More Danse Macabre spoilers
Jun. 15th, 2006 11:45 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
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You thought the first set of spoilers was bad? You ain't seen NOTHING yet.
Actually, Anita is not pregnant.
NOOO. It was all amarketing ploy waste of time and paper cheap overused melodramatic CPD pregnancy SCARE?
Not only does she have several different strains of lycanthrope in her blood but for some reason she has Vlad's syndrome and Mwogli syndrome (the were's version of Vlad's syndrome)
LKH has been reading Kipling? WTF? And didn't manage to spell Mowgli correctly?
and this is the reason why when she took a pregnancy test she got a false positive.
Because now that she's got multiple strains of lycanthropy, it's possible for her to get Vlad's syndrome when it was formerly the result of a vampire male impregnating a human female. Vlad's: it's not just for infants anymore. If you screw enough preternaturals, there's no TELLING what kinds of diseases you'll get!
Asher gains an animal to call at the end (werehyenas) and almost kills Anita accidentally in the process.
Le sigh. So close and yet so far. And...werehyenas?
Anita believes that she has found a new pomme de sang, London. London is one of the vamps from London who JC offered refuge to when their master went mad.
Okay, we've got Chicago, Cape Cod, and London. What are the odds that LKH really DID just call them that rather than giving them actual names? And who's on the edge of their seat to see what else LKH does to a British accent?
Anita adds another man to her bed but Requiem will just be a friend in bed (aka fuck buddy)
I don't think Anita needs another fuck buddy, but most of her harem could use one. Like a spotter.
Also, we were introduced to several new Masters of the City. Augustine is from Chicago and he is a master as well as mobster.
*whew* Okay, so Augustine the mobster vampire Master from Chicago. I think my head just exploded.
JC and Anita introduce the ardeur to Auggie after he attempts to use his vampire powers on Juanita to awaken the ardeur in her.
If they REALLY call Augustine "Auggie," I will DIE. Here. Now.
JC, Auggie and Anita have a menage a trois with Auggie in the middle of Anita and JC and they feed off of him.
The confirmed tally thus far (# sex scenes, assuming Anita ever gets up off the floor and showers occasionally):
1. Anita and Requium
2. Anita and Asher (in a closet)
3. Anita, JC, Micah and Nate
4. Anita and Nate
5. Anita and Damien
6. JC, Anita, and Micah in a tub
7. JC, Anita, and Auggie
Hinted:
8. Louie. Yes, THAT Louie.
9. Richard. (followed by another round of character assassination.)
10. Safe to assume with London, her new pomme-de-sangre.
The way the storyline ended, you know that in future books Auggie will be visiting Anita and JC again.
No one can resist the One Crotch. Its power enslaves all men and binds theirballs will.
There was also the Master of Rhode Island, Samuel, and he is married to a siren, who is also his animal to call, and they have 3 sons.
A siren--as in the singing women in Greek mythology--who is an animal to call. But wait, LKH's lack of research gets better--
Samuel and his wife have asked Anita to have sex with their eldest son, who is 70 years old, to bring him into his sirenhood.
Stop, reread, and ponder. Done? Yes, the male siren needs the disease-ridden necromancer to fuck him until he sings. The visual image makes me laugh, and then makes me nauseous.
At the end of the book, the eldest son stays in St. Louis while his family returns to Rhode Island.
What? We don't have enough characters in the Anitaverse.
JC considers both of these masters his "friends" and we see more flash backs into JC and Asher's past after Asher was disfigured. We learn that JC approached Auggie and asked him for assistance to leave Europe and Belle and that Auggie talked to Samuel and JC was placed on one of Samuel's ships to be transported to America.
Which might've been interesting if LKH hadn't ritualistically, bound, gagged, and slaughtered this series.
Also, it appears that JC is at least 600 years old.
I've got fifty bucks that says he's only 600 years old for this book. The next book, he'll be four hundred again. BECAUSE POST-ITS DO NOT CONSTITUTE AN OUTLINE.
And, saving the best for last...
Hamilton also brings in some new shape shifters including the lions and merpeople who are seriously freaky.
Merpeople. Yes. In the river, assumedly. Who wants to see mersex?
Actually, Anita is not pregnant.
NOOO. It was all a
Not only does she have several different strains of lycanthrope in her blood but for some reason she has Vlad's syndrome and Mwogli syndrome (the were's version of Vlad's syndrome)
LKH has been reading Kipling? WTF? And didn't manage to spell Mowgli correctly?
and this is the reason why when she took a pregnancy test she got a false positive.
Because now that she's got multiple strains of lycanthropy, it's possible for her to get Vlad's syndrome when it was formerly the result of a vampire male impregnating a human female. Vlad's: it's not just for infants anymore. If you screw enough preternaturals, there's no TELLING what kinds of diseases you'll get!
Asher gains an animal to call at the end (werehyenas) and almost kills Anita accidentally in the process.
Le sigh. So close and yet so far. And...werehyenas?
Anita believes that she has found a new pomme de sang, London. London is one of the vamps from London who JC offered refuge to when their master went mad.
Okay, we've got Chicago, Cape Cod, and London. What are the odds that LKH really DID just call them that rather than giving them actual names? And who's on the edge of their seat to see what else LKH does to a British accent?
Anita adds another man to her bed but Requiem will just be a friend in bed (aka fuck buddy)
I don't think Anita needs another fuck buddy, but most of her harem could use one. Like a spotter.
Also, we were introduced to several new Masters of the City. Augustine is from Chicago and he is a master as well as mobster.
*whew* Okay, so Augustine the mobster vampire Master from Chicago. I think my head just exploded.
JC and Anita introduce the ardeur to Auggie after he attempts to use his vampire powers on Juanita to awaken the ardeur in her.
If they REALLY call Augustine "Auggie," I will DIE. Here. Now.
JC, Auggie and Anita have a menage a trois with Auggie in the middle of Anita and JC and they feed off of him.
The confirmed tally thus far (# sex scenes, assuming Anita ever gets up off the floor and showers occasionally):
1. Anita and Requium
2. Anita and Asher (in a closet)
3. Anita, JC, Micah and Nate
4. Anita and Nate
5. Anita and Damien
6. JC, Anita, and Micah in a tub
7. JC, Anita, and Auggie
Hinted:
8. Louie. Yes, THAT Louie.
9. Richard. (followed by another round of character assassination.)
10. Safe to assume with London, her new pomme-de-sangre.
The way the storyline ended, you know that in future books Auggie will be visiting Anita and JC again.
No one can resist the One Crotch. Its power enslaves all men and binds their
There was also the Master of Rhode Island, Samuel, and he is married to a siren, who is also his animal to call, and they have 3 sons.
A siren--as in the singing women in Greek mythology--who is an animal to call. But wait, LKH's lack of research gets better--
Samuel and his wife have asked Anita to have sex with their eldest son, who is 70 years old, to bring him into his sirenhood.
Stop, reread, and ponder. Done? Yes, the male siren needs the disease-ridden necromancer to fuck him until he sings. The visual image makes me laugh, and then makes me nauseous.
At the end of the book, the eldest son stays in St. Louis while his family returns to Rhode Island.
What? We don't have enough characters in the Anitaverse.
JC considers both of these masters his "friends" and we see more flash backs into JC and Asher's past after Asher was disfigured. We learn that JC approached Auggie and asked him for assistance to leave Europe and Belle and that Auggie talked to Samuel and JC was placed on one of Samuel's ships to be transported to America.
Which might've been interesting if LKH hadn't ritualistically, bound, gagged, and slaughtered this series.
Also, it appears that JC is at least 600 years old.
I've got fifty bucks that says he's only 600 years old for this book. The next book, he'll be four hundred again. BECAUSE POST-ITS DO NOT CONSTITUTE AN OUTLINE.
And, saving the best for last...
Hamilton also brings in some new shape shifters including the lions and merpeople who are seriously freaky.
Merpeople. Yes. In the river, assumedly. Who wants to see mersex?