Bookflog-ish: Mistral's Kiss chapter 2

[dwg.livejournal.com]

I woulda posted this last night/this morning but LJ was kinda dead. So, I'll post it now!

Since I'm braindead enough from writing, I figure I can't kill my head any more than it already is and I've tackled chapter two of Mistral's Kiss. (thankenyowl to bentlilies for posting the link.)

Recap first, my McRanty bits afterward (like the bookflogs I've been doing), because I'm not smart enough to do it all in one big hit.

If you're looking to kill your brain, or get the urge to commit suicide, genocide, homicide or other bloody rampages: read chapter one. I summed it up as, "Blood cookies, bad! Dead winter boar creature, good! (omgwtfwinterboar?)" (and this is me, going on the warpath about it)

CHAPTER TWO

Short version: DRINK FROM THE FUCKING CUP, ABE!!! Oh hey, shiny things and sex! *pounces*

The longer version:

So Merry wakes up from her OMGWTFWINTERBOAR? dream, and all her men are sorta staring down at her - and I think one of them was about to reach for a sword to jab her with, to see if she was cooked yet still alive. We then get an eye-bleedingly awful description of everyone's skin tone in metaphor: eg, the gold of summer sunshine. She gets confused about not seeing someone with "pale skin that held all the colors of a brilliant crystal, like a diamond carved into flesh" and then starts to wonder if Nathaniel Galen has any blood cookies (omgbad!) on hand.

Doyle speaks up and asks if she's OK, but she totally ignores the question and we get an internal monologue that A) she's naked in bed (gasp! shock! horror!), and the black silk sheets are cool against her skin, B) there's fur against her hip - and please pause as we get a wanky description of said fur and its sensation - and then we get to C) Kitto is in bed beside her. Please pause as we get Kitto's entire life history to date, because he's there and OBVIOUSLY! WE! NEED! TO! KNOW! THIS!!! *facepalm*

So while Kitto's feeling Merry up and she's just staring at him, head tilted to one side as she narrates this moment for us, Doyle's waving a hand in front of her face and yelling at her to answer. the. question. repeats the question so that maybe, just maybe, this time she'll answer it and confirm that yes, she's alive. Nobody's going to panic and rush forward to take her pulse, or try to shake her like a British nanny and get some sense into her, or run flailing from the room because they no longer have a Sparkly Unicorn Goddess Queen of Woah to tell them what to do. No, no, nobody thinks to do anything like that. Just stand about like stale bottles of piss and stare at her. I keep thinking they're all looking at her and thinking, "OMG EEE! A GIIIRL!!!"

But anyway, the second time Doyle asks the question, she looks up at him and I think the question is too hard - I mean, really? A simple yes or no would suffice. Instead, she's like, "omg, he's the colour of the cloak in muh dreemz! Muh hed hurtz!" *facepalm* Only, when she goes to cover her face with her hands, she's holding a cup made out of horn (elevate your mind, people) and while I would like her to spork herself with the pointy bit (oh lord, my brain went to a wrong place there - I mean, knowing Merry? She'll probably try to have sex with it.) oh no, she's just, "omgwtfhorncup?"

She half expected to be holding the knife from the dream, too (and then she can go for the double feature and stab out one eye with the cup and the other with the knife! YAY!) but woe, she's just got the cup.

Everyone is suitably dumbstruck. Then Rhys decides to put up his hand and go, "Is that what I think it is?" and Doyle nods. Wow, they can walk and talk and think???

And then Abe - just bear with me if you're "Huh? Who? Why can't they all wear nametags???" - speaks up and somehow he knows that Merry's been chatting up the God (really, you'd think the Goddess would be, "HEY BITCH! HANDS OFF MY KOOL AID!" and smite Merry or something) and wants to know what the God said to her before she got the cup. And then we get the description as to who, what, and why Abe exists. He's the one with grey stripey hair and apparently would look great all Gothed up (wtf?) and he's the resident drunkard and drug addict. Anyone remember him? Even vaguely? I know he turned up in SBM and staggered around a bit.

. . . I just had the scary thought that this might be LKH's way of putting a Jack Sparrow into the story, but with that thought, a part of my soul died. *swats LKH with a sledghammber newspaper* STAY. AWAY. FROM. POTC.

Anyway, I digress - Abe is oddly sober and is asking a pertinent question, Merry answers with, "Drink and be merry." I'm not even going to dwell on the Merry pun there.

But apparently, Abe and the God were drinking buddies back in the day because that? Totally sounds like him. And here was me thinking that the catch-cry of the pissed was any variation of, "I LUV YOOOU MAAATE! LIKE THE MAAATE THAT I LOOOVE!!!"

Annnd Merry totally doesn't get that because she asks, "Whowiththewhatnow?" and Abe's already moved onto being grabby hands about the cup because it used to be his! My preciousss... But she totally gets that bit and shoves the cup at him and tells him to drink and be merry.

Abe then freaks right out with, "OMG I'M NOT WORTHY!" wangst, but O NOEZ, IT'S ALL RIGHT because Merry suddenly just "knows" that he was thrown out of the Seelie because he lost his shiny superpowers rather than because he was a drunk idiot that went home with the wrong chick. Excuse me, but WHAT. THE. FUCK? Jesus crispy cracker Christ, this...has nothing to do with anything. It's like having a conversation with someone about...say, the price of eggs and suddenly you say, "I once shoved a red crayon up my nose."

However, Merry's "insight" gets Abe to produce a Perfect Emo Tear™ of Woe and then slit his wrists while angsting hotly because it's totally true. He lost his shiny superpowers and got kicked out of the Justice League, WOE, I SAY!!! WOE!!!

So he weeps his Perfect Emo Tear™, she catches it in the cup and OMG, suddenly mead wells up in the thing. She pretty much tells him to drink it, and he's holding her hands and decides that while he's got his mouth on the rim of the cup, he's going to wax poetic at her about how he used to belong to a king and was a joke, belonged to a queen who made sure he knew how much she hated him, but he's never belonged to a princess before and he's afraid of drinking from the cup and getting bound to Merry. Well, Abeloec, I'm scared with you, man. Merry's already got a huge collection of My Little Pony Men, she doesn't need you too. RUN ABE! RUUUN!

Merry then blathers on about how she and the God totally chatted it up and drank beer and killed omgwtfwinterboar? over old times, and that he spoke about his old drinking buddy and like, ABE DRINK THE FUCKING MEAD!!! And this is where I'd reach over and pinch his nose, get the other guards to hold him down while I poured the drink down his throat like the Blood of Whatever in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom and poor Abe turns into my Zombie!Man and will have no choice but to do my bidding! MUAH HA HA HA!!! *cough*

Oh wait, Merry can't do that to her men. They have to lobotomise themselves willingly! *eyeroll*

Cue a bit more back and forth, Abe remains a-scared, Merry tells him to DRINK IIIIT!!! and he starts to laugh. And then everyone starts to laugh. And while having a giggle-fit, Merry tells us that there's some shiny superpowers left in him that are just waiting to come out.

Rhys yammers something about how Abe hasn't been this funny in centuries and even he's in on the "OMG DRINK IT YOU TOSSER!" action. OMG, what does this guy need? A written invitation like Alice? Drink the fuckin' mead already.

So Abe whines that he's still a joke, a bad joke, and he doesn't want to give a shit no more and drugs and alcohol are awesome! *thumbs up at kids* so Rhys threatens to take away his shiny new meadcuphorn and drink it himself. Which then provokes Abe's Gollum response of, "It's mine! It's my own! My Preciousss!!!"

And instead of a fight over the cup, or at the very least scissor-paper-rock (really, all the conflicts in the world should be settled this way), there's some Words of Support that Abe will be ALL RIGHT if he just drinks the fucking mead and Merry tells him YET AGAIN to go drink the fucking mead, and FINALLY!!! HE DOES!!!

Anyone else out there wondering why it's so Vitally Important to feed an alcoholic more booze? Like, really? Since when in the realm of ideas is this considered a good one? I keep thinking Abe's trying to tell Merry, "No, I'm in the twelve-step program, I've been three days sober - don't make me drink it, omgplz!" but since she's off in her own little world of sparkly shiny happiness, it translates as all this wank to us.

But anyway - Abe drinks from the fucking cup. And he skulls it all down in one big hit. Woah, he'd be so great to have around on pub crawls. He drinks and falls over, Merry sinks to her knees to see if he's still alive, which he is, and he grabs her and wrassles her to the floor and there's much laughter from all the men - oh yeah, remember them? They're all standing about naked and watching this - because this is the *cue Metaphysical Whatsiting* moment.

Blah-de-bee, Abe and Merry kiss, they glow, she spills the mead all over his back and the booze washes all over them and onto the floor and fur rug (oh lord, you do not do that to fur!) and Abe starts to lick the mead off her and it's like, kinky, or something. Meanwhile, there's mead all over the floor and everyone falls down in a screaming, writhing heap (wtf?) and there's Magic Marker Lines getting drawn on everyone (again, wtf?) in various pretty colours and they're all forming pictures of animals and vines and such. Dude, those had better wash off, because if I were them? I would not want to have new wanky tattoos of vines and animals. Not unless they're porny like Ye Olde Greek Style Smut.

Barinthus gets the bright idea to actually leave the room, only he opens the door to find Fflur - Andias' healer chick lady thing with the yellow skin and black eyes? - was caught like she'd been trying to get out the room and was now Freaking Right Out. Hold on, WHUT??? WHY IS SHE IN THE ROOM? WHY IS IT GETTING MENTIONED THAT SHE'S THERE??? And OMG, WHY AM I SUPPOSED TO CARE???

Oh yeah, and meanwhile, Abe is trying to go down on Merry so he's like, "Uh, excuse me, Merry?" *snaps fingers* "A little attention, honey???" and resumes what he was doing, and naturally that gives Merry her Seizure of Orgasms, and while she's flailing on the floor, she has enough sense to see Mistral wander into the room and she knows that only anxiety can make his eyes change the pretty colours that they're doing...

...excuse me, but woah - that's either got to be the tamest orgasm ever, or Merry is the Mistress of Multitasking.

So Mistral wandered into the Flood of Mead and Convulsing, starts to thrash around while he gets Magic Markered, he falls down and there's some googly-eyed staring at Merry and she's like OOO PRETTY at his eyes and then he's makin' out with her.

. . .

Okay, let me just get this straight: Abe is going down on her, she's thrashing about on the floor, Mistral walks in, falls down and instantly starts to make out with Merry.

. . .

I think I just threw up in my mouth, just a little.

Oh, but wait - there's more.

While Abe and Mistral are doing their thing with their mouths, Merry suddenly notices that she's no longer lying on A) a fur rug, or B) a sticky pool (um, ewg?) but instead, dry sticks and stuff. Which is when both the boys notice Something Is Wrong, and they're both, "OMGWTF?" as they find that they've been teleported into the dead gardens. WHUT??? Oral sex with Merry gives you the power of teleportation???

Oh, and since fairies glow in the dark, they don't need to find a torch or lightswitch to see what's going on.

And then all the Magic Marker Lines glow and THRUST ABE AND MISTRAL BACK ONTO MERRY (omg, they can't run away even if they wanted to, THE MAGIC MADE THEM DO IT!!!) and they're left to do her in this dead place.

End chapter preview.

Known Issues:

1. Faces the color of darkest night, whitest snow, the pale green of new leaves, the gold of summer sunshine, the brown of leaves trodden underfoot destined to be rich earth, but there was no pale skin that held all the colors of a brilliant crystal, like a diamond carved into flesh. - z0mg, because fairies are so, like, in tune with nature, they have to, like, be all earthy and natural and stuffs. I'm all for that, but really, there's such a thing as going overboard.
   
   
2. [Kitto] looked childlike cuddled down in the fur, his face framed like some cherub for a valentine day card. He had been over a thousand years old before Christianity was a word. - I never have been a Kitto fan, never. IMHO, if the dude is about 3,000 years old, he...sorta shoulda grown up by now, OMGABUSEANDHATE at the hands of the Goblins because he's OMGPRETTY notwithstanding. Unless he's meant to be mentally retarded? I'm sure Jareth is facepalming right now.
   
   
3. Abe with his hair striped in shades of pale grey, dark grey, black and white, perfect strands of color, no mingling like a really good dye job, but it wasn't dye. His eyes were a few shades darker grey than most human eyes, but not otherworldly, not really. If you dressed him like a modern Goth, he'd be the hit of any club scene. - Don't ask me to try and translate this into English, I'm as bewildered as you are.
   
   However, I have to wonder what LKH's recent discovery of good dye jobs is about - I mean, Haven/Cookie has awesome blue hair (wtf? She's never seen a guy with good highlights before??? What salon does she go to???) and now Abe's got awesome grey stripey hair...and I keep thinking it's LIKE A SQUIRREL!!! So this guy walks around with a squirrel on his head.
   
   And how in the hell does this add up to OMGSOGAWTHANDHAWT?
   
   
4. I suddenly knew, not a vision, just sudden knowledge. "You weren't thrown out of the Seelie court for seducing the wrong woman. You were thrown out because you lost your powers, and once you could no longer make them merry with drink and revelry, Taranis kicked you out of the golden court."
   
   A tear trembled on the edge of one eye.
   
   I) She just knew? WHUT??? I know that Anita can absorb information via osmosis while shaking hands with people, and read minds, but Merry? She goes one better. She gets insta-download Wikipedia articles about her men.
   II) AHH HA HA HA! omgsoemo*tearslitswristsangstshotly*
   
   
5. I'd never seen [Abe] when he wasn't drunk, or staggering from some drug. But he was still immortal and sidhe, which meant that no drug, no drink, could ever truly make him forget. He could be drunk, but never oblivious. He could be clouded, but never truly know the rush of any drug.
   
   I) Uh, I thought it was Sidhe, because that's like, the name of their people. Like I'm Australian. /Grammar Nazi
   II) In all fairness, sucks to be Sidhe that way. However, in my mind, a junkie fairy makes for much more interesting reading. Specially if he's got to dash out of the middle of an orgy for a some smack because Merry didn't understand that "smack" meant drugs, not a spanking.
   
   
6. [Abe's] hands were warm and firm against mine. His eyes were deep, dark, grey, charcoal grey, with a hint of black somewhere in the center. "I have never belonged to a princess, but I fear you. I fear what you will do to me. What you will make me do to others. I fear taking this drink and binding myself to your fate."
   
   I) Uh, most eyes tend to have a bit of black in the centre - it's called the pupil, Little Miss Biology.
   II) RUN AWAY, ABE!!! You've got a right to PHEAR her!!! Look at all the other men she's got in her collection!!!
   
   
7. I shook my head, but never lost the concentration of [Abe's] eyes. "I do not bind you to my fate, Abeloec, nor me to yours. I merely say, drink of the power that was once yours to wield. Be what you once were. This is not my gift to give to you. This cup belongs to the God, the consort. He gave it to me, and bid me share it with you."
   
   I) HOMG, MERRY IS SO NOBLE! *headpianos* Of course you're gonna bind him to your fate, you bint. And you're going to be in love with him for EVAH and he's gonna be totally okay with you screwing every other man in court, because he's just so awesome that way and forever indebted to you for making him clean and sober and giving him back his superpowers. *polishes crystal ball* Anyone want to take bets that this doesn't happen?
   
   II) *raises hand* Other than the obvious, "Merry is teh greatest!" Sueness that's going on here, can anyone come up with a reason as to why the God and Goddess are going out of their way to level Merry up to Supar Fairy Goddess of Queenly Woah? You'd think they'd have better things to do with their time, like trying to rebuild a realm that's been dying for a while, or playing sodoku.
   
   
8. "I am afraid," [Abe] whispered it.
   
   "Be afraid, but take your drink, Abeloec."
   
   "You do not think less of me for being afraid."
   
   "Only those who have never known fear are allowed to think less of others for being afraid. Frankly, I think anyone that has never been afraid of anything in their entire life is either a liar or lacks imagination." - Merry has taken Anita's token, "I'm so honest and it's refreshing!" and it's just as stupid as ever. Um. DUH.
   
   Honestly, this whole kick to go out of her way to prove how wonderful and awesome and Obviously The Queen of Everything, is sooo tacky! Not to mention, probably very sticky, because I don't know where she's been. Quit being so omgunderstanding and caring and wanting to kiss the woobies better.
   
   
9. Rhys nodded, and came to stand close to us. His white curls fell to his waist, framing a body that was the most seriously muscled of any of the guards. He was also the shortest of them, a full-blooded sidhe that was only 5' 6", unheard of. - Yet another tidbit in the long line of Useless Knowledge that is spewed at us. Really, who gives a shit? Those of us who have been following the series know who Rhys is and what he looks like. New readers? Uh...you don't need to know this here. It could easily be slotted in somewhere else, somewhere more pertinent. But, that might create too much work for LKH and we don't want to wear her out, okay?
   
   
10. [Abe] stared down at me with his eyes so dark and perfect a grey. "You would bid me drink."
    
    I shook my head. "No, I would have you choose to drink, but it must be your choice."
    
    "You will not command me?"
    
    I shook my head again.
    
    "The princess has some very American views on free-will," Rhys said.
    
    "I take that as a complement," I said.
    
    I) *rolls eyes* Just so we're clear - I don't live in the US. I don't share the attitude that it's the greatest. place. ever. I get pissed off and bored at the same time every time I come across something like this that just seems to say, "RAH RAH RAH! GOOO USA!" because z0mg PATRIOTISM *shoves down throat* and uh, hello? You're not the only country on this crazy thing we call Earth.
    
    II) Ironically, after all that, "DRINK THE FUCKING MEAD!!!" that both Merry and Rhys were spouting at Abe, it all comes down to this??? What. the. fuck?
    
    III) Since Merry's gonna be the Queen of Everything, this is the kinda attitude that's gonna get your kingdom bankrupt and peasants revolting. Free will is all very well and good to have as a personal quality, but in a monarch? If everyone did whatever the hell they wanted, then nothing would get done. You might not like to have to order people to do things, but it's necessary to keep things running. Also, like government here, there are bound to be fairies out there that can't survive without an order, or a list of procedures taped up on the wall.
    
    
11. "Yes," Rhys said, "it means it's all on you. Your choice. Your fate. All in your hands. Enough rope to hang yourself, as they say."
    
    "Or save yourself," Doyle said, and he came to stand on the other side, like a taller darkness to Rhys's white. Abeloec and I stood with white on one side, and black on the other. Rhys had once been Cromm Cruach, a god of death and life. Doyle was the Queen's chief assassin, but once he had been Nodons, a god of healing. - *insert useless monologue here, then facepalm* Okay, I get that we're sticking with the black and white symbolism thing here, but really? LKH? Really???
    
    
12. [Abe] leaned in, closing the last inches between our mouths. I knew he was going to kiss me, and I wanted him to. I wanted to feel that laughter inside me. - Hey, lookit! "laughter" is her new word for "penis".
    
    
13. [Abe] mouth pressed against mine. A great cry went up among the men, joyous and rough, and strangely very male. His tongue licked light along my bottom lip, and I opened my mouth to him. He thrust himself inside my mouth, and suddenly all I could taste was honey and fruit, and mead. - I have to wonder if LKH has ever drunk mead in her life. I have a bottle of the stuff (albeit spiced) in the cupboard, untouched, because honestly, to drink mead is to tempt death. Even the weak stuff is enough to kill you. Really, you need an Adamantium liver to deal with this stuff in high doses.
    
    
14. [The cup] wasn't just [Abe's] symbol. He was cup, or what lay in it. - I'm certain that there's a couple of words missing from those fragments, and sadly, it still doesn't make much sense.
    
    
15. His tongue shoved inside me until I had to open my mouth wide, or choke. And it was like swallowing the thick, golden honeyed mead. He was the intoxicating cup. - Abe has a tongue bigger than Gene Simmons? Or she's confusing "tongue" with "penis" again? *brain oozes*
    
    
16. Our skin began to glow as if we'd swallowed the moon at her ripe bursting fullness, and her light was shining out from our skin. - Ah, I was wondering when we'd get to this bit of Urple prose. It's like a standard phrase to be used in all MG books. Skin kissed by moonlight, dipped in moonlight, swallowed moonlight, blah-blah-blee.
    
    
17. I knew that my eyes glowed, each circle of color, green of grass, pale green jade, and that molten gold. I knew that every circle of my iris glowed. My hair cast a reddish light around my vision, because my hair was spun garnets with fire inside them when I glowed. - Oh, she is so sparkly and orsum. Sheesh, please LKH, learn new metaphors! FOR THE LOVE OF...LOVABLE THINGS WITH FLUFFY FUR! LIVING FUR OF LOVING FLUFFINESS!!!
    
    
18. He spilled his mouth and hands down my body, over my breasts. He held them in his hands, gently, caressed my nipples with his lips and tongue until I cried out, and I felt my body grow wet, but not from the spreading golden pool. - Yeah, LKH is forever banned from using the word "spill" and "wet". Also, wtf? Her breasts are so awesome that she can orgasm when someone's fiddling with her nipples? Suddenly that scene back in KoS when the Sound Dude was wiring up her bra has a whole new meaning. Ew.
    
    
19. Someone cried out, and it wasn't me, and it wasn't Abeloec. Brii had fallen to his hands and knees, his long yellow hair spilling down into the growing pool of mead.
    
    I) AIII, I'm so tired of the whole, "Someone was screaming, and it was/n't me."
    II) Brii? *total mental blank* Unless he turned up in MG4, which I haven't read yet. We sooo need a Meat Map.
    
    
20. He licked his way down my body, drinking where the mead had pooled in the hollow of my stomach. He licked along the skin that edged the hair that curled between my legs. His tongue pressing in long sure strokes, over such innocent skin. It made me wonder what it would be like when he dropped lower to things that weren't so innocent. - *pages weepingcock* Wait, I thought all skin was innocent until proven guilty by a jury of its peers.
    
    
21. Galen had fallen to his knees. His skin was a green so pale it was white, - Yep, you read it here, folks. Green that's really white. Between this and the whole debacle of DM with trying to describe colours of things, we really need to pitch in and send LKH a colour wheel, or at the very least, paint chip samples. It'd certainly make things more interesting if she came out with a phrase like, "his eyes were the colour of Grantilla Maude, that amazing shade between twilight and purple, like someone had dipped a brush into dusk and painted his eyes with it."
    
    
22. A small sound drew me back to gaze at the bed, and found Kitto was still on the bed, safe from what was happening, but his eyes were wide, as if he were afraid anyway. He was afraid of so much. - See, this is why I hate Kitto. He's a fuckin' Goblin. Let him be Goblinny and cool and RAR! *chews on stuff, kidnaps babies and sends them to David Bowie*

Yeah, no, I haven't got anything else because the rest is too wanky and omgwtf??? for words.

Comments

[catskin.livejournal.com]

"A great cry went up among the men, joyous and rough, and strangely very male."

The men laughed and it sounded like men laughing.

Merry, I hate you.

[salveo-opes.livejournal.com]

But shouldn't it have been more like "The men laughed and it sounded like faeries laughing." instead?

LOL

[knomey.livejournal.com]

Omg. Laughing too hard. Can't.... breathe... AIR.

[salveo-opes.livejournal.com]

Yes, Kitto should be allowed to be all goblin-y and not a doormat/submissive that LKH writes him as. You'd think he'd have grown a set by now since being 'liberated'/used by Merry.

Maybe she meant that Galen had grown pale, going from green to white.

Love the comment about the Meat Map. You should copyright that.

As for the 'drink and be merry' comment?

Isn't that supposed to be more like "drink and DO Merry" instead?

Gah--I need more coffee so I can put my long, beautiful chestnut colored hair up in hair sticks or a braid. While I do that, I shall ponder the laundry and whatever else needs done today so I can write for six whole hours tomorrow. After all, the world needs more smut, right?

[dwg.livejournal.com]

When I was reading the "drink and be merry" part, I was just thinking, "he's gonna drink it and OMG FEEL WHAT MERRY FEELS while they're having the sex and it's going to be the most *intense* and best sex EVER...at least, until she has to do someone else."

It's that, or he turns into Merry and they fight to the death because THERE. CAN. BE. ONLY. ONE!!!

I know I read a story a bit back about a girl who sold her soul for a copy of herself and she sent the copy out to have sex and take drugs and live the life she wanted to live while she stayed in school and tried to have good grades - only, she felt everything the copy felt and the copy felt everything she felt, because they were the same. I can absolutely see LKH trying to do something like that either with Abe as Abe, or Abe as Merry and it'll be wanky and bad TO THE ENTH DEGREE!!!

And yes, the world needs more smut!

[frabjously.livejournal.com]

dwg = my hero. I don't know how you got through that since I could barely get through whole sentences. Your flog was much appreciated.

Let us add "pool" to the list of words that LKH has corrupted. Damnit.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

*adds word to the list*

Gah, and while I'm at it, "bulge" is getting added to it because I cannot look at that word and not think the wrong thing. And ripe! wtf? Erections are not ripe!

[delphinapterus.livejournal.com]

Fantastic. Isn't it odd that Abe, the younger, non-yellow version, has suddenly gotten into drug use - I'd swear that wasn't mentioned in the other books. So now Merry is better than any 12 step because her first step is "give the people what they want".


"that amazing shade between twilight and purple, like someone had dipped a brush into dusk and painted his eyes with it."

I can totally see her writing this.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

IIRC, in SBM he had a drinking problem and it was mentioned that he was also a junkie. What's new is the whole, "he can never forget" crap. What I'm boggling at is that he's kinda sober here. o.0

[salveo-opes.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing*

[mneiai.livejournal.com]

I don't know, if it gave me the power of teleportation, I might go down on Merry, too....

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but a one-way trip where you have to go down on her rather than explore the new surrounds or test out your shiny new powers?

[ellenel13.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid to ask, but why wasn't Frost in the orgy? Has he turned into the Richard of the Merry series? Did he have the audacity to demand celibacy from Merry?

Which brings me to another question; How come there are no women vying for these men's . . . attentions if they're so OMG great? No female rivals for LKH "characters?"

[ellenel13.livejournal.com]

Arugh. Monogamy. I meant monogamy.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

*holds out box of Kleenex* Uh. Sorry?

And you get a free book? Hopefully not this book?

[sadlikeknives.livejournal.com]

Abe. He goes by ABE. The ancient fairy what used to drink with deities (excuse me, diety) goes by ABE.

I think that's worse than AUGGIE.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Auggie's still got the #1 "NO!!!" in my brain. Abe's sliding in at number two.

Though, if they start referring to Barinthus as "Barry"...yeah, that'll make me cry. A lot.

[vanity-lost.livejournal.com]

Jareth would own the Unseelie Court. Oddly I sometimes catch myself picturing Sholto as young David Bowie...

If this series had someone who had an actual author behind it it could be so much more interesting. Court intrigue + assasination attempts + pregnancy + romantic entanglements + interfering gods + godly powers returning/multiplying + rival courts and races + suspicious humans + ancient secrets = Awesomeness. At least... it should. And yet it totally doesn't.

Amazing how much an overdose of Sue and Cardboard MeatMen can toxify something.

Since Merry's gonna be the Queen of Everything, this is the kinda attitude that's gonna get your kingdom bankrupt and peasants revolting. Free will is all very well and good to have as a personal quality, but in a monarch? If everyone did whatever the hell they wanted, then nothing would get done. You might not like to have to order people to do things, but it's necessary to keep things running. Also, like government here, there are bound to be fairies out there that can't survive without an order, or a list of procedures taped up on the wall.
AMEN. A-freaking-men. Merry doesn't act like a princess. She acts like she's some warped Porn-inducing Pollyanna. I think it would be all much more fun if someone wrote what happens if someone like Merry becomes queen of a people like the Unseelie. Talk about hell breaking loose...

Or just the story of Merry learning that sometimes to rule you have to be a bitch. Somebody has to die somedays. And somedays it's your fault. You know they have to die and even if you don't want them to. Of course, a friend of mine had the theory that Merry's dad is still alive (or soon to be resurrected) since he was a harvest god at some point, it was mentioned he had some foresight left to him, and that this was all a part of his plan. So after his dumb nephew has driven his mom crazy and gotten himself killed, and Merry has either gotten herself killed or toughened up enough to take out Cel and Andais, Daddy can step in. Bonus points if Taranis has gotten pwned and Merry is next in line for that throne too. She's not that bright and easily controlled/distracted with sex. But if Merry's dead and Andais is mad, at least he gets the Unseelie...

[delphinapterus.livejournal.com]

Harvest gods so have a tendency to get resurrected, so I don't think that's actually as far fetched as it sounds on first reading. However, I can see pages of angst on Merry's part if that happens.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Given that Abe is a Sidhe, he probably isn't totally addicted to anything at all, and just drinks and drugs out for the whole "trying to forget" woe (what, they don't have a French Fairy Foreign Legion???) and he can QUIT ANY TIME HE WANTS but without the nasty physical/psychological side effects because he IS all shiny and Sidhe and Merry will kiss fuck all the woobies better.

Yeah. Way to go with realism. Totally.

Oh wow, I got to the whole mead-pool screaming heap thing before my eyes glazed over. It was on the second read as I was writing the flog that I managed to get through it. *has a great and terrible will*

[phyrra.livejournal.com]

I commend you for being able to buy this book and read it.
After the last AB book, I just couldn't.
Thank you for doing the book flog.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Well, the book ain't out yet - it's the preview chapter on LKH's website.

I...sorta have the aim to buy it, but I think I'll be waiting until paperback. Because I have MG#4 in hardcover, sitting on my bookshelf - totally unread. It's been there for about a year.

And I've still got Danse Macabre to finish reading, but that's getting put off in favour of a NaNo-ish thing. I might hit it if I finish a short story and am in that braindead place. I have a high tolerance for pain, but OMFG, DM HURTS. It HURTS SO MUCH!!!

[randomsome1.livejournal.com]

like a diamond carved into flesh.

Um, ow? And how would that possibly be shiny? Did she mean "imbedded"?

He licked along the skin that edged the hair that curled between my legs. His tongue pressing in long sure strokes, over such innocent skin. It made me wonder what it would be like when he dropped lower to things that weren't so innocent.

Merry's Tummy: Dude, I have no association whatsoever with what's going on down there. If ANYONE knows how I can get off this spermy roller-coaster ride, TELL ME!

Merry's Bits: I used to be innocent. Now I'm jaded as a $10 hooker, and probably just as bruised and stretched and wrinkly from overuse.

[freyalorelei.livejournal.com]

...I can't read this.

Seriously, I started reading Chapter 2, and it's so. Frickin'. BORING. My attention span, which is admittedly not iron-clad in the best of circumstances, wandered about a third of the way through.

The instant Merry started pushing alcohol on a person with a drinking problem, I thought, "Wow, I cannot WAIT to see the outrage that will inevitably follow."

Merry pushing Abeloec to drink was the most boring conflict ever, and it went on for what will probably be at least a solid page. "Drink from the cup." "No." "Drink from the cup." "No." "Drink from the cup." "No." "Drink from the cup." "Well, okay." *drinks*

I hate the repetition of "naked" and "nude." It was like every other sentence we needed to be reminded that, yup, Merry's naked. Why, I have no idea, since Merry is naked throughout 90% of the series. It's like LKH thinks she is being Daring and Sexy and gets a cheap little thrill every time she types the words. "I'm writing about naked people! I R TRAILBLAZER!"

Also, wtf: He licked along the skin that edged the hair that curled between my legs. His tongue pressing in long sure strokes, over such innocent skin. It made me wonder what it would be like when he dropped lower to things that weren't so innocent. Because the act of someone licking your stomach is innocent? O...kay.

When did Fflur show up? She wasn't in the room when Merry woke up, but the instant Merry starts having sex, there's some random woman in the room. Come to think of it, LKH never elaborates on how many people are with Merry, or even where Merry is (aside from "a bed that was not mine"), until she gets magically teleported to the dead gardens under the steam of her sex-fu.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

I don't know when Fflur showed up! She was suddenly there, scratching at the door, trying to get away. Barinthus, bless his heart, actually opened the door to try and let her out. Maybe it's because he remembers his manners that he's called the Kingmaker. (It's that, or he's really Fairy Mentos).

I was kinda guessing that all 16 (or so) blokes would be there, the fur might be that...Calico...dude...Usna! (holy crap, how I remember this is disturbing) because he can turn into a cat, but no, turns out to be Kitto (wow, I nearly wrote "Kitty") and a rug...and suddenly the rug is on the floor and everyone's on it and...*brain asplodes*

I'll say it again: WHUT???

*cries* I just want my Sholto sex. My badly written, overly wangsty, meta- and physically impossible Sholto-sex.

[alex-lebeau.livejournal.com]

"You want the drink."

"But I don't want the drink!"

"You do!"

"I don't!"

"You do!"

"I don't!"

"...you don't."

"I do!"

"You don't!"

"I do! Listen, when I say I do, that means I DO!"

....sorry. Ahem.

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

Ah, shit. Merry's going to be the Richard of the series - "But I don't CARE that we have a system of absolute monarchy, I want people to CHOOSE what they want to do, which is why I may restore the faerie kingdom but I'll be dead within a decade!"