not true, but I know my husband better than anyone so he springs to mind for such analogies.) I know the way Jean-Claude turns his head, how his hair falls when he looks down, how he fusses with the cuffs of his shirt when he's nervous. I can "see" the movement of it in my head, to the point where it seems almost wrong that they only exist in my imagination and in my books. There are moments when I think if they reached out and touched me for real, I wouldn't be scared, it would almost be a relief, a "oh, there you are," moment.

Thanks to Michelle Belanger, another author, whose comment on Twitter helped inspire this post.

Comments

[dagonista.livejournal.com]

Hey, author of multiple-book long-running best-selling series! You don't get extra credit FOR KNOWING YOUR CHARACTERS WELL. You SHOULD know them well at this stage.

The real issue is, you DON'T know them well. Names change, sexual orientations change, eye colours, heights, ages, all change and it's conveniently never your fault. You don't know anything about your characters except what they look like and what position they like to shag Anita in and you can't even get those things right 100% of the time.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Please do not let that last contribute to the rumor that Nathaniel is based on my husband, Jon, because it's not true

BULLSHIT (http://www.flamesrising.com/laurell-k-hamilton-interview-horror-author/). I don't think it's a coincidence that Micah and Nathaniel are her faves.

All this is very well and good, except for one thing: LKH is really bad at conveying how 'real' these characters are to her audience. I get that she loves other people's hair and eyes because we have endless descriptions of these things. But waxing nonsensically about the exact colour of someone's eyes or the texture of their hair does very little to tell us about the character themselves let alone why we should care about them. Hell, most of the time we don't even get a sense that Anita cares about her dudes most of the time.

On second thought, it's really not that surprising at all that it's phrased like this because LKH seems incapable of being able to relate to anything outside of her own experience, let alone giving another character a personality/inner life beyond the scope of her attention. These characters exist solely for her own personal fantasies; they cease to exist the moment she doesn't require them.

And then there's the whole hitting up fans on twitter for names, ages, descriptions, etc. and blaming overzealous editors for things like Sylvie's sexual orientation changing, characters being misnamed, and that's just the start. AND this is with the superfan continuity editor on call. *slowclap.gif*

[dagonista.livejournal.com]

People don't have personalities. They just have hair colour and eye colour. Didn't you know that? And it doesn't matter anyway, because you don't even need to know about a person's personality unless you're going to have sex with them.

[cheeky-duckie.livejournal.com]

Unrelated to the topic at hand, but damn it, I just related nearly 1:1 with something that LKH wrote because of that link, and it hurts a little.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

Dear gad, that interview.

They are all very different men. I think the only thing the upheaval in my life did was change how quickly Anita and Micah got together. I think my imagination couldn’t take Richard dumping Anita, and her heart breaking without someone to comfort her. I think my imagination needed Anita to have someone, because when I wrote the scene I had no one. That’s the truth. But having said the truth, it won’t matter to the myth. Like any good myth it’s taken on a life of its own, that has little to do with reality.
Good grief, she really overcompensates for anything she can't have in real life in her stories, doesn't she?

Makes me wonder why she's recently acquired a totally obedient slave and a teenage boy. Trouble in paradise with the no-longer-young Jon, her husband, Jon?

[ravens-shadow.livejournal.com]

Yes. This. The post... it wouldn't be so bad except she neglects the further details. 1. She knows all this, but can she convey these feelings to readers? 2. She knows all this, but does she know their personalities and why they behave this way?

[The feel of their skin throws me off a little, because it's not something she describes in the books, iirc, except when a vampire is dead for the day. But you know, tell me that Nathaniel has really soft hands 'cause he uses vanilla scented hand lotion before bed--in a non-sexual way, because not everything relates to sex, right? Right? Or that Anita is surprised that Jean Claude hands are a little rough from hard labor centuries ago, or that Asher, or Jason, or Richard has a callous because he keeps a journal or hand writes notes for a dissertation. Riddle your readers this: Do vampires get callouses?]

[elialshadowpine.livejournal.com]

... I somehow did not realize until reading that interview that LKH had a daughter.

[fangedsekhmet.livejournal.com]

Maybe this is why her books have gone tits up. She loves these characters far too much to see them objectively and do the decent thing. And by decent thing, I mean a massive cull.

[duamuteffe.livejournal.com]

It's all completely surface knowledge, isn't it? This is what they look, feel, and smell like, and nothing about who they are. What about their dreams? What about their hopes and fears? What was their favorite childhood toy, what's their favorite food, their favorite band, their favorite way to spend a Sunday afternoon? What most concerns them on the news, what books couldn't they live without, what movie do they insist everyone they know see? What art moves them? Anything? Anything at all?
...I suppose, given the last dozen books, the answer to all those questions are "Anita." And that's sad.

"the way I know real life lovers, and in some ways better, because my characters don't hide, or withhold like real people can"

Oh dear. That's also sad. There's a lot behind that sentence, methinks.

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

I dunno. 'Hiding' could be not getting to your cell phone in time. 'Withholding' (attention/support) might the unreasonable desire to poop in peace. I mean yeah, it could be sad. But then again, it could be a mundane boundaries thing.

[a-sporking-rat.livejournal.com]

OH GOD THE FACE I WAS MAKING WHILE READING THIS


It's really funny to me how she claims to know her characters so well and yet all she talks about in this very post is, as other have pointed out, things that are solely related to their appearance. I hope so hard somebody actually points this out to her, it'd be hilarious.

[jessica collett (from livejournal.com)]

Show, don't tell. Show me how these vacuous spaces have personality, don't tell me that it's there.

[subtle-shades.livejournal.com]

*nasal & high-pitched* But that haaaarrrd!

[lliira (from livejournal.com)]

If I could draw I could give you their faces.

I don't want their faces. I have one of my own.

If I could magically let you feel what I feel, I know the difference in their skin when my character runs her hands across their bodies.

I don't think she actually literally feels this. "My character," hm. You know, my main characters have no clue how the skin of most other characters in their stories feel. Because the entry level permit into my stories does not include "must rape or be raped by main character." Also, besides hands, people's skin pretty much feels the same to me. Either I am significantly less tactile than I thought or LKH is pretending to understand things she doesn't again.

I would know the smell of Micah's skin, as separate from Nathaniel's in the dark.

Ah, so 1) she doesn't know how they smell now and 2) they only smell different in the dark. Gotcha.

I could hug most of them blind-folded and tell you who it was by the way they would fill my arms.

Whoopdefriggin'doo. I could hug the cast of Cheers blindfolded and tell which was which.

I know the taste, texture, smell, of them the way I know real life lovers, and in some ways better, because my characters don't hide, or withhold like real people can.

You can't withhold your taste, texture, or smell from your lovers, no matter how hard you try. I guess if you bathe in cologne. Still, that this is how she defines lovers is pretty sad. It also makes her sound like she's never had any, but what doesn't?

(Please do not let that last contribute to the rumor that Nathaniel is based on my husband, Jon, because it's not true, but I know my husband better than anyone so he springs to mind for such analogies.)

Pull the other one lady, it's got bells on. But again: you know the smile of a character. Big deal. What's his favorite hobby? What's his main in World of Warcraft? What's his favorite food, drink, and movie? What books does he read? Okay, he probably doesn't read. If she only knows her husband, Jon, her husband as well as she knows Nathaniel, then I pity Jon.

I can "see" the movement of it in my head, to the point where it seems almost wrong that they only exist in my imagination and in my books.

This isn't special. Nearly everyone can do this. Here's what nearly everyone can't do: make characters real to other people as well as to themselves. And LKH, from your purely physical descriptions, it is clear that your characters aren't real even to you.

[rebootfromstart.livejournal.com]

I realised what bugs me about the constant "my husband, Jon" and the way characters keep getting described the exact same way in each and every book - it feels like I'm reading The Babysitters Club second chapter ad nauseum. We know Jon is your husband, LKH, you don't need to remind us every blogpost like we've forgotten and will be wailing in confusion about oh no, who is Jon?

[desert-vixen.livejournal.com]

I realised what bugs me about the constant "my husband, Jon" and the way characters keep getting described the exact same way in each and every book - it feels like I'm reading The Babysitters Club second chapter ad nauseum. We know Jon is your husband, LKH, you don't need to remind us every blogpost like we've forgotten and will be wailing in confusion about oh no, who is Jon?

I love this!

[rebootfromstart.livejournal.com]

Also, admittedly coming at this from roleplaying characters rather than straight fiction characters - I know a lot more about how my characters think and feel than about how they taste or smell. I know Gabor skips pronouns when he's upset and hand-carves the beads he puts in his hair because he gets nervous energy if he's not doing something with his hands and loves to cook Algerian food for people because feeding people is a well-worn tradition of comfort for him. Fucked if I know how he tastes or smells unless he's been drinking coffee or cooking something particularly pungent.

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

But all of these things you describe here are NOT SEXY in any way!>:O My lover has to appeal to me physically and smell nice, why would I need more from them and care for their, what was it again, character!

*LKH's part was read by Morgan Freeman*

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

*clears throat*
LOVE THEM WHY DON'T YOU LOVE MY CHARACTERS LIKE I DO?! OF COURSE YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO LOVE THEM WITH THE SAME LOVE, BECAUSE MY LOVE IS SPECIAL. AND THERE'S NO WAY YOU WOULD BE EVER ABLE TO GET THEM LIKE I DO, FEEL THEM LIKE I DO AND SMELL THEM LIKE I DO, BUT GODDAMN IT LOOK HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM! LOVE THEM BECAUSE I DO!!

That is just crazy-talk she is doing these last few posts O_o What is going on with her life that has her clinging so desperately to the shadows of past glory and struggling to make herself relevant in any way possible?

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

She is a week away from her self-imposed actually-way-past-due deadline.

I think her editor is snarling the following at her:

I know your fucking wordcount, or lack thereof. If I could draw, I would depict exactly what I want to have happen to your characters at this point. If I could magically let you feel what I feel, I [would let you] know the difference in my blood pressure when I run my gaze along any other author's 'final drafts' and yours. I would [let you] know the smell of coffee at 4 AM, as separate from my pounding headache in the dark as I try to bash this monstrosity of yours into readable shape. I could be handed excerpts from your books completely out of context and tell you which book it was by the way my brain started screaming. I know the sight, sound, and stench of them the way I know my worst enemies in real life, and (in some ways) better, because your books don't hide or withhold your bizarre and repellent worldviews like most people [attempt to disguise] theirs. I know that special smile my spouse gives me when I'm subjected to one of your books the way a terminally-ill patient knows that of its nurse - it's not the same smile, but it's rather similar. (Please do not let that last contribute to the rumor that I start asking for medication when I start reading your fifteenth blog post about Jon, your husband, Jon when you're over a month overdue, because it's not true, but I know that I feel terminally ill around midway through editing one of your "masterpieces", so that springs to mind for such analogies.) I know the way a strong bottle of vodka turns my head, how my tears fall when I look down, how I fuss with my letter of resignation when I'm almost done with one of your atrocities. I can "see" the movement of my bile in my throat, to the point where it seems almost wrong that that I've managed to avoid throwing up thus far. There are moments when I think that if I passed out and my doctor forbade me to edit any more of your books for real, I wouldn't be scared - it would almost be a relief, a "oh, thank you God" moment.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

I know my characters.
Is it Vivian or Vanessa, again?

If I could draw I could give you their faces.
So can every damn OC-creator on DeviantArt. Your point?

If I could magically let you feel what I feel, I WOULD LET YOU know the difference in their skin when my character runs her hands across their bodies.
First, that's a typo. Second - yes, I imagine every writer does once they've written 1500 sex scenes with said characters. So?

I would know the smell of Micah's skin, as separate from Nathaniel's in the dark.
Yes, Micah doesn't smell like vanilla.

I could hug most of them blind-folded and tell you who it was by the way they would fill my arms.
Yes, that isn't so hard when one of them has FIVE-FOOT-WIDE SHOULDERS.

More seriously - yes, they have different builds. So?

I know the taste, texture, smell, of them the way I know real life lovers, and in some ways better, because my characters don't hide, or withhold like real people can.
How do you hide or withhold taste, texture, and smell?

And also, that... just makes me uncomfortable. Like I said about the "logic dictates that if beautiful people keep wanting to date me, then I can’t be ugly.” line in Shutdown, the end of that line is a cry of anguish.

I pity her. She's an awful person, if her views as expressed in her books are any indication, but I pity her.

I know that special smile Nathaniel has the way I know my husband's, it's not the same smile, but it's special to both of them; the real and the not so. (Please do not let that last contribute to the rumor that Nathaniel is based on my husband, Jon, because it's not true, but I know my husband better than anyone so he springs to mind for such analogies.)
LADY, GET THEE TO AN EDITOR!

I know the way Jean-Claude turns his head, how his hair falls when he looks down, how he fusses with the cuffs of his shirt when he's nervous.
Then TELL us if you're so descriptive! As it is, it just looks the same from absolutely every character using the same damn gestures for which you have a fetish!

I can "see" the movement of it in my head, to the point where it seems almost wrong that they only exist in my imagination and in my books.
I get it. You're a visual person.

I have friends who are visual people, and it actually comes through in their writing. Your writing just conveys that you can see hair, eyes, and clothing. Please CONVEY what you're seeing rather than just rambling about it in these blogs!

There are moments when I think if they reached out and touched me for real, I wouldn't be scared, it would almost be a relief, a "oh, there you are," moment.
Ma'am, you have a supposedly-happy marriage, a grown child, a reasonable amount of success, and a best-selling series.

What's going on in your life that makes you live in your fantasies to this extent?

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

Oh God I just realised something!
She's with them whenever sex happens, isn't she?
With all the 'smell and warmth and touching and skin' she is not an author who writes sex scenes, she IS in every single one she puts on paper, it all happens in her head as it happens on the page...

...so I just watched an author masturbate time and time again without my knowledge.
EUUUGH!!!!!!!

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

Oh, gad. I understood that it was all her fantasies, but didn't put it together regarding HER experiencing all of these things.

GAH! BRAIN BLEACH!

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

I know the difference in their skin when my character runs her hands across their bodies because she is a self-insert.