Jean-Claude sat behind that huge desk and that gleaming display of matrimonial treasure. He picked up a Faberge egg the same crimson as his jacket and offered it to me. "For you, ma petite."
I froze, my darkened brown eyes gazing into his abyssal blue ones. I used to meet his eyes in defiance. Now meeting his gaze was difficult, but I forced myself to do it anyway. "You know the answer is still no."
"Non?" his voice was gentle, coaxing. He stood up, his unbuttoned shirt revealing more of his chest cut like white marble.
"No. You know I have a harem to think of. I can't favor any of you, pick just one of you, even for politics. If I were to choose, the rest might die." I tilted my head up to hold our eye contact, determined to win this battle of wills before I got a crick in my neck. I was tired from my night job raising zombies, and I still had chicken blood to clean off my gray blazer.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Other than the matrimonial treasures, she really didn't give any hint of what might be going on, so it's rather hard to rework because nothing was happening besides Jean-Claude sitting at a desk. I had to invent the reason from whole cloth.
And while I'm not a fan of her over-describing, presuming this is the introduction of the characters in the book, something needs to be said about what they look like for the new readers. A lot of what she wrote was junk (no need to mention the strip club or ladies man thing unless they become pertinent to the plot, nor Anita's self doubts that ultimately amount to nothing). But some of it was necessary junk.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2014-07-30 11:42 pm (UTC)I froze, my darkened brown eyes gazing into his abyssal blue ones. I used to meet his eyes in defiance. Now meeting his gaze was difficult, but I forced myself to do it anyway. "You know the answer is still no."
"Non?" his voice was gentle, coaxing. He stood up, his unbuttoned shirt revealing more of his chest cut like white marble.
"No. You know I have a harem to think of. I can't favor any of you, pick just one of you, even for politics. If I were to choose, the rest might die." I tilted my head up to hold our eye contact, determined to win this battle of wills before I got a crick in my neck. I was tired from my night job raising zombies, and I still had chicken blood to clean off my gray blazer.
Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Other than the matrimonial treasures, she really didn't give any hint of what might be going on, so it's rather hard to rework because nothing was happening besides Jean-Claude sitting at a desk. I had to invent the reason from whole cloth.
And while I'm not a fan of her over-describing, presuming this is the introduction of the characters in the book, something needs to be said about what they look like for the new readers. A lot of what she wrote was junk (no need to mention the strip club or ladies man thing unless they become pertinent to the plot, nor Anita's self doubts that ultimately amount to nothing). But some of it was necessary junk.