lkh_lashouts | Entries tagged with snark

raven-tiger.livejournal.com

I am quite new to the Anita Blake series. I have been wanting to read them for awhile since I heard how bad they have gotten. I like reading bad!fiction.

( There be snark and spoilers behind the cut )

This is my first post here, so if I tagged or titled this entry wrong, please correct me. Thank you!

Current Mood: bitchy
Current Music: thriller (cover)- imogen heap

dwg.livejournal.com

The first chapter of Flirt is available to download on LKH's site! It's 18 pages of unformatted, PDF joy. According to the promo page, this is what the book is about:

When Anita Blake meets with prospective client Tony Bennington, who is desperate to have her reanimate his recently deceased wife, she is full of sympathy for his loss. Anita knows something about love, and she knows everything there is to know about loss. But what she also knows, though Tony Bennington seems unwilling to be convinced, is that the thing she can do as a necromancer isn't the miracle he thinks he needs. The creature that Anita could coerce to step out of the late Mrs. Bennington's grave would not be the lovely Mrs. Bennington. Not really. And not for long.

This just makes me think that Anita will stand on the edge of the grave and wave Scooby Snacks over it, or have a fishing pole with marshmallows on the hooks while she coos, "c'mon, if you don't get out of your grave, I'm going to kick your dog."

It also says this about the book's release date:

I had to ask someone just in case it was a strange American crazy vowel thing, but apparently not. Oh dear.

( Read more... )

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Talking Heads - Psycho Killer

naeko.livejournal.com

So, as you guys know (and as some of you probably hate), I've been going through the community from entry one and tagging everything. Obviously, to do this I've actually been reading a lot of the posts, to know what to tag things. I skim a lot, mainly looking for keywords, but the one thing I've noticed is that Hamilton has a finite number of blogs that she pretty much just posts over and over. There have been a few times that I've actually gone through the blog itself and read the entry, convinced that I just got done tagging that same blog flog not ten minutes ago.

I think 99% of her blogs can be summed up under the general topics that follow:
• "Woe, my deadline!"
• "Oh noes! I HAVE to write sex!"
• "Jon and I are awesome and not as goth as you think"
• "HALP! I HAVE TO TRAVEL FOR A TOUR WHATEVER WILL I DOOOO??"
• "I'm fighting with my characters!"
• "I am an awesome writer cuz I let my characters run freeeee!"
• "MY MOTHER IS DED! MY FAMILY IS BROKEN! I AM SOOO DAMAGED!"
• "I am a tortured artiste, and/or I know everything ever! Let me teach you all about it."
Topics made more ridiculous for humour's sake.

It's a pretty rare blog that doesn't fall under one of those loosely defined categories. It got me thinking about her books and the repetitive themes that they all follow, at this point. We pretty much all know she hasn't actually written a "new" book in awhile. Every book past Obsidian Butterfly could probably be summed up with extremely similar wording. Anita has to save the day; sex happens; her men angst; everything is fixed with sex-fu!

Speaking of sex, could anyone pick what sex scene is from what book, if you were to take out the men's names? Hell, leave them in and I'll bet you still couldn't tell.

The sad thing is, I don't think that Hamilton has any idea that her writing- every bit of it- has become a game of copy/paste. I think that a smart programmer could take her e-books and then write a program around them and make the computer write Hamilton's next "masterpiece." No one, not even the hardcore fangirls, would know. Hell, said programmer could probably add a blogging engine into that program and no one would even know that Hamilton had stopped.

Actually, maybe that's just what's happened! Jon is secretly an evil genius, and all his html/spelling/fashion mistakes are just designed to throw us off! He and Hamilton have moved to Guam, and they only show up to tours, spending the rest of their time getting paid to do nothing, while a poor, overworked program spits out all her blogs and books! She tweets a few times a day, but that's the extent of it, and I'm sure she's even got a document full of pre-written tweets that she just- ha ha!- copy/pastes when she needs to look busy. Evil geniuses, both of them!

Hmm, if only.

Current Mood: productive
Current Location: Bellevue, WA
Current Music: KT Tunstall - Hopeless | Powered by Last.fm

pith

Found at

belmanoir's journal. Credit goes to

mrs_laugh_track for the adaptation. It's originally in reference to fanfic and beta reading and such, but most of it applies to LKH.

(And no, I don't particularly agree with the comma placement in "You put commas, where there oughta be periods", but I felt "You've got sexin' where there shouldn't have been sexin'" made up for it.)

( These Boots Are Made For Concrit )

pith

This list wasn't compiled with LKH in mind (see? She's spreading the infection!), but most of the points are a perfect fit: http://dearauthor.com/wordpress/2008/07/08/top-ten-things-authors-should-not-do-at-amazon/

Before I delve into the list, note the sanity exhibited by author Jeaniene Frost:
JF: It’s a bad idea as an author to ever argue a review. I have an overall good Amazon rating for my books, but you can bet there are some pretty strongly-worded negative reviews mixed in there, too. Bottom line: personal tastes vary, so no book will please every reader. If I can’t handle that as an author, then I shouldn’t have my books available to the public. (Emphasis at the end is mine.)

( The list, and how it applies to LKH )

cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com

At Reading By Moonslight, a brand-spanking-new pisstake-romance-novel-review blog, takes on Cerulean Sins:

Belle: I’ll explain later, Claire.

Niki, you naturally fail to recognise the Genius of this decision. Less page space dedicated to a more organic solution of problems raised earlier in the book means more page space dedicated to superbly realised vampire threesomes.

Short, sweet, hilarious, dialogue-format, can't wait for Darla to find it and think they're being serious.

vixen-notatramp.livejournal.com

Hey, y'all! I'm a new poster here; I've been commenting and reading since a friend steered me in this direction a few months ago, but today marks my first blog-flog. We get two for the price of one today, because really, the Vacation Blogs are a series and must be flogged at least partially as such. (...See? I too can rationalize things! I AM LAUREL-LIKE, ALL FEAR AND WORSHIP AND SEND MONEY, ECT.)

In both flogs, Laurell will be in ~~**BOLD**~~, to express the sheer Sheshulness of her Darkity Dark soul; I will be in regular font, because I still hold a tenuous grip on reality.

Blog The First: In Which Laurell is A) Speshul and B) So Much Whiter Than You

( This Cut Is Jus' Jellus )

In Which Laurell Is Speshul (Yet Again) And Leads Such A Hard Life

( This Cut Is Just Too Cutting Edge For Your Feeble Minds, And Encourages You To STFU And Stop Reading Its Books, Except For The Part Where It Really Would Still Like Your Money In Its Pocket, Thanks )

sister-ananke.livejournal.com

I really really REALLY hate most of the male characters LKH writes. To the point THEY, not Merita, is why I no longer read either series. So I thought a fun thing would be to detail why in a long, drawn out post. Well, probably not long or drawn out, studying journalism curtailed my instinctive effervesence somewhat. Not entirely though, as my last sentence illustrated...

( So, we start with the hate. )

Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: clickety clickety

windiain.livejournal.com

There was I looking through the horror section on amazon.co.uk, and I noticed the 'vampire' genre section. Great, thought I, and clicked on it. Foolishly, I expected I'd find a nice little section with some vampire fiction I may not have read.

Okay, there was some I hadn't read; the last few LKH books. The rest of them were all LKH books. I'm not kidding - 139 results, and they're all LKH. Okay, some are the German versions, different covers, audio versions, the star trek thingies... but that's still the entire section on vampires dedicated to LKH. That's just crazy, because I know that there are other vampire books on amazon.co.uk (I've bought some for craps sake), and there's no mention of them. Not even Anne Rice!!! Can we say 'batshit insane'?

I come away feeling disappointed and outright annoyed. It's a waste of my time to trawl through all that crap, and a disservice to other vampire novel writers. You know, the ones who haven't succumbed to crotch-itchingly bad ~~plot~~pr0nlines.

delphinapterus.livejournal.com

I was looking around and reading a cover-snarking blog. I wanted to share the thoughts they had on the Jean-Claude cover for Guilty Pleasures. There's a picture on the website if you want a reminder.

This dude looks like he goes through four bottles of Soul-Glo just to get that right amount of sheen and slime to his manly locks. Gross. And what's with the band-aid over his boobage? Did he cut himself shaving or something? Eww. I don't dig his overly lean and muscled body, either. It reminds me of the model of the human musculatory system that I saw on my A.P. Physiology book. I kind of dig the lace-up leather pants he's wearing, though (is it me or are his humongous balls scary as hell?). It takes a special kind of man to pull that look off and that kind of man also sleeps with other men (which Jean Claude enthusiastically does). LKH always talks about how "manly" Jean Claude is even though he's supposedly prettier than Anita, but you guys, JC just looks like a bitch here. The kind of bitch who'd throw acid on your face if he caught you talking to his man. Hell, I bet he'd scare the shit out of Joan Collins, looking like he does.

To me it looks like Jean-Claude is growing another collar out of his shoulder instead having a neck like the rest of the population. It's nice to see he hasn't lost the wandering scar.

Current Mood: amused

pith

For my 19th C. BritLit class, I have to read "Silly Novels by Lady Novelists", an essay by George Eliot. As I was reading along, I thought, "Huh. This sounds so familiar." Fast forward about 150 years (it was written in 1856, I think) and tweak some societal details, and it's about LKH.

This version is longer than mine, but hopefully it has the quotations I'm referencing.
http://library.marist.edu/faculty-web-pages/morreale/sillynovelists.htm

Essay excerpts (drawn from my version) in bold; my comments in text. Any "LKH comment" I make is paraphrased.

( using literary wank for snark purposes is the only real reason to go to university, yo )

http://users.livejournal.com/_hallow_/

I found a blurb I wrote for someone a few years ago describing the Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter series. Re-reading it just made me really effing mad, so here I am to rant about it.

( Summary of AB:VH...rant in italics )

Anyway, I think the flogs are great and I am so glad I have this community, but I have an idea. We're always complaining so much that LKH keeps writing this crap when it's so bad, but we're the same people who buy her books (not me, not this time) just to see what a train wreck it is and add our money to her ever-growing empire.

She's always saying "if you don't like 'em, don't read 'em" so I say we give her exactly what she wants. Maybe I should have done this before the book came out, but I'm calling for a boycott on LKH books. If you're in, that means no more buying them (that gives her $$), no more getting them from the library (it encourages libraries to buy her next one, which means more $$ for her) and do not encourage a gullible friend to buy them and then borrow them because, again, that's more dinero for the woman who basically turned on her longtime, loyal fans for pointing out the obvious flaws in latest works of half-assed crap.

( Apparently the rant kept spewing out of me, so I decided to cut it. Be prepared. )

moreta.livejournal.com

New member here. *waves*

windiain told me to post my recent Anita Blake dream here. So here I am ;)

( Read more... )

Would to God that the book was real.

Current Mood: amused

pith

*Well, not really. I don't know the history of it, and found the link through a friend of a friend, but... it's fitting, don't you think? Especially considering the numerous claims (heading into "the lady doth protest too much, methinks" proportions) of "99.9% of fans who are good".

http://lists.debian.org/debian-devel/2003/11/msg00712.html

One day I'll round up all my lurkers
we'll have a newsgroup of our own
without all this flak from you morons
my lurkers will post round my throne.

Substitute "message board" for "newsgroup", and that kinda sums LKH up tidily, doesn't it?

freyalorelei.livejournal.com

I waffled on posting this after writing it two days ago, but

klmorgan suggested it be done. It really strikes me how some of Laurell's statements about her background and upbringing are kinda...screwy and inconsistent.

( Snark inside. )

Current Mood: amused

pith

Before you proceed, read the info page. Oh, and before you post? Read the info page again. I have a very low tolerance level for stupidity.

This is a community for those who like to snark/bitch/vent/etc. about Laurell K. Hamilton's writings. If you still enjoy them, that's fine—but don't come here and whine, or launch into a big argument about how Anita is discovering her self. Most of all, don't say anything remotely close to "if you hate the books so much, why are you still reading?", because you won't last long.

For those of you, however, who are seeking refuge from the fawning fangirls & -boys and think the ardeur is one of the most pathetic excuses for a plot device ever, welcome home. You're among kindred spirits here. Snark away—but please follow the rules in doing so.

Snark, ahoy!

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LKH Lashouts

Snark Central

Entries tagged with snark

Book Flog: The Laughing Corpse

Bookflog: Flirt chapter one

Hamilton and her repetitive redundancy, in which she repeats herself repeatedly

"These Boots Are Made For Concrit"

"Top Ten Things An Author Should Not Do At Amazon"

Cerulean Sins review

(no subject)

hating the men of AB and MG

(no subject)

Jean-Claude Cover Comment

MarySueism: haunting literature since (at least) 1856

Just a rant because life's not fair (is it ever?)

Hello

It's LKH's theme song!*

Bankrate.com interview of DOOM. Now with extra snark!

Welcome to LKH Lashouts!

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January 2023

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