Blog Flog

[tsula.livejournal.com]

Title: You know you should throw it away when . . .
Date: July 05, 05



Faithfully ignoring her The 4th bitchfest about mean people (cursed neighbors) lighting loud, noisy firecrackers and Roman Candles over house therefore depriving her of precious beauty sleep; we move to the meat of the issue (oh, look! a pun!):

Rules for throwing things out of the Fridge:

You should throw it out when you ask any of the following questions.

1. What color is (insert any food item)supposed to be?

eh... I usually ask "Is it supposed to be furry? Or slimy in the case of lunch meats... Otherwise my food doesn't randomly change color in the fridge, no matter HOW long I leave it in there.

2. Does this smell funny to you?

Especially with milk, kiddies... ESPECIALLY with milk. I mean, if we're doing a PSA against salmonella, e. coli, etc. might as well do it right.

3. Do you remember how long ago I made this?

Uh... why would something YOU made be in MY fridge? I clearly live in a small town in NE Oklahoma that no one's heard of, except for the five of us that live there and the ten that moved away. While you live in a suburb of St. Louis, MO... that'd be some really overactive fridge gnomes at work. Creatures that deserve their own PSA, kthnxbye.

4. Does this taste a little funny to you?

Okay, if it looks and smells suspicious, why the FUCK would you be PUTTING IT IN YOUR MOUTH?!? Common sense, people, common fucking sense!

5. I didn't know we had raisins. (We didn't.)

Well, Laurell, if you kept the goats from rampaging in you kitchen you wouldn't be finding there special raisins in the oddest places.

((Cleverly rused to disguise the idea that DON'T even want to begin to contemplate what kind of fucked-up concoctions she has in her fridge that would decay to a raisin like substance.)


6. What did this use to be? (If you can't tell, then it must be thrown away.)

Mmmm... mystery meat.

Just a few useful tips from us, to you. What prompted this blog? Remembering the time my husband gave himself food poisoning by breaking rules 2 through 4. On the day before his birthday. We were only dating then, but it was a memorable moment.

Well, if there was any doubts before, you are truly deluded as to our caring what the fuck goes on in the life of your husband. And he definitely rode on the short bus when in school, eh? Ah... Jon's "special!"


Now you, too, can benefit from Laurell's infinite knowledge and hard-earned wisdom when cleaning out one's refridgerator.

Comments

[gweneth-syeira.livejournal.com]

lmao...that was great. cheered me up for work this morning.

[nanale.livejournal.com]

*snort* That's exactly what I want to read in an authors blog!
And JonJon must be an idiot, if he can't distinguish good food from spoiled one at the age of around 20.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Bzuh. Eww.

Between a mother who has the nose of a bloodhound and a microbiology minor - our fridge never gets anywhere near needing that checklist.

Hell, a fridge should never get anywhere near needing that checklist. You'd have to have no sense of smell, taste or sight to require that checklist. Student food, notwithstanding.

[tsula.livejournal.com]

I just assume that if it's not eaten after a week, it won't, so throw it out. That, and check Mr. Expiration Date. Silly me.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

That's pretty much the unspoken rule. Some things linger for longer, but only because they'll keep.

[saadiira.livejournal.com]

Portions of ours can get near to needing some sort of help at times. (I tend to overshop for groceries).

It's called check the expiration dates, packing dates, and the dates you were SUPPOSED to have marked on the leftover canisters and freezerbags, know which ones you can't ignore or fudge, and when in doubt, pitch it. (And duh on don't eat it if it smells or tastes funny, or has nasty substances extruding from it, or growing on it, or is completely unrecognizeable.)

Jeeze. Why go through a huge checklist?

-Dira-

[tsula.livejournal.com]

Because this is Laurell, and like her alter ego, she cannot do anything with long winded, inner dialogue and grave introspection of all potential rammifications of actions done with said spoiled leftovers.

Feel my run-on sentence.