Blog Flog - Stage Fright

[naeko.livejournal.com]

http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2008/05/stage-fright.html

Blood Noir comes out Tuesday. Like in, tomorrow. Aaah! I can't work on Merry.

Luckily you’ve created a myriad of shiny, rainbow-colored men to do just that!

I can't really work on anything. Thank God, we put the last bit of the comic of Guilty Pleasures to bed last week. I am so not going to finish Swallowing Darkness before tomorrow.

Hmm. Do I go for the obvious blow job joke? No. I think I can do better. Well, Laurell, of course you won’t finish swallowing darkness! There’s a lot of darkness out there in the world and, even though you’re the self-proclaimed Queen of were-lions were-leopards were-wolves were-meerkats Darkity Darkness, even you can’t swallow it all!

I'm afraid my nerves are making me make bad decisions for the book…

Wait, now nerves are to be blamed? I thought it was that you decided you wanted to be contrary to what the haters say? No wait, maybe it was because you didn’t want to put more violence into the world, when you can put love out there instead. Or was it your dyslexia? Gosh, I just can’t remember which excuse reason properly justified tossing the plot and focusing on repetitive sex and go-nowhere dialogue.

That blood bath at the end seems like a good idea, and I can't tell if it's the book talking, or my stage fright.

It’s the book! The book wants blood! The book craves blood! “Feed me!” the book cries. “I demand a feast of long hair and ample manbits! Kill them all!” The book is channeling us, Lashers!

Is it stage fright? I don't get nervous in front of crowds. I don't get nervous when I talk on the phone or radio for interviews, anymore. Other than, thinking, don't move too much, remember not to wear noisy jewelry.

Okay, logically I know she means she shouldn’t wear jewelry that clacks or jingles, as that would ruin the sound on any recording device. But I’m personally picturing her standing at her dresser and wondering if she should wear her Flava-Flav brand alarm clock necklace.

Try not to say anything that you don't want repeated.

Um. Really? This is a valid concern for her? She doesn’t want to put anything potentially embarrassing out there for the world to whisper about while they stalk her at Ren faires see her passing in the street? *glances at the whole of her personal-information-spewing blog* Uh. Okay, LKH.

Which, the longer you are on the road the harder it gets to not open mouth and insert foot.

First her books are craving blood and now her mouth is craving feet. Those would be the weirdest. Pregnancy cravings. Ever.

I have a lot of sympathy for the presidential hopefuls right now.

I’m sure they’re thrilled to hear it! You know Hilary was holding back her full campaign until she got sympathy from Hamilton.

They must have had thousands of interviews by now. You'd think you get better at it, and you do…

So my thinking is right! Thus, the rest of this sentence is moot. *deletes*

You begin to answer on automatic, and sometimes automatic breaks down…

Halp! The automatic broke! Now she’s stuck with the manual! And I think we can all attest from hearing about the Foose ad nauseum that Hamilton cannot work a manual.

Being on the road is one of the most exhausting things I've ever done…

Doesn’t she say this sort of thing every blog? Isn’t everything she does exhausting? I don’t really see how, since… she doesn’t really do much. I mean, she’s got a “Chief of Domestic Operations” for monkey’s sake. She can’t possibly be –that- exhausted every damn day. And on the road, she’s likely in hotels, where she’s extra not cleaning up after herself, or likely even making her own food. Jon probably wipes her butt for her after she poops rainbows.

It's almost like we throw them in this media meat grinder and the person who comes out the best, wins. Does it really get us the best president? I don't know, but it certainly shows who has stamina.

*squints* Somewhere in here is a joke about all of Merrita’s men having unlimited stamina in the bedroom, but it’s well buried beneath a screaming, writhing, glowing-like-a-swallowed-moon, tight-in-low-places pile of technicolor bodies. Not even with a hazmat suit would I dive in after it.

See, I already feel better. It could be so much worse. I could be running for president.

O.O I agree. That would be much worse…


Please forgive any typos. I'm rushing to finish this before I have to finish my work... here at work. *ninjas back to doing what she's being paid to do*

Comments

[naeko.livejournal.com]

I don't believe she was saying she thinks of herself as a presidential candidate. Granted, comparing her piddly, occasional interviews to those that the presidential candidates have to handle isn't particularly logical, but I'm pretty sure that's all she was doing- comparing.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Which is still pretty dumb, since there is nowhere the near the level of pressure on a person doing a book tour as there is for someone who is vying for the leadership of the USA.

[mizmalice.livejournal.com]

I haven't made it past the first chapter of Obsidian Butterfly. Do I really need to know about her new book?

[naeko.livejournal.com]

You do if you want to know more reasons why you shouldn't continue reading ;)

I didn't personally mind OB the first time I read it; I was too drunk on my love of Edward. When I think back on the series now, though, I pretend that it ended with Blue Moon. Obsidian Butterfly butchered Edward as a character and was the start of the wangcentric writing, as far as I'm concerned. Then there was Narcissus in chains which was just terrible. And Cerulean Sins was a complete and total mess. I actually got up, got dressed and went to the bookstore to return it the second I finished it. *sighs*

If you check out the tags of the community, you'll find sharkbytes' wonderful flogs of the more recent Hamilton books (look by book tag or by "bookflog."). You can get a good idea from those of what's to come. After all, most of the recent books are the same text over and over; you won't be missing much if you don't read them all.

[mizmalice.livejournal.com]

I have all the books up to Narcissus in Chains but ever since Anita first had sex with Jean-Claude I've been disappointed. It didn't fit and I loved Richard when he first appeared and I love Edward too much to read Obsidian Butterfly.

[alphafem.livejournal.com]

*loves your icon* I keep telling everyone that when I make it big as an author or get elected queen of the world or am otherwise in a position to go insane with mediocre power, my first official act will be a cage death match between Hamilton and Rice.

[mizmalice.livejournal.com]

But I don't really like OB and im up to the third chapter and it gets worse?

:(

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

"That blood bath at the end seems like a good idea, and I can't tell if it's the book talking, or my stage fright."


You've been trying to write the blood bath scene at the end of the book for a freaking month now. Yes it's a good idea. ANYTHING that has Merry and her Merry Men dressed and not fucking their way from one spot in a garden to another spot in the same damn garden is a good idea. Killing off characters is a good idea too. Especially in a series that's as clogged with nameless, faceless long haired men has yours. Kill Galen, Kitto, Mistral, the unborn twins, random fuck buddies, some goblins, Merry's mom and crazy Cel. Then knock off the queen so that Merry actually has to fight for something instead of having the throne handed to her.

[knowthyself.livejournal.com]

Reason 8 Gazillion not to read the book: You can find out what's going happen by reading her stupid blog!

For god's sake woman. Write the damn blood bath. And THEN if it sucks, here's the shocking part--you can just re-write it! That's what so amazing about things that aren't published yet!! SHOCKING!!

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

You've been trying to write the blood bath scene at the end of the book for a freaking month now.

Actually, she's been whining about that particular scene since FEBRUARY. And it's almost June.

Killing off characters is a good idea too. Especially in a series that's as clogged with nameless, faceless long haired men has yours. Kill Galen, Kitto, Mistral, the unborn twins, random fuck buddies, some goblins, Merry's mom and crazy Cel. Then knock off the queen so that Merry actually has to fight for something instead of having the throne handed to her.

You know what I would do if I had a book this overcrowded with characters? I'd create a plague to sweep through Faerie, killing 65%-75% of the population. It would kill off all of the people you mentioned, plus tens of thousands more who never made it onstage. Merry would get sick but would survive--minus a lot of strength and stamina that she would never, EVER get back. Oh, and I would leave her disfigured by the disease, too.

So suddenly, Merry's lovers would all be dead. Most of Faerie would be dead. There wouldn't be enough people to bury all the bodies, so other diseases would be spreading. Some of the survivors would be fighting a civil war to gain power in the aftermath of the pestilence. And Merry--no longer able to rely on her looks and sex appeal, or her royal connections--would have to fight to gain support, would have to prove that she was qualified to rule, and would have find a way to win her crown without killing off the survivors of the plague, because they were all that was left.

Oh, and some of the fae would be blaming Merry for the plague, saying that she was a carrier and that she'd spread it all through Faerie with her fucking. And Merry would suspect that she might be Patient Zero. And she'd have to live with the guilt.

But then, I can kill characters.

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

Luckily you’ve created a myriad of shiny, rainbow-colored men to do just that!

Hee! That made me choke with laughter on my smoothie! Also, I'm dying at the comparison between LKH's book tours and a presidential candidate. Actually, on second thought it's not that far-fetched. Both LKH and politicians take an entourage of hangers-on to a city, make a lot of promises for new and exciting things, and then just go right back to doing the same thing over and over again. However, what struck me as particularly amusing is her clear belief that she's doing something of Great and Vast Importance. Like anyone is holding their breath in anticipation over whether or not Anita will have enough of a man-selection while in the Carolinas, lol.

Great flog!

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

Like anyone is holding their breath in anticipation over whether or not Anita will have enough of a man-selection while in the Carolinas

Surely this is actually a valid concern? As we know from previous books, all the hot, well-endowed, charisma-bypassed supernatural men in America are moving to St Louis for their shot at the DoomCrotch.

[morriganscrow.livejournal.com]

She doesn't get nervous doing interviews, where she is seen and heard, yet gets "stage fright" on the day her book is shipped to shops and she's safe at home?

[naeko.livejournal.com]

She probably worries, briefly, that Darla and John will let the naysayers get through the protective, bubble-wrap barrier around her and actually get to tell her what's wrong with the books.

"HALP! HONESTY! TRUTH! BEING FORCED TO LOOK LOGIC IN THE FACE! AHHHH!"

Then, of course, John brings out the Hot Wax of Distraction, and Darla pets LKH's hair and all is well.

[manekikoneko.livejournal.com]

I sold Blood Noir to a girl yesterday, and it was all I could do not to scream, "Run away! Save yourself and never read this crap again!" We have "Staff Pick" stickers but we don't have "Staff strongly discourages" ones.

[drho.livejournal.com]

You know Hilary was holding back her full campaign until she got sympathy from Hamilton.

I know right! Why waste our time with political signs, when we can put up a poster that said "Nathaniel was here."

Blood bath at the end...

Don't get too excited. No long-haired vanilla-scented men can be harmed in the making of her novel.

[naeko.livejournal.com]

I want them to die for the vanilla scent alone.

Then again, I'm apparently the only person in the world who -hates- that smell.

[fangedsekhmet.livejournal.com]

LKH answers questions on pr0n books written (ahem) by her.

The presi candidates have to answer questions on their country, other countries, and all the workings in between that could have bearing on the entire planet.

Yeah, I get the comparison, they're so alike.... /sarcasm mode

[icecreamempress.livejournal.com]

Genius flog of an abysmal blog. Kudos to you.

[naeko.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm pretty sure this is the only blog flog I've ever done, so it's good to know I didn't blow it :D