LKH is forgetful, incompetent, and thinks she's so damn cute.

[wolfychan.livejournal.com]

A blogflog! My first! Every time she posts someone beats me to the flogging, but not today! She's in bold and I'm in plain!

http://blog.laurellkhamilton.org/2008/08/cake-or-death.html


Better today. Got the comic stuff done bright and early. Am rereading the new Anita book, because I’ve been away from it too long to just pick back up where I left off. In fact, today when Jon asked me what page number to print off to, I couldn’t remember.

Jon prints for you? Your Majesty can't quite handle the scary confusing task that is File > Print > Pages? You need a special fanboy helper to move the big heavy mouse? Jesus, talk about being unable to survive in the wild.

He then asked, "Well, where did you leave everything? What was happening?" I looked at him blankly.

This explains a lot.

I simply couldn’t remember if I’d gotten past the weretiger scene, or not. I think I had, but I had to look to be sure.

God, even she can't tell her own sex scenes apart. (Well, it's only a 95% chance of being a sex scene. 5% chance of Anita learning that she's the Queen of the Weretigers too, because God forbid something exist in the universe and Anita not be the all-powerful master of it.)

I am past that scene. I had to leave Anita, Edward, and the rest of the police about to do a SWAT entry to a house. I’ve been making notes on research I’ll be needing for later, as I reread. What kind of research? What does the drive form [from! don't you write for a living?] the airport to the police station look like. Heck, what does the police station look like.

I'm glad to see that all the research you need for a scene of a SWAT entry consists of "The police station is down the road from the airport. The police station is a gray building." Because actual SWAT tactics aren't worth researching, and anyway since Laurita is such a tough combat-ready ass-kicking manly man, she knows all that stuff already.

There are other more detailed questions, but it’s mostly questions because the book isn’t set in St. Louis.

Yeah, it's pretty much impossible to get information on a place you don't live in. There's just no way to do that.

Jon and I enjoyed our research in North Carolina, for the most part, except for that one hotel room, but I’m not a good traveler. I guess I could treat the travel like some writers do, as a chance to see new places and experience new things . . . naw, not me. It’s all just work.

Oh, poor baby has nigh-unlimited time and funds to see the world in luxury, what hard work!

Though my new goal is to learn to play better, and enjoy myself more.

Yeah, you never get any time off at all, what with ignoring your novels so hard you forget what's in them.

We’ll see if a life time of habits can be tweaked a bit. I know I need more fun in my life, or I’m going to loose my freaking mind. So, fun, or death? Hmm. It’s like that Eddie Izzard routine, "Cake, or death?" Everybody wants cake.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is how you kill a joke dead.

I’m off to the main part of the house. Jon has my new ipod ready for me to choose a play list, and start downloading, or uploading, or whatever the heck kind of loading it is.

You realize this makes you sound stupid, right? Not cute, not sympathetic, it makes you sound like you can't be arsed to learn simple terms related to all your expensive toys. And Jon has to get your iPod ready, which I guess means you aren't even competent to... plug it in? Turn on iTunes? Drag the files across? I just can't think of any iPod-related tasks that someone would conceivably need assistance with.

Do I put Audioslave back on? I was fast forwarding through it most of the time. Do I add Soundgarden? Do I add more Diary of Dreams? Do I put on more Tori Amos?

Do I put on something that anyone has listened to in the last ten years? Nah, wouldn't go well with my electric-blue miniskirt.

What will work for this book, and for me? Too many choices. Did I mention in the blog earlier that the computer that we did a lot of our shared work on, died? It’s been an interesting week for technology for us. In that Chinese curse kind of way; you know, may you live in interesting times. If my life were anymore interesting than it is, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.

Oh you poor widdle baby! If I was a national bestseller with no day job and a husband who was the freakin' president of my fan club and little helpers to hold my hand through every mundane task, I wouldn't know what to do with myself either!


...Actually, I probably wouldn't. But for different reasons.



Also note: as in so many blog posts (gah, why does she call them "blogs," must be more of her oh-so-lovable "I'm not technical, tee hee" act--which really takes away from the "I'm so manly" act, by the way) there is no mention whatsoever of Trinity. Because, jeez, a mother can't be expected to acknowledge her daughter's existence all the freakin' time, that would be ridiculous.

Comments

[lilacwire.livejournal.com]

Actually, it's been noted that she doesn't talk about Trinity a lot because Trinity is a minor and thus kind of vulnerable. She's even gone as far to only post photos of Trinity (from vacations and such) if Trinity's face isn't showing.

[wolfychan.livejournal.com]

Oh, okay, kind of understandable, but still, she does post about the girl on occasion, so there's clearly no hard-and-fast "don't even mention the kid" rule.

[icecreamempress.livejournal.com]

But it seems that the majority of the posts about Trinity are posts that seem to be complaining about the effort/energy it takes to be a parent.

She actually posts about her a lot, but almost never in a celebratory way. She's either a burden or part of the furniture. I don't think she's ever posted anything like the proud, celebratory posts Neil Gaiman is always making about his daughters.

[libwitch.livejournal.com]

"There are other more detailed questions, but it’s mostly questions because the book isn’t set in St. Louis."

So if they are detailed questions, aren't they questions anyway? At least she spared us commas in this sentence.

I can just the SWAT team raid now - Anita will go in, kill almost everything, and have sex with the remaining survivor, leaving the cops outside, confused.

[wolfychan.livejournal.com]

I think what she means by "mostly questions" is "things I'm not going to bother to research." Because everything outside your hometown is an unknowable mystery, and you can only speculate.

[deadroman.livejournal.com]

ROFL, I totally see the cops being nasty or stupid manly men who take Anita's specialness for granted, so Anita and some of her loyal followers smack the cops upside the head. Then Anita goes in and kills whatever has to be killed herself.
And maybe saves a crate of puppies in the process.
Which are later devoured by Richard.
And an orgy ensues, leprechauns dance under rainbows... etc.

[prettyfate.livejournal.com]

lol

Great flog, I laughed, I cried (because I was laughing so hard), I loved it.

[deadroman.livejournal.com]

I’m not a good traveler. I guess I could treat the travel like some writers do, as a chance to see new places and experience new things . . . naw, not me. It’s all just work.

*facepalm* But I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Of COURSE LKH prefers to languish in her slough of despond instead of take a deep breath and go out into the world. Of course she is incapable of enjoying simple things, new places, new opportunities and inspirations. *sigh*
This rather ticks me off, but maybe it's just because traveling is my favourite hobby; it's hard for me to imagine somebody complaining about having to go places... ? Gahhh *shakes LKH insanely* Wake up, stop the darkity shit already!!

[spittingfish.livejournal.com]

Just to let you know, your icon just made my very, very crappy day. Thanks!

And great blog flog! I particularly enjoyed how intimate Laurell finds she must make herself with the... roads. How do SWAT teams work again? Ah yes, they won't be there long enough to even matter.

[icecreamempress.livejournal.com]

Slough of despond? More like SUE of despond amirite?

[icecreamempress.livejournal.com]

WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY, LAURELL? EVERYONE WANTS CAKE? OH MY GOD, I'VE LISTENED TO THAT EDDIE IZZARD ROUTINE A HUNDRED TIMES AND NEVER PICKED UP ON THAT.

[cicipsychobunny.livejournal.com]

I THOUGHT IT WAS A SUBTLE COMMENTARY ON THE FRENCH REVOLUTION, ALL THIS TIME, I HAD NO IDEA THE POINT WAS THAT EVERYONE WILL CHOOSE CAKE INSTEAD OF DEATH. MY MIND IS BLOWN.

[sharkbytes.livejournal.com]

LMFAO @ her being a Soundgarden fan. It just makes ever so much sense!

But yeah, the tone of her blogs lately leads me to believe that LKH has been a bit unhappy with the grind and would like to be able to relax and enjoy her successes a little bit. Which would be fine if she would actually do just that, instead of treating everything that happens to her as a Milestone Event (the death of the ipod, the birth of the foose, blah blah ad nauseam). I really think this nutjob is going through a midlife crisis of epic proportions.


PS: I would not choose cake, Laurell. My choice is OR DEATH, so shove it! And leave Eddie alone.

[kd-lalala.livejournal.com]

PS Well I'll have the chicken! Taste of humans!

[happygoth.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm... perhaps leave out the endless details about things that don't really matter, and focus on plot? No?

I honestly don't care what street goes where and how and how many lights there are and how far the bathroom is from the front desk (etc, etc); I just want a bleeding plot that makes sense and isn't LAME.

Screw the research about the location.

[slayra.livejournal.com]

I think she will fuck up SWAT procedures but get the distance from airport to police station just right. :p

[gwynethfar.livejournal.com]

To be fair, a lot of writers have to reread their work when coming back to it after a while.

I'm not sure how many reread the whole thing, but this is a person who writes like three books a year... can't really expect her to remember every intricate detail.

[christraven.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how many reread the whole thing, but this is a person who writes like three books a year... can't really expect her to remember every intricate important character details.

FIFY.

[kd-lalala.livejournal.com]

"It’s like that Eddie Izzard routine, "Cake, or death?" Everybody wants cake."


*Attackhissspitsnarlscratch* Do not SPEAK the name Eddie Izzard!!!! A hack like you has no RIGHT to speak the great name Eddie Izzard!!!!

[saucyirishlass.livejournal.com]

Thank you. That was my exact reaction when I saw his name.

[plum-arden.livejournal.com]

She enjoyed her research in North Carolina? I'm still trying to figure out *where* in Northa Carolina she researched, because it sure wasn't Asheville. I've not been there in 16 years, and even I knew it was wrong from what little I've read/heard about. Cripes. Just make some stuff up. It's like everyone else says, no one cares what road goes where. We just want to read how Anita doesn't need backup because she's just THAT BADASS. /sarcasm on that last bit. ;)

[ever-obsessed.livejournal.com]

Okay, seriously, I have a question.

She keeps talking about the work she does for the comics except... aren't the comics just the books fleshed out with bad pictures of Lex Luthor and some vampire with a big pink bow of awesome evul? How much work is actually entailed there?

I mean, am I wrong or would this be less work than, you know, writing a new way of shoving big things into tight places book?

[wolfychan.livejournal.com]

The comics do have to have a script that's very condensed from what's in the book--dialogue needs to be cherry-picked and/or slightly rewritten to fit the comic format, and panel descriptions have to be written.

Except... that the comics have an "adapted by" credit on them. So as for what LKH is actually doing--I have no idea? Approval and edits? ("You need to make this sexier, and more special.") That's all I can think of.

[bookgroper]

SHE IS NOT ALLOWED TO QUOTE EDDIE IZZARD. Oh my god.

Why is it that I always interpret her mentioning bands or movies or books not as someone talking about what they like but as someone going "oh look how cool I am"? Does that make me a mean person? XD

[wonderbink.livejournal.com]

Why is it that I always interpret her mentioning bands or movies or books not as someone talking about what they like but as someone going "oh look how cool I am"?

Because just about every word in her freakin' blog is "look how cool I am", that's why.

[icecreamempress.livejournal.com]

I'm angry that she's listening to Audioslave. STAY AWAY FROM TOM MORELLO, YOU FREAK! AND, YES, THAT GOES FOR EDDIE IZZARD, TOO! BACK AWAY FROM THE AWESOME, DOOMCROTCH!

[easol.livejournal.com]

Ooooo, but the search engines, are HARD for such a technophobe, as she!

[snowtiger001.livejournal.com]

Nooooo whhyyyy God whhyyyy must she mention the awesomeness of Izzard in her crappy, gramatically FUBAR post ????

Dammit woman, go DIE !!

"talk about being unable to survive in the wild." <-- FTW

[thelittlebudgie.livejournal.com]

I'd like to note that yesterday's post on Neil Gaiman's journal had a title from an Eddie Izzard sketch too. Just saying.

[booster-blue.livejournal.com]

...Oh great. Someone should warn him that he might have a stalker.

[morriganscrow.livejournal.com]

How many of us would love to see a face-off between the Sublime Eddie and LKH?

*raises hand and waves*

[pastygothchick.livejournal.com]

He looks better in a dress and makes better make up choices.