The Harlequin Snark: The Final Chapters

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

 Hello Lashers!  It's been too long!!!  I bring today the final chapters of the Harlequin, 41-47, fully snarked and awaiting your claws.  As always, LKH quotes are in bold, my own snide commentary in regular font.  If you'd like to read the previous installments, click on the tags below.  It's been so long since the last post, I actually went back and re-read the last few chapters to refresh my memory.  I hope you guys will join me for the ridiculous conclusion~

CHAPTER FORTY ONE

Previously on AB:VH High, Anita and the gang were getting ready to head over to the Church of Eternal Life, where Malcolm and his congregation were being threatened/attacked by Giovanni and Columbine. After Nathaniel sprinkled the magic fairy dust to make Anita believe in herself, it was decided that they would go without the aid of the human police.

Apparently, some of the police had shown up at the hospital when they'd heard a cop had been injured. Anita assumed that the human police would insist upon helping her, but the majority of them ignore her, while a few give "hostile stares." Her feelings are hurt, because she realizes that they no longer view her as one of them. This whole exchange is pretty pointless, since even prior to this scene, the cops have never considered Anita one of their own because, surprise, she isn't. She's a Federal Marshal, not a police officer, and she was grandfathered in because LKH needed a way to legitimize Anita's brand of cowboy justice.

 

Nathaniel and Micah walk Anita past the police officers, followed by Edward and Olaf. Anita is apprehensive about working with Olaf, and admits to being afraid when she looks into his eyes. There's a completely lame scene where Micah attempts to step in front of Anita, to do some sort of "guy-protection thing" so that Olaf wouldn't be able to stare at her. Anita stops him in his tracks, and maneuvers herself so that she would be the "only target for Olaf's eyes." So, she's afraid to work with him, but arranges it so that he has no choice but to stare at her. I get that she was trying to prove her manhood here, but still, it seems a bit ridiculous.

 

Edward rushes up and tells Anita that she should help Graham get away from Dolph, and before she can agree, he takes her by the arm to lead her there. While he does so, Anita realizes that this was the first time Edward had ever touched her like she "was a girl," because his little maneuver protected her and put himself between her and Olaf. She reminds herself that she stopped Micah from doing the exact same thing only moments before, and reasons that out of everyone she knows, she trusts Edward to handle himself, "even against giant-sized serial killers."

 

Dolph is standing nearby with Graham, giving him the third degree. He wants to know why a federal marshal would need a bodyguard, and frankly, it isn't a bad question. Anita tells Dolph that she'll deal with Graham, while Detective Smith approaches to help diffuse the situation. Apparently, Detective Smith is gifted; he can sense "lycanthropes and other-worldly stuff." At first, I thought this Detective Smith was going to be one of those characters like "that bounty hunter we ran into on Ord Mandell" from The Empire Strikes Back. But I was curious, so I looked back through the books, and imagine my surprise: Detective Smith isn't just someone LKH randomly pulled out of her ass; he appeared before as an officer, and became a detective in Incubus Dreams. I don't know what it says that I'm actually stunned whenever there's any sort of continuity in the Anitaverse.

 

He tells Dolph that "Marshal Blake" is ready to leave, and that she'll need Graham to accompany her. Dolph still wants to know why Anita would need a bodyguard, and Micah pipes in that he hired Graham because he loves Anita, and that seeing her in the hospital terrified him enough to hire a guard. Anita is impressed with Micah's quick lie, but Dolph merely comments that Micah and Anita aren't married. Anita argues that they've lived together for seven months, and that Dolph had always pressured her to find a "steady boyfriend." So basically, the time span between Narcissus in Chains and The Harlequin is roughly seven months. I just...no. There aren't any words for that. Dolph asks when humans stopped being good enough for her, and Anita just shakes her head and leads Graham away.

 

CHAPTER FORTY-TWO

 

After what seems like an eternity, the gang finally arrives in the parking lot of the Church of Eternal Life. Ordinarily, I'd be encouraged that at least forward progress is being made, but I know from past experience that LKH can write six chapters where nothing happens that take place in a parking lot. There's a lengthy paragraph detailing where everyone was seated in the car, as well as what everyone was wearing. For the curious, they're all in head-to-toe black leather, and looked as though they "were going to a Goth club prom." Which makes little sense, because any Goth worth their eyeliner wouldn't be caught dead at something as cheesy and cliche as a prom. Anita goes on to say that you could tell who was carrying weapons by whose coat was open, and I can't imagine why this information is even remotely useful.

 

Graham leads the way into the church, holding the door open for everyone. Naturally, Anita can't let this pass without at least an internal comment, and she notes that any other time she would have been annoyed with Graham for doing so. However, she doesn't mind this time because she doesn't love Graham and therefore doesn't mind if he winds up getting killed in the upcoming battle. She claims that in a firefight, you have to admit to yourself that there are some people you'll be willing to sacrifice to protect the ones you care about. Still, she doesn't wish him ill, and says a quick prayer that he won't be harmed.

 

As they enter, Nathaniel takes her hand and Anita feels the warm rush of his power. Micah tries to help by taking her other hand, but since Anita, Nathaniel, and Damian are a triumvirate, he wasn't meant to share that power with them and he accidentally triggers her leopard beast. What she needed was the coolness of Damian's power, and Micah just doesn't have that capability and the resulting heat makes it impossible for the group to continue. This entire scene confirms my suspicion that Micah is the Dawn Summers of AB:VH. He came in almost out of nowhere during the fifth season (NIC) just so Anita could have a relationship with someone other than Jean-Claude and Richard (or Angelus, if you're following the metaphor.) No matter how well-intentioned it was, most people see him as an interloper, and his constant bumbling and cries for attention annoy rather than endear.

 

While Edward stands guard, Graham rushes over to offer his assitance. He isn't moving quickly enough, and so Anita calls for Damian in her head, begging him to send his power and control to her. He does, and the leopard inside Anita comes to a screeching halt.

 

Finally, they reach the confrontation where they hear Columbine's voice telling Jean-Claude that Anita has struck the first blow by using her power to quell the leopard-rush. Anita screams that it was an accident, but realizes that no matter how it happened, she had used her metaphysical abilities first. Graham helps Anita and Nathaniel off of the front steps, and Anita is momentarily appreciative that Graham had been able to help her without complicating anything.

 

CHAPTER FORTY-THREE

 

Anita, Graham, Olaf, Edward, Micah and Nathaniel enter the Church in some odd formation. They see that the "area behind the pulpit had become a stage," with the Harlequin standing in full costume. Columbine was wearing a "skintight version of the Harlequin's motley, all red, blue, white, black, and gold with a short half skirt." The ensemble is topped with a half-mask and a "gold tricorn hat" with multi-colored balls. As much as I hate to admit it, LKH must have stumbled upon a Commedia dell'arte 12-month calendar, because traditionally the character of Columbine did in fact occasionally wear motley dress, as well as a half-mask and a small apron. Similarly, Giovanni is wearing a "black hooded cloak that covered him to his ankles," along with a black tricorn hat, that sounds a lot like the Venetian Bauta costume.

 

On the other side of the stage is Jean-Claude, along with his vampires and allies. Asher is at his side, and I'm betting he was just crushed to learn that there wasn't time for him to break out his Phantom of the Opera mask. Come to think of it, I hope the church doesn't have a chandelier, because one false move might have Asher swirling his cape and screaming, "Christii---Jean-Claudeeeee!" while he flees to the basement. Also on the stage with them is a third masked figure, wearing a leather bondage hood with a leather vest. Anita realizes that the Leather Daddy is none other than Richard, who has decided to stand with Jean-Claude after all.

 

Flanking Jean-Claude and the vampires are the wererats, werehyenas, and various other animal groups who turned out to support him. Missing is Elinore, who was ordered by Jean-Claude to stay behind, since he trusts her enough to rebuild the city in case anything should happen to him. Anita starts to think that the fight isn't fair, since they have the Harlequin ridiculously outnumbered, but then remembers that the fight will be metaphysical rather than physical.

 

Columbine releases a rush of power that fills Anita's throat. It's the sort of power that means "the end of free will," rather than death. Which is sort of like the experience of reading The Harlequin. In many ways, it's similar to Anita's necromancy in that it enables her to control vampires. Anita fights back with her own power that was, "necromancy, and something that was necromancy, and not." That's actually meant to be a sentence, there. It's grammar, and something that was grammar, and not. She describes it as smashing Columbine's power with a hammer, and shattering the lies that it created in their minds.

 

Anita experiences some heightened sensations, and is overcome by the scent of everyone in the room. She looks to Jean-Claude to shield her, but rather than pay attention to her, he's staring at Columbine and Giovanni. In the meanwhile, Anita hears Damian scream, and sees that Malcolm, of all people, is biting Damian's neck in an attempt to take his blood, and thereby blood-oath himself. Anita has no idea why he'd be trying to blood-oath himself to Damian since that doesn't make any sense, when she feels a rush of power and realizes that since Damian is her vampire servant, Malcolm actually blood-oathed himself to Anita. And since Malcolm created every vampire in the Church of Eternal Life, Anita now has control over all of the vampires that aren't already under Jean-Claude's control.

 

The blood-oathing doesn't go smoothly, and Anita begins to see flashes of Malcolm's mind. She had been suspicious of him, but his thoughts show her that he intended for her to protect his people, and that he didn't harbor any ulterior motives. Naturally, in the midst of all this power-sharing, Anita remembers that since she's a member of Belle Morte's line, the power is a "double-edged blade." Anyone playing the AB:VH drinking game should go ahead and take a shot at the phrase "double-edged blade." She can't stop the power from flooding over her, and she begins to see memories that belong to Damian and Nathaniel. Luckily, Malcolm helps her out by using his control to allow her to flash-forward away from the painful memories.

 

Anita begins to see the hopes and dreams of Malcolm's vampires, while she uses Belle Morte's power to give Malcolm the super-sensory experience of everyone's scent. It isn't explained very well, but there's an entire lengthy paragraph detailing how the vampire who smelled like shampoo wanted to go to college, and other useless information.

 

Jean-Claude addresses Columbine, and tells her that Anita didn't know the rules of their bargain when she used her metaphysical powers to quiet her beast. He claims that since Columbine attacked the congregation rather than Anita, she broke the agreement as well. Columbine defends herself by saying that she could have easily used her servant, Giovanni, but instead she took power from others in the same way that Anita did, and Jean-Claude is surprised to learn that Columbine can feed off of "the combined power of all the vampires."

 

In the meantime, Nathaniel and Micah help Anita to her feet, while Malcolm tells Columbine that she's too late, since he's already oathed the vampires to Jean-Claude through Anita. Columbine isn't impressed, and says that those bonds are pretty fresh, and won't be hard to break. Jean-Claude makes a comment that Columbine's words are bold, and his voice causes all of the newly-oathed vampires to react and shiver. Some random congregant begs Malcolm to save them from the "lecher and his whore." It probably wasn't meant to be funny, but then, the best jokes usually aren't. Anita is unusually tolerant here, and realizes that the man who said it was probably heterosexual, and thus freaked out by his own reaction to Jean-Claude's voice. The Grinch's heart grew three sizes that day, I suppose. Anita recalls how it felt when Belle used her sexy-powers to seduce her, and she's suddenly lost in the memories of Belle's smooth skin.

 

Columbine sees that Anita is weakened while she's daydreaming about girlsex with Belle, so she attacks the congregation once more, only this time with a great deal more power. The attack was like a sword of some kind, and it cut through the bond that Malcolm had made. The vampires are screaming in agony for help, and Anita reaches for someone's hand. She hugs him, and he stops screaming. Another vampire, a female this time, wraps herself around Anita's legs and stops screaming as well. Because Anita is from Belle Morte's line, she has Belle's power to stop the pain and bring the vampires back under her control.

 

Anita kisses the vampire who reached for her, and uses the ardeur to reform the blood-oath bond that Columbine had cut. For once, using the ardeur doesn't cause a chain-reaction of various sexcapades, because when Malcolm shared his power with Anita earlier, it showed her how to "draw a little bit of the ardeur" and allowed her to finally understand that the ardeur "didn't have to be an ocean...it could be a single drop of rain." Damian and Nathaniel help Anita to move through the crowd, giving kisses and small touches to win back the vampires. As she does so, she can feel Columbine's power "[die] under a wave of kindness."

 

To borrow a much-hated phrase of Anita's, let me test my understanding here. There's a group of about two hundred vampires who are members of the Church of Eternal Life. The Harlequin want to control them, and the only way to keep them free of their evil clutches is...for Anita to kiss them? That's the secret weapon--Anita brought Edward and Olaf along for a firefight, and she defeats the bad guy with kisses?! Suddenly I'm eight years old again, super-excited because I've finally gotten up to the boss in Level 7 of The Legend of Zelda, only to find that it's the same stupid dragon from Level 1, and that I don't even need any cool weapons to defeat it. A more recent example would be the last battle with Sephiroth in Final Fantasy VII.

 

Naturally, Columbine is furious, and I really don't blame her. I'd be pretty pissed too if my show of power was defeated by a few random smooches. She breaks the agreement by reaching for Giovanni, and drawing on his power. She pushes a bunch of power at Anita and Co., and evidently it felt like a "whirlwind of fire." Okay, then. Anita finds it difficult to breathe and/or scream, since the power is lodged in her throat. She hears a voice that says, "I will make the pain stop. Be mine, and it will stop."

 

Anita screams, but knows that it's "the kind of pain that would eventually break you." She feels several hands holding her down, and someone begins to kiss her. It's Micah, of course, and his kiss reminds her that she's a human, and not a vampire, and therefore Columbine's power shouldn't have this effect on her. And again, I'm just shaking my head. Anita was in horrible, mind-searing pain and all Micah has to do is give her a creepy leopard-kiss and all of a sudden the pain stops as if it were never there in the first place. So, this villain's metaphysical mojo only hurts you when you believe in it? Wow, what a great idea! That's certainly never been done before. Scores of Matrix fans are weeping in tandem. Even Freddy Krueger is shaking his head saying, "Oh please, at least when I manifest in dream land, I bring a stash of snappy one-liners and some actual violence."

 

Anita looks up to see that it was Edward, Olaf, Graham, and Remus holding her down, because they assumed that she was going to shift. They're reluctant to let her up just yet, and in the meantime Jean-Claude is trying to convince Columbine that they've won.

 

He insists that Anita withstood Giovanni's power, and that the vampires still belong to him. He taunts Columbine a little, saying that she failed to form the vampires into an army, and asks her what she plans to do now that she "cannot win power [that] way."

 

While he's speaking, he whispers through Anita's mind that he needs her to stand next to him. Anita tells the guys to let her up, and as they do, everyone in the room begins to feel Columbine's power of dread. For those who have forgotten (and it's certainly been a while) Columbine has the power to feed on self-doubt, which basically renders everyone depressed and useless. Which, honestly, is the entire plot of a Star Trek expanded universe novel called Gods Above, where the Beings gain power through self-doubt and fear, and the only way to defeat them is through fearlessness.

 

All of Jean-Claude's allies are assaulted by their own fears and doubts, until Nathaniel crawls over to Anita and tells her that he believes in her. Unlike the Easter Bunny, when you believe in Anita, you release the magic of Tinkerbell, erasing all of that pesky self-doubt. They pull Damian into their hug, and he starts to feel better as well. Even though Anita, Nathaniel, and Damian aren't miserable, the entire congregation is still begging for help. Anita remembers that when the Earthmover came to town, they had to win over the audience at the Circus of the Damned in order to win the fight. She realizes that the same situation is upon them; they have to win over the congregation to decide the battle.

 

Anita tries "to feel Jean-Claude through his own marks," but he's closed her off because he's "drowning in doubt" due to his link with Richard. It was a bad time for Richard to decide to show up and fight, because he's got more self-doubt than any other character. Jean-Claude manages to block out Anita, and stays with Richard inside "Richard's version of hell."

 

Anita, Micah, Damian and Nathaniel sense that Jean-Claude needs "to touch someone who had no doubts about him," and so they rush towards the stage to touch him.

 

CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

 

Jean-Claude is still standing on stage when Anita, Micah, Damian and Nathaniel come running at him. They nearly knock him over, and Asher helps to hold him steady. Richard is crouching on the floor on all fours, alone in his misery since typically everyone's ignoring him, while Asher holds Jean-Claude up so that the others can touch him. After a few minutes of hugs, Damian separates from the group to kneel down to Richard and transfer some of his coldness.

 

Damian's coldy-power helps to calm down Richard's panic, and the two of them hold on to each other. Because of their link, Anita notices that Richard is relieved to be away from the group with Damian, since he's "afraid of Jean-Claude and [Anita], and Asher." Meanwhile, Jean-Claude confirms that they'll need to win the crowd as they had when the Earthmover was in town. Asher comments that everything would move a lot faster if there were more submissives in the group, and Richard snarls at him, telling him that he isn't one of them. Jean-Claude tells Richard that unless everyone unites, they'll lose, but Richard isn't having it and says that he doesn't have to play nice with Asher since he isn't anyone's servant or animal to call.

 

Nathaniel tries to hold on to Asher, but Asher is depressed again and claims that since he's "no one's darling" he doesn't need to be there. Once Asher starts with the self-pity, Jean-Claude follows suit, moaning sorrowfully that they can't save everyone else, because they can't even save themselves. Claudia, who we haven't heard from in about 30 chapters, suddenly pops up from where she and the rats were standing. She's alternately sobbing and screaming, and begs Anita to fight, rather than just rolling over to "give that bitch [her] throat."

 

Malcolm agrees with Claudia, and also asks Jean-Claude, Anita and Richard to fight for them. Richard tells Malcolm that he doesn't want to be touching everyone in the group, because he doesn't like the Power of Sex, and that he thought Malcolm would understand that, being a vampire of the religious sort. Malcolm claims that the power Anita just raised was more about friendship than sex, but Richard points out that it never stays that way and that Anita will just "fuck everything" like she always does. This is supposed to be a shocking climax, but I really can't fault Richard's logic here. In fact, he's grasped the situation more firmly than anyone else.

 

Malcolm explains that he's never given Jean-Claude and Anita the benefit of the doubt, and that he's always acted as though he had the "moral high ground" because he truly believed that Jean-Claude and Anita weren't just wrong, but evil as well. Even with that certainty, he hadn't been able to protect his people. Richard sympathizes, and says that he knows the feeling, because when Anita saved his family, she tortured a man in order to save their lives. He feels guilt every day because even though he knows that his family would have died, he still believes that what Anita did was immoral and dehumanizing.

 

Anita's listening to all of this, and she tells Richard that in spite of the things that she's done, her cross still glows and protects her, meaning that "God hasn't forsaken [her]." Richard tells her that his whole point is that God should have forsaken her, because she's "murdered, tortured, [and] fucked" and he doesn't understand why her cross would still protect her. Anita is visibly hurt by Richard's words, and gives a whole preachy monologue about how Christians become obsessed with sex because "it's easier to worry about sex than to ask yourself, Am I a good person?" I'm not going to transcribe the entire thing, because it comes off as extremely whiny, but I will point out that the argument Anita makes here is almost identical to the ones made by LKH in her blog. It doesn't take Hercule Poirot to find the Sue Clue hidden here. I bet even Horatio Caine could manage it with a flick of his sunglasses.

 

Anita asks Richard if he includes both herself and Jean-Claude when he's thinking of people he cares about, and he tells her that he does not. Anita feels as though she's about to cry, and instead of demanding answers from him, she merely tells him that even though he may think they're evil, he benefits from the fact that they're willing to do the dirty work. She tells Damian to let go of Richard, and goes on to say that if he's truly convinced that he's their moral superior, then he should just walk away.

 

Jean-Claude tells Richard that he knows he should be arguing for him, but that he can't, and he knows that it's partly because of Columbine's power. He admits that the triumvirate has been flawed from the start, and instead of making him more powerful, it exploits their weaknesses. Richard points out that it's because of him, but Jean-Claude insists that it's because of all three of them. He turns to Asher, who had been standing behind him to hold him steady, and touches his face. Then, he tells Richard that he's turned away from love just to protect Richard's and Anita's "sensibilities." Further, he says that he's tired of Richard making him out to be a villain, and asks that Richard decide: either hold on to everyone, knowing that the ardeur will be raised, or let go and separate from the group. After a moment, Richard decides to let go. FINALLY.

 

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

 

After leaving the group, Richard falls to his knees as a result of Columbine's power. Damian rejoins the little circle of hugs, and Anita is able to read his thoughts. She knows that Damian has a lot of issues with men, but he also understands that whatever would happen when the ardeur is raised is better than anything that happened with his old master. Jean-Claude maneuvers everyone into a Care Bear group hug, so that each person has one of their arms around someone else in what I believe is a circle shape. The only exception is Asher, who is still at Jean-Claude's back instead. Jean-Claude compliments Columbine on the subtlety of her magic, since he didn't even realize at first that she had rolled their minds. Anita knows that she should be nervous, but feels calm and relaxed because of the Magic of Hugs.

 

Jean-Claude continues to chat with Columbine, saying that he knows Columbine "attacked the audience as a diversion." But Columbine just chuckles and says that it wasn't a diversion; if she had won the crowd over, then she would have easily defeated them, but now she's just going to have to use "a more direct assault" on Jean-Claude himself. While they're talking, Anita can feel Jean-Claude driving "the metaphysical bus," and if that isn't the worst analogy I've ever heard, I don't know what is. If I were on said metaphysical bus, I'd pull the emergency brake and demand a transfer. She can feel his awareness of power, not only his own, but the power of the group. He's deciding how best to attack, when Columbine (with Giovanni's power) attacks them again.

 

Since Columbine has the magic power of Doubt, Giovanni allows her to use a much broader range. Everyone in the circle gets a hefty dose of their worst memories and experiences, and since they're all bound together, each person experiences the pain that the other went through however long ago--Jean-Claude and Asher start screaming, as they see Julianna burn to a crisp, followed by Damian howling as his brother is burned to death as well. Then, Nathaniel watches his brother Nicholas being beaten to death, while he shouts for Nathaniel to run away. He does, but in the present, Nathaniel is crying and saying that he won't run away. And of course the grand finale is Anita learning of her mother's death. It all harkens back to that, doesn't it? Drink again, everyone! She reminds herself that she hadn't run away then; it was her father who couldn't take the loss. Both Anita and Nathaniel decide that they won't run away from whatever it is that they're supposed to be running from. I'm not too clear on the whole running away part here, but I'm guessing this scene was the result of LKH watching an inspiring movie of the bildungsroman variety.

 

The guards who were supposed to be in the room took off so that the "emotional thermonuclear bomb" wouldn't "spread to them." But Micah, Edward, and Olaf are still there, and they start to approach the circle. Nathaniel touches Anita's arm, and she gets a fresh feeling of the lovey-doves. She starts thinking that love chases pain away, and she feels love "[pour] down the metaphysical links" to everyone else. After a minute or two, everyone is back on their feet. Columbine makes a snide comment about how "love conquers all," and also says that she hasn't been defeated just yet, just as "twilight filled the church." Micah asks what it is, and Jean-Claude, Asher, Damian, Nathaniel, and Anita all inform him that it's the Mother of All Darkness.

 

CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

 

All of the vampires that were in the audience try to make a run for the door, only to find that it's locked. Anita isn't surprised that the baddest of all vampire mommas had the foresight to lock the door behind her. Micah runs over to Anita to touch her arm, and as a result he gets to feel some of the love-magic as well. He hadn't been a part of the circle because he was "no one's servant, [and] no one's master," but is still able to reap the benefits of the love infection through touch. Jean-Claude is struck by the realization that Anita really loves Micah, and so it is possible for him to "feed off the energy of that love." Anita reasons that Jean-Claude hadn't thought of it before because he's a member of Belle Morte's line, which deals primarily in lust. But now he may be able to "use love like fuel," because it's a "power in more than just a metaphorical way." Ah yes. Maybe when I go fill up my tank later, I'll ask the attendant to fill it with love.

 

Richard approaches them, remarking that love isn't a strong enough weapon to conquer the Mother of All Darkness (MOAD). He reminds her that she'll need a wolf, and he takes her hand. But the love-spell doesn't extend to Richard, and there's no reaction whatsover. Richard is confused, and Anita explains that he left the group and shunned the ardeur. He's confused, since an orgy hasn't sprung up. Both Richard and Anita give the air a sniff, and find that there is no scent in the air. The MOAD typically smells like jasmine and rain, and so they conclude that this isn't her.

 

Columbine is still making threats as though the MOAD is in the room to back her up, but given the evidence to the contrary, no one is particularly impressed. Even Requiem and Nathaniel, with their limited contact with the MOAD, are assured that this manifestation is just a shadow of the MOAD's power. Requiem says that this power is "smoke and mirrors" compared to what he experienced in England. His statement gives Anita pause, and she begins thinking out loud. She wonders if Columbine is a real Harlequin. The fact that no one knows the true identity of a Harlequin, coupled with the secrecy and the masks, would make it easy for anyone to pretend.

 

Of course, Columbine is affronted at the suggestion, and offers to prove her claim. She releases some kind of ribbon of darkness from the ceiling that, according to Anita, resembles a snake. It shuts out the lights as it moves over them, like a "sinuous stream of moving darkness." I'm not one for purple hyperbole, so I'm just going to call it the Ribbon of Death. At any rate, the death ribbon is what killed Requiem's old master; it wrapped around him and ripped his throat out. Both Micah and Richard begin to smell wolf, which confuses everyone because everything happening is contradictory. The MOAD only controls cats, yet they smell wolves. She's also supposed to smell like jasmine and rain, and the Ribbon of Death smells like "night air," despite the confirmation from Requiem that it was what he saw in England.

 

Finally, Edward speaks up, and not a moment too soon. This book has had a sad lack of Edward, despite his presence in St. Louis. He asks if bullets will hurt the Death Ribbon, and when Anita tells him that they probably won't, he tells her to just let him know when she wants him to shoot something.

 

Once again, Anita is surprised that the darkness in the air just doesn't feel like the MOAD. She sends out some of her power towards the ceiling, where the Death Ribbon originated. As she does so, she senses something up in the ceiling. I'm really, really hoping it turns out to be Ceiling Cat. Although, if it were a cat up there, my inner nerd would appreciate it more if it were Schrödinger's cat---the ribbon of darkness is both alive and dead until it touches a subatomic particle. Columbine begins to taunt her that the "darkness will eat [everyone]," and Anita asks her to tell whoever is lurking in the ceiling to come out. Columbine is visibly shocked that someone discovered whatever it was that she was hiding, but doesn't respond. Anita tells Edward to start shooting at it, and both he and Olaf are more than happy to comply.

 

As soon as Edward and Olaf draw their weapons, the bodyguards finally remember that they're supposed to be, you know, guarding bodies. Remus and Haven step in to protect Anita from the gunfire, while Edward shouts that he's hit something but has no idea who/what it is. Suddenly, Anita hears the sound of claws, and she, Remus, and Haven fire in the direction of the sound. There's a disembodied claw floating around, and it strikes Remus while Anita and Haven are trying to figure out what's going on. Because Remus was next to Anita, the claw begins cutting into her, and she stabs at it aimlessly. Haven tells Anita to move away, and when she does she sees that Remus is dead from the mysterious claw. She screams, and Remus' body falls forward to reveal "a severed arm sticking out of [his] back" that evidently pierced his chest.

 

Claudia instructs Fredo to remove the arm from Remus' body, and as he does so, Anita notices that Edward and Olaf have Columbine and Giovanni held at gunpoint, while Wicked and Truth have a third Harlequin (presumably the one who was lurking in the ceiling) held at sword-point. Which is interesting, because if Edward and Olaf are able to hold them at gunpoint, shouldn't they have done that in the first place? It's already been established that Columbine's power is over vampires anyway. The third Harlequin is missing an arm, which is conveiniently lodged in Remus' chest. Fredo removes the limb and discovers that the third Harlequin had been wearing "silver bracers on his forearms," so there is no doubt that Remus is dead.

 

Naturally, Anita is freaked out that anyone in her universe is dead, and she sobs that Remus is dead because he saved her life. Anita's wounds are nothing serious, and she asks Micah and Nathaniel to take her to the third Harlequin so that she can get some answers. It turns out that he's Pantalone, one of "the first children of the dark." Anita tells him that he broke Council law by neglecting to send them a black mask before trying to kill them. He retorts by reminding her that she's a necromancer, and by his law he's justified in killing her for any reason at all.

 

In the midst of the interrogation, Anita and Nathaniel begin to smell jasmine, and realize that the MOAD really is coming, despite the eighty-seven pieces of evidence to the contrary. Richard screams at Anita to fight it, and she tells him to get away from her. It's a little unclear what happens next, but from what I can gather, richard winds up with cuts on his arms from Anita's screams. Anita vows that she'll repay her debt to Remus by killing Pantalone tonight. The smell of jasmine is stronger, and she feels wind and rain on her face, finally realizing that she is the source of the wind.

 

CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

 

Anita orders that Pantalone's mask be removed, while telling him that he is most definitely going to die. He attacks her with some sort of spirit wolf power, a "great dark beast that rose from him." Micah and Nathaniel yank Anita back, while a Panic! At the Church ensues, causing people to start running in different directions. I'd have thought most of the people would clear out when the shooting started, but apparently not. The wolf winds up being absorbed into Anita by the MOAD, and Anita is seeing the wolf's memories. I know, I can't believe I'm even typing this, let alone seeing it in actual print.

 

In the memory, Anita sees the wolf seeking shelter from a snowstorm. He enters a cave, where a woman was already hiding. Is anyone surprised to learn that she was dark-haired? I thought not. Anyway, the woman shifts into a "huge striped cat, the color of a lion, but striped like a tiger," and attempts to kill the wolf. The wolf shifts back to human, and the woman fed on him for three days instead. After the storm, both the woman and the wolf decided to hunt together. What a charming little tale.

 

Pantalone refuses to answer any of Anita's questions, so the group decides that a bit of torture before death is permissible. Before they can begin, a dark figure forms in the distance in the shape of a small female. It's finally the Mother of All Darkness, and she tells Jean-Claude that he should have killed Anita when he realized she was a necromancer. She further explains that she woke up because Anita attracts the dead, and therefore "called [her] from [her] sleep." Anita tries to argue this, but the MOAD chuckles and says that though a necromancer controls the dead, it is also true that the "dead give necromancers no peace." She warns Jean-Claude that Anita may eventually "burn [him] up," and also tells Anita to "beware...that the vampires do not put [her] in [her] grave." Pantalone is frustrated, and reminds the MOAD that it is her law that demands necromancers be put to death.

 

The MOAD takes this opportunity to yell at Pantalone for the various mistakes he's made. Apparently, he's been "assassinating vampires for council members" despite the fact that he's supposed to be a neutral party. Also, the real Columbine died and instead of retiring her mask (like a jersey? How tacky!) he created a new Columbine that just wasn't as good as the original.

 

Out of absolutely nowhere, Jake, the guy who saved Anita's life in the bathroom twenty or so chapters ago, warns Anita that the MOAD is just feeding on her anger and rage energy, and that Anita must "shut her down before she's solid." Both Jean-Claude and Anita realize that Jake is "one of them," meaning one of the Harlequin, and he insists that if the MOAD feeds on Pantalone, she'll have enough power to be "permanent flesh." Anita tells Jean-Claude to help her think of something other than her anger, and he raises the ardeur. And in two seconds, the MOAD is gone. Well. That's interesting. The greatest foe known to the Anitaverse, the vampire/shapeshifter hybrid who is OLDER THAN TIME, gets chased away because Anita felt a rumble in her tummy that told her sex should be happening soon.

 

Jake tells Anita that he'll give her a magic charm created by a human witch to keep the MOAD from visiting her again. It turns out that though he was a part of the Harlequin, he was some sort of spy from the Council as well.

 

With the MOAD out of the way, there's still the issue of Pantalone. Truth nonchalantly cuts off his head, and Anita instructs him to "put the head in a sack," to be burned later. Olaf suggests removing the heart as well, and Anita agrees to do it later. Next up is Columbine. Anita offers her a deal: If she answers some questions, she'll be allowed to die quickly. If not, Anita promises Olaf that he can take care of Columbine personally, since she fits his favorite victim profile. Columbine begs for mercy, but Anita isn't having any of it.

 

Richard's still around, and he begs Anita not to do any of this, asking the group if there's any one else who thinks that "there are some things you don't do, for any reason." Sorry, Richard. Batman would agree with you, but not anyone from this group. No one says anything, and Jean-Claude goes to Richard to try and comfort him. Richard's words must have had an impact on Anita regardless, and she asks Micah and Nathaniel if they think she's a "bastard for offering [Columbine] to Olaf." Micah calmly tells her that Columbine has tried to kill her three times, and since he's her Nimir-Raj, he'd gladly "carve out her heart and serve it to [Anita] on a platter." Nathaniel falls back on the "I'm your submissive, I don't argue" routine, which is seriously a gross misrepresentation of dominant/submissive behavior. At any rate, and they go about questioning Columbine.

 

It didn't take much for Columbine to spill the whole story: "She and Nivia had killed the humans and tried to frame the church members. It had been to get leverage to try to force Malcolm to simply give the Church to them." They planned to for Columbine to be the "stalking horse" for Pantalone, who wanted to rule the territory. And all of them (Pantalone, Nivia, Soledad, and Giovanni) were hired assassins for Council members. when they ask Columbine which members of the Council they worked for, she hesitates. Anita tells Olaf to start cutting out Columbine's heart, and he begins to do so. Before he can really get into it, Columbine admits that it was the Master of Beasts and Morte d'Amour who had hired them.

 

The admission wasn't enough to get Olaf to stop cutting out Columbine's heart, because he'd "gone to his happy place." Instead of telling him to stop, because it would be like "trying to argue with an autistic child," (no, really, she actually says that) she has Wicked behead Columbine to kill her quickly before Olaf finishes. Olaf isn't happy about it.

 

Finally, everyone begins the process of clean-up. Wicked beheads Giovanni, while Olaf finishes cutting out colombine's heart. Anita takes Giovanni's heart, with an assist from Olaf, who helps her cut through the "ligaments that held the pericardial sac in place." The act of two-person heart removal is like sexy times for Olaf, and he kisses Anita. Anita tries to stab him, but he pulls back and laughs at her. In a show of class, he rubs his junk with a bloody hand. Instead of shooting him, Anita runs to the bathroom to throw up.

 

The Wrap-Up:

-Olaf left St. Louis unharmed

-Peter never caught lycanthropy (wow, I FORGOT this happened in this book, that's how long and drawn out these last few chapters were)

-Anita gets a new scar on her breast, from where the Dr.Claw Disembodied Arm mauled her.

-Anita also has a weretiger inside of her, with all of the other animals. Pretty soon, she'll be able to open her own metaphysical zoo.

-Haven took over the St. Louis pride, while Joseph and his family vanished. It isn't clear whether or not Haven actually killed them.

-Jake left town, but gave Anita the special charm as promised.

-Malcolm finally got to confess his sins to an actual priest.

-Peter calls Anita to chat occasionally, since he feels guilt over Cisco's death and she feels guilt over Remus' death.

-Anita decides that she needs to find a way for Nathaniel's needs to be met. Jean-Claude suggests that she allow Asher be a top for Nathaniel, as well as their BDSM teacher. She agrees to try it out, thinking that failure to compromise is partly what ruined her relationship with Richard. The book ends with her hoping that the compromise won't break her.

Wow. And we are finally done with this one!! Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read these along with me, especially those of you who have left such thoughtful and insightful comments. It truly was a lot of fun discussing these with you, and I've learned a great deal. xxx