What the...

[harlette.livejournal.com]

Hey, everyone. This is my first post to LKH_Lashouts and, since I'm a total n00b, I have no clue if this has been commented on already.

But did anyone else notice the "form" on LKH's website? Prepare for a long winded post.

Follow the cut if you haven't. (I hope this cut works.)





Form in italics, me in plain. Just because I don't want to piss off any mods.

I obviously have problems with this form. "You're patience and understanding..." DEAR, LKH. PLEASE LEARN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUR AND YOU'RE. You're is a contraction. "You [are] patience and understanding..." DOES NOT MAKE ANY DAMN SENSE. They're not even homonyms, LKH. I'm ashamed of you.

I also believe this simple form also shows LKH's downfall. She has no clue how to edit her own work. I understand that LKH, Darla, Jon, Elmo, Kunta Kinte, and the seven dwarfs are all dyslexic and so we shouldn't complain about her writing. But, eff that. When I read the sentences on that form I feel like I'm the one who is dyslexic. Example:

"So if you could see your way clear to give that entire day off, cancel all meetings, reschedule any games or other plans you might have been considering, plan on eating out and possibly sleeping on the couch if the light from the bedside bothers you."

Maybe it's just me... but is that long winded sentence incomplete? Is it missing something? A question mark? Should it be rephrased?

"So, could you please see your way clear to give that entire day off?"

Or.

"So... if you could see your way clear and give _____ the entire day off, that'd be much appreciated."

Maybe a comma? Funny. She doesn't put commas in the places where she needs them.

"So if you could, see your way to give that entire day off and cancel all meetings."

All that being said, I decided that we should have a form and hand it out to the relatives, co-workers, etc. of people who read the books.

Comments

[drho.livejournal.com]

LOL! That book should definitely come with a warning.

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

I think it was commented on a while back, actually... but I love your counter-form. =]

[harlette.livejournal.com]

Aww, schucks. Foiled again.

Next time I'll search through the posts and make sure it hasn't been discussed already before I post.

Thank you.

[easol.livejournal.com]

I think that form was for the last book, wasn't it?

[baeraad.livejournal.com]

Er... now that you mention it, it might have been. I think it was the same except with the title and dated changed, though.

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

yeah, I remember that. When her last book came out, she issued forms like that.

[clover-elf-kin.livejournal.com]

If Blood Noir is anything like Micah, one would have to be an extraordinarily slow reader to still be slogging through it late that night. I read the latter in the bookstore and it took something like an HOUR. Something that thin and simple can easily be read on one's breaks!

[easol.livejournal.com]

I read the last one in maybe three hours. The review took me less than one.

And then I picked up some Jeffrey Overstreet to cleanse my tired, grimy brain.

[judaistic.livejournal.com]

That's kind of cocky of her to give a consent form.

[evewithanapple.livejournal.com]

She put out the same thing for the last two books. I can just picture my Law teacher's reaction, were I to hand that to him.

[harlette.livejournal.com]

Did she really? Gross. What type of legitimate author creates MS Paint images as promotional documents for a book?

I just don't understand. It's like she's running her own fan club.

[clover-elf-kin.livejournal.com]

"Like" she's running her own fan club?

[harlette.livejournal.com]

No way. If she were running her own fan club her books would read like fan fiction. She'd also create shitty MSpaint banners, forms and merchandise for her books. Not to mention she'd probably marry her #1 fan boi. LKH would also drive the negative readers away from her message boards/blog because fan clubs don't allow TEH NEGUHTIVE INPUTZ.

Oh wait...

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

Your icon is GREAT GREAT GREAT!!!!

...just wanted to say thatXD

[katekat]

the counterform is awesome-sauce.

[kd-lalala.livejournal.com]

....Every time I think "Hey she can't possibly appear more arrogant!" she goes out of her way to prove me wrong. >< Gah! Consent form, my ass ¬¬


The counter consent form, however, made me chortle with glee XD

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

The consent form might have been cute idea the first time it was on the web page. Now it's just old.

Your alternative form is hysterical.

[clover-elf-kin.livejournal.com]

Also, for a second I thought this was a repost of an old "permission slip". Then I saw the book title. -_-

[ladymina.livejournal.com]

is 'request that you not schedule ' acceptable grammar?
I thought it is missing a verb ... but I am not a native speaker

apart from that - whoa LKH arrogance is really not attractive at all

[rozasharn.livejournal.com]

It is acceptable grammar. This the subjunctive mood, used for talking about things that are not real but might have been or might someday be. It is very subtle in English.

It is correct to say "I ask you to do this," and that is the form most often used.
It is equally correct, and more elegant, to say "I ask that you do this," and then the 'you do this' phrase is in subjunctive form. It's a description of something I hope will happen.

[ellenel13.livejournal.com]

Why does LKH think that her readers need a fucking consent form to skip a day from work? Does she think her readers are in grammar school? I find this form (hers not yours) more condescending than anything else.

[fadeinthewash.livejournal.com]

Bahahaha, icon. =D

[dwg.livejournal.com]

Yeah, she did one for The Harlequin too. We really do need to pass out warnings/consumer advice to people in bookstores.

[jerel.livejournal.com]

Your version (you're version?) is much better.

Oh, and yeah, that ultra-long sentence you quoted? Not only is it a run-on, but it's incomplete. I think by the time you get to the end of it, you're so anxious for it to be over, you forget it's missing the subject and predicate.

[harlette.livejournal.com]

You're (your?) exactly right.

I really wish LKH/Darla would go take some college level English courses. Or maybe she should read a fiction book instead of nonfiction about six-legged sex.

What the fuck is wrong with this lady?

[dan-lian.livejournal.com]

We need to print out the "warning" page and everyone needs to put them in every copy of BN they see when it's released. Just slip it in there.

[icecreamempress.livejournal.com]

Anyone who can get through Blood Noir IS "patience and understanding" itself.

With a healthy dose of the stupids.

[cactus-wren.livejournal.com]

liquefaction of the frontal and occipital lobe

FTW! Laughed.So.Hard.

[othellia.livejournal.com]

"You [are] patience and understanding..." DOES NOT MAKE ANY DAMN SENSE.

I know a girl named Patience... does that count? XD And on a more random note, I think I recognize the font you used for "LKH_lashouts;" what is it, Minstral?

[ditaykan.livejournal.com]

...now I want to have daughters, just so I can name them Patience and Understanding.

Then refer to them as 'Pat' and 'Stan'.

At the same time, though, it would partially validate that sentence and so I also don't want to do that.

[raven-feathers.livejournal.com]

close, it's mistral.

[harlette.livejournal.com]

Yep. It's Mistral. There's no country for old computers... a.k.a. I bought a new computer and Mistral was the first and only font I downloaded.

[morriganscrow.livejournal.com]

Your version is so much more user-friendly and practical - and funny!

[daphne-gateau.livejournal.com]

First: Your warning wins! :D And it's useful too! I seriously think I'm going to print that out and put in on my refridgerator in case someone unwittingly wants to buy me this book. ;)

Second: I remember the one done for Harlequin too. I agree with ladymuttly1, the idea might have been cute the first time around... and only if there was really this kind of craze surrounding her books. Which, as far as I know, there isn't.

It feels to me like LKH's trying to pretend she's a phenomenon when in reality the majority of people don't even know who she is. If you gave that note to your boss they'd probably be like "wtf?" instead of getting the joke. Blood Noir is not Deathly Hallows hyped.

I said this last time, since these notes are obviously just for the fans (and her ego) she should write them from a character featured in the book. One that isn't Anita. It would be cute and something for the fans to actually look forward to that's differnt each time. I'm a dork, but I think it would be fun to have a note in 'JC's writing' full of double entendre and snippets of French asking you to set aside the weekend for him and his friends. Or if Jason sent out a sleazy invitation for an evening of getting to know him better, etc. Edward scrawl a note blackmailing you to come along as backup while he laid waste to St. Louis. :D OK. Obviously I've had too much sugar today. I just wish Laurel could loosen up and have some fun with her characters for a change. :s

[easol.livejournal.com]

If you're truly a phenomenon, you don't need to make these notes. Other people will make them online for you.

And I agree, it would be fun to see one of the supporting characters request time off for you. It would be cute.

[nightangel486.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I could have seen notes like that for the last Harry Potter book, but my mom works at a Barnes & Noble and from what she's said, they can't give LKH's books away. They seel when they first come out and then...nothing. But LKH and her ego refuse to acknowledge such a thing is possible.

I'm tempted to convert the lashout version of the note to some kind of SUrgeon General's warning and slip a copy in each of the books for readers to find...

[rin-x-x.livejournal.com]

I honestly just had the idea to print out copies of your slip, change the names to fit the novels, and shove them into every LKH book I see.

Srsly. I think its needed.

[guardians-song.livejournal.com]

"Prolonged exposure to Blood Noir may result in (but is not limited to): [...] Doom Crotch [...] "

That's it, I'm making my second Metaquotes post this week.
...If you don't mind. :D

[librarista.livejournal.com]

The newest blog entry from Darla sounds like a response to this. I guess people started emailing her. Hm. Maybe we should all email whatever the official address is with grammatical corrections for the books. Maybe people could volunteer to take chapters and send in their edited versions. It might eventually get a point across. Or just make LKH try to be snarky which is never pretty.

[harlette.livejournal.com]

I think it proves that Darla stalks these forums.

[unrund.livejournal.com]

*facepalm*
If I were an employer and one of my employees came to me with something like that I would say ok but ask them to come in before they buy this book and, at that day, put them in a small room with books on grammar and a laptop opened to lkh_lashouts.
This is so horrifying that I could cry.

Also, your counter form wins.

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

Now, I've seen a "please boss, give me a free day" notes with the Puss from Shrek on them (my sis company rulezzXD), but this is a little over the top-__-

WHY would I want my second half/boss/mother/brother/teacher to know I read this sh*t? Naw, that would be bad for my reputation><

[cywrain.livejournal.com]

Brilliant! I especially loved the counter-form.

[daphne-gateau.livejournal.com]

As librarista pointed out there is a blog about this note now. Laurel's blog is the very definition of not knowing when to let things go. First the Stripper name contest, now this. ;)

I die a little every time Laurel has Darla apologize for something Laurel herself is responsible for. I realize Darla probably did type up and proofread the note but Laurel put her name to it and would take all the credit had it been well-received. It's just unprofessional, immature and a classless way to treat your secretary/assistant/whatever Darla does. Just like when she blames her editors.

[harlette.livejournal.com]

I had several paragraphs, expressing how horrible Darla was as an editor and how lame LKH is for sending Darla to the blog to do the dirty work.

But I'm cutting them for brevity. Instead, I'm just going to say:

I concur.

&

I doubt anyone even emailed her about it's horribleness. She probably lurks this community.

[harlette.livejournal.com]

OH. AND I LOVE YOUR ICON. Lmao.
He's my favorite on that show.

Where's my red pen when I need it?

[mitrian.livejournal.com]

In addition to all the other problems in the alleged note, I found a case mismatch. Saying "the individual named below" clearly indicates one person. In the next paragraph, she says "give them the day off" and "they need the time" - and the last I checked a grammar manual, both 'them' and 'they' were third-person plural.

Hey, LKH? Singular != plural. No matter what your invisible friends say. You can't use 'they' as a gender-neutral third-person singular pronoun. It's plural.