The Harlequin: Snark chapters 11-14

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

Hello again, lovely lashers!  I've got the next four chapters of The Harlequin all snarked and ready for some serious mockery.  These are chapters 11-14, and as usual, LKH quotes are in bold face, with my own snark and commentary in regular font.  I've said it before, but given the amount of new faces around here, it bears repeating:  If you'd like to read the previous chapters along with everyone's hilarious and witty comments, simply click on the tags at the bottom   And without further ado....

CHAPTER ELEVEN:

 

After her phone call to Edward, Anita leaves the bathroom and heads out into Jean-Claude's bedroom.  Nathaniel and Micah are asleep on his bed, which is covered in "red silk sheets." Jean-Claude is spending the night in Asher's room, but he "had the sheets changed to red because the three of [them] looked so lovely against red."  I find it hysterical that LKH puts that little tidbit of information directly after mentioning that Jean-Claude was sleeping with Asher.  As if Jean-Claude reaaaally didn't want to sleep over there, so he changed his sheets so he could sit there and imagine the three of them laying on the red silk, rather than partake in the deliciousness that is Asher. Mmhmm, sure.   

 

There's some pointless ruminating on Micah's leopard eyes, and how they got to be that way.  If I never see this lame description of Micah's creepy, urine-colored eyes again, it will be too soon. Micah wakes up, and asks Anita what Edward had to say.  She tells him that Edward is on his way, and that he'll be sending for his backup once he arrives.  Micah is surprised that Anita didn't ask who the backup would be, and asks her if she really trusts Edward that much.  She says that she does, and that seems to be the end of the discussion.

 

Micah wants to pull Anita on to the bed, but she stops him from doing so because she's wearing a silk robe, and doesn't want to slide on the silk sheets.  I realize LKH is trying to endear Anita to the reader with the descriptions of minutia, but it becomes tiresome when Anita can't even use the toilet without reflecting on how it affects the many mens in her life.  Anita draws back and takes off her robe, and watches Micah, who is watching her.  In that moment, she realizes that "Edward was right," and that "Micah was [her] lover," not her boyfriend.  She admits that even though they make the attempts at dating, what drew them together was sex.   Well sure, depending on which copy of Narcissus in Chains you have.   Anyone with the hardcover version knows what really happened.  

 

There's a giant block of backstory about how in November, Anita discovered that her powers, which "may have started with Jean-Claude's marks" had "mutated with [her] necromancy and become something else."  This version of the ardeur lets her "see the strongest need in someone's heart" as well as her own.  Basically, it was her "own vampire tricks" that made her love Micah, because she could see that he needed a savior, and she needed someone who just said yes without giving her a hassle.  A blowup doll would have been much more cost-effective, in my opinion.   Less annoying, too. 

 

Anita is quick to point out that her love with both Micah and Nathaniel is "real love, true love," but it did start with "vampire mind tricks."  Actually, I'm pretty sure it started with numerous declarations about the allure of her wet, yet unbelievably tight crotch, but that's neither here nor there.  While she's mulling all of this over, Nathaniel makes some mumblings in his sleep, as though he's having a nightmare.  Anita and Micah turn to comfort him, while there's a knock at the door.

 

It's Remus, who lets them know that Richard is there, and he wants to come in.  They let him in, and he asks to turn on the light.  While he does, Anita reflects more on the backstory between her and Richard, and how the ardeur hadn't made them a perfect couple because Richard was "too conflicted, too full of self-loathing, to know what his heart's desire was."  And of course that pesky problem of his being an avatar for the author's much maligned ex-husband.

 

Richard asks where everyone is, and is informed that Jean-Claude is with Asher, and that Jason is sleeping with his new girlfriend, Perdita (or Perdy) who was one of the mermaids from Danse Macabre.  Richard seems awfully nervous, and Micah asks him if he'd like to stay with them. Richard nods, and explains that he was on a date and got the call that there were some "insanely powerful vampires" in town.  His house had apparently been bugged as well, and so he packed a bag and headed over to the Circus. Good Idea, Dick.  There's new vampires in town, so head right on over to the one place in St. Louis that houses every single vampire.  Surely these new guys won't think to stop over there.

 

Nathaniel chimes in that he and Anita had to cut their date short as well, and Richard politely apologizes for it having been ruined.  Richard's still pretty freaked out, and says that he might even take a leave of absence from teaching, rather than put his students in any kind of danger.  Micah tells him that they've all felt a bit "blindsided" and suggests they all get some sleep. Richard asks everyone if it's alright if he stays, and both Anita and Micah agree.  Nathaniel points out that he shouldn't get a vote, since he's not "dominant to anyone" in the room, and Richard says he was just being polite.

 

Anita is pleased that Richard thought to ask Nathaniel as well, and while Nathaniel appreciates the gesture, he says that "it was [Richard's] bed before it was [theirs]."  That makes Richard smile, and he says that it's nice of someone to remember that fact.  Anita is really enjoying this agreeable-Richard, but is scared to relax because, "the other shoe had to drop soon."  Richard is going through his nighttime routine of putting things away and stripping down, and finally he's in bed with the rest of the gang.

 

Anita is positively salivating, hoping to touch Richard, but is "afraid that he would take it wrong." I don't know if there's a wrong way to take that, myself, but whatever.  Anita's giving him the 'come fuck me' eyes, and Richard laughs nervously and says that he isn't sure where he should put his hands.  Micah chuckles and agrees, and Richard says that he wants "to be touched and held" because he's so nervous.

 

Micah, with his irritating penchant for stating the obvious, tells Richard that he's a shapeshifter, and therefore enjoys the "skin contact."  Gee, I don't know how Richard has lasted as Ulfric for so long without Micah there to fill him in on what it means to be a shapeshifter.  Maybe he can give him some tips on how to wipe his ass, too.  Richard says that he could have his "puppy pile" with his wolves, who are sleeping in the guest room, but he came in to their room because he wants to stop "running from [himself]."

 

My warning sensors have gone up, and all I see are red flags and a horn that blares, "Danger! Group therapy session ahead! Exercise extreme caution."  My how i've not missed these at all.  Richard says that he doesn't know how to "stop running" but goes on to say that he wants to kiss Anita, but doesn't want "to have sex with everyone in [the] bed." They both admit to wanting to touch each other, and then they start kissing.

 

Naturally, it's a smooch big enough to make Richard's body start "growing with need," and they pull away from each other before things get out of hand.  Anita tells Richard that this is "more than [she] ever thought [he'd] do with Micah and Nathaniel," and he agrees.

 

Nathaniel interrupts and asks if it would "totally spoil things" if he asked what made Richard change his mind.  Richard tells him that he loves Anita, and that he's "trying to learn to love all of her, even the part that wants to live with two other men."  Nathaniel tells Richard about his therapy sessions, and Richard responds by telling him that his own therapist recommended he "come to terms with Anita's life, or move on."

 

Aren't these two just precious?  Nathaniel asks Richard if he's aware that he enjoys the "bondage and submission scene" and Richard says that he knows, because Raina talked about Nathaniel all the time.  Man, I really miss Raina and Gabriel. Back when those two were in town, no one sat around and waxed emo about their tortured feelings.  Micah and Anita are silently watching this discussion, as though it were a "therapy tennis match."

 

Nathaniel fills Richard in on his ultimatum to Anita, and Richard remarks that Anita really knows "how to pick them."  She immediately gets on the offensive, but Richard laughs and says that it's definitely time for bed.  They all settle themselves into spooning positions, which must have looked like a four-car steam engine headed straight to Orgytown.  Go figure, Richard's the caboose.  Finally, everyone falls asleep and this chapter is blessedly over.

 

 

CHAPTER TWELVE:

 

It's morning, and Anita awakens to find both Micah and Richard asleep on top of her, and notes that "even in their sleep they had fought over who would touch the most of [her]."  She feels some movement in the dark, and is unable to see what it is despite her best efforts.  She realizes that the Mother of all Darkness, aka Mommie Dearest, Marmee Noir, or MOAD as I often call her, is paying them a dream-time visit.  She screams, and Richard awakens in the dream as well, but Micah and Nathaniel are still fast asleep, as the MOAD is able to control all kitties.

 

The Queen of the Damned, err, I mean the Mother of all Darkness, whispers "Necromancer," and the darkness in the room begins to take the "vague shape of a woman in a cloak."  Anita warns Richard not to look at the MOAD's face, and explains to him why Micah and Nathaniel are still sleeping.  The MOAD tells Anita that her "wolf will not save [her] this time," to which Richard growls and thus stirs up Anita's beasts.  She describes the feeling as a "cave where [her] animals wait."  How absurdly Freudian! Surely those poor animals aren't residing in the vast, watery cavern known as the Crotch of Doom? If so, I've a mind to give the ASPCA a call.

 

In the dream, Anita grabs a hold of her wolf, and the MOAD tells her that her Jean-Claude has left Anita and Richard "with the last piece undone," meaning that Anita can still "be enslaved to any master stronger than [Jean-Claude]."  Anita admits to the MOAD that she knows there isn't anyone stronger than she is, and the MOAD asks her if that is the case, then why has Jean-Claude "left this door open."  Even the MOAD, who has been lurking for centuries, knows that Jean-Claude leaves a backdoor open.

 

Anita doesn't have an answer, and gives the MOAD a puzzled look.  The MOAD tells her that she's visiting because she wants to "shatter [the] triumvirate" and make Anita her human servant.  She reconsiders this because Richard is there, and she isn't "ready for battle" just yet.  But Mommie Dearest warns Anita that she is NEVER to use wire hangers, not ever there "are others who know what Jean-Claude has not done."  Richard picks up on the fact that the MOAD is referring to the Harlequin, but Anita needs it spelled out.

 

Basically, the Harlequin are aware that Jean-Claude hasn't fully marked Anita, and they also know that pretty soon the Mother of All Plot Holes will be waking up to crash their party.  Mummy Lamest says that she'll let Jean-Claude have Anita, and that's pretty sporting of her, since he did get there first.  But she goes on to say that she'd rather "destroy" Anita than let the Harlequin have her as a slave.

 

 

Anita wonders why Big Momma is even interested, and the MOAD says that she likes "the taste" of Anita, and doesn't want anyone else to have her because she is a "jealous Goddess."  Anita just nods, and the MOAD says that she's leaving Anita with a "parting gift."  The darkness in the room gets heavier, and Richard tries to bite the MOAD but can't because there isn't any form to actually bite.  Richard kisses Anita, and is able to taste the power that Marmee Noir left in her mouth. T he taste is of jasmine and rain, and I'm pretty sure that's one of those girly scented body sprays from Bath and Body Works.  It would have been a bit more badass had she tasted like deathsicles and the blood of the non-believers, in my opinion.  They continue to kiss as the taste of the MOAD fades, and Richard's power becomes the taste in Anita's mouth.

 

 

CHAPTER THIRTEEN:

 

Anita wakes up on the floor of the bedroom, as Nathaniel is gazing at her from his spot on the bed. Richard is awake as well, and smells something burning.  Micah informs him that the bed is on fire, because Anita's cross was under the pillow.  There are guards in the room now, and everyone is confused about what is going on.

 

Remus seems to be quick on the uptake, asking, "that bitch queen vampire came again, didn't she?"  Anita affirms that this is so, and Claudia remarks that at least this time, her "beasts arent trying to tear [her] apart."  Of course, just at that very moment, Anita feels a tingling in her nether regions that for once has nothing to do with whichever unfortunate long-haired fellow has just walked in the door.  Nathaniel moves over and starts sniffing her, and says that he smells "cat, but it's not leopard."  Or lion either, for that matter.  Anita takes a look inside her body (and I'd love to know how she managed that without a quart of whiskey and some Ambien) to see a "face the color of night and flame: tiger."  Lolz, here it is guys, the product of months and months of researching with calendars. 

 

Anita is convinced she's jolly well fucked, since the only weretiger she knows of is Christine, who "worked as an insurance agent and was miles away."  She concludes that the MOAD was either trying to force her to shift, or planning for the tiger to kill her.  Anita tries controlling the beast by calling the other animals in her arsenal.

 

Micah yells for someone to give Christine a call, and is told by Remus that the guards "went shopping" in anticipation of the fact that Anita "might be collecting more kitty cats."  They drummed up some weretiger named Soledad, who had been posing as a wererat.  The St. Louis rats promised her identity would be kept a secret if she came to town, and Claudia assumes that Soledad is attempting to escape an arranged marriage of some sort.  Apparently, "tigers are weird about keeping it in the family."   Wow, where did she find the calendar that mentioned that? 

 

At any rate, Soledad is sent for, as well as Travis, in the event that a lion is needed as well.  Travis arrives, ready to take one for the team, as the tiger inside of Anita seems to be relaxing a bit.  Anita lets her guard down a little bit, which causes her lioness to "hit [her] body as if it were a wall." Travis approaches again, and apparently Anita's lion just isn't interested in him.  She gives Travis her lion anyway, causing him to shift and promptly pass out.

 

It starts to sound like a relay race, as Anita yells out "Wolf!"  The baton is passed to Richard, and instead of taking Anita's beast, he makes her swallow it.  It's pretty painful, but it works, and then to round the race, Micah takes her leopard.  Richard's a bit peeved that Micah looks like a hero for taking the leopard, instead of making Anita swallow it.  Micah explains that he took the leopard because he is able to shift form quickly without having to rest.  To illustrate his point, he shifts back to human, and even Richard is impressed, saying he's never seen anyone shift that quickly.

 

Because Micah can't go a day without mentioning him, he tells Richard that Chimera had been even better at shifting back and forth.  Soledad enters the room, stating that if there was someone better at shifting like that, she'd like to meet him.  Soledad is tall, "slender but curvy" and with hair "cut boy short and dyed a shade of yellow that didn't occur in nature."  Claudia tells Soledad to get to work, and Soledad leans over Anita and whispers: "In this world, I'd rather live two days like a tiger than a hundred years like a sheep."  She takes Anita's hand, and the tiger inside Anita starts to run as she braces herself for impact.

 

 

CHAPTER FOURTEEN:

 

Though Anita was expecting it, there was no big impact.  The beast seemed to just "wash" from Anita to Soledad, and Soledad didn't shift.  They conclude that Anita doesn't carry a tiger, and Anita assumes that the MOAD simply couldn't "turn [Anita] into a tiger."  Is it just me, or is this all starting to sound like the episode of Thundercats when Mumm-ra took over Tygra?  One more bit of evidence that it may well be manchild Jon writing these books now.  Everyone seems to think Soledad is hurt, but when asked, she shakes her head in the negative.

 

Soledad continues to shake her head, and she's probably wondering how she got thrown into this book as a character.  She admits that she isn't feeling too great considering it wasn't a tiger that rushed into her.  Micah, our resident expert on everything, says that they've been wondering just how Anita has been accumulating all of these beasts.  They weren't sure if it was "because she survived attacks" or if "it's vampire powers."  It seems that this little experiment proved that Anita only has beasts from whom she's survived an attack.  No tiger attack, no tiger beast.

 

I'm glad it wasn't just me, as this doesn't make sense to anyone in the room.   Remus points out that Chimera attacked Anita, and he carried "hyena, snake, and bear."  There's a bit more hemming and hawing, and ultimately everyone concludes that it's "a combination of the attacks [she's] survived and vamp powers."   What's this?  You mean it's an occurence unique to Anita's moste speshul of olde magik powers?  LKH really knows how to throw a curveball, because I did *not* expect that. 

 

Remus says that he's surprised that she doesn't react to the hyenas, because Asher had "messed with [her] so much he almost killed [her]."  Anita starts thinking about Asher, and how his bite combined with sex "was an experience you'd give your life for," and how that's almost what happened back in Danse Macabre.  Micah warns Anita not to think about it too much, since even the memory "could come back and duplicate the pleasure." 

 

Richard snidely remarks that it's "hard to compete with someone who can make [her] orgasm just from remembering."  Nobody really responds to that, and out of nowhere, Travis, still in lion form, starts waking up from his little snooze.  He gives Anita a "disgusted look" with his lion-face, and Anita apologizes to him for hurting him with the shift.  Suddenly,Nathaniel decides he'll go and shower, and take Travis-lion for some food.

 

Anita realizes that Nathaniel's getting himself out of the room because he doesn't want to participate in the morning ardeur feed.   Finally, someone takes an active stand and refuses to kneel at the almighty Crotch!   Leather fedora or no, I'm liking Nathaniel more and more as this wears on.   She realizes that it's about that time again, and Nathaniel sticks to his guns and says he's leaving for a shower.  Since Anita had already previously fed on Micah, that leaves Richard.   Poor bastard really can't catch a break, can he? 

 

Richard doesn't really know what to do, and doesn't want to "ask [Micah's] permission to have sex with Anita."  Micah finds that pretty amusing, and says that it's Anita's permission he should be asking.  Richard backpedals a bit, and says that what he meant was that he's trying very hard not to offend anyone, and he feels like he has to "ask for everyone's okay, not just [hers]."  Anita feels a bit bad that he's really trying so hard, and Micah leaves the room with Nathaniel and Travis.

 

Richard suggests that they take a bath, and Anita agrees.  One of the guards has already started the tub water for them, and Anita takes a minute to admire Richard's body in prose so purple and overblown, even Anne Rice would blush.   Richard asks Anita if he can carry her to the tub, and she gives her consent, even though normally she "didn't like to be carried" because it "made [her] feel weak."  And the chapter ends on that note. 

Comments

[x--shameless.livejournal.com]

Yesss, I LOVE these :D You're amazing.

Who is that in your icon?

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

thank you : ) i'm so glad you enjoy them~ the icon is of Gerard and Mikey Way, from My Chemical Romance.

[x--shameless.livejournal.com]

I thought that was Gerard but I had no idea that was Mikey, haha. I always pictured Mikey as that cute little dork with glasses :D

I wish I was seeing MCR at Projekt Revolution =[

[tenaya-owlcat.livejournal.com]

Well sure, depending on which copy of Narcissus in Chains you have. Anyone with the hardcover version knows what really happened.
Did something change from the hardback to the paperback? I only read the paperback version... Explain to the confused person over here? :)

[skeezix74.livejournal.com]

Basically, in the hardcover, Anita clearly told Micah she didn't want to have sex (it was left at that) but he screwed her anyways ie pretty much raped her. In the paperback, the scene was rewritten that she didn't wanna have sex... because she didn't want to feed on him. He convinced her he didn't mind so it was okay.

[tenaya-owlcat.livejournal.com]

Interesting... O.o Thankees for explaining!

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

In the hardcover version of Narcissus In Chains, when Anita first meets Micah, she begs him not to have sex with her, and he does anyway. The tenor of it was definitely rape, especially given her behavior afterwards when she's crying in the shower. LKH changed the paperback to make it seem consensual.


Here's the exact wording so you can see for yourself:

Hardcover:

I found I did have a voice and said, "Micah, stop, please stop."
Micah licked the back of my neck, and I shuddered, pressed against the wet wall.
"Please, Micah, I'm not on birth control." A clear thought at last.
He bit softly at the back of my neck. "I had myself fixed two years ago. You're safe with me, Anita."
"Please, Micah, please don't."
right after that is when Micah rapes her, so she never actually gave consent


Paperback:

I found I did have a voice and said, "Micah, Please," but I was no longer sure what I was aksing.
Micah licked the back of my neck, and I shuddered, pressed against the wet wall.
"Please, Micah, I'm not on birth control." A clear thought at last.
He bit softly at the back of my nect. "I had myself fixed 2 years ago. You're safe with me, Anita."
'Please Micah, please don't. If we have sex I'll feed on you. Feed on you like some kind of vampire."
"Then feed, if thats what you need, what you want."
He bit harder, just this side of drawing blood, and my body went passive, calm.

[tenaya-owlcat.livejournal.com]

Wow, I had no clue that it was changed. O.o Thanks for quoting for me so that I could see the differences.

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

That's the first time I've seen the paperback version. That's fucked. I have the hardback copy, and I maintained then and now that he raped her. That re-write was nothing more than a "if Gloria Monty can do it with Luke and Laura, then I can do it with Anita and Micah!" Problem is, most people (me included) loved Luke and Laura, even though we really didn't like the "rape becomes seduction" explanation. Nobody likes Micah except for LKH and Jon, cause, you know, it's his avatar.

What really pisses me off is that LKH, supposed defender of young girls and their perceptions of body and mind seems to think it's perfectly okay to go from "No, dont" to "No...well, okay." Nice message. Only problem is, in real life, you can't get a do-over when someone rapes you. I can put up with all of the stupid crap that she writes, if nothing more than to make fun of it. But her re-write and absolute disregard for the rape scene pisses me off like nothing else. I'm not saying that she needs to pick up the torch for rape victims, but to deliberately minimize the impact that something like this has on them in unconscionable.

Sorry, SUN

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

Agreed...not only was it irresponsible, but the rest of the book just doesn't make sense with the change. Up until that point, we had the "old" Anita. The fact that LKH doesn't acknowledge that scene being turning point in her series because Anita was actually raped is beyond stupid.


Even worse, LKH never said anything about it as far as I know. She just went ahead and changed the paperback, without telling her readers who had purchased the hardback to expect a change. For me, I stand by the original version because that is the first one I read, and I've never developed any sort of affection towards Micah's character. You're so right, you don't get to do a "do-over," especially when the only reason for it is that people didn't like the character based on your number1fanboi.

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

One of the many reasons why I no longer read the LKH books is because of the persistent and repetitive rape issues that occur in these books. To date AT LEAST Nathanial, Richard, Steven, Peter, Gregory, Sylvie, JC and Asher are victims of sexual abuse. They all react to sex exactly the same way. All of them are more or less cured by sleeping with Anita. NONE of them get therapy and as far as I can tell none of these crimes are ever reported to the police. What kind of message is that?

[longtail.livejournal.com]

I'm convinced LKH has a rape fetish. Nobody has tender sex or lovemaking in this series, they just "fuck" each other till they scream and bleed. It's disgusting, and so badly written I can't even be horrified.

[vmisery.livejournal.com]

The messed up thing is that while a couple of sentences were changed over the course of the whole scene, it wasn't a complete rewrite. So it was...really unconvincing, when all her body language and the whole scene screamed rape, and Anita's mental dialogue is essentially "Well, I didn't really want it, but I did, and even though I was saying no, I wanted it". The original version horrified me and the paperback just irritated me.

Plus, three words for you. Soap. As. Lube. EUGH.

[recovered-dream.livejournal.com]

Makes me itch just thinking about it.

[shimmerfox.livejournal.com]

I had only read the paperback version; and I still thought of it as a rape.

She still said no, just in the paperback version (now that I not only know there is a difference but what it is) she gave a (poorly pulled off) reason. The fact that someone doesn't want to have sex for a reason (regardless of what it is) does not mean that they really want to have sex. A your reasons are stupid so lets continue doesn't make it right.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

I just realised what's so disturbing about LKH's "Anita's Beasts are out of control" scenes. It's that they remind me (and are probably, at least to some extent, intended to remind me) of childbirth.

Back in Lunatic Café, when Anita claimed that she'd never get pregnant, I immediately assumed she'd change her mind - she didn't seem to have enough control of her life and her emotions to stick to that kind of socially unpopular decision. Now, Anita appears to be sterile these days... but in a freaky, twisted sort of way, I guess I was still right... 0_o

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

Duuuuude. Richard has officially become Teh Pussy of the Anita-verse. Nate's got his balls, now. And my boy said, O no you will NOT be fucking me this morning thankyouverymuch!!! *hugs Nate*

And I'm sorry, but is LKH so afraid of her own femininity that she can't let a man pick her up and carry her passionately to the tub? I mean, Anita? Jesus wept.

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

Jesus wept

Jesus hasn't stopped crying since NiC.

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

I think Jesus said, "Oh fuck this!" after OB.

[threeringedmoon.livejournal.com]

I once read that the fatal words for a novelist was "I don't care what happens to these people."

I don't.

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

Neither do I

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

Thank you sooo much for the bookflog. I had a crappy day at work and coming home to this snark was an unexpected happy surprise.

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

You are most welcome, I'm so glad it helped an otherwise crappy day : ) I have a blast writing these things, and it's all the more fun when there's other people who are just as befuddled and amused as I am ~~

[lovedstrangely.livejournal.com]

fuck. this gets worse and worse. i feel like i'm reading the same bad book over and over again.

There's new vampires in town, so head right on over to the one place in St. Louis that houses every single vampire. Surely these new guys won't think to stop over there.

ROFLCOPTER

also, why does richard only ever show up when people are in bed or fucking? wtf? and usually to bitch and moan. while angsty richard is annoying...i'm not digging richard with an injection of jonboi. nuh uh. no way. *runs back to Kim Harrison*

That's easy

[rozasharn.livejournal.com]

"Why does richard only ever show up when people are in bed or fucking?"

Because that's what they're doing almost all the time.

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

I'd die laughing if Richard showed up one day while they were playing Scrabble, and then left all disgusted because Jean-Claude's words were all perverted ones. I do feel bad for what's been done to Richard's character, but you're totally right, I'm growing weary of angsty-Richard. He needs to just be put out of his misery.

I think i'll join you over by Kim Harrison : )

[kerame.livejournal.com]

"...why does Richard only ever show up when people are in bed or fucking?""

Because this is Laurell saying: "Look at all the hot sex I'm having without you Gary! You know you want me bad. Everyone else does!"

It's a mercy she's a writer and not a video artist. Otherwise poor Gary and Trinity would be subjected to video installations of her and the fanboi going at it onscreen.

[vlredreign.livejournal.com]

It's a mercy she's a writer and not a video artist.

How much you wanna bet that she's at PornoTube more than me...er...fanboi? ;)

[lauramcvey.livejournal.com]

Why is there a character named Remus? WHY?!?!?!

And everyone wants Anita. This is really getting old.

[frabjously.livejournal.com]

Why is there a character named Remus? WHY?!?!?!

This also makes me a sad panda.

[panicqueen.livejournal.com]

Lovely icon. *cuddles Moony*

[frabjously.livejournal.com]

'Tis a shoebox_project icon. :)

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

Waitwaitwait ... I'm sure that in previous books it was mentioned at least three times that Anita refuses to let Jean-Claude put red sheets on the bed.

It's weird how amidst all the bullshit my brain latches onto these tiny details.

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

you know, I think you're right! I'm actually going to look that up when I get home later, out of sheer curiosity. She said something about not liking the whole red-and-black scheme he had going on.

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

My brain is trying to tell me it's in Cerulean Sins, which makes sense because the only reason the word "cerulean" is in the title is because of Anita monologuing about blue sheets.

[ainjul.livejournal.com]

Remus.... D:

Anyhow, wow, and if this is the same bathroom Richard and Anita are going to that she and Jean-claude did the nasty in I am now certain theres the mellow sounds of Sade singing Smooth Operator piped in through the walls.

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

ohhh i didn't even think of that! LOL, poor Richard really gets such a raw deal. It's a good thing lycanthropes can't catch STDs, because I'm sure that tub should have a haz-mat sticker on it.

[ladyravana.livejournal.com]

Oooooooooi. SO MUCH STUPID.

Gotta say Dray, you are full of SO MUCH WIN and awesome for slogging through this literary vomit. Seriously. You deserve multiple internets and cookies.


Nathaniel and Micah are asleep on his bed, which is covered in "red silk sheets." Jean-Claude is spending the night in Asher's room, but he "had the sheets changed to red because the three of [them] looked so lovely against red." I find it hysterical that LKH puts that little tidbit of information directly after mentioning that Jean-Claude was sleeping with Asher. As if Jean-Claude reaaaally didn't want to sleep over there, so he changed his sheets so he could sit there and imagine the three of them laying on the red silk, rather than partake in the deliciousness that is Asher. Mmhmm, sure.

Bwahahahaha! For the win! The more I read this stuff, the more convinced I am that Jean-Claude and Asher are getting it on with the man lovin.' Yeah, sure, he's SO enamored with the whore that he's going to fantasize about her cuddling with Cousin ITT and The Penis that No One Could Love.

I just KNOW Jean-Claude and Asher are probably quite happily sharing a tub, some lovely bloodwine, and laughing about Anita behind her back at her sheer idiocy. She is just so damn gullible it's almost sad, and I think it's hilarious that Anita is willing to buy the BS that "the three of them looked so lovely against red."

Right. Yeah. Sure. And I'm Elvira, Mistress of the Night. :p

Look forward to the next flog! ^^

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

*smooches* Cookie rewards are the very best kind : )

I'm convinced Jean-Claude changed the sheets to red because Asher told him he didn't want those three idiots lounging on his favorite black sheets, getting Nate's hair and who knows what kind of fluids all over them. Dry cleaning's gotta be tough for vampires, those places aren't open at night lol.

I'm writing the next one as we speak, I've got some free time before work and I've been itching to get to the next part because it's so damn funny XD

[bubblefaerie.livejournal.com]

I actually cringe when Richard shows up at the bedroom door now.

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to figure out how Anita is so uncoordinated that she can't wear a silk robe on silk sheets. WTF????? I'm completely clutsy and I can manage to line up my robe, my knee and a silk sheet. JEEZ

[dinsedaledarby.livejournal.com]

I like the description you gave of Micah's eyes as being urine colored :D
Also cracked up at MOAD. I thought of this giant toad sitting behind a curtain pulling all these levers like in Wizard of OZ.

[silent-sybil.livejournal.com]

You know, the MOAD would be awesome if she ever lived up to anything she advertised. So far she's got better magical guns than Belle Morte, sure, but... dammit, she's the Mother Of All Darknesss. And she leaves because she's "not prepared for battle"? If this little crew is actually so powered up that Marmee Noir is reluctant to fight them on their home ground without "preparations," then why the fuck are they afraid of her, the Harlequin, or anybody?

*headdesks repeatedly*

[duchym.livejournal.com]

You know, I find it sort of weird that in three of her Sookie Stackhouse books ago, Charlaine Harris introduced a weretiger, who has become an important character in the last two Sookie books. I have been wondering if LKH would (ahem) pay tribute with a weretiger of her own. ;-)

Also, I hate what has happened to Richard's character. I wish he would move far far away to someplace like Maine or northern Minnesota or Michigan, where there would be plenty of places to roam as both man and wolf. Wouldn't the Upper Penninsula be a much better place for a werewolf to live than a major metropolitan area anyway?

Ugh. It appears that the emasculation of poor Richard continues in this book. Thank you for the flog, and for throwing yourself on this literary bomb, so that I do not have to read it myself.

~duchy

[agatha-mandrake.livejournal.com]

I have no idea how you are managing to still read these books, but I salute for it. You are a braver person than I.

[raging-muse.livejournal.com]

Haha funny, thanks for the your efforts with these books. I too will never understand how you can still bring yourself to be reading this stuff!

I would like to say congrats to Nate for showing signs of a backbone! It has just occured to me that in the right hands, with a different author that Nathaniel could have been quite an interesting character (if you take out all the sexual abuse stuff, the impossible hair and vanilla smell anyway).

I too pity Richard, instead of having him throw one of his fits here we have him loose his balls completly as he farewell's the last of his masculinity being flushed down the toilet. I firmly belive he's twice the guy Micah and Nathaniel are despite the shoddy treatment a certain author has given him. I'm sure the real soul of Richard is cringing in embaressment at the treatement of his own character.

[dkphoenix.livejournal.com]

You have brought tears to my eyes and iced tea into my sinuses.

[longtail.livejournal.com]

Greeaaaaat. Now we have tiger! Or wait, since MOAD has were-sabertooths, does this mean Anita is gonna need a good orthodontist soon?

I wish Anita would just burst her stomach ala Alien but have Tribbles come flooding out instead.

[silent-sybil.livejournal.com]

The wereTribbles are even more weird and clannish than the weretigers, from what I hear, though considerably more prolific.