Danse Macabre Spoilers
May. 26th, 2006 10:10 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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lkh_lashoutsThese were posted on the LKH forum, and please note that I am not mocking the poster in question. I am mocking the hell out of this book. These are gathered from the Q&A, I believe, at the Romantic Times Convention.
Poor Wicked and Truth will be moving to another city. I believe LKH said that there were really too many masters around. Also much to my utter disappointment no sex with Anita. As Laurell said, there are enough men to deal with at the moment.
Yes, poor Wicked and Truth. They don't get the joy of knowing the Crotch of Doom. The smart ones always run.
Anita and Requiem get biblical!!!
WHAT? Anita fucks Requiem? I would never in a MILLION BILLION TRILLION YEARS have seen that coming. LKH, your plot twists just BLOW MY MIND.
When Richard first hears that Anita is possibly pregers he asks her to marry him. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Thus proving that he is indeed suicidal.
She of course says no, and that sets him off again. Poor Richard. Poor, poor Richard.
Someone put him out of his misery for the LOVE. OF. GOD.
LKH said DM is her fav book so far but that it was the hardest of all of them to write.
Yeah, she'd used up all the sexual positions from Disgusting Goth Sex for Dummies volumes I, II, III, and IV, so she had to watch NONSTOP INTERNET PORN to see what else was semi-physically possible.
Richard and Anita's relationship does it's usual back and forth pattern.
Wasn't this supposed to be resolved? You mean to tell me we've accomplished nothing in the last four books?
*squeels* Asher and Anita finally get to have sex!!!!!!!!!! In a back room no less.
Asher finally gets some and it's in a closet?
We also find that Asher and JC have not been having sex. JC explains to Anita, that he didn't want to chance her catching them in the act and freaking out.
Oh. My. God. *falls on floor and dies laughing.*
Asher is not getting it from anyone!!! Poor Asher. He is pissed about this.
There's no emoticon for this one. Asher's not having sex, except once, in a closet. No JC, nothing but the closet. No wonder he's pissed.
We meet 2 new masters - Chicago and Cape Cod.
I'm hoping this is where they're from, rather than their names, but I just can't summon shock either way. And oddly enough, Chicago looks JUST LIKE the singer from Cabaret.
The Vampire ballet is from Cape Cod. It will be cool to see the action as these ballet dancers can really fly.
This explains "Danse Macabre." Any takers that the word "spill" will appear at least two dozen times during the flying vampires' ballet show?
Oooooooo here is a juicy one. Anita's gyno calls her in to check on the pregnancy asap, as the gestation of were's is much faster than humans and in a matter of day's she can be beyond the point of no return for an abortion should she be pregnant. Plus LKH said something about the possibilty of baby tearing and clawing and eating it's way out. -- yuck.
Thus completely ignoring the history LKH gave lycanthropes re: pregnancy, but hey, what'd we expect, consistency?
Were's you may ask. To have a were child the father must have been in furry form!!! Guess who people!!!!!!!
Jason or Nathaniel. Ooh, the suspense is just KILLING ME.
A foursome takes place between: Anita, JC, Micah and Nate!!!!
Words cannot adequately convey my disgust with this proposition.
Anita and Nate have sex after he thinks she is rejecting him.
Wait, you mean to tell me we still haven't resolved this after four books? I thought these books had, you know, ACCOMPLISHED things, developed characters...
Also the 4th were blood in her - she got from Chimera.
NOOOOOOO. You mean the panwere connection hasn't already been made?
Queen of Nightmares makes an appearence. She speaks to Anita in a dream. She wants to win her over by being friendly as she needs Anita's help. and Anita asks her why she bothers to be nice and friendly like, so Qof N shows her real self - Yikes!!!!! Anita freaks and the only thing that helps her out of it is that her inner animal tries to shape shift but she obviously can't shape shift so a metaphysical crisis begins and this is what releases her from QofN hold.
Who wants to bet the "metaphysical crisis" requires sex to fix it, and the resultant clawing and writhing scares the Queen away? It works every damned time.
Ooooo another good one. You know how Anita, Damien and Nate went all the way with the marks? Well JC won't do the 4th mark as he is uncertain as to who is the master of that trio. and he is unsure if Anita is now immortal because of Damien or if Damien is no longer immortal because of Anita. He is patiently waiting to see if Damien starts to show signs of aging. If he ages then he'll know that Damien is no longer immortal. If he doesn't age, then you can bet your ass that Anita is now immortal. So Damien is a guinea pig for JC.
Damian is everyone's guinea pig. *pats Damian on the head.*
Also Anita and Damien get to have honest to goodness sex.
Which currently puts us at five separate sex scenes so far. And what, sex doesn't count if Anita has to chase Damian down, have Richard clothesline him to the floor, and tear off his clothes?
Sorry I forgot this one -- Damien get a shitload of new power!!!!
No, no, NO. Anita gets a shitload of new powers. Damian gets to go crazy and die.
Plus, LKH discussed if for the marks if body fluids were the same as blood and served the same purpose.
SO not touching this one with a twenty foot were-proof blessed pole.
For next Anita book -- Malcolm comes to Anita for help. The problem of not blood oathing members has become very bad.
Holy SHIT! LKH is going to follow up on a dangling plot thread?!
The Council have sent in investigators who decided while they were at it to investigate JC as well.
Decided while they were at what?
Also Peter has become a mini Edward. Looks like Edward has been passing on some of his skills.
Bear in mind that LKH's plan (by word of blog) is to have Peter visit St. Louis "when he's legal." I quote. Why, might you ask, would legality be an issue? Points to ponder.
Poor Wicked and Truth will be moving to another city. I believe LKH said that there were really too many masters around. Also much to my utter disappointment no sex with Anita. As Laurell said, there are enough men to deal with at the moment.
Yes, poor Wicked and Truth. They don't get the joy of knowing the Crotch of Doom. The smart ones always run.
Anita and Requiem get biblical!!!
WHAT? Anita fucks Requiem? I would never in a MILLION BILLION TRILLION YEARS have seen that coming. LKH, your plot twists just BLOW MY MIND.
When Richard first hears that Anita is possibly pregers he asks her to marry him. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww.
Thus proving that he is indeed suicidal.
She of course says no, and that sets him off again. Poor Richard. Poor, poor Richard.
Someone put him out of his misery for the LOVE. OF. GOD.
LKH said DM is her fav book so far but that it was the hardest of all of them to write.
Yeah, she'd used up all the sexual positions from Disgusting Goth Sex for Dummies volumes I, II, III, and IV, so she had to watch NONSTOP INTERNET PORN to see what else was semi-physically possible.
Richard and Anita's relationship does it's usual back and forth pattern.
Wasn't this supposed to be resolved? You mean to tell me we've accomplished nothing in the last four books?
*squeels* Asher and Anita finally get to have sex!!!!!!!!!! In a back room no less.
Asher finally gets some and it's in a closet?
We also find that Asher and JC have not been having sex. JC explains to Anita, that he didn't want to chance her catching them in the act and freaking out.
Oh. My. God. *falls on floor and dies laughing.*
Asher is not getting it from anyone!!! Poor Asher. He is pissed about this.
There's no emoticon for this one. Asher's not having sex, except once, in a closet. No JC, nothing but the closet. No wonder he's pissed.
We meet 2 new masters - Chicago and Cape Cod.
I'm hoping this is where they're from, rather than their names, but I just can't summon shock either way. And oddly enough, Chicago looks JUST LIKE the singer from Cabaret.
The Vampire ballet is from Cape Cod. It will be cool to see the action as these ballet dancers can really fly.
This explains "Danse Macabre." Any takers that the word "spill" will appear at least two dozen times during the flying vampires' ballet show?
Oooooooo here is a juicy one. Anita's gyno calls her in to check on the pregnancy asap, as the gestation of were's is much faster than humans and in a matter of day's she can be beyond the point of no return for an abortion should she be pregnant. Plus LKH said something about the possibilty of baby tearing and clawing and eating it's way out. -- yuck.
Thus completely ignoring the history LKH gave lycanthropes re: pregnancy, but hey, what'd we expect, consistency?
Were's you may ask. To have a were child the father must have been in furry form!!! Guess who people!!!!!!!
Jason or Nathaniel. Ooh, the suspense is just KILLING ME.
A foursome takes place between: Anita, JC, Micah and Nate!!!!
Words cannot adequately convey my disgust with this proposition.
Anita and Nate have sex after he thinks she is rejecting him.
Wait, you mean to tell me we still haven't resolved this after four books? I thought these books had, you know, ACCOMPLISHED things, developed characters...
Also the 4th were blood in her - she got from Chimera.
NOOOOOOO. You mean the panwere connection hasn't already been made?
Queen of Nightmares makes an appearence. She speaks to Anita in a dream. She wants to win her over by being friendly as she needs Anita's help. and Anita asks her why she bothers to be nice and friendly like, so Qof N shows her real self - Yikes!!!!! Anita freaks and the only thing that helps her out of it is that her inner animal tries to shape shift but she obviously can't shape shift so a metaphysical crisis begins and this is what releases her from QofN hold.
Who wants to bet the "metaphysical crisis" requires sex to fix it, and the resultant clawing and writhing scares the Queen away? It works every damned time.
Ooooo another good one. You know how Anita, Damien and Nate went all the way with the marks? Well JC won't do the 4th mark as he is uncertain as to who is the master of that trio. and he is unsure if Anita is now immortal because of Damien or if Damien is no longer immortal because of Anita. He is patiently waiting to see if Damien starts to show signs of aging. If he ages then he'll know that Damien is no longer immortal. If he doesn't age, then you can bet your ass that Anita is now immortal. So Damien is a guinea pig for JC.
Damian is everyone's guinea pig. *pats Damian on the head.*
Also Anita and Damien get to have honest to goodness sex.
Which currently puts us at five separate sex scenes so far. And what, sex doesn't count if Anita has to chase Damian down, have Richard clothesline him to the floor, and tear off his clothes?
Sorry I forgot this one -- Damien get a shitload of new power!!!!
No, no, NO. Anita gets a shitload of new powers. Damian gets to go crazy and die.
Plus, LKH discussed if for the marks if body fluids were the same as blood and served the same purpose.
SO not touching this one with a twenty foot were-proof blessed pole.
For next Anita book -- Malcolm comes to Anita for help. The problem of not blood oathing members has become very bad.
Holy SHIT! LKH is going to follow up on a dangling plot thread?!
The Council have sent in investigators who decided while they were at it to investigate JC as well.
Decided while they were at what?
Also Peter has become a mini Edward. Looks like Edward has been passing on some of his skills.
Bear in mind that LKH's plan (by word of blog) is to have Peter visit St. Louis "when he's legal." I quote. Why, might you ask, would legality be an issue? Points to ponder.
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no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 02:27 pm (UTC)...And the all time question: Cubs or White Sox?
Besides, everyone knows it's the Daleys who own Chicago...
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 02:33 pm (UTC)mags
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 02:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 02:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 02:45 pm (UTC)OH MY GOD.
Part of me says I shouldn't be reading spoilers, but since I plan on reading the book anyway I might as well prepare myself and see how low I can get my expectations before the actuality sinks in.
*whimpers, curls up in a corner and cries*
One of my fantasies is crushed, another escapes mostly unharmed. One has the potential of being trampled all over.
*cries some more*
Fanfic, thou art mine saviour.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 02:55 pm (UTC)"SO not touching this one with a twenty foot were-proof blessed pole."
That...is funny. hehe.
-T.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 03:36 pm (UTC)Sighs.
-Dira-
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 03:38 pm (UTC)I would so love it if the Master of Chicago pwns the Daleys...
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 03:44 pm (UTC)*gag*
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 03:51 pm (UTC)I've been writing that kind of thing for years in RPGs. Master of Chicago? MINE!!! This has always been by turf. And it sounds weird to rant out loud that the author has been trambling all over my fic toes, but honest to GOD, I just want her off my fucking fandom island.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 03:55 pm (UTC)This town hasn't quite got the hang of parties, y'know...not on a civic scale. It's one of the few things I will happily hike my ass back to St. Louis for.
St. Louis, 4th of July:
One week solid of rides, free concerts across the genre board, food, games, airshows, and fireworks at night.
Chicago, 4th of July:
maybe a week, no rides, a few concerts, a TON of food, and fireworks at the end.
Bleh.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 04:02 pm (UTC)What age is "legal" in Missouri? ...no, nevermind, no matter what I don't want to see Anita getting it on with a teenage boy. Hopefully Edward will be moved to hunt her down and kill her for ruining his boy.
This book sounds like a complete mess and some of the sex scenes are SCARING me. And I love how apparently she's getting rid of two masters because it's too many...and then bringing in two Masters of the City, who are probably twice as powerful as the vamps she got rid of. ::rolls eyes::
Don't be excited about her picking up a dangling thread--she's probably just run out of original ideas because of all the brain cells she's losing.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 04:15 pm (UTC)Disguting Goth Sex For Dummies!!!!!!! Ha!!!!!
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 04:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 04:41 pm (UTC)I mean, doesn't that seem kind of prosaic?
Next, we'll find out that the really badass vampires are from Hoboken.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 04:53 pm (UTC)The thing that is really making me shake my head is I'm sure most of the stuff in there has already been brought up as a possibility in fan speculation, so it really isn't that new, aside for the little details, like the masters from Chicago and Cape Cod.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 04:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 06:05 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 06:32 pm (UTC)(Modly, though: since this is spoilery—and very long—please put it behind an LJ-cut. Thanks!)
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 06:37 pm (UTC)I'm so mad at LKH for ruining Nathaniel.
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 06:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 07:48 pm (UTC)Asher finally gets some and it's in a closet?
You win teh inkernets!
no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 07:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 07:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-05-26 08:10 pm (UTC)I want to stab my brain out because of reading those.
God save us all from the terror of it all.