Harlequin

[ditaykan.livejournal.com]

So, I heard today that LKH was told by her publisher to clean up the books or she'd be dropped. It was also claimed that, out of the Harlequin, only ten pages out of an apparent three hundred are sex.

Anybody know whether or not this is legitimate? It gives me a smattering of hope, if so.

Comments

[ditaykan.livejournal.com]

Actual intercourse, maybe. Could be that all the sex finally drove off enough readers that they had to sit up and take notice?

[avahgdu.livejournal.com]

>>>>>So, I heard today

Heard from where? From who? What source?

This would be hysterically funny if it were so. Here's hoping.

[ditaykan.livejournal.com]

Carlos, from my local comics/scifi store (Heroes & Dragons). Hence why I'm choosing to be skeptical, at least for the moment.

[ichini-sanshigo.livejournal.com]

This has nothing to do with the topic, but I just love your icon!

[rinkori.livejournal.com]

Oh god, I hope so. Not so much "cleaning up" as "learning to goddamn write," but oh god I hope so.

[ditaykan.livejournal.com]

Hey, less sex would be a move in a good direction! Maybe she'd have to spend more time on editing.

[ditaykan.livejournal.com]

Nope. I was with somebody else, and they needed to go pick something up before the mall closed. I'd have to say that it's just hearsay in general.

[mizmalice.livejournal.com]

It's not the massive amounts of sex that bothers me. It's how poorly written they are and I'm suprised it's taken this long for someone to put their foot down.

[ditaykan.livejournal.com]

Assuming it's even true. Many seem to think it is not, and I have to admit that I don't hold out much real hope.

[mizmalice.livejournal.com]

Oh I know it isn't likely to be true. But eith three hundred plus pages you'd think that she might bother to write some quality erotica.

[dameruth.livejournal.com]

Mmmm, even if that "10 pages" thing is true RE actual intercourse, I hope the other 290 pages aren't people whingeing/arguing about the sex they are/aren't having. That appears to be the newest trend . . .

[zombiexbunny.livejournal.com]

She was whining about going on an actual "date", so I'm sure there was. In the Blood Noir chapter that was posted there was frickin' NEGOTIATIONS about who was going to be where and doing what to whom and blah blah blah before having sex.

[dameruth.livejournal.com]

Well, that counts as "character development" right?

Oh, actually I'll revise my original count. I'm guessing 10 pages intercourse, 250 pages bitching about intercourse, and 40 pages describing people's clothes and hair. (Maybe a half-page of actual plot in there somewhere.) *eyeroll*

[ditaykan.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Maybe the best we can hope for is that somebody makes a gentle suggestion that she tone it down... but that would be 'jealousy' trying to inhibit (not the word I'm looking for, though close enough) her 'genius'.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_shiisa_/]

I read:
out of the Harlequin, only ten pages out of an apparent three hundred are not sex.
and I had to go back and check it twice after reading the comments because my brain kept adding that little 'not' for the phrase to make sense to my expectations/utter lack of hope. *sigh*

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

Random House ordered 225,000 copies-about 50,000 more than TH-for Blood Noir (source-Publisher's Weekly) I doubt they've asked LKH to clean up the sex since that's all that is in her books.

I wouldn't be surprised if they asked for a more coherent manuscript. I can only imagine what the first draft of BN looked like.

[ditaykan.livejournal.com]

LKH, honestly, is the reason I use and double-check SpellCheck, while getting a friend to beta for me.

So... could be your theory about a more coherent manuscript is right. Carlos could have gotten it jumbled in translation along the way, and I can't blame him because I'd most likely have done that myself.

[pith]

Despite our gripes, she still sells well, so I doubt this is true. I'd really question the source. If it's from a comic store, it could maybe be a diluted version of "Hello, Laurell? This is Marvel Comics. We want to keep publishing your books into comics because they make us a crapload of money, but we're not in the porn industry, so... how do you plan on deporning the later novels? Call us back when you're done having Transformer sex with your Foose. Bye!"

[ditaykan.livejournal.com]

...ohgods the image. LKH having sex with Transformer Foose. NUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

[judaistic.livejournal.com]

I would a bust a gut laughing if it turned out it was so.

Hope it is though, because it would be nice to see the old Anita back but that's too much to hope for.

[ditaykan.livejournal.com]

Yep. Honestly, I don't think that Old Anita could be salvaged... unless the DoomCrotch started sucking the life out of men, and there was some sort of court order that she couldn't have sex because she'd commit murder... and of course, Merilita cannot have that, because it would kill people. Therefore, Anita could not have sex because of the promise LKH made her/them.

...which, of course, means that it would never happen. *headdesk*

[red-rose-remix.livejournal.com]

:D Merilita :D

Summary of an Imaginary Novel

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Honestly, I don't think that Old Anita could be salvaged... unless the DoomCrotch started sucking the life out of men, and there was some sort of court order that she couldn't have sex because she'd commit murder... and of course, Merilita cannot have that, because it would kill people.

Oh, man. I can just see it...

Anita has been charged with multiple counts of manslaughter and reckless endangerment. The Doomcrotch has gotten far too powerful; now she needs to have sex with men every hour of every day. When she has sex with them, she kills them. And the ardeur effectively demands that every sexually capable male of any species must have sex with her.

The werebeasts ditch Anita immediately, and find supernatural methods of stripping her power and authority. She is no longer head of the werewolves, werelions, wereleopards, or anything else.

Jean-Claude is no longer Master of the City--or even undead. He got killed by a number of vampires after they realized that his nominally human servant was in a position to wipe out the whole human race with the Doomcrotch and that Jean-Claude wasn't controlling her. No human males = no reproduction. No reproduction = no humans. No humans = NO FOOD.

A couple of highly intelligent doctors (both female) argue that Anita is the supernatural equivalent of Typhoid Mary, and that either she has to be kept in solitary confinement for the rest of her life (which probably wouldn't be long) or she can receive a vaccine against the ardeur. This will effectively reboot her physiology to that of a baseline human.

As Anita is nearly mad from her inability to have sex with any males (all of Anita's guards are females, as are her doctors, nurses, etc.), the choice cannot be left up to her. Anita is declared to be mentally incompetent and a ward of the court; the judge (an older Mexican woman named Rosalia) declares that the Doomcrotch is an international health hazard, and insists that the doctors treat her.

The treatment works. The ardeur vanishes, as do all of her supernatural attributes. The strains of the lycanthropy virus in her blood die off; she is no longer a vampire servant; she possesses no vampire powers; even her necromancer powers are gone. Anita has a very hard time accepting this, and even more trouble believing that her powers--which so defined her--are gone for good. She has to go through a considerable amount of psychoanalysis.

Getting home is harder than she imagined, however. As she is legally incompetent, she cannot be allowed to leave the hospital unless someone is willing to take responsibility for her. None of her former lovers is willing to do so, without the influence of the ardeur:

Asher, the new Master of the City, is blaming Anita for Jean-Claude's death.

Damian, London, Micah and Requiem are dead, killed by the ardeur.

Donovan Reece, the wereswan king, is also dead, as are all wereswans in the U.S. The ardeur killed him and them simultaneously.

Jason has decided to stop confusing everyone else and himself and to come out as bisexual with a preference for women. He and Perdita are negotiating their relationship.

In Anita's absence (between the trial, the treatment, the rehab and the psychotherapy, she's been gone for close to two years), Nathaniel decided to get some therapy for the sexual abuse he suffered as a teen and at the hands of Anita. He's also discovered that he's really not happy as a man. As a result, "he" is now a pre-op transsexual called Natalie Graison.

Anyone else not mentioned (like Edward) may be presumed to have gotten out of town.

Anita is now left in a world where she has zero powers, no status or influence, no job after two years in the hospital, very little money, if any, horrendous bills, no friends and no family willing to acknowledge her save a grandmother who wants her to repent.

Former Vampire Hunter, what now?

Re: Summary of an Imaginary Novel

[ditaykan.livejournal.com]

...I think I love you. This needs to be written. So, so badly.

Re: Summary of an Imaginary Novel

[ninjacooter.livejournal.com]

Wow. Seconded.

Re: Summary of an Imaginary Novel

[amamelina.livejournal.com]

Thirded!