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lkh_lashoutsA blogflog! My first! Every time she posts someone beats me to the flogging, but not today! She's in bold and I'm in plain!
http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2008/08/cake-or-death.html
Better today. Got the comic stuff done bright and early. Am rereading the new Anita book, because I’ve been away from it too long to just pick back up where I left off. In fact, today when Jon asked me what page number to print off to, I couldn’t remember.
Jon prints for you? Your Majesty can't quite handle the scary confusing task that is File > Print > Pages? You need a special fanboy helper to move the big heavy mouse? Jesus, talk about being unable to survive in the wild.
He then asked, "Well, where did you leave everything? What was happening?" I looked at him blankly.
This explains a lot.
I simply couldn’t remember if I’d gotten past the weretiger scene, or not. I think I had, but I had to look to be sure.
God, even she can't tell her own sex scenes apart. (Well, it's only a 95% chance of being a sex scene. 5% chance of Anita learning that she's the Queen of the Weretigers too, because God forbid something exist in the universe and Anita not be the all-powerful master of it.)
I am past that scene. I had to leave Anita, Edward, and the rest of the police about to do a SWAT entry to a house. I’ve been making notes on research I’ll be needing for later, as I reread. What kind of research? What does the drive form [from! don't you write for a living?] the airport to the police station look like. Heck, what does the police station look like.
I'm glad to see that all the research you need for a scene of a SWAT entry consists of "The police station is down the road from the airport. The police station is a gray building." Because actual SWAT tactics aren't worth researching, and anyway since Laurita is such a tough combat-ready ass-kicking manly man, she knows all that stuff already.
There are other more detailed questions, but it’s mostly questions because the book isn’t set in St. Louis.
Yeah, it's pretty much impossible to get information on a place you don't live in. There's just no way to do that.
Jon and I enjoyed our research in North Carolina, for the most part, except for that one hotel room, but I’m not a good traveler. I guess I could treat the travel like some writers do, as a chance to see new places and experience new things . . . naw, not me. It’s all just work.
Oh, poor baby has nigh-unlimited time and funds to see the world in luxury, what hard work!
Though my new goal is to learn to play better, and enjoy myself more.
Yeah, you never get any time off at all, what with ignoring your novels so hard you forget what's in them.
We’ll see if a life time of habits can be tweaked a bit. I know I need more fun in my life, or I’m going to loose my freaking mind. So, fun, or death? Hmm. It’s like that Eddie Izzard routine, "Cake, or death?" Everybody wants cake.
And that, ladies and gentleman, is how you kill a joke dead.
I’m off to the main part of the house. Jon has my new ipod ready for me to choose a play list, and start downloading, or uploading, or whatever the heck kind of loading it is.
You realize this makes you sound stupid, right? Not cute, not sympathetic, it makes you sound like you can't be arsed to learn simple terms related to all your expensive toys. And Jon has to get your iPod ready, which I guess means you aren't even competent to... plug it in? Turn on iTunes? Drag the files across? I just can't think of any iPod-related tasks that someone would conceivably need assistance with.
Do I put Audioslave back on? I was fast forwarding through it most of the time. Do I add Soundgarden? Do I add more Diary of Dreams? Do I put on more Tori Amos?
Do I put on something that anyone has listened to in the last ten years? Nah, wouldn't go well with my electric-blue miniskirt.
What will work for this book, and for me? Too many choices. Did I mention in the blog earlier that the computer that we did a lot of our shared work on, died? It’s been an interesting week for technology for us. In that Chinese curse kind of way; you know, may you live in interesting times. If my life were anymore interesting than it is, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.
Oh you poor widdle baby! If I was a national bestseller with no day job and a husband who was the freakin' president of my fan club and little helpers to hold my hand through every mundane task, I wouldn't know what to do with myself either!
...Actually, I probably wouldn't. But for different reasons.
Also note: as in so many blog posts (gah, why does she call them "blogs," must be more of her oh-so-lovable "I'm not technical, tee hee" act--which really takes away from the "I'm so manly" act, by the way) there is no mention whatsoever of Trinity. Because, jeez, a mother can't be expected to acknowledge her daughter's existence all the freakin' time, that would be ridiculous.
http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2008/08/cake-or-death.html
Better today. Got the comic stuff done bright and early. Am rereading the new Anita book, because I’ve been away from it too long to just pick back up where I left off. In fact, today when Jon asked me what page number to print off to, I couldn’t remember.
Jon prints for you? Your Majesty can't quite handle the scary confusing task that is File > Print > Pages? You need a special fanboy helper to move the big heavy mouse? Jesus, talk about being unable to survive in the wild.
He then asked, "Well, where did you leave everything? What was happening?" I looked at him blankly.
This explains a lot.
I simply couldn’t remember if I’d gotten past the weretiger scene, or not. I think I had, but I had to look to be sure.
God, even she can't tell her own sex scenes apart. (Well, it's only a 95% chance of being a sex scene. 5% chance of Anita learning that she's the Queen of the Weretigers too, because God forbid something exist in the universe and Anita not be the all-powerful master of it.)
I am past that scene. I had to leave Anita, Edward, and the rest of the police about to do a SWAT entry to a house. I’ve been making notes on research I’ll be needing for later, as I reread. What kind of research? What does the drive form [from! don't you write for a living?] the airport to the police station look like. Heck, what does the police station look like.
I'm glad to see that all the research you need for a scene of a SWAT entry consists of "The police station is down the road from the airport. The police station is a gray building." Because actual SWAT tactics aren't worth researching, and anyway since Laurita is such a tough combat-ready ass-kicking manly man, she knows all that stuff already.
There are other more detailed questions, but it’s mostly questions because the book isn’t set in St. Louis.
Yeah, it's pretty much impossible to get information on a place you don't live in. There's just no way to do that.
Jon and I enjoyed our research in North Carolina, for the most part, except for that one hotel room, but I’m not a good traveler. I guess I could treat the travel like some writers do, as a chance to see new places and experience new things . . . naw, not me. It’s all just work.
Oh, poor baby has nigh-unlimited time and funds to see the world in luxury, what hard work!
Though my new goal is to learn to play better, and enjoy myself more.
Yeah, you never get any time off at all, what with ignoring your novels so hard you forget what's in them.
We’ll see if a life time of habits can be tweaked a bit. I know I need more fun in my life, or I’m going to loose my freaking mind. So, fun, or death? Hmm. It’s like that Eddie Izzard routine, "Cake, or death?" Everybody wants cake.
And that, ladies and gentleman, is how you kill a joke dead.
I’m off to the main part of the house. Jon has my new ipod ready for me to choose a play list, and start downloading, or uploading, or whatever the heck kind of loading it is.
You realize this makes you sound stupid, right? Not cute, not sympathetic, it makes you sound like you can't be arsed to learn simple terms related to all your expensive toys. And Jon has to get your iPod ready, which I guess means you aren't even competent to... plug it in? Turn on iTunes? Drag the files across? I just can't think of any iPod-related tasks that someone would conceivably need assistance with.
Do I put Audioslave back on? I was fast forwarding through it most of the time. Do I add Soundgarden? Do I add more Diary of Dreams? Do I put on more Tori Amos?
Do I put on something that anyone has listened to in the last ten years? Nah, wouldn't go well with my electric-blue miniskirt.
What will work for this book, and for me? Too many choices. Did I mention in the blog earlier that the computer that we did a lot of our shared work on, died? It’s been an interesting week for technology for us. In that Chinese curse kind of way; you know, may you live in interesting times. If my life were anymore interesting than it is, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.
Oh you poor widdle baby! If I was a national bestseller with no day job and a husband who was the freakin' president of my fan club and little helpers to hold my hand through every mundane task, I wouldn't know what to do with myself either!
...Actually, I probably wouldn't. But for different reasons.
Also note: as in so many blog posts (gah, why does she call them "blogs," must be more of her oh-so-lovable "I'm not technical, tee hee" act--which really takes away from the "I'm so manly" act, by the way) there is no mention whatsoever of Trinity. Because, jeez, a mother can't be expected to acknowledge her daughter's existence all the freakin' time, that would be ridiculous.
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no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:34 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:35 pm (UTC)(Good flog, btw!)
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:36 pm (UTC)So if they are detailed questions, aren't they questions anyway? At least she spared us commas in this sentence.
I can just the SWAT team raid now - Anita will go in, kill almost everything, and have sex with the remaining survivor, leaving the cops outside, confused.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:43 pm (UTC)*facepalm* But I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Of COURSE LKH prefers to languish in her slough of despond instead of take a deep breath and go out into the world. Of course she is incapable of enjoying simple things, new places, new opportunities and inspirations. *sigh*
This rather ticks me off, but maybe it's just because traveling is my favourite hobby; it's hard for me to imagine somebody complaining about having to go places... ? Gahhh *shakes LKH insanely* Wake up, stop the darkity shit already!!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:43 pm (UTC)She actually posts about her a lot, but almost never in a celebratory way. She's either a burden or part of the furniture. I don't think she's ever posted anything like the proud, celebratory posts Neil Gaiman is always making about his daughters.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:44 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:46 pm (UTC)And maybe saves a crate of puppies in the process.
Which are later devoured by Richard.
And an orgy ensues, leprechauns dance under rainbows... etc.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:49 pm (UTC)It's probably more like "SWAT team are impossibly distracted by Anita's sexiness, weretigers being raided turn out to be friendly so they have sex too."
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:49 pm (UTC)Those are surely the most important things, any other details or technical facts pale in comparison.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:54 pm (UTC)How about SWAT team fall into the Gaping Plothole of No Return, leaving Anita to raid the weretigers herself, who turn out to sexy and horny bastards, and so they have an orgy.
Richard enters through a hole in the ceiling, shouts "You suck! I hate myself!" and then climbs up and away.
The end.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 05:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 06:23 pm (UTC)And great blog flog! I particularly enjoyed how intimate Laurell finds she must make herself with the... roads. How do SWAT teams work again? Ah yes, they won't be there long enough to even matter.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 06:24 pm (UTC)But yeah, the tone of her blogs lately leads me to believe that LKH has been a bit unhappy with the grind and would like to be able to relax and enjoy her successes a little bit. Which would be fine if she would actually do just that, instead of treating everything that happens to her as a Milestone Event (the death of the ipod, the birth of the foose, blah blah ad nauseam). I really think this nutjob is going through a midlife crisis of epic proportions.
PS: I would not choose cake, Laurell. My choice is OR DEATH, so shove it! And leave Eddie alone.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 06:25 pm (UTC)Great flog, I laughed, I cried (because I was laughing so hard), I loved it.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 06:26 pm (UTC)I honestly don't care what street goes where and how and how many lights there are and how far the bathroom is from the front desk (etc, etc); I just want a bleeding plot that makes sense and isn't LAME.
Screw the research about the location.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 06:34 pm (UTC)"We drove from the airport along International Boulevard, lined with cheap motels and parking lots. Orange streetlights shone down on people walking on the sidewalk. We passed 200th and 220th, heading south, before arriving at a squat gray building with 'POLICE STATION' emblazoned over the door and reserved parking out front.
Then there was a SWAT raid. There was yelling and stuff."
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 06:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 06:41 pm (UTC)I'm not sure how many reread the whole thing, but this is a person who writes like three books a year... can't really expect her to remember every intricate detail.
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 06:46 pm (UTC)*Attackhissspitsnarlscratch* Do not SPEAK the name Eddie Izzard!!!! A hack like you has no RIGHT to speak the great name Eddie Izzard!!!!
no subject
Date: 2008-08-21 06:47 pm (UTC)Ha! Now I want to write a fanfic from the SWAT captain's POV about "whatthehelldidwejustgetsuckedinto?", and how they find all the 'lost' AB characters, and have to fight their way out, probably emerging from The Cootch O' Doom in the middle of an orgy, thereby reawakening Laurenita's pregnancy-scare concerns.
...Judging from that last part, I should probably invest in a lot of Jack Daniels before I start, though.