"Open Mouth; Insert Foot"

[ravenhaley.livejournal.com]

A year after the "Dear Negative Reader" blog came out Darla has once again decided to be a very bad PA and try to explain the blog. This was written on LKH's board. I still don't understand why she can't get her own blog but here it is.

http://forum.laurellkhamilton.org/showpost.php?p=1161729&postcount=1

Darla
Me

Negative Reader Blog

Dear Lord is this going to be another bad math blog about how many haters there are of us?

We get a lot of emails.

I get lots of e-mails too --- I bet most of the e-mails are a bunch of spam about sex toys and so on, but for Team LKH it isn't spam.

Most of them are praise, a few complaints, lots of requests for release dates and appearance dates.

They probably ask about release dates and appearance because LKH's site is a piece of shit. They would do better by going to amazon.com

And the occassional one about a blog for Negative Readers.

Lady, there has been more than ONE blog about us evil jealous haters Negative Readers.

Which has been circulated, recirculated, taken apart, misconstrued and generally used by a few to make points.

Mostly, they were taken apart and snarked at how much Team LKH loves opening their mouth and putting their foot in it. LKH is what NOT to do as an author.

So let me address it here, hopefully for the last time.

Oh please, don't let my snark stop you from opening your mouth and look like a dumb ass. This isn't your first time from addressing something about the evil jealous haters nor is it going to be the last.

Laurell's letter was in direct response to threats made against her and her family, with her home address posted.

Um, I just looked over that dumb blog and there was NOTHING about threats to LKH's family listed in the crazy monkey speak.

Recap of the blog had,

*LKH looking at the board and surprised not to see brown nose, kiss assing rabid fan girls/boys drooling all over the beautiful diety
*She tells people not to read them which is dumb because I have and never will read them. Burning them sounds better.
*Something about not being comfortable about her books which is lame because I enjoy a good sex scene as much as the not person but her scene are more of "insert tab A to tab C and than insert B to D and 'Fuck me while I am tight'". LAME!!!!
*Doesn't like people who have a bad comment to say her books are terrible.
*Something about us haters are the minority --- Sure keeping telling yourself that one. Whatever to make you sleep better.
*Killing characters off is something you can't do because you BAT SHIT CRAZY!!!!! You can't hurt them because they are real --- HELLO ... guys with the white coats.

Nope nothing about threaten your family in that waste of space and time.

The blog was in response to what was told to us about why they didn't like the books.

So what you are saying is you can't take constructive criticism because they hurt the feelings of people who are not real. There is a reason why on the board you can't speak ill of characters who don't breathe, talk, walk, or have a heart beat.

White Coats need to take all of team LKH away before they do something insane like believe video game characters are real next.

And that is what some of the people who made those threats had stated, that they felt the sex was entirely too much and too graphic for them.

Wait, the threats are people giving LKH criticism. How is criticism a threat?

I have seen movies with more graphic sex in it than LKH's sex scene. The sex isn't an issue if A) it was written better B) Not Gratuitous C) got rid of the date-rape drug, the sex wouldn't be the issue.

This is criticism. Understand this:

Many of us who are fans of Anita enjoy Anita despite its faults, not because we think Anita is perfect and not because we do not think it cannot be improved. To criticize Anita, then, means that we enjoy Anita enough to want it to be the best it can be, and we wish to point out the flaws in hope of improvement (that is, to learn from mistakes, rather than to pretend they do not exist). If we didn't care, we wouldn't criticize

This is why fans explain and talk about things they like and dislike in a series. They want to improve the series. But it isn't like you can understand. Darla's head is so far up LKH's Butt and LKH is living with her nose to the air.

Laurell never said they were uneducated.

Which is true ... yet when she accusation the readers that they don’t like it because she is pushing the envelope, and moving to the edge of *her* comfort zone, is insulting.

Many of us read other books/graphic novels (and see movies) that push various envelopes, so to think that’s the *only* reason we haven’t followed the latest adventures of Anita (and Meredith Gentry) is just plain wrong.

Just that if it wasn't their cup of tea and they should find something more to their liking to read rather than what she wrote. 

I have moved on and Eve Dallas could kick Anita's butt with her hand tied behind her back since Anita would be to busy laying on her back to move.

Of course this as always lead to howls of "you cannot tell me what I can read!".

But it is so much fun to watch the car crash you continue to give me. But really, how will I know it is good if I don't read it?

Kind of like the question "What came first the chicken or the egg?"

You're right, we cannot.

Don't worry. None of my money is ever going back into LKH's hand again. Crazy Monkey's like her doesn't need more reasons to write about people who aren't real.

It was simply meant as a reasonable suggestion to complaints that they didn't like it.

So what you mean to say: "You mean evil jealous bitches go away"

But the car crash is just getting started. You just started another one ... Thanks Darla.

Sorry, that's just logic to say stop.

You know LOGIC

Praise be lord

Why couldn't she just say, “Thank you to all the fans for your support over the years. I am sorry for the misunderstanding to one of the blogs made. It was not meant to be a rant and I am terribly sorry if anyone had taken it as such. Once again, thank you to all who have support Anita and Merry. We appreciate the comments and thoughts."

Oh wait, that would mean you don't get to put you foot in your mouth again.

Find something more to you liking.

I have ...

Life is too short to read books you hate.

But if my power goes off --- guess what is going in the fireplace  

It isn't going to be a book I like that is for sure.

Not when there are so many authors out there, so many choices.

There are and I have gone to them and those author are getting my money not LKH.

Don't like it, don't read it.

You can't take the heat; get the HELL out of the kitchen woman!!!!

Same goes right back at you, dumb ass.

Don't like it and read it anyway voluntarily, you have made an active choice to deliberately do something you claim is distasteful.

LKH's books are time wasted for me. But the blogs are just fun car crashes to past the time with and to get a good laugh at how not to act like ever.

But don't expect me to understand why you do it.

I don't expect you to understand a debate or criticism if it bites you in the ass.

Some people do prefer books with little or no sex

Some would like the sex not to be filler, boring, and/ or lame either.

Some where the characters are static and never change.

Funny because I wouldn't say Anita has grown. Sex is not a character growth. Anita is so self-center anymore. She can see out of her own ass let alone to the people around her.

Never grow as people, never have a single experience change who they are one whit.

Wait, is Darla like LKH and thinks these characters are real?

MEDIC --- Get the lab coat guys in here at once. Bat shit crazy people need help.

And that is just a matter of personal taste in reading.

It is a matter of how lazy the author has gotten and the editor is just to blame for it as well.

It isn't right or wrong. It simply is who they are and what they choose to read. But for a handful of people, that isn't a solution they want to hear. They think they can force their views on everyone else. They can force Laurell to write what they want to read by being mean, abusive and cruel. Heck, I don't know, maybe it works for them in other areas of their lives and they think it will work on Laurell. But it didn't and it doesn't. So yes, Laurell finally had enough with the threats, especially those against her daughter and lashed back. Anyone would.

Wait, I don’t remember the original blog “Dear Negative fans” having anything to deal with her daughter.

As for this so called “threats”, I think you just need to sucker up and deal with the bad comments from people who don’t like the series. If this is a real threat, you shouldn’t be airing this stuff out for ANYONE on the INTERNET. Again, team LKH is not the brightest bulb.

For those who say we should have ignored it, would you still say so if someone had acted on those threats? If someone you knew and cared about was hurt or killed because someone whose screws aren't tight, had taken the egging on of those who suggested violence and acted on it? You would be outraged that we hadn't acted on those threats. Hadn't taken them seriously when we were made aware of them. We chose to err on the side of caution and have them dealt with. There are those who were involved with the making of threats and ended up unhappy with the fact that law enforcement was called in, who also took it seriously also and acted accordingly. Law enforcement was the last resort. We really did try and deal with it directly but to no avail.

I don’t think coming out is a good thing either. You should get some Legal advice before going online to talk about this stuff. If this was a harmful threat of someone getting hurt, the police need to take care of it or at least talk to someone in the law. Going online and telling any Joe about it could make the situation worst.

You cannot threaten a writer in to doing what you want.

I see no harm in writing about why I didn’t like an author's book. It is called learning from  ones mistakes and growing as an author. You use the word threaten yet I can’t recall LKH getting threaten. Unless you call the fan that waited in line to tell LKH she didn’t like the series a threat. I don’t get it. He or she was never stated to have threatened LKH to change the series only that she didn’t like things in it.

Darla I think you need to stop even trying. You are just making yourself look bad and LKH even bat shit crazy. 

Good Job ...

Comments

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

Oh Jesus, it's just the same goddamn shit over and over again. Of course, this is understandable, because if Team LKH actually just accepted that:
- no, we aren't bothered/squicked/embarassed by the sex (standard of writing notwithstanding)
- no, we DO actually have a right to, you know, make negative criticisms of her books
- and no, we aren't morons incapable of understanding The Deeper Meaning of the books

then they'd actually have to face the fact that our criticisms are valid, and that for God's sake, the series is so predictable that several plot "twists" have been called in this comm before they occur in the series!

It's just the same stuff all over again, and that's just so annoying. Except for this new, wondrous "series of threats" apparently made against LKH. Good job they're not being specific about who "made" them, because libel charges are a horrible thing.

[dinpik.livejournal.com]

Frankly, I want to see the emails, and, if legal action was taken, the police records. Especially since she's using Mercedes Lackey as a "SEE? SEE?!" case. There's some doubt that the physical confrontation Lackey says happened a con actually did.

[nightangel486.livejournal.com]

Waaait wait wait...so serious threats were made against LKH and her family, and since they viewed law enforcement as a "last resort", her first response was to pitch a fit and write a ranty blog towards them? Riiiiight, because that would make the situation SO much better.

And Darla, if I liked books where the characters are static and never change, then I WOULD still be reading LKH's books.

[drho.livejournal.com]

This is the stupidest excuse for logic, since . . . the last thing Darla wrote.

There is no excuse for threats or attacking LKH's daughter. (Though feeling sorry for LKH's mentions of Trinity is understandable). But, if these threats actually happened, they should have called law enforcement rather than incite the alleged stalkers.

Addressing the issue by blogging about "comfort zones" and other batshit nonsense is hardly a logical response. Perhaps they should read from Neil Gaiman's blog to understand how to deal with criticism (fair or otherwise) in a graceful manner.

[easol.livejournal.com]

I bet most of the e-mails are a bunch of spam about sex toys and so on, but for Team LKH it isn't spam.
How dare you malign the sacred research of a Great Suffering Artist?

They probably ask about release dates and appearance because LKH's site is a piece of shit.

I'll second that. It's a piece of shit. The Random House site has nothing but pretty pictures, canned biography, and a few sample chapters from the MG series. Her site is basically a list of interviews and ads. I can find more info on Wikipedia, let alone amazon.
Oh, and she doesn't seem to realize that this http://i186.photobucket.com/albums/x222/ddecember/UnShelved.gif is not a compliment, especially when it's a dweeby-looking MALE saying it.

And Darla needs to stop lying, because she sucks at it. If you have to lie, then come up with something consistent and semi-intelligent, not a series of contradictory lies that keep bashing into each other like bumper cars! Let's face it, if LKH had been threatened, it would have provided melodrama fodder for WEEKS. She would never have shut up about the danger and fear and hardcoreness that is LKH.

What Darla really hates is that whenever she pokes her nose out of the LKH forum, more discerning readers turn on their trusty flamethrowers, and they subsequently will quote and link to her past rants as many times as necessary.

The blog was in response to what was told to us about why they didn't like the books.
So basically she's equating physical threats with total strangers explaining on amazon, and in emails, why they hate Micah the Wonderwang, why Anita is acting like a total psycho, etc. I'd LOVE to hear what the cops would think about these "threats."

"Oh, officer, it's so terrible! They are saying that my character -- MY CHARACTER! -- is an evil psycho whore, and they wish she'd get shot in the head, and that Micah should be castrated! Ohhhhh, it's so terrible and she's so scared,! I mean, I'm so scared, I mean..."

I have moved on and Eve Dallas could kick Anita's butt with her hand tied behind her back since Anita would be to busy laying on her back to move.
Not to mention Rachel Morgan and/or Harry Dresden. Love em both, and they could do a tango together on top of Anita's lily-white, perpetually orgasming body. If she weren't trying to molest Thomas, that is...

But it is so much fun to watch the car crash you continue to give me. But really, how will I know it is good if I don't read it? Shrug

And I'm running out of funny literature to read! Ever since Dennis McKiernan went from Sucky up to Mediocre (ironically, I may have helped that), I've been lacking it!

You're right, we cannot.
And don't you hate it that you can't?

Life is too short to read books you hate.
Actually, it isn't. I don't just read books for pleasure -- I read them for nasty amusement, for criticism, and for self-improvement (ie, knowing what to avoid). In the case of this series, I can get all three!

Don't like it, don't read it.
Make me, you brown-nosed cow.

Never grow as people, never have a single experience change who they are one whit.
Ditto -- where are the men in their nice white coats? How can a figment of imagination grow as a person?

ended up unhappy with the fact that law enforcement was called in, who also took it seriously also and acted accordingly.
Translation: LKH called up her ex-brother-in-law, who slammed down the phone when he heard her whining that they were being mean to her fictional friends.

[ravenhaley.livejournal.com]

How dare you malign the sacred research of a Great Suffering Artist?

But it is so much fun ...

[graylor.livejournal.com]

Not to mention Rachel Morgan and/or Harry Dresden. Love em both, and they could do a tango together on top of Anita's lily-white, perpetually orgasming body. If she weren't trying to molest Thomas, that is...

Shit, Harper Connelly (from Charlaine Harris' Grave series) could beat Anita from here to Hawaii at this point. And people would actually *care* about Harper, because her emotional range suggests, oh, humanity rather than a mere desire for sex.

I keep trying to sell a friend on the LKH books as guides for how not to write: she keeps reading a chapter or two and saying "WTF?"

[evewithanapple.livejournal.com]

This whole "X character could kick Anita's ass." has given me a wonderful idea for a fanfic in which various urban fantasy characters- Kitty Norville, Elena Michaels, and Paige Winterbourne- gang up and hunt down Anita. It would be so much better than the books.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, Harper is not a badass or anything, but at this point she could just read Anita's Superspeshul Martial Arts Moves and whip her out.

And then she'd have some heart-to-heart talks with Whorenita's victims.

[genchaos.livejournal.com]

Not to mention Rachel Morgan and/or Harry Dresden. Love em both, and they could do a tango together on top of Anita's lily-white, perpetually orgasming body. If she weren't trying to molest Thomas, that is...

Thomas would completely, utterly, and totally pwn Whorenita and make Jean-Claude his whining little bitch, and we all know it. Pretty though he may be, he still has his balls, unlike the vast majority of her entourage of long-haired massive penii.

Addendum

[genchaos.livejournal.com]

Should I also add that as of White Night he's found a way around his Little Problem, unlike Anita with her thin excuse to violate men and have massive amounts of mechanical sex ardeur?

Re: Addendum

[easol.livejournal.com]

And that was awesome. :)I really do think that Thomas, in some ways, is sort of Butcher writing JC as he SHOULD have been -- sexy, clever, in danger but keeping his head above water. Also tall and pale, with curly black hair, and INCUBUS POWERZ that make every woman lust after him.

The difference, of course, being that Butcher bothered to make him funny, sloppy, genuinely strong, and trying to stop his Hunger. He doesn't just figure, "Oh, I've got supernatural incubus powers and need sex.... oh well! come on, girls, time for an orgy!"

So I can't help but wonder if Thomas overcoming his Hunger was JB's poke in the eye at LKH.

Re: Addendum

[genchaos.livejournal.com]

Or rather, in Thomas's case, fighting tooth and nail to keep his morals intact and to keep from becoming fully a monster. Harry's soulgaze was pretty indicative he's still fighting it. I don't think the rest of the Raith family even tried. Witness Lara. :/ (Except for Inari. She was *extremely* lucky.)

The other thing with Butcher is that his villains come across as genuinely intelligent and dangerous and prove it. Mavra, Lara, Mab, Nicodemus, Maeve... the list goes on. And unlike Anita, Harry can't just pull a new power out of his ass to deal with them.

And yeah, I agree Thomas comes across as far more interesting and three dimensional a character than JC. He's much more endearing, Vamp or no. Although with the Hunger, it looks more like he's found a way to well... live with it than anything. I think if he knew of a way to completely kill it, he would, because as it is, he can never touch the woman he loves again, and the whole Thomas/ Justine subplot is genuinely painful to watch. In a good way, mind.

At least he found some working solution though, dang it.

Re: Addendum

[genchaos.livejournal.com]

NO SHIT.

And if something bad happens to him, it *stays* happened. Consequences? Witness Mavra barbecuing his hand with napalm. It's still barbecued. The fact it's slowly coming back is entirely consistent with Harry's being a wizard, and is going to take many books to resolve. It sure isn't handwaved like oh, with certain other authors.

And so agreed it ain't funny. I regret it took me as long as it did to get into him, because unfortunately when told it was like the Blake books I had horrible images of the sordid mess they are now. And this, boys and girls, is why LKH is bad for other authors. :P

Re: Addendum

[easol.livejournal.com]

Amen! I love him for that, and he would SO whip Whorenita's butt. I could fantasize about him going all silver-eyed and "moving like smoke," and showing her that her necromancer powers don't work on him since he ain't dead.

and make Jean-Claude his whining little bitch,

I can just see Thomas pinning JC's head down with one leg, and Harry thinking, "Master of the City, my ass." Then making the other vampires take his example -- how to be pretty but not wussy, wangsty and emasculated.

And the Alphas would totally pwn the werebeasties around Anita.

Thomas: Okay, what do we have on the agenda here? Clothes today -- how dressing normally can make you seem sexier by comparison, instead of wearing all this leather porn shit from the eighties. Also on the agenda -- appearance, and how it isn't everything. This means you, Asher and Permed Master of the City.
Asher: Have you even seen my scars?
Thomas: I've seen my brother's hand after it was burned off with burning napalm. Yours can't be much worse.
JC: But Anita says-
Thomas: To hell with that. Question, Requiem?
Requiem: Can I still wear my cloak?
Thomas: At Renaissance Faires and Lord of the Rings conventions, but not everyday. Also, shave the Vandyke. Byron, stop staring at my ass.

Re: Addendum

[genchaos.livejournal.com]

*howls with laughter and then laughs evilly* That he ain't. There are advantages to being a White Court vamp.

Yeah, I wonder if JC could actually fight when he isn't having Slutnita doing it for him these days. And both Harry and Thomas would be grossed out by her hitting on them. Wait, never mind, Harry's human and not pretty enough. Nono, Thomas would get it. And then hurt her.

...hell, come to think of it, *Murphy* would beat them to the punch, God love her. And she'd smear Anita's ever-more-well-plumbed ass across the room in the process.

As for the Alphas, hell, Richard'd probably join them. He's got a modicum of self-respect left.

Billy: Back off, ho, I'm married. And if you think you'll make me 'disappear' for not dropping trou for you... well, here. Meet Georgia, my lovely wife. She's not happy.

*ends with howling with laughter at the last bit. It's so Thomas.*

Re: Addendum

[rianax.livejournal.com]

Richard would fit so well with the Alphas-- sane, good people who actually resemble the sane wolves whose skins they wear.

The real Richard would go in a heartbeat, not the whiny bitch LKH made him.

Re: Addendum

[genchaos.livejournal.com]

Yep. He would.

That's part of what sickens me, and made me start thinking 'uh-oh, trouble' back as early as the Killing Dance-- her absolute conviction that weres couldn't live democratically and that Richard was naive for trying. Weres used to be just people with a disease, and when she started putting all her weird BDSM and dom/ sub fetishes onto them... it heralded the dreck to come, ever so subtly.

[daphne-gateau.livejournal.com]

If Darla is sick of this topic why did she bring it up again?

If Laurell doesn't want her words misconstrued or redistributed and doesn't want her blogs micro-analyzed with possibly negative results then don't put this crap on the *internet*. Plenty of authors have blogs that share their personality while keeping personal details to themselves. Author, edit thyself.

If someone threatens your child going to the police is not a last resort. It's a first step. Egging on a pissed off fan would not be any thinking person's reaction. It's nuts. This makes me think that if there was a threat Laurell didn't take it very seriously.

I can't hold Laurell responsible for the crazy that is that Admin post since she was smart enough not to write it or put her name to it, but Darla?? Wtf is up with you?

[easol.livejournal.com]

This makes me think that if there was a threat Laurell didn't take it very seriously.

If it existed at all.

[windiain.livejournal.com]

You know, it always amuses me when LKH implies that her books may be too harcore for us to cope with. I have to laugh, because it makes her sound so naive and tame. I feel like posting her the entire set of Dillon & Ennis' Preacher comics with a note that simply says 'You want to push the envelope? Read and learn.' Funny how I love Preacher and can take anything it throws at me, yet Anita Blake is somehow too much for my poor mind to take...

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

OMFG yes to sending LKH Preacher. Of course, then she'll talk about how much she loves it (a la House and Pratchett) without ever actually getting the point.

[cherrybomb23z.livejournal.com]

Do you think LKH or anyone in her camp ever takes a step back and goes... "Whoa we sound really really bad"

I just moved on to Eve Dallas myself and you're right, she could kick Anita's ass!

[missamii.livejournal.com]

Isn't this, like, right around the one year anniversary of the Negative Reader rant? Is Team LKH trying to turn these little stupid temper tantrums into an annual attention whoring tradition or something? I especially like how in trying to clear up that infamous post, Darla just repeated the rant sans TH spoilers complete with all the original insults throwing fuel back on the fire. I had no idea who this Darla twit was until a year ago when I became acquainted with her poorly reasoned posts on Amazon. If you are going to have a combative person run a slash-and-burn PR campaign, at least have a person who is original and witty enough to come up with new material, not Dear Negative Reader Take II.

Seriously, some one who gives praise to Talia Gryphon does not need to be taking shots at other people's reading tastes.

[curls975.livejournal.com]

i notice that my post that i submitted hasnt been cleared, but some chick who is all, "oh noes! you go gurl. i'll help you fight the war against criticism" is all good.

idiots

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

I suspect that the clarification of the Negative Reader rant is a way to get attention. Maybe her sales for LOF have slowed down?

[duchym.livejournal.com]

perhaps bad publicity is better than no publicity?

[missamii.livejournal.com]

Maybe they got jealous of all the attention Cassie Edwards has been getting lately?

[easol.livejournal.com]

Who?

[missamii.livejournal.com]

An infamously lousy author that recently found herself in some very hot water.

[ravenhaley.livejournal.com]

If LKH is jealous of what Cassie Edwards is going through than she needs more help than I thought.

[mm_madb]

I think you're right, and if you hadn't said it I would have. There hasn't been any great drama over there in a while, sales are dropping, and they need to get more attention. Even if all she gets is people telling her to stop poking the monkeys again that will make new people check to see if she's as bad as - well, as she is.

[happygoth.livejournal.com]

I think that the biggest mistake LKH has made (outside of going crazy and not writing anything interesting ever) was to hire Darla.

I mean, sure, there are negative reactions out there and she feels she needs to defend LKH and the series, but it's damaging to tell people not to read the books instead of trying to convince LKH to make a change based on the negative feedback.

For example, how horrible would it be for, say, McDonald's revenue if when people talked about how awful the food is for your health, they responded by saying, "If you don't like the food, then don't eat here," on their website and a thousand banner ads? It's really stupid.

At the very least, LKH needs somebody who will present a consistent message to the public, so that regardless of the crappy content, the LKH camp is all still enthusiastic about the books.

[nightangel486.livejournal.com]

I have a really hard time buying that LKH & co. weren't insulting the h8rs and critics and calling them uneducated. She basically implies that some people are STUPID and CLOSE-MINDED because they like books with no sex and little character development. Intentional or not, I feel insulted.