Chapter 2: A Lick of Frost (spoilers)

[drho.livejournal.com]

http://www.laurellkhamilton.org/Merry/ALickOfFrostChapterTwo.html 

The second chapter of the squicky titled "A Lick of Frost" involves put upon Merry bravely educating prudey prude prudes.  The cops think that some random harem guys are rapists, because Merry doesn't have enough sex with them.  So Princess TMI informs them that, yes, she has sex three times a day with a least six of those guys.  And she wrote a report in college that proves that her kind of fairies aren't bad (they're just cut-and-pasted that way).  The cops blush, because cops are apparently easily shocked and need Merry to disturb their comfort zones.

That's about it.  

Comments

[ellenel13.livejournal.com]

She has sex eighteen times a day?

[deadsong.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't that chafe? Makes you wonder if it's possible to get rug burn on the inside.

[atypia.livejournal.com]

I read it as her having sex three times a day, with up to four men at a time (but generally only about two men at once).

So only three....sessions of sex per day.

[quizzicalsphinx.livejournal.com]

HOW THE HELL DOES THIS CONVERSATION GO?

"No, officer. My boy-toys sacks are left completely deflated. When I milk 'em, they stay milked."

[delphinapterus.livejournal.com]

The cops think that some random harem guys are rapists, because Merry doesn't have enough sex with them. Is she trying to say that the cops think that men are rapists if they don't get sex X numbers of times? Way to be enlightened. Just like Anita, LKH is making her heroine look good by making others look ridicously bad which in the end doesn't make the heroine come off well. Also, college report not very reputable really.

[atypia.livejournal.com]

Yep, that's what they're saying. That the king is saying that because they only have sex once every two weeks (if she was only having sex once a day with one man), then the men must go insane because they were celibate for so long.

Which, you know, isn't at all disgusting and sexist and horrible. Not in the least. *two thumbs up for LKH*

*headdesk*

[chubling.livejournal.com]

Does she do anything but have sex all day? Or is it just really quick sex? Like a line up. Or...God damn it, what were those whore houses in Hawaii called? The Bull rooms?

And let me guess, she has some super magic power that keeps her from getting really fucking raw? Because Godamn, that's a lot of sex to have every single day.

[vmisery.livejournal.com]

She's a fertility goddess. Fertility goddesses, apparently, don't chafe.

[terratheelf.livejournal.com]

I know this is her unedited draft but damn that hurt to read. It seemed more like something a 14 year old would write than a professional. And I am not just referring to grammar and whatnot but the style and the way she, well I can't think of the right word, but it looks very amateur and not what I would expect from a published author.

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

They hadn't reacted to talk of my ex-fiancé, Griffin. I think, all my men, thought they had washed his memory clean from me with their own bodies.

PLEASE JUST STOP TALKING NOW, K?

[caiyene.livejournal.com]

omg wtf bbq. And to think I still had hope for the Merry series.
It's almost like Hamilton is on her own personal crusade to justify what she does. What the hell.

Seriously, all we need is a good story, not this bla bla babble!

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

I don't think LKH thinks about these things. Merry and Anita can have sex and be covered in man juice but LKH doesn't think about showering. It just vanishes.

I had a conversation with a friend of mine once about another friend. We're gamers, so it was about friend2 and his character. To quote from the conversation:

"A character is only as smart as his player. The score can be as high as you can roll, but if the player is an idiot, the character won't be that smart."

The same goes for writing. Merry and Anita are only as smart as LKH. If she won't think to have them shower off between sex sessions, then they (characters) won't think about it.

[kyalesyin.livejournal.com]

I think just just sums up everything I need to say:

(http://photobucket.com)

[cywrain.livejournal.com]

Hee! That's awesome.

[reticentric.livejournal.com]

LOL omg it's too early to read some of these comments!

I have a question. I've never read the Merry series but I gather she's trying to have a baby, hence all the smutty smut. However has a reason been given as to why she CAN'T get knocked up or doesn't seem to be knocked up yet even though she's having enough sex to make an old western whore look like a virgin?

Considering some people get preggers their first time, what the hell is her problem?

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

The way I understand it, the plot in the series is simply so slow-moving that for all we know, she got knocked up three books ago and it just hasn't been long enough for her to miss a period yet...

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

"I fail to see the humor in being forced to wait weeks for sex, Captain Doyle, Lt. Frost."

Whereas I find something horribly funny in the whole conversation. I mean, what the hell? Does LKH genuinely think that men go insane if they don't get any for weeks on end?

I can never quite decide whether she's mostly misogynist or mostly misandrist...

I was sidhe enough to not understand this American trait of being totally fascinated with sex, and totally uncomfortable with it.

Doesn't that kind of describe LKH? Though exchange "fascinated" for "obsessed" and "uncomfortable" for "neurotic"...

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

You know, there are a lot of valid things to criticize America for? But it's just annoying when Americans America-bash JUST to seem cooler. Nobody thinks you're cooler now, LKH. *sigh*

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

Wouldn't it be easier to say, "No, officers, no one's raped me"? You can't press charges if the victim denies the assault....

Nooo, she has sex three times a day and everyone must know! Except, y'know, anyone that raises an eyebrow and goes "ow" or "don't you have anything better to do?"

[easol.livejournal.com]

Or "yuck" or "when the hell do you sleep?" or "do you have an armored vagina?" or "the whore doth protest too much, methinks."

[rin-x-x.livejournal.com]

Why has her hand not broken yet? Seriously. She needs to stop fucking writing and GET A LIFE AND PERHAPS ATTEND SCHOOL AGAIN.

My GODS. 'Yes, fairies are the ultimate beings of the universe. They are the true gods and no other gods exist except for this overarching God and Goddess and this is the absolute truth.' This is the whole vibe I get from the Merry Gentry books now. I actually didn't notice it until I started getting into hard polytheism, but going over her books and reading the summaries you guys write, its so NOTICEABLE. It makes me die a little inside. Well.. a lot inside.

I also love how she has to throw around every chance she gets that she is having more sex than everyone and that obviously cops have never seen or heard anything bad. *snort* Yeah, they just go to crack houses where starving anorexic junkies get whored out for their pimps, live in their own filth, and will probably die in a shootout between them and the cops all because a convicted felon was hiding in the house.

Brilliant, LKH. Ab-so-fuckin'-lutely brilliant.

[easol.livejournal.com]

I'll second that. Where the hell does she get this idea that cops are little sheltered flowers that have never seen the HARDCORE LIFE that her dainty heroines are living, and that those prudey little coppers don't know how hard it is out in that world of VIOLENCE and SEX and DRUGS...?

And that cops are going to BLUSH at the idea of someone having sex eighteen times a day? Come on, most urban cops have seen stuff that would make an average person turn bright puke green.

As for the polytheism, it bothers me. Not because of MY religion; I enjoy reading about other religions. What bugs me is that LKH uses it in such an artificial, insincere manner, especially since she apparently doesn't believe it herself. Include it if you believe it, or else know something about it -- but don't look up the bare details on some teen Wiccan's webpage and decide that that sounds so COOL and AUTHENTIC.

With that in mind, I wonder how long it'll be before "Diety" starts lavishing powerful magic dildos on Anita, because she's Just That Speshul.

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

I am still 100% confused. How could they rape a Seelie fay/Fae when they have never been to the Seelie court in any of the books? If we go on the basis that they've never made it to the court, wouldn't just telling the cops that on the day in question, the guards were with her in (where is this taking place?) California and not St. Louis? Or where ever the courts are located.

Also, what evidence has been collected? Now, I'm getting all my legal expertise from the Law and Order marathon I watched, but in all the tv shows they have to get a statement from the victim, collect evidence and get evidence from the suspects. I do not recall any questions of, "Ok, open up so we can do a swab". Also, if they have immunity, then why are the police there? Wouldn't the police have to work through the queen or something like that?

And further more, why hasn't anyone mentioned the time frame? It's just, "Hey, since we think you're hard up for sex, then obviously you're raping girls". I hate to inform you, but rape isn't about sex. It's about dominance. So, it's not "No sex makes you a rapist" it's "Your wiring is screwed that you have to force yourself on someone".

So, I ask again, and I will continue to ask until LKH or someone posts the answer: "Why are the guards being accused of rape if they have never made it to the Seelie Court?" Cause, honey, I can accuse Joe Blow of raping me, but if he's in Cali at the time and I'm in Virginia, I doubt anyone will believe me.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Now now now, don't make people think logically. Thinking logically is bad. It leads to prudery and not being willing to let her push your comfort zones, doncha know?

And for all her claims of being so vewy vewy enlightened in all matters sexual, and her insistence on putting sexual abuse in the background of virtually every male character, LKH obivously doesn't know diddly shit about actual sexual abuse or what prompts it. As with all other things, she seems to think that it all leads back to wanting/needing gang-bangs, and that there could be no deeper reason for someone to force sex.

But then, this is a woman who has her female characters get raped and LIKE it. Sometimes they then shack up with their rapists.

[ohakubi.livejournal.com]

Hooooooly crap. The last time I saw writing this bad some kids on the Internet added commentary from a Minnesotan in a jumpsuit and two wisecracking robots.

[rin-x-x.livejournal.com]

Sometimes after reading Merry Gentry... what you mentioned seems to be that it'd be hell of a lot better than these pieces of crap.

[bludflower.livejournal.com]

My GAWD!
This is the first time I've ever read anything from the Merry Gentry series. I couldn't even get all the way through it. That was the worst writing I've ever subjected myself to...and I've read some really bad internet fanfic.

Did it ever occur to LKH that after "centuries of celebacy" most men would be happy to be offered sex every five days or so? I think my brain just blew a fuse.

Good to know that this series is just as unneccesarily talky and argumentative as the Anita series. *rolls eyes*

"Um, uh, *cough!* how often do you have, uh, YOU KNOW with the princess?"
"You mean sex?"
"*COUGHgiggleBLUSH* Yes, I mean THAT."
"Say what you mean then."
"I will."
"So do it."
"I'm gonna."
"All right then."

Aaaarrggh! I need to scream at something!

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

Sadly this chapter is better than chapter 1

[dwg.livejournal.com]

AHH HA HA HA! After nearly two months totally offline, I ninja my way back for this!

Oh, LKH, you shoulda given me the Sholto!tentacle!porn. It was the only thing I was holding out for in the series, but since you squicked at it...I can only point and laugh, and laugh some more at the inherent stupid that's been thrown at us and then gleefully pirate her works so I can rip into them with all my nerdfury while offline.

Now there is no saving grace. I'll find my tentacle porn elsewhere! And it'll be hot! And possibly involving lesbians!

And now I'm going to fall down and go to sleep. Yes. *collapses*

[darkese.livejournal.com]

So the logic is that during centuries of celibacy this guy doesn't rape anyone. He waits until he's getting it regularily and THAN can't handle going 5 days without it and is driven to rape.

This is the logic here?

Of course the cops are shocked at the amount of sex Merry is having, they all apparently caught a case of stupid.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Great point. By that scintillating logic, any male virgin is suddenly going to turn into a rapist once he gets a girlfriend if she doesn't have shrieking painful backcracking sex with him... every... single... day. WTF?

I don't think LKH realizes just how absurd the whole thing sounds, especially since Merry doesn't DENY it. She just insists that she has sex frequently enough for it to not happen, rather than saying that they'd never do such a thing, it's an offensive insinuation, blah blah blah. I'd be fucking mad if someone defended me in such a backhanded way.

Plus, isn't Merry supposed to be the Paris Hilton of this alternate universe, in terms of skankiness and media coverage? So unless the cops are insulated from all forms of media, they couldn't possibly be unaware of her ridiculously overactive sex life. Or LKH conveniently forgets it periodically, so that Laumerita can lecture the world on their nasty jellus prudiness.

[leggomylegolas.livejournal.com]

HOORAY! WE FOUND A CURE FOR RAPE!

Just make sure the dude gets banged often enough! PROBLEM SOLVED.

Now to bring about world peace. *trundles off to the dildo store*

[witchwillow.livejournal.com]

Brain. Splodey.

I haven't read anything of hers since NiC. The summaries here are often too wtf for me to read more than a paragraph or three.

My brain is so numb it hurts - or hurts so much it's numb.

The comments were all so confusing. It didn't make sense to me; if characters have diplomatic immunity then you really can't question them at all and any questions they answer are sufferance. And wtf, sex starvation?

And then... with the off topic and the 'twenty men on file' and the bad bad inner dialogue.

Did I mention it was bad? Horrid? Pedantic?! Boring and Repetitive?

Wtf?

People buy this?

[easol.livejournal.com]

If you get this from the library, raise your hand!

[longtail.livejournal.com]

This makes me cross my legs in pain. At least two guys at once three times a day, every day...Ow. Just, ow.

But she probably has a magical fairy coochie or something that is resistant to multiple daily poundings...kind of like how Anita doesn't mind taking it so hard she bleeds. Bleah. I'm glad I gave up on that series in the third or fourth book.

[acf151.livejournal.com]

Why would they openly speculate about private inner court politics in front of police and lawyers?
I was under the impression that Frost was incredibly jealous of Doyle (and Rhys, Nicca and Galen) in the previous books. When, in the last 28 hours of book time, did that stop?

Then there is the grammar. (I've written better than this, and I got a C in English.)

[easol.livejournal.com]

I seem to remember that too -- Merry is always whining about how he pouts and stuff, so when did he stop?

And pare olice and lawyers required to keep quiet about what they hear in certain places?

[sandit.livejournal.com]

My brain is bleeding.

I am so sick of this woman's complete irresponsibility regarding expression of her ignorant and baseless theories on sexual crimes.

A note from the text; does it bother anyone else when they read/hear someone talking about "how Americans are" when the writer/speaker is a US American too? Especially when the topic deals with US American prudery and prurience, and the person is LKH/Merrita (possibly the most prurient person in the first world)?

[acf151.livejournal.com]

Yes, particularly when she won't address her own hangups as frankly.
Her books are so unecessarily graphic that I'd prefer "American prudishness" just to preserve a bit of mystique. Too much isn't good either.