Ok, I'm still pissed off at this!

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

I'm still upset over what I read in Darla's MySpace blog. Literally, I want to punch something. I have half a mind to write her and tell her what an idiot she's being! Of course, in my present mind, I'll tack on something like, "Oh, and I'm burning all my LKH books since I want nothing to ever do with you or her again." I really wish something could be done about this. I know on MySpace, any negative comment can be deleted by the owner of the page. My only silver lining is that she'd have to read it before deleting it.

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a [...] blog.view&friendid>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

I'm still upset over what I read in Darla's MySpace blog. Literally, I want to punch something. I have half a mind to write her and tell her what an idiot she's being! Of course, in my present mind, I'll tack on something like, "Oh, and I'm burning all my LKH books since I want nothing to ever do with you or her again." I really wish something could be done about this. I know on MySpace, any negative comment can be deleted by the owner of the page. My only silver lining is that she'd have to read it before deleting it.

<a href="http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=" blog.view&friendid="92304655&blogID=237100059&MyToken=62a0e8e6-69f9-4d0e-a69b-d194c5fc752e"" "="" "=""> Darla's blog </a>

This is the part that really pissed me off. The section where she talks about not calling the kids ruined.

<i>These children can and do grow up to be constructive and productive people. These kid's lives are no more ruined than the kid who has a major illness or one who loses their parents in an accident. It is a traumatic, painful experience that no one should ever have to suffer through. But with time and counseling, they can get past it. They will never get over it. It will always be a part of who they are. It is up to the adults around them to see that the effects are minimalized. Which is truly all that can be done.</i>

Look at it! "With time and counseling" my ass! I wouldn't let a guy kiss me until I was 19 after what happened to me, and I had many years of counseling! Granted, not for that, but I know something about kids and counselors. The kids don't talk! Seriously, we have no idea what we're doing in there and what we're supposed to talk about (I was in therepy after being verbally abused by a teacher for a whole year).

And this cracked me up. <i>...lives are no more ruined then the kid who has a major illness or one who loses their parents in an accident.</i> Well, I say LKH should get counseling and get over it! Hey, it's Darla's suggestion.

That's all. I'm sorry it's so long. I was just really, really upset. I think I'm gonna toast marshmellows over <i>Blue Moon</i> now.

Comments

[hippie-lover.livejournal.com]

What was she talking about? I don't have a Space so I can't see the original comment.

[randomsome1.livejournal.com]

Your html did something wacky there, so I'm not quite sure what you're talking about.

[melaniedavidson.livejournal.com]

(Specifically, there's an = missing in the link. It should be <a href=" and not <a href".)

Also the first paragraph is repeated.

[randomsome1.livejournal.com]

I copied and pasted the link into my browser and didn't get anywhere, though. But it's below, so all is well. :)

[relmneiko.livejournal.com]

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=92304655&blogID=237100059&MyToken=62a0e8e6-69f9-4d0e-a69b-d194c5fc752e

Livejournal is on crack.

As far as the legislation, I agree with her - a sex offenders list won't solve all the problems - but all of her reasons were completely wrong.

I agree with more/earlier sexual education in schools, speaking as someone who never had any from school until high school and none at all from my parents. So many teenagers don't even know basic flipping anatomy (it would be so nice if teenaged boys actually knew where the clitoris was). Sex education isn't sex education, it's reproduction education - or rather, an endless litany of 'use condoms!!'

Anyway... Her idea that just because a sex offender is a family or friend they shouldn't be punished is totally crack. Adding another legislation would not change the reluctance of victims to come forward one little bit.

Finally, my mother died at a young age AND I suffer from chronic illness. I would take that 100x over rape. Everyone experiences the death of a loved one and the money for pills + hospital time is nothing compared to the total shit that victims of sex crimes go through. WTF is that bint on, really.

[ladymina.livejournal.com]

apart from the fact that I think the people who make a sex offender list, that holds both the experimenting teens where one was under the age of consent and on the other hand rapists, need to get a psychological evaluation ... , the rest of Darla's post is even worse then those guys ...
Actually I am against those lists, because I can see too many bad paths that could take ... BUT if you have to have lists like this, there should be some kind of degree thing in the sex offender thing and only worst degree - convicted rapists and child molesters - should make it on the list ... NOT the poor Teenagers caught by stupid age of consent shit ....

[albinowolf.livejournal.com]

I'm with ya. I was abused before I turned 13 and because of it I wouldn't let any guy touch me until I was in my early 20's and found one I really trusted. And to be honest, he's the only guy I've *ever* let touch me and the only guy I've ever really trusted in that way. I still don't trust men and I'm 31 now. In fact, sadly, I still have times where I don't trust him [we've been off and on for years due to my problems]. Ruined? Yeah. Once you've been broken there's only so much that therapy/counceling can do.

[windiain.livejournal.com]

I feel ill now. Really - I have that nasty bile taste in my mouth. I know that people are entitled to their opinions, and we have free speech, but some people really need to think before they spew their shit everywhere.

No fucking wonder LKH is batshit - she doesn't get any balanced and sane views from those around her. All we can do is wait for Trinity to hit her teenage years and start educating her own bloody mother and consorts about the Real World.

[x-trickster-x.livejournal.com]

Because it gives her something to whine about and whatever keeps Her Highness happy keeps her happy too. =/

[melaniedavidson.livejournal.com]

Besides, if she's so convinced that therapy and what all can completely fix trauma, why's LKH such a basket case still? She hates planes, she's still traumatized over her mom dying and her grandma now, she's a "technophobe" etc...why isn't Darla carting her off to the shrink's to 'fix' her?

...That's a very good point. I mean, I wouldn't think that being plane-phobic is anywhere near as horrible and traumatizing as being raped. Surely it would be a SNAP to fix!

[slayra.livejournal.com]

This Darla woman talks as someone who doesn't know anything about the subject... which is good for her, of course, but bad for people who actually had to go through these awful things. I mean, 'therapy'? Damn, I had therapy for years, after I went completely mental (psychological disorder), for having a batty family and being an overall anti-social and paranoid teenager! It didn't work 100% for me, who had a minor problem, how can it be so very helpful to people who were abused? No, she definitely doesn't know what she is about.

Some of her ideas are not totally outrageous... I mean, proper sex education might at least make children understand their bodies and what is right or wrong. But the rest of what she says... well, it's unrealistic.

[sweetpirate.livejournal.com]

proper sex education might at least make children understand their bodies and what is right or wrong

I think this is a good idea as well--however, I think both parents and teachers should be taught the 'warning signs' (for lack of a better term) of sexual abuse. Not just bruises, or the child who complains that it hurts to pee--but the psychological/behavioral reprecussions of sexual abuse are actually pretty easy to catch, if you know what to look for.

[slayra.livejournal.com]

Of course! That is the most important aspect of a good Sex ED program. To teach parents and teachers to recognize the signs of abuse. Or any other signs that something is wrong, really. Concerned teachers and informed parents are the best thing we could have to try to minimize (even if we cannot completely heal) the effects of traumatic experiences not to mention to stop these things from happening as fast as possible.

[sweetpirate.livejournal.com]

Sorry this is so long--I could have actually gone longer, but I figure I'd spare some of the righteous rage to use for motivation to get through my day. (That's right Darla, some of us use the rage our event-that-didn't-ruin-us to get through regular day to day life).

Having erroneous facts can be more dangerous than being ignorant sometimes.
You think? I think, despite having 'worked at a police station' she's a misguided *can't think of curse evil enough*. She's no more enlightened than the bints that she's complaining about.
What do you think is going to happen, when you get on your soapbox and preach about something you have no fucking EXPERIENCE with on a public forum, where, because of your unfortunate association with a mediocre pRontastic author, your words are going to be over exposed to the type of people who will take your opinion as GOLD and the word of GOD. You want to educate people? Give them the FACTS, not your OPINION.

It makes my blood boil every time I see some pundit or politician saying these children are ruined. No, they are not ruined....up to the adults around them to see that the effects are minimalized. Which is truly all that can be done.
Contradictory much? If they aren't ruined, then the effects aren't permanant. And speaking as someone who can't stand having people stand directly behind her without freezing up, even people I trust (as much as I can trust anyway), I say fuck you.

But with time and counseling, they can get past it
Once again, I call foul. Once again, I call Darla blowing hot air out her ass. She obviously doesn't have any experience with something that traumatic. I had counseling once upon a time...Wanna know what happened with that? I stopped going, after the 6 consecutive months of insomnia and nightmares that occurred after talking about something 15 years old. And honestly, even if I had told my parents when it happened, there was a very limited amount of time between the occurence and it's subsequent repression.

So what is the problem? That registry contains only one type of person: those who have been caught AND convicted...That means that the list is only for a percentage of all sex offenders. I suspect it is a small percentage at that.
So she's saying that everytime someone is accused they should be registered? Sucks to be those poor innocent people who actually get CONVICTED that she's bitching about just a paragraph or two farther down.
Also, although her 'thought' on the percentage is at least, a logical conclusion (one of few in this entire entry) I suggest she look not only into sex offender conviction rates, nor victimization rates...but the recidivism rate. Something like 10% of all criminals are habitual--that means that they've been CONVICTED something like more than 7 times (If I remember correctly. I'd be more specific with the statistics if I could find my CJ notes from college). So it's not a 1:1 ratio. In reality? It could be 100 victims of 75, or even less, sex offenders. Which to me, is actually a reason to have the registry (although the registry itself would have to be a seperate rant, because I don't think the registries themselves should be free to any Tom, Dick or Harriet who wants one).

And last, but not least?

...treat the offender.
You're right. I think we should treat the sexual predators to a round through the general population at any local, state or federal maximum security prison.

[queenbetsy.livejournal.com]

Stephanie, I'm so sorry this upset you. Ignoance can be maddening. I can take mean, and I can take stupid, but I can't ever take both. I hope you feel better for having shared your thoughts with us.

[sweetpirate.livejournal.com]

Hi! Um...thank you for the support, but who's Stephanie?

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

I think I am (at least my real name is)

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

Thank you, I'm doing much better. I got to work, got busy, and had homemade speghetti. It's hard to stay upset when you're full of meatballs.

[longtail.livejournal.com]

But with time and counseling, they can get past it. They will never get over it. It will always be a part of who they are.

Um, I'm not sure about where the vehemence is coming from here. She isn't telling anybody to "get over it." She makes that clear. Most victims DO find workable solutions to living with their memories. They might not function as freely as others who have not had to have such a trauma, but they do find ways to function and build on their lives constructively.

Yes, I am also an abuse survivor. I was a pedophile's plaything for several years during my early teen years. I got PAST it. Meaning, I could function. I still had to learn a lot about how to make things like sex and relationships really enjoyable, but I had gotten past the memories enough to try. I don't see what Darla is saying here as an untruth or a lack of understanding.

I will say though, I believe that the message to tell someone if an adult is doing bad things to you is pretty out there now. It's a pretty available message, so I think most kids know and DO say as much. Yet in many cases, adults just don't listen. They don't want to deal with it. Or they can't deal with it. I was told when I did the right thing and told my mother about the sexual abuse, "Well, you shouldn't have been bothering him!"

And that, was that.

[sweetpirate.livejournal.com]

I think (for my part anyway) the 'vehemence' is from what I took the message behind the words to be. To me, being able to function in society and getting past something are two different things. I can function as a part of society on the whole...but one on one relationships are extremely hard to have. And I'm not talking love/sex relationships, so much as even simple friendships, or working relationships. Society really doesn't require much from its functioning memebers--pay taxes, don't break laws. But to have a productive life requires a lot more. But to move past something--that involves being able to have a life. And frankly, I've got one down, but not the other, so I tend to be touchy when people who don't have any experience (at least, it certainly doesn't SOUND like Darla has any) with the subject matter get on their soapboxes.

[longtail.livejournal.com]

Ah, ok, I see where you're coming from entirely now. Ironic and not the best phrasing on Darla's part.

Just as victims don't like to hear they are "ruined," neither do we want to hear those trigger words of "get over it" or "get past it."

[were-lemur.livejournal.com]

I'm another survivor who's gotten past it (not completely, and I think when I have the money and the time I'm going to try EMDR to see if I can't deal with the occasional bouts of hypervigilance) and built a functional life. I've had relationships, had sex that I've enjoyed, and would consider myself pretty much okay 99.9% of the time.

While I do think this Darla person is talking from ... shall we say, a certain lack of knowledge ... I would agree -- partially -- with one thing. Considering a person as "ruined" because of what they've been through can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. I was told by a therapist (the last one I ever saw) that I could never expect to have a normal life, normal relationships, normal sex.

If I'd believed her, or the rest of the voices from society at large telling me the same thing, I don't think I would have survived. But I've always been a contrarian, just arrogant enough to believe I can beat the odds (hey, I'm trying to make my living as a writer) and deep down, there was a part of me that believed that I still could have a normal life.

Would my life have been better, would I have been stronger, if those two sickos had never entered my life? Undoubtably. But I am not ruined, and I will not accept the claim that anyone else is, either.

There is a world of difference between "damaged" and "ruined." While the former acknowledges that there is weakness, it also leaves open the possibility for repair. But if something is ruined, there's nothing left to do. It's beyond fixing -- consign it to the dumpster, game over. The End.

[longtail.livejournal.com]

It IS possible to live with those memories and not be affected. I really have no problems talking about it anymore, nor do I feel it affects my ability to relate to people.

There's a difference between saying "You are ruined" and "your life was ruined." I think "ruined" in some ways is an apt way to describe it. If a building is destroyed in a fire, it's ruined. You can't have the same building back. BUT, you can tear down what's left and build a new building in it's place.

I think recovering from abuse is kind of like that. I don't think what I could have had before the pedophile showed up is the same as it is now. That part was totally ruined, but I built something nice in it's place that's just as good.

Still...yeah, Darla's right, it's not very good phrasing and not something victims and survivors would really want to hear.

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

Sorry it took me so long to fix this. I was busy at work. Still am, actually.

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a [...] blog.view&friendid>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

Sorry it took me so long to fix this. I was busy at work. Still am, actually.

<a href="http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction="blog.view&friendID=92304655&blogID=237100059&MyToken=62a0e8e6-69f9-4d0e-a69b-d194c5fc752e""> Darla's blog </a href>

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

and I still can't fix it. My computer-fu has failed me.

[summersdream.livejournal.com]

I think if you edit the original entry and add an = after <a href it would be fixed.

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

*cries* I tried that. The computer hates me.

[summersdream.livejournal.com]

I'm all for the castration in rape cases. And registration. But they do need to add a distinction between teenagers who happened to be 18 and 16 or 17/16 whichever, and actual sex offenses. Because as far as I know, they have the same listing for Violent Rapist as they do for Kid Who Sexed Up His Girlfriend After His 18th Birthday.

A girl I knew since elementary lied about a rape to get herself out of trouble. Realizing someone can lie about that? A complete mindwarp. Realizing someone spent time in jail over a convincing lie about that? Worse.

I'd love for her to be on a list. Sadly, they don't make a listing for sociopathic tendencies. She wasn't a textbook sociopath, by any stretch, but she was hystrionic at the least. We actually did have a certifiable sociopath at our school. Oh that was fun when the grown-ups started figuring it out. But he wasn't into sexual escapades. He was way more creative. He's not on any list either.

But the sex offender registries do help, I think.

Also, to swing back to topic: Darla is no longer a person. She's just LKH's personal parrot. Any issue LKH might think too controversial, Darla sounds off on. Interesting trend, that.

[kyalesyin.livejournal.com]

This has got me all wound up. I spent six months in psych learning to cope with a whole childhood of abuse, and the one thing I picked up? You're only 'broken' if thats how they treat you. You're only as 'damaged' as people expect you to be. If someone knows they're talking to an abuse vicitm, they expect them to be damaged and thats what they see. Six months of intensive therapy wasn't a cure. It didn't evaporate all my troubles. However, listen to the people not in the know, they do assume its some kind of miracle cure.

Further proof of the muppetry of LKH's innter circle.

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

I'll admit, no one ever called me broken, or my sister. We both just had our own issues with men after being molested. I couldn't let any guy even kiss me until my ex-fiance (and that was a mistake). I won't say how my sister coped. Our family doesn't talk about it, but we are kinda in contact with the second guy (the one that went after my sister). He knows if he so much as breathes in my sister's direction, I'll hurt him. Heck, my whole family knows this. I made my stand the last time we saw him. Stupid cousin.

[kyalesyin.livejournal.com]

Cousins eh? What can you do with em...

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

to quote an aunt, "Get some of the boys to 'talk' to him." *grins*

[kyalesyin.livejournal.com]

And there I was gonna say 'throw em off a bridge with their balls tied to the rail...'

[sister-ananke.livejournal.com]

I like how her expertise comes from a friend who was abused. Because that is always the absolute best resource...

[ladyravana.livejournal.com]

...I am hating this woman more and more. She says the cure for ALL emotional problems is THERAPY! It's the end all be all. Just talk your problems out, and you'll be okay! Oh, you'll get over it, no worries! *end sarcasm*

Speaking as someone who endured YEARS of abuse at the hands of others...she doesn't know a goddamn thing. (Never any sexual abuse thankfully, but I have had several friends that have been through that. My closest friend was sexually abused by a sibling.) I have friends that went through this, so that means I know everything right? I'm entitled to go off about it, right? That makes it all right, since I obviously KNOW EVERYTHING, according to Queen Darla's logic.

*eyelid twitches* I really, really want to choke this bitch.

Last May, I spent six days in a mental institution, because I had a breakdown, and was bordering on suicidal. I got out, I stabilized, I did okay. I've been to therapy and councelling before, and while yes it does help, I do have bad days where if I talk about certain things from my past, I break down in tears. As long as I don't think/talk about it? I do fine about 98% of the time. Right now, I'm in the process of dealing and moving on. Therapy is not an instant fix, it takes time, and it only goes so far. I really, really resent how Darla seems to think she knows everything.

I'm not a productive member of society yet, but I'm getting there. My trust issues are so bad, that there are days I'm afraid to leave the house, and I do NOT do well in large crowds. If a person comes up and talks to me? I freeze like a deer in headlights. I have that residual fear of someone coming up and attacking me, since it happened so often in school. Yay for social anxiety disorder! :p

FUCKING ENTER KEY!

[ladyravana.livejournal.com]

One more thing I'd like to add: Karma seems to have caught up with this twit, at least. I read her latest blog entry: her grandson was diagnosed with autism. Hah, take that Darla!

*is a malicious, mean-spirited bitch*

Re: FUCKING ENTER KEY!

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't wish autism on anyone. I would, however, wish her to babysit one of my cousins. The psycho who likes to live in a trailer and clean his guns all day when he's not in Lala land on the computer. Yeah, that's what I wish on her. Oh, he hasn't killed anyone. Not that we know of, anyway.

[witchwillow.livejournal.com]

I think it's a mistake to have someone with autism around a person who would be unable to have a concept of what it means to live in a different kind of world, processing the world in a different kind of way.

[knomey.livejournal.com]

Her argument - that we ought to work to 'cure' and rehabilitate the abusers instead of criminally prosecuting them - is one that makes me feel really tired, and really, really sad.

[tsula.livejournal.com]

what is with these people and their constant disregard and boderline antipathy for rape and sexual abuse? it's just... appalling.

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

See, the worst psychological issues I've had are severe anger-management issues and bouts of depression since I was a teen. And therapy barely got the latter under control.

I guess the most annoying thing about the way the gang at MPE think is that it's always an absolute. "NO child is ruined by abuse! ALL problems are cured by therapy! Orgasms are ALWAYS multiple and simultaneous!"

[witchwillow.livejournal.com]

I couldn't finish reading the post. It didn't make much sense to me. The general gist I got was that she disapproved of people being on sex offender lists whose only true crime was aging up while in a relationship with someone who then became a minor compared to them.

And in that, yes, I think there should be some distinction; violent vs criminal etc. I have no current opinion on public lists vs a check in system only the cops know. I just have no opinion there.

I do agree that it's bullshit to use phrasing that makes it harder for people to recover from things. And that if you survive it there should be some recognition for being a survivor, for still living and trying to function as best as you can.

But other than that - I think I can have more of an opinion about her opinion when I can read it without having to re-read every sentence three times to figure out what she means.

And yes, I don't think she makes a good advocate at all for people who have been abused; emotionally, physically, sexually,

[salustra.livejournal.com]

just reading what of the post is quoted here is too much. I'm not going over to read that garbage.

I'm an incest survivor. And I think 'ruined' is the perfect way to describe it. Therapy hasn't helped, and meds make it just possible for me to function most of the time. I deeply distrust almost all men. I know it's not rational, not reasonable, but deep down I believe they can hurt me.

Right now I'm physically ill, my gut twisted into knots, reading the idiocy this woman is spewing.

*sighs*

[alex-lebeau.livejournal.com]

I didn't know Tom Cruise had a sex change.

[ravenhaley.livejournal.com]

I guess Darla hasn't hear the idea of the proposal in Ohio about cars of sexual predators would be marked by fluorescent green license plates. The Bill states: "A require for all habitual and child-oriented sex offenders to display the easy-to-spot plates."

Darla doesn't know what she is talking about. She doesn't realized that Sex offenders are about four times more likely than non-sex offenders to be arrested for another sex crime after their discharge from prison –– 5.3 percent of sex offenders versus 1.3 percent of non-sex offenders.

She needs to review facts not her opinion.