Reading, Writing and Research

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Yesterday, LKH blogged about something near and dear to my heart--something that I love very much. Research. I have to comment on this. Really, I have to. It's a moral imperative.

***

I'm very into both the Merry book and the next Anita book.

I think she means that she's made a lot of progress on both the books, but that's not what she actually said. If you say that you're into CSI, Agatha Christie or Post-Impressionist Art, you're not saying that you've made a lot of progress writing it.

My imagination is just so there. How there?

I have no clue what this means. None. It sounds like she's patting herself on the back for being uber-imaginative, started to say something like "How imaginative am I? I'll tell you!"--and then forgot to say it.

I'm making a pile of books to take on vacation, specifically to take on the plane. I've got some research books that it's finally time to look at, and I start to get one to take and read on the plane.

Researching by reading, or starting to read, a non-fiction book for the length of a plane-flight. I'm beginning to understand why LKH's books are as poorly researched as they are.

Then I come to my senses and realize that probably my fellow passengers and the crew would have no sense of humor about my choice of reading material.

What book is it? IMPROVISED EXPLOSIVES: How to make your own by Seymour Lecker.

I looked this guy up. He has apparently written a series of very short books about explosives, bombs and the things that fuel them. What got me, though, was that Improvised Explosives: How to Make Your Own was written in 1985.

Gee, LKH, do you think that explosives might have changed in twenty-three years? Just a little?

Would they just take away the book on the plane, or make me get off? Or would they just keep passing by my seat more than normal, and wonder?

I'm guessing that they wouldn't let you on the plane in the first place. Of course, I'm speaking as a person who was once told that she couldn't get on a plane because I might have a weapon concealed in my teddy bear. And this was pre-9/11.

Also, you don't need that comma after "normal."

SNIP!

I have this image of me in my bathing suit and sun hat, lounging on the beach, reading about explosives.

Because there's nothing on a beach to distract you from your "research" at ALL.

SNIP!

But then, after all this business about how she desperately wants to bring this book because she's doing research with it, we get this line:

The explosives are research for Anita, so it's not the next one on the list anyway.

So you need it for research...but not as badly as you need research for the Merry book. Okay, I can understand that, sort of...even though it contradicts everything you said about the importance of this book.

But never mind that, for having contradicted herself once before, she proceeds to do so again.

I am taking a book on SIX-LEGGED SEX, about insect life, for the goblin court. Probably not this book, but next, but still reading ahead is never bad. It gives your imagination time to percolate.

She's talking about Six-Legged Sex: The Erotic Lives of Bugs. By the way, why is there a comma after the word "sex"?

So after all the talk about the research that she desperately needs to do for her Merry book and her Anita book, she ultimately tells us that she's not going to do research for either. She's going to read about bugs for a book that doesn't even exist yet. Brilliant. Just brilliant.

Comments

[ditaykan.livejournal.com]

*cough* MacGyver, sorry.

And... we've all noticed that Anita seems to be kind of stuck in the eighties. However, all villains adhere to her fashion sense and thus it is okay (har har).

[drho.livejournal.com]

There is an Easter picture on ONTD of these two people that try way to hard to seem trendy and popular. She reminds me of them. Who is she trying to convince that she's so gothity goth?

[knowthyself.livejournal.com]

There is nothing, NOTHING, erotic about bugs. NOTHING.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

I've got to agree with you there.

[daphne-gateau.livejournal.com]

Nothing!! It's so much blegh.

[manekikoneko.livejournal.com]

Actually, I heard that the short films on insect mating habits that Isabella Rosellini made for IFC are actually pretty hot. More because of Isabella Rosellini than the bugs though.

[chaosakita.livejournal.com]

Someone disagrees. Heard of rule 36?

[daphne-gateau.livejournal.com]

Oh Laurel. It's called a *book cover*, hon. If you're going to care what people think, stop whining and get proactive. You can make them for paperbacks too out of any darkity, dark paper you like. Ask any schoolkid, they can help you.

At least Laurel knows now what it feels like to be reading Narcissus in Chains in public, no? Or how about the folks who are going to read Swallowing Darkness? No. They won't get strange looks at all.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Oh Laurel. It's called a *book cover*, hon. If you're going to care what people think, stop whining and get proactive. You can make them for paperbacks too out of any darkity, dark paper you like. Ask any schoolkid, they can help you.

Oh, good idea! I think they even sell cloth covers and fake covers for books in most book stores if she doesn't want to make a cover out of wallpaper or a brown paper bag.

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

Just because your post reminded me of this:
http://www.cracked.com/article_15661_harry-potter-book-disguises.html

[ditaykan.livejournal.com]

Heck, ask Trinity. She's at roundabouts the age where she'd have to know how to cover books, right?

[charmed1ofdoom.livejournal.com]

I saw this on lkh entry on amazon.com. After reading this I think I felt my brain dribble out my ears for a bit. I mean there was soo much to snark but i could not get two cells to fire because the logic had so much epic fail.

[easol.livejournal.com]

That writing style ("very into," "just so there!") is annoying enough in thirteen-year-olds. In a mature wife and mother, it's appallingly irritating.

"Gee, LKH, do you think that explosives might have changed in twenty-three years? Just a little?"

Why is that? Fashion, music, slang, hairstyles etc. haven't changed since then, so why would explosives? Oh wait, we're talking about the REAL world. Never mind.

Re: the explosives book, I suspect she's bringing it just so she can GIGGLETITTERSNICKER bring a book on BOMBS through the airport. Oh, how naughty and subversive she is!

"By the way, why is there a comma after the word "sex"?"

There is this magical thing called a parenthesis. Use two of them and you can avoid these nasty little problems.

Sigh. I strongly suspect that A) she picked that up in hopes that insect sex would have something very HAWT and CUTTING EDGE in it.... which it doesn't; B) she's never gonna get around to doing the research that she should be doing.

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

LMAO @ her "research" material being 23 years old. It further cements in my mind the idea that not only is the entire AB:VH series in a time warp, but LKH herself somehow exists in a Bill-Murray-Groundhog-Day-like time loop where she relives 1986 over and over again. Because, really, in this day and age, you can't even get on a BUS with a book about explosives, let alone a plane.


Plus, she really does try just a little bit too hard: "HEY GUYS guess can you just IMAGINE what I'll look like on a beach (er, no thanks) with my BIG BOOK of explosives?!" So that everyone tells her she's *homg!such a rebel and a cool chick*

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

The book of explosives is more like a pamphlet. According to Google Books, it's only eighty pages long (http://books.google.com/books?id=_bCSAQAACAAJ&dq=Seymour+Lecker&hl=en&prev=http://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-a&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&channel=s&hl=en&q=Seymour+Lecker&btnG=Google+Search&sa=X&oi=print&ct=result&cd=1&cad=author-navigational).

I like your theory about LKH existing in a Bill Murrayish time loop. That makes so much sense.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Not that that's hard. I get funny looks when I publicly read "Sex With Kings," just because it had a classical nude on the cover. (Read it! It's fun and informative!)

[bad-habit.livejournal.com]

Yes... but luckily everything Bill Murray did stayed with him. Why is this time loop channelling her to this day and age?!

Well, around here not much people would care what you read anyway. So... yes... I can't imagine people being interested what she's reading at the beach. I expect people have other things to do there. You know, swim perhaps? Play volleyball to show off your abs? I don't know. It's winter here, reading outside is not something I can imagine without difficulty. I think most people don't go around staring at what people are reading. I do, of course, but that's a different story (short one: it just amuses me so!).

[maladaptive.livejournal.com]

How do you go from insect sex to goblins? I'm all for new and unusual species with bizarre sex habits, but insects are probably better suited to aliens rather than mammalian goblins.

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

What ARE LKH's goblins like? I read one Merry book and decided that I never wanted to read another. I don't remember goblins in that one.

[ladymina.livejournal.com]

Hey see the good side of things, she is starting to use books for research, instead of you know calendars like before ...

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

Oh, so much goodness in this.

1. I agree that if she doesn't hide the book cover, she might not get on the plane. Heck, I've had problems getting on planes, and I had nothing that so much as breathed a hint of explosions. I was nearly denied for having a gift-wrapped package of rum cakes and little bottles of rum in my suitcase. Ooops. They only let me pass when I showed that it was still in the gift wrap, that it came like that from the store, and I promised to not drink it on the plane.

I still have them, unopened. How long does rum last?

2. Research is a good thing. Good for her! And yay! that she's finding a way to cope with her fear of flying. I didn't read all of her post, just what was here, but it sounds like she's finding a way to fight the fear. Good for her!

3. Insect sex sounds kinda squicky. I don't mind nature shows with actual insects going at it like no tomorrow, but I have a feeling it won't be as interesting at that in her Merry book. I have a bad mental image of many limbs and a lot of "cencered" signs.

On another note, bets on if she is denied flying because of her reading material, how big of a wank will we get? Books can get you banned. I remember reading a story where JK Rowling was nearly banned for not wanting to let go of her manuscript, and that had nothing to do with things that go BOOM.

[morriganscrow.livejournal.com]

Good rum lasts a looong time - the rum cakes not so much.

The spider gobliness was Siun and now I have a mental image of David Attenborough doing a pop in and commentary during the book - once it's written.

[icecreamempress.livejournal.com]

ARGH ARGH ARGH FLAIL ARGH ARGH ARGH FLAIL

How I hate this woman.

"Research on explosives" != "reading crappy pamphlet from a million years ago"

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

That depends. Which head were you thinking of?

[graesea.livejournal.com]

I have a copy of the book Six Legged Sex: The Erotic Life of Bugs. It's a fun book, a light read - written by an entomolyogist but hardly something I'd classify as research. At least, not for someone with a degree in biology. It's more in the line of Why Pandas Do Handstands.

As often as LKH refers to her degree in biology, I would expect her to read something along the lines of Neotropical Ceratopogonidae (Diptera: Insecta). Aquatic Biodiversity of Latin America by A. Spinelli Borkent.

Sex Legged Sex has some interesting chapter titles - guess which ones will make into a Merry book. (I promise I'm not making up these titles)

The Well Endowed Male
I'll Show You Mine, If You'll Show Me Yours.
Ouch! Watch Where You're Sticking That!
Sexual Stamina.
Insect Orgies.
Bug Bondage and Insect S & M.
Insect Prostitutes.
Insect STDs.
Insect Sex Crimes.

I predict that she won't use material from these chapters:

The Sexually Inhibited Insect.
Insect Chastity Belts.
Sexual Faux Pas.