Blogflog: Hellboy Bound

[pith]

LKH in bold; I'm plain. (Excuse my rusty flogging muscles. Mixed metaphor? Why, I think I'll have one, thanks!)
Link: http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2008/07/hellboy-bound.html


I won't do the "OMG, you can't like ________! You'll ruin it forever!" lamentation, because let's face it: Laurell probably doesn't like these things because she actually finds them interesting. It's because it's what "geeks" like, and ever since she hooked up with Jon, she's constantly trying to prove her geek cred.

Jon had to do part of his job he hasn’t had to do in several books. He had to baby sit me. What does that mean? It means, that he sits in my office at a different desk and basically I turn periodically and get reassurance that it’s okay. What’s okay? Me, I guess.

Abuse of commas aside, WTF? Seriously, I know I don't have psychological training, but if you need someone sitting in your office to reassure you, that's not a good sign. Particularly if you're an adult. Sure, we all need reassurance sometimes—hence why fanficcers crave feedback—but if you're a professional, you shouldn't need to be babied.

I’ve totally let Merry have her head, and end the book as she pleases. I’m still waiting for my bloodbath, but Merry has other ideas. It’s her book, and her life. I just work there. I don’t have to live there, so who am I to complain?

Um, you're the writer. You know, the person whose name gets printed in BIG ASS LETTERS on the covers? And what's the "work" business? I thought the writing flowed, like glorious ruby rivulets of blood, beading on her skin…

Oh wait. That's a different bodily fluid. Moving along….

[Trinity] loves scary stuff, which is probably my genetics, but she also some issues that are closer to her father’s take on spooky stuff.

Because naturally, all her good traits are LKH based, and all the baaaaad ones are from Gary. Besides, what's so wrong about not liking spooky stuff? It's not everyone's thing. For someone who claims to be all about diversity and acceptance (i.e., LKH), LKH is very linear-minded when it comes to stuff like this.

He loved NIGHTSEER, and he did read GUILTY PLEASURES, but he didn’t read another Anita book until our marriage was actually breaking up. The idea was that if he read some of my books it might give him some insight into me.

Okay, well… lost a wee bit of respect for Gary there, because Nightseer is truly trashriffic. But I think it says something quite telling that he only read Guilty Pleasures. However, I don't think a married couple necessarily needs to be all up in each other's business. So he didn't like your writing. Big deal. Remember the part about diversity being good, LKH?

I’m not sure I’d want anyone to read my books and try to use that as a plan to stay married to me.

LKH's PARTNER DU JOUR: Ow! Stop it!
LKH: You need to say the safeword!
LKH'S PARTNER DU JOUR: What? WHAT safeword?
LKH: What do you mean, what safeword? It was in [yet another book titled with a lame sexual reference that only a 12-year-old would find titillating—and yes, I said titillating!]. Didn't you reeeeeeaad it?
LKH'S PARTNER DU JOUR: This is going to be a long night, isn't it?
LKH: Hee hee! You said long! Good thing the kiddo isn't here, so we can do adult things!
LKH'S PARTNER DU JOUR: *wills Trinity to phone and want to come home so he can be saved*

Comments

[pith]

It just adds more credence to the theory that Jon is largely responsible for her descent into crappitude. Stupid enabler!

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

It's so hilarious really. LKH is all "BLAH BLAH BUTCHY DARKITY TUFF GIRL TOP" in her blog but really? She's all:

LKH: Sweetums?
Jonboi: WHAT DO YOU WANT WOMAN?
LKH: Am I, you know, OK? I mean, do you still love me and find me attractive and think my books are OK?
Jonboi: Yeah, 'course, whatever. NOW EARN MONEY BITCH!
LKH: Oh OK if you're sure that's what you want honeypie.
Jonboi: SHUT UP AND WRITE!
LKH: *flushes with low self esteem pleasure*

[suzycat.livejournal.com]

I’m not sure I’d want anyone to read my books and try to use that as a plan to stay married to me

Yes, because heaven forbid your husband know the things you're into. The only worse thing I can imagine is if someone married me because they were liek SOOOOO into the characters I created in my books and the scenarios I put them in ... oh, wait.

[brightlotusmoon.livejournal.com]

HI, JON!

*clears throat*

Dude, I've been asking my husband to read my novel in progress for a while now. He's helped me write scenes, but he wants to read it all printed and bound via Kinko's. I can do that.

[manekikoneko.livejournal.com]

I cringed when she mentioned Torchwood once, many a moon ago, but you're right, I don't think she actually loves and follows any of these things, she just name-drops them for geek cred. Dear god, she couldn't even spell Naruto right.

No sympathy for Jon, he got himself into this, but poor Trinity. Hopefully, her mother's ill-gotten gains will be enough to pay for the therapy.

[easol.livejournal.com]

Naurto and Saske... the second sounds like a Scandinavian hooker, the first like a bad alien name.

[arclights.livejournal.com]

W-wait. What did the crazy lady say about Naruto? D:

[caudebac.livejournal.com]

What did she say about Torchwood?




Keep her away from Jack. FAR away from Jack.

[dwg.livejournal.com]

The idea was that if he read some of my books it might give him some insight into me.

To quote our heroine, let me just test my understanding here:

The books were written as part of LKH's therapy to deal with her life issues, including her mother's death, and that uncontrollable RHAGE, and all the darkity dark things in her head.

She has come out and said that yes, characters are based on people she knows, ie Richard = Gary, Nathaniel + Micah = Jon. The actions of these fictional counterparts in no way reflect her view on them IRL. Not to mention all that wank about trying something out for herself, FOR REELZ, before she puts it in a book to get the reality of it as right as possible so people are more willing to accept the fantasy elements of what-the-fuck-ever (even though she also claims to want to make the fantastic more mundane and so if any of that shit happened for real, people wouldn't scream in horror but be all, "oh, okay." *whistles, goes on with life*).

And we're now supposed to believe that the books are not an open window into her psyche?

I am speechless. I am without speech.

Clearly the therapist is a charleton as she/he didn't prescribe leeches.

[slayra.livejournal.com]

I really don't get the Nathaniel + Micah = Jon thing. I mean, physically they are different, very different. And neither Nithaniel nor Micah have a good personality... is that what she thinks of her husband? That he is a man without personality, submissive and she doesn't even really like him physically, because well, neither Nathaniel or Micah are round and have red hair. O___o

And... yes, the books are and always were an extension of Laurita. No matter what she says... :p

[ladymuttly1.livejournal.com]

I wonder which book Gary read and can you imagine the conversation:

Gary: "Urm-hun. If you're Anita and I'm Richard, why exactly are you sleeping with this Jean-Claude person?"

Laurell: "Jean-Claude is the darkity dark repressed part of my soul."

Gary: "So you're cheating on me with your ego? And apparently the ego is getting a lot more sex than I am." Half an hour passes. "Hey-who's this Nathanial guy and why is he all over Anita?"

Laurell: "Um-Nathanial. Erm-he's no one important."

Gary:" He better not be. Anita just marked him in the middle of the street! Oh God! Now Anita is having sex with Jason to raise the munin. EXACTLY HOW MANY MEN ARE YOU HAVING SEX WITH ANYWAY???????"

Laurell: "Well those are just my fantasy men..."

The next day at the therapists office Gary hands over one of the Anita Blake books. "I don't think I want to know my wife quite this well."

[slayra.livejournal.com]

Oh, I wish I had someone to tell me "You're doing great! Keep it up!" when I'm feeling down.

What a drama queen. :p

EDIT: But... Hellboy was not scary at all!!! Erm... whatever.

[easol.livejournal.com]

No! Action-packed, funny, adorable sometimes, but never scary unless you fear giant fleshy tentacles and flambeed hellhounds. I'm a huge wuss, and I wasn't scared once!

[jeza-red.livejournal.com]

"My ex never enjoyed horror, at all, even mild scary stuff turned him off. I know, I know, how’d he end up married to me, right? Just one of life’s little ironies, I guess."

I don't know how he ended up with you either-__- But I think it wasn't an irony, It was a GREVIOUS MISTAKE on the part of "Diety">_<
Why is she still making those little comments about how her ex was sooo alme? Pwease, bitter much?

Hellboy is too scary for 12 years old kid? What the...?! Well, I don't know Trin, but I know a LOT of young teenagers who watched this movie without batting an eyebrow at the "scaryness"

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

So, Gary wasn't hanging on every word, desperate for more? That bastard! *eyeroll* Personally, I'd be thrilled if the person in my life wasn't permanently attached to my ass.

I think this whole series of blogs is just so that eventually, when people complain that nothing bad ever happens, she can pull these up and say, "See! Merry is the one that didn't want a bloodbath, not me!" Which is just pathetic, really.

[wolfychan.livejournal.com]

The part I just never get is the lack of self-awareness. It's one thing to be so crazily insecure you need constant reassurance from your anglerfish of a husband, it's another thing to post about it on your public blog and not realize you should be ashamed. If making her husband sit there and pat her all day was a dark secret, I could almost understand, but that she'll come out and say to the world "Oh yeah, well silly me, doesn't everyone do this sometimes?" is the really insane part.

Why can't she at least be ashamed of herself?

[kerame.livejournal.com]

"It's one thing to be so crazily insecure you need constant reassurance from your anglerfish of a husband,"

Ha! I called Anita and her creepy collection anglerfish on Amazon.

Why can't she at least be ashamed of herself?

Shame is for the little people. Just like childcare and consideration.

[morriganscrow.livejournal.com]

We both read science fiction and fantasy. How different could our tastes in the field be, well, as it turns out pretty different. I think he was as surprised by the violence and darkness of my writing as I was at his lack of sympathy for it.
So what? Why is this a deal breaker? Everybody has their own tastes in art, books, movies, food etc.
Besides just how badly written this is, it's the underlying issues that are so interesting. Was Gary "unsympathetic" to your vision, Laurell? Did he dare say it wasn't his cup of tea? Did he, perhaps, laugh at your posturing, your darkity-dark soul? Did he get a tad concerned over the amount of time you spent out and about with your "research" buddies/writing group/conventions? Did he ask you to prioritize time for him, and Trinity, and home-based stuff?
Did he say he found the sex and violence and violent sex distasteful?
What are the chances you'll eventually tell us in one of these restrained, tasteful blogs of yours.

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

My husband and I both like sci-fi and fantasy. My taste in it isn't always the same as his, and vice versa. I think it'd be pretty darn boring if we had the same taste in every little thing.

Oh, wait...I'm not Laurell and my husband isn't Jon. Therefore we're not perfect! Oh, woe is me!

[kerame.livejournal.com]

"The idea was that if he read some of my books it might give him some insight into me."

I think he got a whole lot of "insight" when he saw her avatar totally betray and humiliate his avatar. Since he gamed with her, and must have seen how she uses her characters as wish-fulfilment devices, he probably drew some pretty obvious conclusions.

If he really didn't read any of her work after GP, maybe that was the reason. She blogged that he knew enough about the stories to disapprove of Anita betraying Richard. Maybe it was just too painful to read every detail of her fantasy of betraying and humiliating him.

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

Jon had to do part of his job he hasn’t had to do in several books. He had to baby sit me. What does that mean? It means, that he sits in my office at a different desk and basically I turn periodically and get reassurance that it’s okay. What’s okay? Me, I guess.

That seriously is the most pathetic thing I have ever read. In my whole life. Ever.

She types five words, turns to him, and as if on cue he says that she's ok, her book is ok, she's special and doggonit people like her? Holy Co-Dependancy, Batman!

I have no more words.

[kd-lalala.livejournal.com]

I swear to God, I don't even care if Hellboy II sucks (which, you know, it won't *fanatical glint in eye*) if I see her post something along the lines of "it was good but it would have been better if..." I will...I will....I'll do SOMETHING ¬¬

[pith]

It'll be something like "Liz should clearly have a threesome with Hellboy and Abe."

At which point I will simultaneously weep, vomit, and scream.

[tsubaki-ny.livejournal.com]

However, I don't think a married couple necessarily needs to be all up in each other's business. So he didn't like your writing. Big deal. Remember the part about diversity being good, LKH?

http://www.kitwhitfield.com/2008/06/my-boyfriend-hates-my-books.html


And that's all I have to say about THAT. (How much do I love that Whitfield seems to have an answer to everything?)

[beloved828.livejournal.com]

I keep wondering if Laurita is still in love with Gary. I bet she is, since Anita still hangs on to Richard, and claims to love him after all the "horrible" things he's done. We all know that she can only write about what she experiences.

I also blame Jon for the terrible tern LKH's books have taken. He is the ultimate Enabler. I guess I can't blame him....much. He does live off of her. I'll also have some of that brain bleach, thanks. I can't get that Hellboy threesome out of my mind.....*digs out eyes with a spork*

[kerame.livejournal.com]

I absolutely believe that Laurell desperately loves Gary. Going by the books, I think he's the only man she's felt anything close to love for.

As much as she praises Nate/Micah/Jon, it's completely obvious that they are only tolerated because of their absolute obedience, whereas she's always trying to find some crazy way to force Richard back into her life.

I haven't read BN, but I think giving Richard some kind of love ardeur, is her way of explaining to herself why she can't seem to get over him, even after all these years.

As awful as DM was, I think it showed more emotional honesty than most of her post-Nic books: her recognition that Micah and Nate were only with her because of Anita's ardeur/Laurell's writing, her resentment of motherhood, and the scene where she is subconsciously trying to break the marks, and Richard is holding her in his arms and looking into her eyes, and she breaks down and clings to him, and cries over what might have been, was the only flicker of real emotion I'd seen from her character in a long time.

[http://users.livejournal.com/belladonna_/]

Isn't her kid, like, five? Isn't it okay for a five year old not to l ike "spooky stuff"? Or in the LKH household, are kids required to get a copy of Saw IV for her fourth birthday? Also, why is her kid not liking horror an "issue"? Wouldn't a normal person call it a "preference"?

Gah. This woman. She maka me crazy!

[pith]

I think Trinity's more like 12 or 13 now, but I'm not sure. How time flies....