Blood Noir-the soap opera

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

Okay guys and gals-I went to Borders today for the specific purpose of reading the four chapters of Blood Noir and flogging it. 

I walked in and discovered that apparently the bookstore manager is not an Anita Blake fan. First I headed to the new releases table. Oh why didn't someone tell me Keri Arthur has a new Riley Jenson book out, huh? And Katie Macalister’s “Playing With Fire“.... focus Diane-you're on a mission here. Well, four books later I realize that The Harlequin is not on the new releases table. I headed over to the NY Times Bestsellers, hum-no The Harlequin. I was kind of surprised, but figured that there HAD to be a copy in horror with the other Laurell K Hamilton books. Nope. Along the way I discovered that the store manager clearly didn't have a problem with paranormal fiction... there were floor displays for Kim Harrison and Charlaine Harris and not one but TWO Jim Butcher displays. It took me twenty minutes to find 4 copies of The Harlequin on a floor rack (bottom shelf) between James Patterson and Phillip K Dick and beneath The Golden Compass. BTW, I have no idea what this rack was supposed to be marketing.

So-settled in the cafe with a lemon berry cobbler and four other books I sat down to read chapters 4-7 of Blood Noir.

Type your cut contents here.

Disclaimer-I read chapter one when it was first put on LKH's web page and skipped chapters 2 and 3 on the You Tube reading. Also-the chapters are not numbered in the back of The Harlequin so I could have the chapter numbers wrong.  

Chapter 4: Anita, Nate and Jason are done having sex. The men praise Anita-once she's done with her resistance she totally commits to it. I assume this means that she screamed “Fuck me while I’m tight” and writhed around a few times while the men spilled into and onto her. They talk and then Nate and Anita kiss. Nate tells Anita that he needs a little more recovery time. Anita blushes and the guys think it's cute that she blushes. (gag) Then they start talking about Jason's childhood and dad. Jason wants to go home but his mom's asked him to bring a girl with him because Jason's dad thinks he's gay. Why? Because Jason took dance in school, sang in the chorus and was the lead in the school play. Apparently Jason was the town slut and slept with every girl in high school who said yes-but dad still thought he was gay. Dad's revenge? Dad took his son out to play sports and played too roughly, hurting Jason along the way. After he broke Jason's arm while teaching him to play football mom intervened and dad wasn't allowed alone time with Jason anymore. Amazingly for a LKH book Jason was not raped by dad. Nate (who IMO is turning into Anita's pimp) suggests that Anita go with Jason and play his girlfriend. They admit that although this sounds like a sitcom plot they are going to do it anyway-even when Jason tells her that she'll have to fly to small town North Carolina. There is a brief discussion about feeding the ardeur... JC can now split it up among multiple people so that Anita won't drain Jason to death. Did this happen in TH? I skipped the book, so I have no idea when JC gained this ability. We end this chapter with Jason elated because Anita cares enough about him to play his girlfriend and let his dad die in peace. 

Chapter 5: JC is jealous that Jason can share his life with Anita in a way that he can't. JC would like to take Anita home to his mommy and sister-dad died young- but gosh darn, they're dead. Anita tells him that she hasn't taken JC home to meet the folks because she's estranged from them and Grandmother Blake is busy saying prayers for Anita's soul. There is a random question about Asher-he's late but on his way to JC's side. Since I didn't listen to the chapters I have no idea what this is in reference to. 

It occurs to me that someone should tell Richard that Anita (1/3 of the tri) is leaving town but nope-Richard is left in the dark about his wolf and his Lupa's actions. Also-there is no discussion about wolf or vampire politics. I guess there's no vamps or wolves in this part of NC. 

Chapter 6: Jason and Anita are on a plane. Jason dressed up to go home in a fancy custom Italian suit (actually relevant later) and Anita is in a dark blue skirt, blue shell and gun belt. Aw-Nate chose the clothing. Isn't that sweet-he's dressing her for her date with Jason. Jason wants to have sex on the plane (JC's private plane) but Anita is worried that someone will walk in on them. IMO JC's plane has probably seen plenty of action, but whatever. Anita says something about how he could have taken Perdy home, and (poor Perdy) she'd gotten so jealous that she would have thought he was cheating on her with any old girlfriend who said "hi." Anita says something insightful about how Perdy smothered Jason's love with her neediness while he wants to be consumed by love instead. Basically we get around to the fact that Jason wants what Nate has. Personally I wouldn't want my significant other bound to 3 other people and having sex with 16(?) people but that's just me. 

Chapter 7: They get off the plane and Jason is mistaken for his cousin (who was a jerk in High School and is the current governor's son) Keith Summerland-I think in part because he's very expensively dressed. In high school they were always mistaken for each other. Makes me wonder what mom was up to cause I’m thinking maybe there was some hanky panky twenty some odd years ago. Anyway Keith is getting married this weekend and people think Jason is Keith Summerland in town a day earlier then expected with a girl who isn’t his fiancé. They're met by at least two different people who can't tell the difference between the two men (even though Jason show's his driver's license.) One of the people at the airport calls the governor's office to confirm that yes, Jason is not Keith, and that they should let him go see his dad. There’s definitely an indication that Keith is not a good boy. There is even more evidence that LKH has been watching soap operas because I’m pretty certain a plot like this could show up on General Hospital-but no where else. 

Confession time-there were 2 more pages left in the chapters, but Keri Arthur's book has Quinn in it and I switched over to the true adventures of Riley instead.

 

Comments

LJ Cut

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

I'm trying to cut this entry but I'm clearly doing something wrong. Can someone help me?

Re: LJ Cut

[nabreus.livejournal.com]

at the bottom put </ lj-cut> but without the space :)

Re: LJ Cut

[drho.livejournal.com]

Switch between Rich Text and HTML views to see if you get the grey field around the cut text.

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

There is even more evidence that LKH has been watching soap operas

Oh gods yes. The initial mistaken-identity? Maybe. The "no way, you are totes this guy and not the other identical guy whose ID you have" thing? Much more amusing when it's on daytime TV.

Summerland, for God's sake.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Oh lawd. I can tolerate long-lost-twin stories, like "The Horse and his Boy," but other random relatives and people? No way.

And the funniest thing is that LKH still considers her books Teh High Art!

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

No-The Harlequin was released this week with several chapters of Blood Noir in it.

As far as North Carolina-- You'd never realize the book was in NC. It comes across as small bigoted town with no identifying features.

[acostilow.livejournal.com]

I saw it in paperback at Wal-Mart.

Yeah.

[easol.livejournal.com]

1. I really think that Nate must keep a little credit card swiper and cash register at the door, so he can pocket appropriate amounts of cash from all the pathetic males who are desperate for the Doomcrotch. He comes across as a creepy pimp.

2. Another Asher-free book. Since he's my third-fave character (it was close with Meng Die), I have to say I'm glad he's still hiding. Despite all the artificial ooh-I-love-Anita-so c**p he has to spout (along with every other semi-desirable male), the Phantom is one of the few characters who actually tells Anita off occasionally, doesn't want ONLY her (and says this semi-frequently), and makes me want to give him cocoa instead of whacking him in the head with a tire iron. (See #1)

3. Right, because in a small town over a decade, a couple will NEVER EVER hear that their kid is the town slut and will happily boink anything in a skirt and/or tight leather'n'lace.

4. Apparently LKH believes that guy sports = abuse. I'll let that one speak for itself, except to add that we have another strike against guys with any amount of testosterone in their systems.

5. So Jason aspires to prove he isn't gay. Aside from the fact that his dad might prefer him to be gay instead of dating someone like the deranged sociopathic Apocalyptowhore, didn't he admit he sorta likes dudes in one of the earlier books? You know, when Whorenita seemed more concerned with verifying that he wasn't gay than with Nate's impending horrible death?

6. Re: the whole dance/stage thing, anyone else think that LKH has been watching "Billy Elliott"?

7. What do you wanna bet that a bunch of Jason's former boinkees (I can't think of any other word that this board would allow) will show up, reveal that they're still mad about him, and get horribly jellus of Whorenita's magnificent beauty and devastating sex appeal? Wanna bet they're also slutty and blonde?

8. When even LKH admits that it sounds like an unusually lame sitcom episode, the plot is officially hopeless. And when she stoops to the soap-opera tactic of the "lookalike relative" (identical twins don't count!) it's hit rock bottom and is now digging new tunnels.

9. I'm very glad that apparently the "abuse" is a sports accident rather than sexual abuse, ridiculous as the whole sports thing is. But I have a sinking feeling that we're going to get yet another lecture on how X, Y and Z obviously don't LOVE me because they don't ACCEPT me and blah blah blah, other 13-year-old-rebel whining.

10. JC has officially lost whatever shreds of coolness and balls he once had. I mean come on, this is the Master of the City, and he's whining about how his skanky girlfriend isn't paying enough attention to him, and how he'd love to do the take-the-SO-to-meet-the-relatives (even though the entire experience is usually a nightmare).

I can't help but imagine him and Asher draped over one of their respective beds, with JC whining like a pubescent little girl about how he doesn't know if Anita likes him or not, and Asher uttering Sybil-like "Oh, I knows" (or maybe "Oh, je sais!"). Then they can braid each other's hair, giggle at posters of Orlando Bloom, and try on each other's blouses.

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

9. Years later in therapy Jason came to the conclusion that his father was deliberatly hurting him during the sports outings and using the sports to hide it.

I'm with you, I'm just happy that the abuse, for a change, isn't sexual.

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

7. What do you wanna bet that a bunch of Jason's former boinkees (I can't think of any other word that this board would allow) will show up, reveal that they're still mad about him, and get horribly jellus of Whorenita's magnificent beauty and devastating sex appeal? Wanna bet they're also slutty and blonde?

No, I certainly do NOT want to bet. It's not even a matter of chance at this point.:P

[deadroman.livejournal.com]

"Apocalyptowhore"

*giggles and writes that down in book of useful words and phrases*

[burning-nova.livejournal.com]

They will also be thin and tall. Don't forget that part.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, they must be tall and thin as well as blonde. They'll probably also believe in marriage, monogamy and want to stay home with the kiddies, thus showing their inferiority to the Great Enlightened Whorenita.

[fangedsekhmet.livejournal.com]

The way she uber describes clothes is really, really starting to wind me up.

[agatha-mandrake.livejournal.com]

Let me guess, later on Keith Sumerland (snerk) will be thought to be dead, but later he'll turn up with amnesia! There may or may not also be a secret baby.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Which will be fathered by Jason's secret biological father on Narcissus, who is out for revenge against Jason's mother for boinking Keith's dad (which is why they look so alike). And back in SL, JC will succumb t Asher despite the blackmailing Nathaniel, who threatens to tell Whorenita that he's CHEATING on the town bike, never suspecting Micah's torrid affair with Zerbrowski is about to come to light...

Oh, forget it. I'm making myself sick.

[daphne-gateau.livejournal.com]

Are we sure Anita and Jason aren't actually going to a Murder Mystery Weekend? Because I'm pretty sure I got invited to this one back in the day. I don't mind a cliched plot so much because a good writer can do a lot that is awesome. I mean they are cliches because they work, right? The problem is LKH is not that writer anymore. :(

Lessee, what stands out to me...

- I hate the Big Misunderstanding as a plot. Because for The Big Misunderstanding to work it means everyone has to act like a jackass and be too stupid to have one simple conversation to set things straight (so to speak, lol).

- Jason's backstory. Why go with this a completely pointless homophobic father angle (pointless because Jason isn't gay) when 'my Dad doesn't accept me because I'm a werewolf and/or a stripper and/or a pomme' is right there and actually IS a problem not fixed by learning the truth? And it's a relevant problem that might effect other characters vs. a moldering problem left behind from when Jason was in high school.

- I see we have our promised fleshing out of JC's backstory. Wow. How compelling. Whodda thunk his family was dead? :O Didn't see that coming. Ok. While I do see vampires as being jealous and possessive being jealous over the meet-the-parents thing is lame for our MotC.

- I don't remember spreading out the ardeur from TH. Please tell me Anita at least *wondered* why he'd never done that before. I would love it if it turns out she learns he could have been controlling it this whole time. I'm not holding out any hopes for it tho.

- Doesn't Damien die when Anita forgets about him? He went crazy last time she left town. Oh whatevs. Maybe he'll eat everyone when she's away.

I hope you enjoyed your cobbler! Sounds yummy. :)

[kerame.livejournal.com]

Jason's backstory. Why go with this a completely pointless homophobic father angle (pointless because Jason isn't gay) when 'my Dad doesn't accept me because I'm a werewolf and/or a stripper and/or a pomme' is right there and actually IS a problem not fixed by learning the truth? And it's a relevant problem that might effect other characters vs. a moldering problem left behind from when Jason was in high school.

Because the model for Jason's avatar probably has a father who thinks he's gay.

- I see we have our promised fleshing out of JC's backstory. Wow. How compelling. Whodda thunk his family was dead? :O Didn't see that coming. Ok. While I do see vampires as being jealous and possessive being jealous over the meet-the-parents thing is lame for our MotC.

I now picture JC sitting under a dryer at the beauty salon, trying to make himself pretty enough for his macho, neglectful, abusive husband Anita to pay attention to him.

- I don't remember spreading out the ardeur from TH. Please tell me Anita at least *wondered* why he'd never done that before. I would love it if it turns out she learns he could have been controlling it this whole time. I'm not holding out any hopes for it tho.

JC did the splitting up thing back in ID, but that ability was ignored, just like "feeding from a distance" so Laurell could continue the XXX-treme Adventures of Anita Porn Queen.

[saucyirishlass.livejournal.com]

*headdesk* So much fail.

Chapter 6: Jason and Anita are on a plane.

Did anyone else initially read that as "Jason and Anita are on a plate" and have their mind go to squicky places?

[x-trickster-x.livejournal.com]

... uh, just a question here. Does anyone here look THAT much like their cousin that they'd be mistaken for them? Brothers/sisters, yeah, but cousins? I generally don't look anything like mine.

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

My theory is that mom and the govenator had a fling.

[darkese.livejournal.com]

>>They get off the plane and Jason is mistaken for his cousin (who was a jerk in High School and is the current governor's son) Keith Summerland<<

This is a case for Scoob and the Gang! I think the 'mistaken identity to drive a plot for more than 10 minutes' is too juvenile and simple to solve for soap opera's to use anymore. I thought they were getting all tricky these days and foregoing the amnesia, mistaken identity, freeze ray/devil possessions/cursed jewel, and partially overheard conversations as plots.

[slayra.livejournal.com]

Why is the book called blood noir again? And the cover, what's with the cover???? I mean, at least be honest and put a woman with a whip and a corset and three... or four... or five cowering males in the cover. Not a bloody scissor!! Innocent people will buy that book thinking there is mystery, action and maybe some gore in that stupid book!

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

The old covers were a lot more honest