V-Day BlogFlog.

[missrogue.livejournal.com]

So this is my first "official" flog. I just couldn't resist.

LKH in bold, while my comments are plain text.



Original post found here

First off Laurita comments on how she can't write at all today because it's Valentine's Day tomorrow. They get a day at the spa, and damn, it's such a curse to have money to do these kinds of things.

Part of the present is that I go with him. In our typical fashion as a couple Jon loves being pampered, and I hate it. The ladies at the spa tell us that it's usually the oppisate. Go fig.

First off, what is this "oppisate"? I should give her points for the "it's" but I just can't get over how her man likes (according to her) the girly things in life.

So, I'm all dressed up in a skirt, even, boots, the whole nine yards.

So she's dressed in a skirt, an even, and boots? I have been known to abuse comma's on occasion, but they should really be protected from this woman. Seriously.

I'm off to play wife and girl. The wife I can do, but sometimes I'm not so comfy with the girl part.

Isn't a wife usually a girl? I wasn't aware that someone had to play "wife" and "girl". OH! I forgot, Laurita still lives in a world that states girls must love pink and fluffy things. She's real special.

But tomorrow is V-Day, and for all those other spouses out there, I sympathize with that sometimes frantic rush to get the right gift, the right event, the right mood, so your sweetie ends the day happy.

Ah. So there is a reason for the dress up for the spa. A holiday that has to be done right, otherwise your significant other hates you.

She then goes on to explain why she's planning Valentine's day instead of her fanboi. Apparently it has to do with her birthday. Laurita brings up her ex... yet again (and it's the cue for rolling eyes).

I think what made it ocurr to me was that when Jon and I were dating, I did events for him. Like take him a picnic lunch to his office when he had to pull an all-nighter. I sent him flowers at work, poetry. He loved it, but it put me in the position that is more typically male. It let me know just how hard you men have been working over the years to make the women in your lives happy.

"Ocurr"? And yes LKH, all that hard work you did doting on your fanboi allows you insight to the male world. Excuse me while I go throw up.

I'm not going to touch the lack of grammatical accuracy, only because my head might explode. Comma abuse is one thing, but her entire lack of apparent "writing skillz" makes me want to bash my head into my desk repeatedly. How can this woman be published?

We can say one thing for sure. Apparently no one has gotten her proper English lessons at University, or Elementary school. That, and no one has gotten her a proper spell check, or a proper Editor...or six.



Sorry if it's done wrong, but I had to vent my frustration on this woman.

Comments

men and being pampered...

[phyrra.livejournal.com]

Not that I'm defending her, but my boyfriend loves manicures and pedicures. I've still never had either done, but he says they're awesome.

As for the rest of your flog, it made me giggle.

Re: men and being pampered...

[missrogue.livejournal.com]

I would love a man that wanted to be pampered at the spa with me, and I think it's a pretty common thing, LKH is the one that seems to think it's odd and only a girly thing.

[drho.livejournal.com]

Oh thank goodness. I thought this was going to be about V-Day and the Vagina Monologues, which would have been ... interesting.

[shalanar.livejournal.com]

My hubs gets a kick out of "girlie" things while I don't.

Besides that, yeah...LKH should just be kept away from words period.

[ayako.livejournal.com]

What can we all say? LKH is a special snowflake. It is against her nature not to drop hints shove it in your face here and there as much as she can that she is not like other women. The same old, same old about being the "man" in a relationship...sigh.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Wonder how long it'll be before she turns up at a signing in a "Prince Charming" (blech) T-shirt. Maybe Jonboi will wear a "Damsel" shirt.

Listening to her, you'd think that she was the only woman in the world who wears pants, gives her man gifts/flowers/etc, and isn't constantly fixated on pedicures, dates, witless romantic comedies, etc. Doesn't hearing voices in her head make her "speshul" enough?

[skeezix74.livejournal.com]

When will she just get it over with and get herself & Anita strap-on's? God knows as much they both go on about not being girly and how their favorite men all look like women that they're both just f2m trannies in the making!

[kerame.livejournal.com]

"When will she just get it over with and get herself & Anita strap-on's? "

I think that's part of the reason she added the ardeur. It's just what Anita's always wanted: a magical, metaphorical penis which enables her to rape.

[icecreamempress.livejournal.com]

Once again, she shows how amazingly misogynistic she is. "I'M NOT LIKE A WOMAN AT ALL! I'M LIKE A MAN, ONLY TIGHT AND WET!"

LMFAO

[atypia.livejournal.com]

YOU WIN! *hands over internets, wrapped in a pretty bow*

[delphinapterus.livejournal.com]

She sounds really resentful of having to do something with him. That seems a little odd. If you don't want to do it that badly way not find something more equally enjoyable?

[missrogue.livejournal.com]

I personally wish I had money for bread...let alone a trip to the spa.

[knowthyself.livejournal.com]

I wonder if she's heard of this new-fangled thing called "feminism", where females are totally cool with doing things that are stereotypically called "male" things to do, and it's cool, and no one cares! OMG! What a concept!

And dude, even spellcheck would've caught a number of those errors. WTF!

[easol.livejournal.com]

Wait a sec... (hee hee, wrote "sex" -- Freudian slip), you mean feminism doesn't mean acting just like a big chauvinistic man?! It means... acting like a non-subservient, competant woman? Noooo, you're putting me on!

[easol.livejournal.com]

Can someone tell LKH that by the way, she is not a man no matter how much she disdains the cliche of weak poofy pink femininity?

And that WOO! Dressing in a SKIRT! And BOOTS! Wow, she's really going red-carpet on this, isn't she? Course, I often dress like that to go to the library or grocery store, so somehow I can't be too impressed by how hard she's working on this. And it's never a good sign for a marriage if one or both spouses have to "play" at being their gender and marital role.

News flash, LKH: you are not the first woman in the world to show what you consider "masculine" attention to a man. I once sent a rose and some chocolates to a boyfriend, and when I talked to him about it, he got all cute and shy.

I didn't believe in penis envy before I heard of LKH, but now I can't help it. Her loathing of women extends to herself, and rather than redefining the woman's role for herself, she decides to make herself into a man with a vagina.

But I cracked up when I saw this line: "[My ex] must have struggled for years, with me oblivious." Ohhhhhh... I just can't say anything more.

And awesome floggery, BTW. Good one!

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

I bet it was a mini-skirt and high heeled boots, teamed with a BLAZER. Because LKH thinks that is sexy. And I bet she was wearing a Red Silk Blouse as well. Unless she decided to be rebellious and wore a polo shirt instead.

[daphne-gateau.livejournal.com]

She manages to whine about having a spa date on valentine's day with her #1 fan. There just... are no words.

I'm not looking forward to Friday's blog.

[mitrian.livejournal.com]

I want to write to her and say:

Listen, listen very carefully. Past all the voices of your imaginary friends, quieter than the giant penises in your head... Do you hear that, LKH? That's the sound of the English language, and it's in pain. You're hurting it in ways to which it did not consent - it's screaming its safeword, and yet you keep writing.

[glitterglass.livejournal.com]

I read this comment out loud to my boyfriend because it was so awesome.

[assplund.livejournal.com]

LKH is upset about having to do something for her husband? OH I AM SO SHOCKED.

[kessie.livejournal.com]

...ugh.

She's probably thinks all gay couples have to fulfill the roles of husband and wife in their relationships as well, instead of just being in a relationship. >:|

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

Goodness knows, a lot of the slash fanbrats do... and only recently has there been any progress on getting them to use LUBE.

Disclaimer: G_S is a slash fangirl. She enjoys well-written slash.

She just prefers that it be male/male, instead of having it claimed to be slash when it's male/woman-in-a-man's-body, or even more oddly, woman-in-a-man's-body/woman-in-a-man's-body. Not that there's anything WRONG with that, except that it's annoying to have people claim that to be "slash".

...If you want to know the Worst Case Scenario of that sort of writing, go to my LJ and click the "little miss mary" tag. It's... a Harry Potter badfic that I spork. X( Eegh.

[unrund.livejournal.com]

Every time I read something like this entry from her, a showtune runs through my head and I feel the urge to pull out the top hat and cane and dance.

Would anyone chip in if I was to sent her a strap-on dick?

[easol.livejournal.com]

I would.

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

"Oppisate"?

[christraven.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that and the "ocurrs" made me twitch a little.

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

I was about to post a comment abusing commas to mock her. ;) LOL! Gotta be quick around here.

If she doesn't want to do the "spa day" send me the money, and I'll take my husband. I'm not overly girly, but not only will neither of us complain about how "girl" that is, we'll both enjoy the heck out of the massages. Sheesh. Get over yourself already, LKH! You're not spechul, just stupid.

[kimbearlysue.livejournal.com]

Grammar and punctuation abuse aside, I would be so hurt if I were her husband and read this blog. She sounds so put out. Oh poor her, she has to spend Valentine's day with her husband of all people. At a spa. If she is fishing for sympathy, she won't find it here.

[moonsinger.livejournal.com]

Don't you know that LKH doesn't need spell check to correct her purple prose?

[hookncrook.livejournal.com]

That entire blog entry looks like Anita wrote it for Nathaniel.

Right down to the hard to be a girl in the world complaint.

[longtail.livejournal.com]

I was trying to figure out what was bothering me about it and you hit it right on the head. Thank you, that's EXACTLY what it looks like...or all of Micah when she was flipping out about actually having to be ALONE with him in a hotel room and get all romantic and he sends her FLOWERS of all things.

ZOMG, Rule 2,364a, never, remind, the Crotch of Doom or her, "writer," that she, is female! Raa,'ar!

*cuddles commas close* I'm sorry babies, I had to make a point and I promise not to do that to you again.

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

Oh my gosh, you poor creature, whole day in spa?! What kind of torture... is that? -__-

Oh, poor Laurel, a man of the house. Now I know why Richar.. errr, poor hubby nr1 went away. He couldn't stand whole "I'm a more man than you are! I'm stronger, and more butch than you are without even trying! AND I have a vagina!! Now roll over bitch!" =__=

Someway I find this woman's delusions disturbing...

[kerame.livejournal.com]

Exactly!

She spends half the blog talking about how uncomfortable it makes her to be pampered in a girly way,
but couldn't deal with her ex feeling exactly the same way.

[windiain.livejournal.com]

While I know plenty of women who don't like 'girly shit' yet are happy as women, LKH is making such a big deal of all this that I'm sorely tempted to put together a pack on transgenderism and send it to her, along with an offer to join ftm. She just takes it to such an extreme that I'm left wondering if she's even happy being a woman, because she sure doesn't act like it.

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

And what if I buy flowers for my girlfriend? Does that make me a "man" in our relationship? 'cos I don't feel like one, even if I won't be wearing anything pink until the day I die. That just makes me a GIRL that doesn't like pink!
Oh, my, just thought that my girl... she'll buy me some flowers too, and thinking like LKH... OMG we're gays!! O_O

[darkese.livejournal.com]

She compares Jon to her ex-husband twice in that blog. Why doesn't she think it's obsessive to be still constantly thinking of her ex?

Jon if you're out there reading this by chance, tell her to stop talking about her ex. Even though you win in the comparisons, you ultimately lose because she is still constantly thinking of him.

[kerame.livejournal.com]

"She compares Jon to her ex-husband twice in that blog. Why doesn't she think it's obsessive to be still constantly thinking of her ex?"

Jon if you're out there reading this by chance, tell her to stop talking about her ex. Even though you win in the comparisons, you ultimately lose because she is still constantly thinking of him."

I bet he drops oblique little digs at Gary all the time, accompanied by little hints about various toys he might enjoy (like the new sportscar).

Feeding her obsessions is the basis of their relationship, and entirely in his interest.

my humble thoughts go WTF

[witchwillow.livejournal.com]

A) LKH is transgendered and really male inside of a woman's body and in deep denial because of all that Catholic(I think) guilt from her grandmother. It could explain why she doesn't go near m/m scenes. Imagine if she started writing a sex scene and she found herself focusing on actually arousing things.

Poor woman needs to find Slash perhaps - just not in my fandoms.

B) Coming soon, a third LKH series. This time she's writing about a short, spunky, slightly feminine featured, large dicked male detective. And he's going to be investigating... huh, what hasn't she done? Aliens? No, aliens aren't quite porny enough. Maybe some totemic animal morphing, all Manimal (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manimal) style with a touch of Tarzan (white man lost in the woods, returns home).

And it'll be daring cause he'll be eyeing the fellas and the ladies. And eventually he'll just be porking it to all guys.

*snickers* He could totally be some sort of high society investigator. Do you think she could do a period piece? Then her male avatar could be feeling up stable boys and serving girls and eyeing the length in the butler's tight pants.

Someone stop me...I'm hurting myself with giggles.

OMG! In the pantry. With the butler! Using lard for lube!

Think of the possibilities!

It'd be like Clue! Only horrendously sexual!

And...and he could end up with a secret estate somewhere, where he has a harem of me - OMG. I'm thinking of LKH does Beauty (Anne Rice)

Convergence!

Re: my humble thoughts go WTF

[auryanne.livejournal.com]

Wow I just got a mental image of that using Tim Curry from the Clue movie and... yikes XD

[deadroman.livejournal.com]

Lkh wants to be a man? She sure doesn't seem to appreciate women being women.

[auryanne.livejournal.com]

Boy I love women who moan about having to do stuff for their SO on Valentine's Day like it's such a chore.

/bitter single mode off

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

I second the bitter single mode. I made cupcakes for my guy friends! And what did I get in return? A few oogling and some suggestive leers.

It was...creepy.