Blog Flog!

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

Greetings Lashers! With a quiet moment here at work, I am taking my first stab at a blog flog, because to me, this one was just crying out for one. I would say "a good flogging" but, well, I did it, so the "good" part remains to be seen. ;) The original entry may be found here.

LKH in bold
Me in plain
(the noise you hear accompanying this entry is me trying to open the Tylenol)



Okay, this is my third attempt at a blog today. Why?

No clue, enlighten us, oh Dark One.

Because the other two were too whiney for me to post. So, here’s hoping third time is, indeed, the charm.

Gee, if SHE thinks it’s “too whiney” then what must that say about us? Hmm...

I’ve been inching along towards the end of SWALLOWING DARKNESS. I thought five hundred pages would hit it, but if I ended here it would be a true cliff-hanger. I swore never to do that. But, I’m left with wondering how many pages until I can find a satisfactory end.

Possibly take out some of the sex scenes and have, actual I don’t know, plot?

I’ve never come to the end of any book and been writing so slowly. I’m doing two pages, three pages . . . I haven’t made even my four pages over the last few days. It’s no way to write a book. My leg hurts, and it does distract me. Today, I managed to be actually sick on top of it. Okay, that’s it, no whining.

Too late.

Maybe third time is not the charm. But this has been my day. Sick, tired, in pain, trying to find a place to end this book that will be satisfying, but not drive me and my editor crazy on the deadline. Even Christmas music didn’t cut it today.

How does she find the will to go on? Wait...in my worry over her finding the strength to make it, I noticed she said “my editor.” WHAT?!?! She has an editor? When did this happen. That’s it, I must check my calendar to see if it’s April 1 and not July 1, because this has to be a joke...

Tonight, I came back up to sit in the dark and the quiet of the office and type this. I guess that means one of two things. Either I’m hurting a little less, or my body is adjusting to the pain. Either way, you begin to feel better. Anyone that doesn’t understand that last bit, has never had an injury that didn’t quite get back to normal. Lucky you.

Lucky me? Huh? I’ve re-read “that last bit” several times now, and it still makes no sense to me. I’ve recovered from childbirth twice now, and as far as I know, I’m “back to normal.” Does that make me lucky? Did I get better or did my body adjust to the pain? I’m going to have to stop thinking about this now, because I already have a headache. (plus, my user picture for this entry says it all...)

Anita should ache in some of the injuries. Ache when the pressure changes. Ache when you stress it. Ache when you sleep on it wrong. Ache when you over use the muscles that have compensated for the original injury. I guess, if she heals most things, that she might get to skip all the after effects, even of the scars she already has; cool.

You’re right. Anita should ache, but she’s much too Mary Sue at this point for anything bad to happen to her. Ever. I think she took the scene Black Knight from Monty Python’s Holy Grail to heart and applied it to Anita. I swear, you could chop her up into bits, mail half of it to Norway, put the other half in a blender and put her head on a pike, and she’s still be yelling “come back, you pansy! I’ll bite your legs off! tis but a flesh wound!”



I did not flog her grammar...I've given up on the woman.

Comments

[omizu.livejournal.com]

I'm scared. I mean. What if she's just gotten an editor, does this mean the next book will be *gasp* edited!!!

Or is this editor not worth what they're getting paid.

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

If she actually has an editor, it's clear that the person doesn't edit for grammar or content. Probably just someone who is an editor in name only. You know, just told to pass it on because she is a cash cow and all.

[siedhr.livejournal.com]

You get the internets as a prize for the well placed MP reference.

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

Yay me! The internets are shiny. I like shiny. :)

[longtail.livejournal.com]

It makes me twitch that she constantly has to end statements with questions to the Fourth Wall. Why?

...

You get the point.

And I have never discounted the fact she has an editor. It probably goes something like this:

LKH: *Sends manuscript* I R GeNius!

Editor: Gyah! *red pens of doom!*

LKH: *Gets manuscript back* Bah. Too, much, pen. Too, much, work. They don't, understand, my genius, anyway. I have, darkity dark, stuff to do, and I have to start, my next book. Maybe, I'll change a sentance, or maybe, not. *sends it back*

Editor: She didn't change anything! This is unacceptable, but...*looks at calender* "Deadline is tomorrow." *sighs* "Send it to print, she makes money regardless."

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

I have a feeling that this is how it really goes.

[ravynwolf.livejournal.com]

I guess, if she heals most things, that she might get to skip all the after effects, even of the scars she already has; cool.


I don't like sentences, that are badly written, and have strange words at the end; squeegy beeftink.

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

I had to clamp my hand over my mouth to keep from honestly LOL'ing here at work. :)

[gehayi.livejournal.com]

Okay, this is my third attempt at a blog today. Why?

Because your computer has an open box on it asking you whether you want to save the file of your blog post or discard it?

Because you decided that typing on a keyboard was too modern for you, so from now on you will be writing in blood on parchment with a quill pen?

Because you were terrified by the darkity-dark implications of "Great Old Ones of Orient Are"?

So, here's hoping third time is, indeed, the charm.

It's not really something she has to hope about, is it? I mean, if she doesn't want whining to be in her blog, all she has to do is NOT WHINE.

I've been inching along towards the end of SWALLOWING DARKNESS. I thought five hundred pages would hit it, but if I ended here it would be a true cliff-hanger.

No, it wouldn't. That would require an actual plot.

Sick, tired, in pain, trying to find a place to end this book that will be satisfying, but not drive me and my editor crazy on the deadline. Even Christmas music didn't cut it today.

Singing:

Have yourself a Merry little angstfest
'Cause you cannot write;
You've been struggling
Months to write one simple fight.

Have yourself a Merry little angstfest!
Your Sue's guys aren't gay,
Though you must
Admit they're all a little fey.

Here you are, writing porn again,
And you're torn again in two;
All positions have been well described
While the plot's proscribed..oh, not troo!

Through the years, your Sues have mixed together--
Each a selfish cow.
"Screw the world for power" seems to be their Tao.
So go and have a Merry little angstfest now.

Well, I don't know about you, Laurenita, but that made me feel better.

[sap-girl.livejournal.com]

That made me love you. Awesomely done!

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

We should all give each other presents for Angstfest Night. LOL Like bottles of Tylenol and Brain Bleach.

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

*applause*

Semi-colons... for those who actually know grammar!

[dreamstrifer.livejournal.com]

This woman constantly makes me angry. I don't mind if she whines about being hurt. Being hurt sucks.

I just wish she wouldn't act like she's the only one who ever, omg, been hurt like this before!

*thwaps woman*

Re: Semi-colons... for those who actually know grammar!

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

But, she's totally the only person to have been hurt, or write a sex scene, or urban fantasy or...anything! She's spechul!

[christraven.livejournal.com]

Anyone that doesn’t understand that last bit, has never had an injury that didn’t quite get back to normal.

So....

Is she saying that her poor little sprained ankle is an injury that "isn't getting back to normal"? If so, this tells me one of a few things:

1) It's not just a sprained ankle, and she should go back to the doctor (or probably a different one), and get it looked at.

2) Sprains are, on the grand scale of things, not all that bad. I've had my fair share - even completed a couple of soccer games with a sprained right ankle taped all to hell and back. The fact that she's whinging about the injury not getting back to normal stinks to me of melodrama. Hell, I even pictured her pulling a Scarlett O'Hara-style fainting spell, complete with a "Lawsy me, do Ah evah feel th' vaypahs comin' oan," thrown in for good measure.

Try having a joint that's mostly bone-on-bone, or arthritis and carpal tunnel at the same time, you whining cow. My friends and family will thank you to shut up about your insignificant little sprain.

3) If it's hurting that bad (or even "getting back to normal"), STAY OFF OF IT! Seriously, a couple of days of lounging about and not walking any damned place won't hurt your writing career (so-called) in the least. Oh wait, forget that part. "Not Hurting" isn't conducive to Teh Darkity Dark Artistry of Teh Snowflake. . . and she wouldn't be able to whine about anything, no matter how much she tries to convince us that she hates doing it.

[novadivine.livejournal.com]

Try having a joint...

Ha, I immediately thought, "Oh, yes! Please, someone send her a big fatty and let her smoke her brains out for a day or two."

At least it will stop her whining. Plus, it can only help improve the dreck she's putting out now.

[nebbity.livejournal.com]

I’ve been inching along towards the end of SWALLOWING DARKNESS. I thought five hundred pages would hit it, but if I ended here it would be a true cliff-hanger.

By, "true cliffhanger," I suspect that she means there hasn't been a magical simultaneous quad-gasm in the current scene yet.

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

Yes, the true cliffhanger will be "what will happen to them all now they've had the orgasm?!?!?! Tattoos? Wings? Godhead? Apocalypse?"

[ex-naomi-ja.livejournal.com]

My leg hurts, and it does distract me. Today, I managed to be actually sick on top of it.

Did anyone else first read this as her vomiting on her leg?

Also, I think she missed some finger-quotes from "editor." Coz, when she says "editor" she really means "Jonboi," right?

[aine-de-danann.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I was totally thinking the same thing.

"Oh woeZ! I expected my super sparkly powerz of darkity-dark-diety to heal my owie instantaneously. Perhaps spilling some of my inner juices on it will help!"

:::image of LKH leaning over and puking on her leg:::

[bryant]

Dear god, woman. You sprained your ankle. It's gonna hurt for a few days, and this is only your fifth day, and you keep /walking/ on it. I know this because you adoringly described Jon-boi talking about you walking on it.

Cut that out. It'll feel better.

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

I know. THE HORROR OF HER PAIN.

Seriously - assuming Poppy is not exaggerating - she should consider Poppy Z Brite, who has chronic pain and has had for years, and people like her. It is not comparable to "ow I hurted my ankle less than a week ago! My argh!"

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

"I’ve never come to the end of any book and been writing so slowly. I’m doing two pages, three pages . . . I haven’t made even my four pages over the last few days. It’s no way to write a book. My leg hurts, and it does distract me. Today, I managed to be actually sick on top of it. Okay, that’s it, no whining. "

Ohh, that's so good you're not whining Laurel! Because this Thursday I'll be having my tooth chopped out with a piece of my jaw by a surgeon and for the next week/two weeks I'll be flying on painkillers and antibiotics. And, oh wait, my final exams are starting this Saturday... what a lucky day! No I can take your example and be cool about it as you are^^ No whining at all^__^

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

What, she twists her ankle once and now she's all "gosh, Anita should ache from her injuries. I know this now, for I have Been Through the Valley Of Pain"?

I've retyped this sentence about four times now...

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

What am I getting at.... It seems to me this realization should have come about BEFORE book four-hundred-thirty-five of an extremely physical and violent series.

I mean, it's normal to mine one's own sensations for description, and to exaggerate them when needed, especially for heroic fantasy fiction like this. It's just... now? Really? This is as far as we've gotten? Just now realizing that Anita should ache?

*flees back to Harry Dresden, whose burnt hand was incapacitated for like five books*

[drygo.livejournal.com]

What bothers me the most about this one is the 500 pages and not at the end part. It's exactly as you said. I'm willing to bet that 250 of those 500 pages is long, drawn out, boring sex scenes. I'm sure she could cut that down to a mere 150 pages of sex and then have 100 free pages to work with for an ending so she gets it under 500 total.

And, the sad part is...when I'm talking about 250 pages worth of sex...I'm probably not even exaggerating.

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

Oh, and, dialogue that goes:

"I want to have sex with you but not in those shoes."

I wasn't sure whether he meant he wanted me to take off the shoes, or whether he didn't want to wear my shoes while we were doing it. Probably both. So I took them off, wondering whether his unwillingness to let me leave on my shoes stemmed from a fear of being poked by my heels, while we were having sex, or just a dislike of heels. The latter seemed unlikely, since all my men seem to find high heels sexy. Maybe he just didn't like the colour.

"Don't you like the colour?"

[agatha-mandrake.livejournal.com]

Anyone that doesn’t understand that last bit, has never had an injury that didn’t quite get back to normal.

Oh, STFU Laurell. You sprained your ankle. You want pain? Try ripping the hell out of your knee and spending every minute of every day for the next two years in pain. That is pain. And I managed to get through it with a minimum of whining. But then, I'm not special and darkity-dark like you.

[fizzylizard.livejournal.com]

I'll swap my ankle impingements for her sprain any day of the week. I'd swap one impingement for the sprain and consider it an improvement.

I've been waiting two years for surgery on the damn things, including the left ankle that's already been fused once. Sooner or later I have to have it done again, third time around when I'm thirty or a fourth at forty-five. That's just how things are.

If the sprain hurts that much, stay off it. If you can't bring yourself to stop walking on it, you can stop whining, take the damn meds and be careful.

[morriganscrow.livejournal.com]

Anyone that doesn’t understand that last bit, has never had an injury that didn’t quite get back to normal.
I have lupus - no matter what House says! - and it makes me very ill, afflicts me with arthritis in my hands and feet, fucks my kidneys, muscles and skin, AND IT DOESN'T GET BETTER.
A simple sprained ankle would be a complete doddle by comparison.