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[othellia.livejournal.com]

I'm feeling particular snarky today. It could be because of the crack icon I made in the thread of the previous entry, or it could be because a manga series I had been enjoying went into full on cliche drama mode when I wasn't looking. However, I'm pretty sure that it has something to do my used bookstore's first copy of an Anita Blake novel (Danse Macabre) since I started working there nine months ago. I had to skim through it to see it was that awful, and in doing so distracted myself from the much better Sweeney Todd soundtrack I was listening to on my iPod.

So yeah...

Anita Blake and the thing LKH calls "sex" are pretty much synonymous now. The scenes are horrifying and lulzworthy at times, and Anita's harem gets larger with each passing book. I think it is clear that Anita never should have started having sex. And I will proof it with this list that I got from this site (also from the thread of the previous entry).


Me: Bold
Original Text: Plain

THE CHECKLIST: Relationship Items:

* I am able to create limits (to say no to anything when I want to as well as yes) and can and do trust my partner to respect them. My partner can do same, and can trust me in regard to limits and boundaries. Hah! Anita doesn't respect the limits of anyone else, yet expects everyone to cater to her whims. The first of many boxes left unchecked.

* I feel I can assess what I want for myself, and separate it from what my partner, friends or family want. What does Anita want from sex, and life for that matter, anymore? Besides, Anita makes it clear to her partners that it's all about what she wants. She can have a harem all she likes, but diety forbid Asher and Jean-Claude get any screen time!

* Sex of any kind is absolutely optional for us both: it doesn't feel like a requirement. I really don't have to expand upon this one, do I? Yep. Didn't think so.

* I am able to trust my partner, and am trustworthy myself. She does say that she trusts and loves every male she comes into contact with, but I think that she's put herself in a position so high that the trust is invalid really...

* I can tell my partner what I want sexually and emotionally, and when I do and do not like something, and I feel my partner can tell me same. Once again, Anita's can tell everyone when she wants something, but heaven forbid anyone questioning her. Nathaniel and his sexual preferences come to mind...

* I am comfortable being unclothed with my partner and physically intimate with them, as well as comfortable with and able to be honest and accepted about my gender identity and gender roles with my partner. Oh yes... Because we all know Anita is completely comfortable with her gender identity and role. [/sarcasm]

* I can talk to my partner about sex comfortably, and be honest and forthright -- even when it's awkward -- and they can do the same with me. Yay! The first check!

* Both myself and my partner can be honest with each other about our sexual history. Well... Yeah, check for this one as well.

* I care about my partner's health, emotions and general well-being, and act -- not just talk -- accordingly, and can say the same for them. Any kind of sex between us so far feels balanced, like it is about pleasure for both of us, not just one of us. ... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! XD

That's a good one.


Emotional Items:

* I don't have any strong religious, cultural or family beliefs or convictions that this sex or partner for me, right now, is wrong. Well, in the beginning Anita had a lot of religious and cultural beliefs that sleeping with a vampire was wrong. I have no idea where those all went...

* I can take full responsibility for my own emotions, expectations and actions, as can my partner. Blame the werewolf! Blame the werewolf! It's seems like everything's gone wrong since Richard came along!

* I can handle -- even if I don't like -- being disappointed, confused, or upset, as can my partner. How dare you go against the Crotch of Doom! Harem! Exterminate!

* I have at least one member of my family, immediate or extended, I can talk to about sex, and/or friends I can go to for emotional support, as does my partner. Anita has no family that have appeared in the books, let alone anyone in it that she'd talk about sex with. And the last time we saw Ronnie... yeah.

* I can separate sex from love -- even when I love the person I am considering or having sex with -- and do not seek to have sex to use it to manipulate, control or influence myself, my partner, or anyone else, or to try and "earn" or prove love. Wait... Wait. I can hold it in this time... BWAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm sorry! The irony is just too much!

* I understand that having sex could change my relationship for good or for the worse, and feel I can handle whatever may happen, good or bad alike. I'm ready to be surprised. Hmm... I'll put a squiggle through this one.

* I am prepared to deal with social or cultural judgment based on my choice to be sexually active as a young person. Meh. This one doesn't really apply.

* I feel I can emotionally handle a possible pregnancy (if applicable), disease or infection, or rejection from my partner. There are no STDs in the Anita Blake universe. Anita's harem will never reject her. As for pregnancies... Two words, Danse Macabre.


Physical Items:

* I have had basic healthcare, whatever disease and infection testing I need and can obtain, and am in good health, and my partner has had regular doctor checkups, disease and infection testing, and is in good health. I don't think they've ever been checked for STD's, and Anita has been infected with four strains of lycanthropy so far...

* I understand the basics of my own anatomy and my partners anatomy, as well as the basics of sex, STIs and human reproduction, when applicable. Based on the scenes in the books, I am doubtful of Anita's understanding of the first item.

* I have a good idea of when I am sexually aroused, and also know when I am not, have some idea of what I need to be aroused, or when I simply cannot get aroused, and I have a similar familiarity with my partner's arousal, and they with their own. Anita is always sexually aroused. ALWAYS. Men, no matter whether their sexual orientation, are always aroused. ALWAYS.

* I can relax during sexual practices without a lot of fear, anxiety or shame. Huh... Well, she certainly never relaxes, although I don't think it's because of fear or shame.

* I can handle a mild level of physical pain or discomfort that might happen now and then, and am also comfortable with physical pleasure. Okay. Sure. A check for you.


Material Items:

* I have several up-to-date, good quality latex condoms, dams and/or gloves -- whichever I need for the specific sexual activities I want to engage in -- and both I and my partner know how and when to use them, and are both willing to do so without argument. Uh... no.

* I have a large bottle of latex-safe lubricant (KY, Liquid Silk, Astroglide, Wet, etc.). Didn't they use soap or something? D:

* If I am having opposite-sex intercourse, I have a secondary method of birth control for use with condoms if I am female (there are no secondary methods young men can keep around), and if I feel the need for a backup method. If I am using condoms alone, I and my partner know how to use them properly and know my partner will do his or her part to always use them. Once again, as with the first bullet in this section... no.

* I have a list, or know where to find one easily, of local sexual health clinic or gynecologist phone numbers. Who needs a gynecologists when you have wererats to call! :D

* I have a savings account I can use at any time (ideally, with a pad of a few hundred bucks), and I have some monthly "sex budget" to take care of any needed birth control, safer sex items and annual testing and sexual health care or sexual crisis management, like abortion, for myself or my partnership AND/OR am aware of and participating in a national, state or city program which can provide me with, or subsidize all or some of, my needed birth control, safer sex, sexual health or sexual crisis management, like abortion. I don't think banks exist in the Anita Blake universe sometimes, seeing as how they need logic to run.

* I am covered under a health insurance policy or public health program, which could cover pregnancy, neonatal care, gynecological visits, STI testing and/or birth control, or I have or can raise the funds to pay for these services myself. Anita maybe had health benefits at her old job before well... you know, she STOPPED SHOWING UP.


So there you have it guys! Out of a possible 28 items, Anita Blake got three checks, a NA, and a squiggle. Which is sad... because LKH had an entire book intro about being ready for sex.