Help!

[quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com]

I am on the phone RIGHT NOW with someone who is trying to defend LKH's decision to make Micah's penis size a plot-point. Quick! Gimme ammo!

Comments

[cookie-wolf.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I didn't even think that was physically possible. The size I mean.

[x--shameless.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow. I got nothin'.

What the hell is HER defense?

[ravenhaley.livejournal.com]

Does this mean Richard's penis is a plot point too because Micah sure wants to be him.

[brightlyiburn.livejournal.com]

A penis is NOT a plot-point. It is a part of human anatomy.

The only time a penis is a plot-point is in porn. Often satirical porn, no less. In other words, something never meant to be taken seriously, because in a serious context, it is simply absurd.

There is NO defense for LKH trying to make Micah's penis a plot-point. Not if she wishes her books to be taken as anything other than ridiculous, juvenile porn. A plot-point must have an importance, an impact on the world and the characters involved. The size of Micah's penis only impacts how much screaming, nail-tearing sex there will be. It does not solve any real problems, save any lives, change anyone permanently (for better or worse). It is not an evil entity out to destroy a civilization, it is not a world-weary traveler experiencing a more hopeful, bright aspect of life, it is not ANYTHING remotely resembling a plot-point.

And if she tries to claim it is...

God, that urge to slit my wrists is rising again...

[melaniedavidson.livejournal.com]

Even if his penis was too big for comfortable vaginal intercourse with his previous girlfriend, they still could have done other things. Oral sex, handjobs, etc.

Besides, it's a theme with her. "Big penises" comes across as an obsession.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Well, Micah's penis totally stole the plot point from Richard's penis, so I'd say Richard's penis is more the canon plot point than Micah's will ever be.

[zombiexbunny.livejournal.com]

An evil, giant penis out to destroy civilization....

I'd read that.

[brightlyiburn.livejournal.com]

Actually, yeah, done correctly that could be damn hilarious...

[ravenhaley.livejournal.com]

So in the end, Micah is just trying to replace Richard.

Were-creature

Big Penis

The only problem with Micah trying to replace Richard is Richard doesn't "fully" kiss Anita's butt.

[arclights.livejournal.com]

If Laurita can't hardly fit that monster in the massive hallway of her vagoo, I doubt she's going to be able to get it in her mouth. Or have enough hands to make a meaningful effort at a handjob.

I know that she'd mentioned (BM, (haha)I think) something about Richard being able to increase/decrease his size at will as a part of the master shifter territory. Since Micah's at least as perfect and pretty and talented as Richard, he should be able to do the same thing, right?

Or is that too inconvenient to the HARDCORE EDGY PORNINATING THAT IS LKH'S MASTERPIECE?

[melaniedavidson.livejournal.com]

I know that she'd mentioned (BM, (haha)I think) something about Richard being able to increase/decrease his size at will as a part of the master shifter territory.

OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD XD I'd completely forgotten about that! Hahahhahahahahahafd j;kslomqlw,'l

And yes. Yes, he should be able to.

[arclights.livejournal.com]

But since Micah is obviously WAY prettier and more talented and perfect than Richard (especially in light of Micah's magical insty-shift in Whorlequin that had Richard all frothing at the mouth), he should be able to do far more than that.

Like fork his own penis at will. And have full, independent use of each, uh, sub-peen. And be able to manipulate length there, too. It'd look like some creepy Cthulu-like object hanging from his groin, but he'd be full on his way to being a tentacle monster, which fits not only his anime-like styling, but also Laurita's wrathful curse to show all us non-edgy non-thinkers what it means to be edgy and erotic.

[melaniedavidson.livejournal.com]

Okay, if that happened, I might actually start reading the books again.

(No, LKH. Step away from the weresquid tentacle porn. It's not the same thing.)

[x-bluerose-x.livejournal.com]

This is the sort of conversation that begs to be drunk in order to have it...

[arclights.livejournal.com]

It'd be pretty unique, you've got to admit.

(Of course, maybe Jon will turn to the Dark Side and move on, and she can dispose of Micah and get herself a pretty master shapeshifting were-octopus. He could live in her bathtub, and when it came time to use his services, there'd be enough arms to give her frequent flier-tiered harem something fun. I'm sure JC would be into that at least.

And then Raphael could get butthurt that he's the neglected shifter again, and were-octy would plug him a few times because he forgot he was straight, and it would all be good.

I should totally try to get into the Ivory Tower. If I utilized her tactics and appealed to her Regan-walking-into-the-DNC mentality, I'd be a shoo in.

[missamii.livejournal.com]

You sure about Micah's penis not permanently changing anyone? I mean the part of NiC in which Anita becomes intimately acquainted with the Wonder Wang is often pinpointed as the moment the series detonated.

[melaniedavidson.livejournal.com]

Oh, definitely. But I know where I can find (http://community.livejournal.com/takoyaoi_love/) much better tentacle pron than she'd be able to write, without all the weird baggage. Still.

(I... I have no words. XD The scary part is that I can almost see it happening.)

[brightlyiburn.livejournal.com]

That's less a plot-point and more a horrific train-wreck type event.

[arclights.livejournal.com]

OH GOD OH GOD. I have seen everything there is to see, now, and shortly I will be turning off the internets.

That actually did sound like A Laurita plot, or at least on par with the sheer wtf-ness. I believe this requires a brain-bleaching.

[melaniedavidson.livejournal.com]

Hee! I was only surprised at that community because I'd despaired of finding any tentacle pron without... um, consent issues. :|

It could even be in the Merry series. What do you want to bet there could be tentacled ocean fairies lurking around in that world?

(Oh, definitely!)

[brandiweed.livejournal.com]

Wasn't that more-or-less the plot of Clive Barker's Rawhead Rex?

[brandiweed.livejournal.com]

It'd look like some creepy Cthulu-like object hanging from his groin, but he'd be full on his way to being a tentacle monster,

You mean a Wraeththu? That'd be a funny (and messy) way to end the series.

[windiain.livejournal.com]

The Wonder Wang was never a plot point until LKH realised that she needed to give Micah some character beyond his regular cardboard-cutoutishness and realised that it could be the source of much Wangst. Of course, we note that she still doesn't manage to give the character any kind of life that doesn't revolve around sex. Prior to this revelation, he just had a big cock because LKH was having twisted rape fantasies and figured the one to take Anita should be All Man.

[arclights.livejournal.com]

Sadly, it would probably make more sense.

Lovecraft is beating his decomposed head off the musty walls of his coffin as we speak.

[roguetailkinker.livejournal.com]

*cough*Sholto*cough*