lkh_lashouts | Translation/flog

You know, I cannot see how anyone can look at the last few entries of LKH's blog and not want to lay down their head and have weepies, as I call it to my baby brother.

I have trouble giving up on something, especially if it's cool. But, I want to save this cool idea for another book where it can be on stage for longer than a hundred pages.

Translation: I'm going to take out this idea, and fill in the gaps with lots of sex and wangsting about Anita having sex with half of St. Louis, Micah's peenie, Asher's scars, JC about Belle Morte, Richard about being a werewolf, etc etc.

Then I will stick it in another book, still half-formed, and then smush lots of sex and metaphysical power boosts around it.

the page count of a draft of a novel has little to do with the printed page count, so don't go searching through the books for the thousand page opus.

I promise, I never will. Ever. If I saw a thousand-page book by LKH on the shelf, I'd huddle down on the floor and cry, until the bookstore personnel removed me.

Damned vampire metaphysics making my plot more tangled.

Translation: Damned vampire metaphysics making a plot!

Damned new characters expanding the process.

Guys, that's your cue to whimper pitifully at the prospect of even more characters being crammed into this Jordanian heap. All of whom, of course, will be either 1) evill jellus wimmin who hate Anita because they aren't brave enough to bang more guys than some prostitutes, or 2) sexy big-wanged guys with long bright hair, delicate faces, striking big eyes and other anime features.

Damned character development adding pages.

Translation: Damned character development... period!

Damned major plot revelations for the over arching series story arc.

Translation: Damned major plot revelations creating plot threads and points people might expect me to follow up on!

I was drinking out of my mug that says, "Creature of the Night", on it,

Translation: I am dark, gothy and darkity-dark-gothity-goth! Did I mention I'm so very dark and edgy that I drink out of a DARK GOTHY MUG?

Done with the Anita and Richard fight for this book. I think.

I can just imagine LKH sitting there with a checklist, which each book must now fulfil.
[] Richard and Anita fight. Note: Richard must look like the stupid blonde-marrying sad sack Gary is!
[] Threesome between Anita, ____ and ____.
[] Have Anita remind us that she's very moral and loving and all that crap.
[] Mention: Nathaniel has hair down to his ankles and smells like vanilla.
[] Mention: Asher's eyes are just like a Siberian Husky's and his hair is like gold.
[] Phrase "take one for the team."
[] Remind readers that if you don't applaud Anita's lifestyle all around, you are just a nasty evil prude who hates sex. Maybe you're a bigot too.
[] Supporting vampires ______ and _____ and _____ and _____ have sex with Anita.
[] Supporting weres ______ and _____ and ______ and _____ and _____ have sex with Anita.
[] Anita develops new powers.
[] People who regularly have sex with Anita develop new powers. NOTE: Not Richard!
[] Introduce new vampires, who Anita will have sex with. Note: possible names include Moscow, Darkity-Dark, Vlad, Tommy Wraith, Hunter Dee, Moonbeam, Gawain, Constantine, Gawthity-Gawth, Lie and Very Very Naughty.
[] Anita's beasts surface while she's naked.
[] Mention that she's in love with all the men she's bonking. VERY IMPORTANT: can't have her look like a skank.
[] Have some evil vampire woman challenge Anita.
[] M.O.D. turns up in a dream and raises the ardeur and/or beasts.

And so on, and so forth. Seriously, if the pages she "makes" are half as painful as this woman's blogs, we're in for a pretty horrible drag when the Jason book comes out.