EDIT: "For me to depart from HER life", not "for me to depart from MY life". Though I can see Anita driving someone to the latter thought...
Every time a woman gets a coffee from a male barista, she immediately shoves her way in and sneers how the woman isn't properly ordering her latte or correctly paying for her frappe.
No, no, the regional manager is a sexy ~exotic~ (but definitely white!) man. All the baristas have part-time jobs as strippers, and occasionally get confused as to which workplace they're attending. Because Anita's coffee is just that distracting. The boss with the evil wife is next door at Peet's.
She catches a skinny blonde teenage girl attempting to walk out without paying for her coffee, and tortures her with the brewing machine. Meanwhile, a soulful, wounded man proceeds to scald security personnel and menace sexily-dressed female patrons with obscene misuse of insulated cups, and Anita's rubbing her whipped-cream-covered-breasts all over him when his two cats rebel and bite him on certain painful parts, incapacitating him until the cops come.
Anita proceeds to spook the local population of fashionable Asian teenagers by insisting that each color they dye their hair marks them as part of a different 'clan', and rambling that she has to collect them all like Skittles. Reba is rather bemused when Anita challenges her to a coffee-brewing duel out of nowhere because... reasons.
Not!Nathaniel is the store janitor. After hours, he just walks around with his hair down, and washes it out afterwards. The floors are always spotless.
Not!Micah is nominally the manager of the store. In reality, he bitches that anyone who complains about him is mean to him because he's short, pretty, and/or has a big dick. He and Anita are truly soulmates.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2014-01-13 06:58 am (UTC)Every time a woman gets a coffee from a male barista, she immediately shoves her way in and sneers how the woman isn't properly ordering her latte or correctly paying for her frappe.
No, no, the regional manager is a sexy ~exotic~ (but definitely white!) man. All the baristas have part-time jobs as strippers, and occasionally get confused as to which workplace they're attending. Because Anita's coffee is just that distracting. The boss with the evil wife is next door at Peet's.
She catches a skinny blonde teenage girl attempting to walk out without paying for her coffee, and tortures her with the brewing machine. Meanwhile, a soulful, wounded man proceeds to scald security personnel and menace sexily-dressed female patrons with obscene misuse of insulated cups, and Anita's rubbing her whipped-cream-covered-breasts all over him when his two cats rebel and bite him on certain painful parts, incapacitating him until the cops come.
Anita proceeds to spook the local population of fashionable Asian teenagers by insisting that each color they dye their hair marks them as part of a different 'clan', and rambling that she has to collect them all like Skittles. Reba is rather bemused when Anita challenges her to a coffee-brewing duel out of nowhere because... reasons.
Not!Nathaniel is the store janitor. After hours, he just walks around with his hair down, and washes it out afterwards. The floors are always spotless.
Not!Micah is nominally the manager of the store. In reality, he bitches that anyone who complains about him is mean to him because he's short, pretty, and/or has a big dick. He and Anita are truly soulmates.
The regional manager's boyfriend has nominally moved out of the area. Anita thinks it's because the regional manager loves her sooo much that he sent away that jealous hater. In reality, said poor boyfriend just can't stand this crazy woman standing outside his house and screaming about how his kissing her too roughly made her unable to perform oral sex for a week at 3 in the morning. 'Mon bien-aimé,' he sobs, 'my life has become a living Text From Last Night. I cannot go on like this. Please, give her some excuse for me to depart from her life, and let her no longer darken my doorstep forevermore!'