Best review I've read in a while:

[caligryphy.livejournal.com]

http://www.sfdiplomat.net/sf_diplomat/2007/06/review_the_harl.html

"...A systemic and catastrophic failure of the entire process of book creation from initial idea to writing to editing..."

It's a thing of beauty.

Comments

[unrund.livejournal.com]

*dabs at eyes with a lace kerchief*
You are right, it is a thing of beauty. I shall send an e-mail to LKH with this link and then stare at her blog until she rants about another 'negative reader'.

[broomstick.livejournal.com]

GREAT review.

I think he nails the major points for the last 5 books, and not just the Whorelequin

[cookie-wolf.livejournal.com]

*snorts* Yeah, it is. However: Micah is king of the were-hyenas and has been
the subject of a spin-off novel.

...At least get the clan right.

[brightlyiburn.livejournal.com]

He did make a correction on that.

And you know, I can see where one could make that mistake. There's so many damn were types wandering around in LKH's books.

[cookie-wolf.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I know. I only know it cause I hate him.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

AHH HA HA HA!

That is one of the most delicious things I have ever read. :D

[quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com]

I hope to Christ no one ever write anything that damning about anything I ever publish. I would crawl back into my fucking hole and never put pen to page again.

[unrund.livejournal.com]

As long as you hold LKH up as your glowing 'don´t-ever-write-like-that' example, no one will write something like that *amused*

[oui-je-danse.livejournal.com]

I think her general attitude has earned her a bit of harshness from people. If her writing were getting better or she was open to criticism, she'd never get reviews like this. But since she has a reputation now as nasty, people don't pull the punches.

If I ever became a complete asshole over something I wasn't even good at, I'd hope somebody would put me in my place. It's more embarrassing for LKH now.

[surlierthanthou.livejournal.com]

"Hamilton returns again and again to a fetishistic obsession with what the various characters are wearing."

This perfectly articulates one of LKH's most annoying habits: substituting actual characterization with a description of a character's appearance. That was extremely entertaining, thank you.

[oui-je-danse.livejournal.com]

Not to mention how ridiculously not sexy the outfits are. They started out ok, but now they're silly. I'm talking a drunk 1980s Elton John wouldn't even be caught dead in that kind of thing. Or maybe her fashion is stuck in the 80s.

[kidkai.livejournal.com]

That is one thing she's done since the beginning though. Gun holsters and Nike swooshes. Even in the good days, I was annoyed by the gun holsters and Nike swooshes.

[oui-je-danse.livejournal.com]

But didn't you love the chapter in every book dedicated to describing some new piece of formal wear or leather that was hard to hide a gun under? All those holster woes were quite engaging to the ready mind. ^_~

[vmisery.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but now she's letting Jean-Claude dress Anita up in formal wear and really going to town with the descriptions. o_0 Man, it's like Barbie Does Dallas.

[surlierthanthou.livejournal.com]

Don't forget how even though Anita is too tomboyish to be concerned with silly things like makeup and dresses, she always notices the tiniest detail of everyone's outfit!

[vmisery.livejournal.com]

Well, don't you like your candy in pretty wrappers too?

[oui-je-danse.livejournal.com]

I'm waiting to hear about the first time Anita describes their pores and whether they have pattern dryness anywhere on their faces. Heh. And the first time some were-creature shows up wearing a jumpsuit made entirely of black leather and seranwrap. "... his nipples peaking through like deviled eggs at a spring picnic, covered to protect them from bugs..."

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

HA! Awesome. Eagerly awaiting Anita's assessment of Edward's skin-care regimen**. Cetaphil or Clearasil?


**(Well, not really.) ;-)

[kethryvis.livejournal.com]

That is the most beautiful thing I've read all week.

And I have to say, I'm incredibly pleased to see an outsider call Anita a Mary Sue. Especially someone who admits that he hasn't really read any other Anita books... coming in cold and recognizing it right from the start is a great vindication for the rest of us (right up there with there being a rule on the official board to not call Anita/Merry/etc. "Mary Sues")

I also wish LKH would start actually reading reviews of her work, and not look at the bookcharts. Hell, even when I get a paper turned back to me with a high mark, I always look through it to the comments below pointing out what I should have done better for next time. But I guess that means I care about the craft and not just the rewards.

I wonder how LKH looks at her writing... is it her career? Her job? Or her passion?

[oui-je-danse.livejournal.com]

Her pr0no! It's her personal sexscapade machine.

[threeringedmoon.livejournal.com]

I wish I could write like that....

[shadowbloodwing.livejournal.com]

Lovely! I can't wait until LKH get's a hold of that link, maybe she'll wise up and get rid of Anita's sex drive. Or make Edward kill her.


... scratch that, I like the second one better. XD

[brightlyiburn.livejournal.com]

I do believe I'm in love.

Here's hoping LKH DOES see that and DOES write a blog in response. The floggings that will ensue would be absolutely precious.

[gray-ghost.livejournal.com]

lol....I posted a link to that review in a comment Darla made on the Amazon page for the site. That review was devastating. Everyone who is a fan of her work needs to read that.

[missamii.livejournal.com]

Brava! Although I object to calling Anita progressive in any sense of the word, its a wonderfully written and intelligent commentary. Stuff like this is worth more than the sycophantic dribblings of 500 squee-ing fangirls. I especially love the part where he discusses the wish-fulfillment aspects of the Anita's major love interests.

[oui-je-danse.livejournal.com]

I thought he pointed out that it wasn't progressive?

[missamii.livejournal.com]

In the second sentence in the paragraph were he calls her a Mary Sue, "progressive" is listed as one of Anita's attributes.

[oui-je-danse.livejournal.com]

"Blake herself is a classic Mary Sue. She is beautiful, capable, sexually liberated, progressive and has pretty much all the powers it is possible to have in Hamilton’s world with none of the downsides."

I thought he was being kind of mocking. Calling Anita progressive is kind of like calling her a feminist. She's only 'progressive' in that she takes whatever she wants while still judging others.

[teamlexana.livejournal.com]

Anita is definately a frellin' Mary Sue but "progressive" she sure the hell is not. There's nothing progressive about being the star of your own personal porno where all the boys just wait their turn at the very man-ish sex scenes.

[witchwillow.livejournal.com]

Can we group marry her? Or at least send her chocolate? All of my fears of writing in the genre are solidly drubbed with this lovely bit that shows we 'negative readers' are -not- Crackheads Living In Delusion.

OMG.

It was as bad as we've thought!

I wonder of LKH will think we paid that reviwer or that reviewer just 'didn't like being pushed out of her comfort zone'

[witchwillow.livejournal.com]

OMG the reviewer is a him?!

Bwahaha hahaha ahahaha ahahahahahahahahahahaha ahahahaha ahahahaha ahahahahaa

*breathes*

Bwahahahahahahahaha

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

For some reason, I thought it was a woman too. Writing style?

I'm pretty sure those who wish to dismiss it will blithely use that fact to dismiss him, though.

[allova.livejournal.com]

Absolutely wonderful to read such an intelligent dissection of the major problems in the series. Thank you for the linkage.

The really sad thing is, I like the idea of "The Harlequin", a shadowy, creepy secret vampire police. Pity she does the idea no justice in the book, by the sounds of things.

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

The really sad thing is, I like the idea of "The Harlequin", a shadowy, creepy secret vampire police. Pity she does the idea no justice in the book, by the sounds of things.

Seriously! This bit of the review makes the book sound pretty interesting, actually:

"However, Blake is soon under attack as the Harlequins use their ability to amplify doubts and fears to sew confusion amongst Anita’s vampire and shape-shifting allies. Eventually the Harlequin try to enslave half the vampire population of the city, forcing Anita to battle them to the death."

[teamlexana.livejournal.com]

Eh. Reminds me of Danse Macabre.

[wonderbink.livejournal.com]

Bwahhahahaha!

I'm only reading this book for the lulz. And I'm waiting until I can check it out of the library.

[randomsome1.livejournal.com]

I howled. :D

[ayako.livejournal.com]

However, the sophomoric obscenity, the hideous prose and the laughable characterisation would all be bearable if The Harlequin were actually an interesting story. It isn’t.

BWAHAHAHAH XD XD

[myrrhmade.livejournal.com]

(http://pics.livejournal.com/myrrhmade/pic/0006f4xg/g3)

What a great article! Thanks for posting this, seriously. ^^
(And somehow I feel just bitchy enough to mention... has the woman never met a Crest White Strip? WTF?)

[vmisery.livejournal.com]

That picture terrifies me. The smile does not reach the eyes...it just looks carnivorous.

[myrrhmade.livejournal.com]

It looks phoney, insincere, and yellow-toothed to me. In fact, the woman might want to consult an image consultant to get a hairstyle and make-up routine that somehow flatters her face as opposed to making her look... well... even worse.

[naeko.livejournal.com]

Someone needs to introduce her to a softer shade of lipstick. That bright red does nothing for her coloring.

[myrrhmade.livejournal.com]

LOL! They 80's called, they want their disco lipstick back. Her foundation is too chalky and pink. Her hair is just afro bushy on the sides of her head, which makes her look like a pinhead or a melon head (I can't decide), her eyebrows are too light and shaped... weird, and I keep going back to those dark yellow teeth, man, I can't help it. Ugh!

[lyo.livejournal.com]

I would like to say, as someone with ridiculously naturally curly hair, that there is now such thing as "hair goop and go," which is pretty obviously what we have here and what she has Anita do as well. It makes for weird puffs in places and just that general blahness, no accounting for the absolute death that is humidity. Curly hair is prone to frizz, just a fact.

I am not a fan of ragging on appearance, but there is such a thing as looking remotely professional. It looks like she rolled out of bed, slapped on some lipstick, threw on some product to keep the hair from being too obnoxious, and maybe threw on a pair of clean jeans with the t-shirt she wore to bed.

[myrrhmade.livejournal.com]

You know, I have supper flat, straight hair, so I adore curly hair, even when it can get frizzy sometimes, so that's what's such a shame here, I think like you said, is that she looks like she made no effort and seriously rolled out of bed to go to a professional apprearence. WTF?

Also, I'm no beauty queen either, as far as picking on someone for things that can't be helped in their visage, but hell, how hard is it to brush one's teeth, use a white strip, or match a foundation? Choose a better lipstick... anything that looks like she even cared a little, yanno? So yeah, I think you hit the nail on the head. :)

[lyo.livejournal.com]

I think what drives me mad is the absolute lack of respect showing up like this shows her fans. They have shelled out good cash to buy her damn book; she could at least attempt to look like she gave half a crap for their efforts. I know she likes to drive home the idea that she is a normal person like you or me, but there is a huge divide between business casual (because, yes, Laurell, what you do IS a business!) and lazy sunday morning casual.

I... ow.

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

"Simply stated, The Harlequin is as bad a novel as I’ve ever read.  Its flaws speak not just of a writer having an off day but of a systematic and catastrophic failure of the entire process of book creation from initial idea to writing to editing all the way down to the doubtless thousands of people who will scoop this book up when it is deposited in shops."

Ouch. Damn. OUCH. I feel terrible now, even though I kind of agree (although I'd have to insert a different LKH book title). These are words fashioned into a rapier, and aimed, and flawless bull's-eye, and DAMN.

Re: I... ow.

[oui-je-danse.livejournal.com]

LKH is one of the few authors who deserves a few rapiers. I don't like the personal attacks on her appearance. But I do think she's unreasonable towards criticism and has things like this review coming. She's been openly hostile to any fan who doesn't toe her line from the beginning.

It's very telling that she doesn't like fanfiction. She worried about some serious competition who the original works.

[teamlexana.livejournal.com]

Great review!!

Just one thing though... Micah is the "king" of the leopards not the hyenas. Unless for some crazy batshit reason that changes in this book. I wouldn't put it past LKH.